


The Tangled Webs We Weave

by Josif52



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 95,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josif52/pseuds/Josif52
Summary: As a great lover of the Jack and Doug pairing I always found it a shame that we didn't get to see more of them of screen so I decided to fill in the blanks.  How did Jack end up back in Capeside?  How did Jack and Doug get together?  Here's my thoughts on the matter :)
Relationships: Jack McPhee/Doug Witter
Comments: 16
Kudos: 40





	1. The Road to Capeside

The road into Capeside was one that he knew well. It reminded him of being sixteen. Back then the thought of being dumped in Capeside by his father - as a hide away for his troubled family - filled him with dread. He had no idea then that he would enjoy the drive back years later - an adult, qualified teacher, and a comfortable and happy gay man.

Originally the thought of going back to Capeside concerned Jack. After taking so many steps forward, the thought of falling back was something he could not bring himself to do. Having lived in Boston and New York – places where he fit in, he knew going back to Capeside would make him different again. Older and wiser, he knew this was not always the people of Capeside being cruel or hateful - it was just a small town mentality, where different meant weird, and there was nothing that you could really do to change that, other than wait for them to catch up.

Knowing that it was not permanent made it better. He just needed some time out of New York before starting a new school year teaching. Some how after a regular phone call Pacey he had convinced him to hang out in their hometown for the summer, though Jack knew that Pacey probably wanted a hand in the restaurant. He did not mind though. Jen was busy too; and knowing that Grams had better things to do that spend time with him was a depressing thought. He needed some time away.

Things had not changed much in Capeside. Still the same people, same places to go, same things to do. Okay, there were some new people, and one or two new shops on the parade, but nothing that you would really notice. Jack pulled into one of many empty parking spaces and pulled his aching body out of his car. Taking in a deep breath he looked around - smiling at the still and quiet that he could never find in New York. Kids out with their parents, people taking a stroll along the waterside, couples enjoying a cup of coffee. Good Old Capeside. 

“Jack McPhee!”

Jack spun round to see Pacey stood on the decking of the restaurant. “Hey, Pace.”

“Glad to see you remembered your way back to Capeside,” Pacey joked, coming down to meet him at the car.

“I was only here a few months ago for Christmas,” he reminded, hugging his friend.

“It feels like a lot longer. Glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, I think I’m glad to be back too.”

“You’re going to have a great summer. Come in and get a beer.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I’ve written up new menus, restocked the bar, re-staffed the place… So far it’s going really well. No complaints yet.”

“That’s really good, Pace. I’m glad it’s all working out for you.”

“All I need is one more waiter for the summer period. Then I think I’m all set,” he smiled. “I asked Bessie if she knew of anyone looking for something to do over the summer.”

“Really, was she any help?” Jack asked suspiciously.

“She mentioned someone that used to work at the old Ice House. Said he was pretty useless, but he was out of work for the summer and moving back down from New York,” he grinned.

“Very funny, Pacey. Of course I can help out, and I’ll have you know I was a great waiter.”

“Sure - just won’t ask you to mop the floor.”

“You know I am far more domesticated than I was then.”

“I know,” Pacey smiled. “I was thinking more putting you behind the bar.”

“Anything I can do to help. I’ll be glad to have something to do. Capeside can get dull after a while.”

Pacey put down his bottle of beer and gave Jack a faux stern look. “Now, I will not have you speaking badly of this dear town. I’ll have you know it is a wonderful place to live.”

“I apologise. But after the hustle and bustle of New York it is going to take a while to readjust to the quiet life.” Taking another sip of his beer he wondered what he was really doing back in Capeside - knowing full well there was little enjoyment to be had. After all, he only really knew Pacey, and he was going to be working flat out.

“There is more excitement here than you may think, Jackers. I heard through the grapevine that the Andrews’ house has been repainted a slightly off-white colour.” He tried to hold back his laughter as he gave a look of shock.

“Well then, I take back my words. This place is far out!” Jack laughed.

“And if you get really bored you could always go and visit your current man back in New York.”

The smile on Jack’s face faded slightly. “No, I don’t really think that is going to happen.”

“Oh?” Pacey asked, raising his eyebrows. “Trouble in paradise?”

“More like a tropical storm. Let’s just say I tied all loose ends before I left New York.” Jack looked around the bar area they were sat in. When he had arrived the place was quite full, now just one or two people was left finishing off their drinks. “This place is looking really good. You should be proud.”

Pacey smiled. “Okay. I get you. Change of subject. I‘ll let that topic lie.”

Jack smiled shyly in appreciation. “I mean it though. This place is amazing. Who would have thought that Pacey Witter was going to make something of himself?”

“Tell me about it. At the moment things are going smoothly. Bills are being paid, there’s money in my pocket, and now you’re here I don’t have to go home to an empty house night after night.”

“No one can have it all,” Jack joked. “But if I wake up even once with you in my bed, I’m heading straight back to New York,” he laughed, pulling a disgusted face.

“Don’t play hard to get. You know you can’t resist me. I’ve always been the one you want,” he joked.

“You’re right. Who can resist Pacey Witter?”

“Not your sister!”

“Whoa, Pacey, please. Too far. Time will never heal that.”

“See: jealousy!”

“That must be what it is. However, I’m not the same as Andie. I can resist any Witter you can throw my way!” Jack laughed. “That’s one spell I will not fall under.”

Pacey laughed in response. “I could so have you if I wanted.”

“Keep dreaming!”

“I can’t wait to start pairing you up for dates, Jackers. I have a gem up my sleeve,” Pacey teased.

Jack could not tell if he was serious or not. “I think you’re forgetting where we are.”

“And you’re forgetting how long you’ve actually been gone. This is not the same town you left at eighteen.”

“Come on, Pace, do you really expect me to believe that if there were another gay man in this town you wouldn’t have told me already,” Jack laughed, deciding to take it as a joke.

“Maybe, my friend, it’s because this person has only confided in a few people. As the new businessman of Capeside I am now respected enough to be privy to this information.”

Jack looked at him mockingly. “So as a restaurateur you are in on this kind of thing. You expect me to believe this. You’re not a hairdresser - then I might actually believe you.”

Pacey quickly realised that Jack was not buying any of it. “Well if you don’t believe me, it’s your loss. Makes no difference to me.”

Jack took the bait. “Okay, Pace, who is this nearly found gay Capeside resident?”

“Well, my non-believer - that’s for me to know and you to find out.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack woke the next morning feeling as though someone had cracked an axe against his head during the night - splitting it in two. He wanted nothing more than to roll over in his bed and to fall back to sleep, but the sun was coming through the window on which he had neglected to pull the drapes in his drunken state, and the noise coming from down stairs was impossible to ignore.

He slowly put one foot in front of the other as he softly crept down the stairs, wearing his grey sweat pants and white T-shirt. The smell of food filled his senses making his hangover nausea worse. His head was spinning and his stomach churning but still he kept moving, scared to stand still too long in case his legs gave way. The only thing that kept him up right was wanting to see the same pain on Pacey’s face.

Pacey was in the kitchen, radio playing loudly, eggs on the stove and toast and juice on the table. He was singing along to the track playing - invading the ordinarily quiet Capeside morning that Jack had been hopefully anticipating. 

“How?” Jack groaned from the doorway.

Pacey looked up to see Jack in the most horrible state he had ever seen. “Good morning sunshine!” he laughed evilly.

“How are you doing that?” Jack slumped himself in one of the chairs that were around the breakfast table.

“Doing what? Looking human? I, Jackers, can handle my drink.”

“So can I,” Jack groaned in confusion.

“And have learned the benefits of a glass of water before bed and two aspirin waiting by the bedside.”

“The guest room didn’t come with any of that,” Jack said, resting his head on the table top.

“Did it not?” Pacey faked surprise. “I must have forgotten. You did get the mint on your pillow, right?”

“I hate you,” was his only response.

“You know that’s not true.” He placed a plate of eggs in front of the hungover man. “Look, I made you breakfast.”

Looking up, Jack groaned and pushed the plate away. “Coffee.”

“This one time I shall ignore that you forgot the please,” Pacey smiled as he poured a strong cup of black coffee and put it where the plate of eggs had been. “Got any plans for today?”

“Sleep,” was bluntly replied.

Pacey could not help but smile as his friend sat in pain. He had known this would be the result of their previous night’s catch up session. Jack had always been hit harder than he had when it came to alcohol. “Almost enough to make you stop drinking, eh?”

“Every time,” Jack said, laughing despite the pain. “We’ll never learn.”

“Speak for yourself,” Pacey retorted, sitting down at the table. “I’m fine. Definitely well enough to eat these eggs.” He scooped some onto his fork and ate them - making exaggerated noises of enjoyment.

“I _really_ hate you.”

“Most people do, Jackers. Most people do.”

Jack remained with his head on the table. If he did not move; or talk; or open his eyes, he was just fine. When he heard what seemed to be the screen door open and someone walk into the kitchen, he decided on remaining as he was and not looking up to greet the person was probably the best idea. After all, if they had felt just as bad as he did, they would do the same. He was pretty certain of that,

“Good morning,” the person said before pausing slightly. “Pacey, why is there a man dead on your table?”

Jack vaguely recognised the voice but still kept his throbbing head down.

“He’s not dead,” Pacey replied dryly. “Sheriff of Capeside and you can’t even differentiate between a corpse and a severely hungover man. Do you have no training at all?”

_Sheriff?_ Jack thought to himself. Pacey’s dad? It certainly did not sound like Mr. Witter.

“Well I’m not used to seeing people in this state,” he replied.

“You obviously haven’t been to any of my parties,” Pacey laughed.

“I try not to, little brother. My job is to stop trouble, not join in.”

_Little brother,_ Jack thought. The cog whirling around his aching head. _Doug? When had he become sheriff?_

“But seriously, Pacey, are you sure whoever that is is actually still living?” Doug asked, casting a concerned eye over the corpse-like figure.

“I’m alive…just,” Jack managed to chime, finally joining in with the conversation that was invading his desired quiet space. After a couple of seconds of silence he decided to raise his head. “Morning,” he groaned.

Doug just looked at Pacey stunned, unsure who the young man was.

“Come on, Dougie. You remember Jack McPhee, right? Friend from High School?”

Doug thought about it for a second or two. “Yes, of course.” While he indeed recall the name, the image of the man in front of him did not match the memory of the awkward and shy boy that he remembered. 

“Jack, you remember Doug, right?”

“Yeah. Morning Doug,” he responded faintly.

Doug nodded back in his direction, still studying the features of the man sat at the table.

“Is there any reason for your visit this morning?” Pacey asked his brother, noticing with amusement the way Doug’s eyes had lingered on his friend for a few seconds longer than was normal.

“Um, yes…” Doug gathered his thoughts. “I was just coming to see if you wanted dinner tonight. But I can see you have a guest, so never mind.”

“Don’t be silly. Come to the restaurant after work and I’ll get someone to cover for me. The three of us can have dinner there. I’ve pretty much caught up Jack’s New York gossip,” Pacey explained. “Say 8ish?”

“If you’re sure,” Doug replied, slightly uncomfortable.

“Of course. That okay, isn’t it, Jack?” Pacey asked.

“Um, yeah, of course,” he responded, realising he was being spoken to.

“Okay then. See you at 8.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey poked his head out from the kitchen, looking around the restaurant. Nearly every table was full with people chatting to their friends – some eating and some looking over their menus. The orders were coming into the kitchen fast, and instead of having a night off, Pacey was cooking. Still scanning the room his eyes finally fell on the two men who he was supposed to be joining for dinner.

Over in the corner of the restaurant his brother sat opposite his friend, both politely sipping glasses of wine, patiently waiting for their common link to come and join then, enabling them to finally eat. Neither man looked particularly comfortable, but Pacey was impressed that they were both still sat there an hour after arriving. The conversation looked slow, but at least there was some - making Pacey feel less guilty.

“Marco,” Pacey called to one of his waiters, who turned to look at him, while still sat filling salt and pepper shakers at the end of the counter. “Go tell my brother that I will be over as soon as the rush dies down.” Receiving a nod in reply, Pacey disappeared back into the kitchen.

Marco made his way over to the two men, sat together in the corner. “Sheriff Witter,” he spoke quietly, still uncomfortable with approaching the town’s authority figure.

Both Doug and Jack shifted their gaze from their individual glasses to look up at the boy.

“Pacey said that there’s a bit of a rush on at the moment but he will be over as soon as it dies down.”

Doug let out a sigh. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Would you like to order something?” Marco asked, aware how long they had already been waiting.

“Just get Pacey to rustle up whatever he’s got spare in there,” Doug replied, not really too bothered about the meal anymore, just frustrated that he had been kept waiting.

“Sure,” he mumbled as he wandered back towards the kitchen.

A few seconds of silence shrouded the pair left sitting together before Jack finally spoke. “That was amazing."

“What was?” Doug asked confused.

“Not even on duty and still able to strike fear into the youth of Capeside.”

Doug cracked a smile. “It is just a talent I possess. Not so good when you want to rent a movie on a Friday night. It’s like I’m holding a gun to their heads.”

“I can imagine. Shame I don‘t seem to have the same power in the class room.”

“You’re a teacher?” Doug asked, surprised.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure if I’m a good one yet. New York teens are a whole different breed to what you find round here.”

“So you’re working in New York?”

“Kind of.”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Doug smiled kindly, hearing the uncertainty in the man’s voice.

“Well it is the summer break now, and come the new school year - Well let’s just say, a job offer is on the table, I just haven’t accepted it yet.”

“Sounds like underlying issues,” Doug commented.

“It does, doesn't it,” Jack laughed, not willing to say much more.

Doug accepted the answer, knowing not to push this near stranger beyond comfort. “So you’re spending the summer figuring out what to do?”

“I’m seeing if there is something better out there,” Jack replied honestly.

“And if there’s not?”

“Then I can go back to New York with no regrets.”

Doug pondered on what Jack had just said. “Sounds like you know what you’re doing.”

“Glad someone thinks so,” Jack smiled. “So what about you? Pretty sure you were deputy last time I was here.”

Doug smiled, noticing the swift change of subject, but also appreciating the interest. “After my father got ill, mom convinced him to retire, and I suddenly realised that being deputy leads to being sheriff.”

“You hadn’t realised that before?” Jack laughed.

“I just never thought it would happen. The thought of my father retiring just seemed so… distant.”

“You were going to say great,” Jack said slyly.

“No, I was not,” Doug said defensively before smiling. “I was actually going to say fantastic. Fantastic things don’t normally happen to me.”

“This time it seems to have happened.”

“I thought so too,”

“And now you’re not sure?”

“Well after extended hours, more paper work, no one to pass the buck to. Well, stressful does not begin to describe it.”

“Try marking papers, and realising either your whole class are dumb, or you are so bad that you have failed to teach anything. You can’t pass the buck on a kid’s education either.”

“I’m not sure if it’s the wine, the hunger, or just that we are horribly depressing people, but this conversation just became a bit of a downer.” 

“It is probably a mixture of all the above,” Jack confessed. “There’s no hope for us, Doug. We are, what did you say, ‘horribly depressing’?”

“Okay, so that may have been a little harsh,” Doug laughed.

“I hope so. I think I‘m still a little too young to be totally written off.”

“I hope so too.”

“Y’know what Doug, I think I’m going to head off. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m about ready to hit the sack.”

“You’re not going to hang around for food. We should get something in two or three hours,” Doug joked.

“I hear there’s now a McDonalds over on Hudson,” Jack replied. “That will do me fine for one night.”

“Okay, well good night, Jack,”

“You’re welcome to come,” he offered standing. 

“No, that’s okay. I’ll wait for Pacey,”

“Okay then. Night,”

Doug watched as Jack walked away, wondering how the young man he had once known, mostly only by way of town rumours, and though his little brother, had transformed into the man who had now returned to Capeside - probably a far better teacher than he gave himself credit for. Pushing aside the thought that he had not enjoyed another’s company so much in a while, he went back to silently cursing his little brother for keeping him waiting. Wondering what time the Sheriff of Capeside would actually get to eat.

[center]~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~[/center]

As Pacey finally exited the kitchen at almost 10pm, holding two plates of food, he instantly saw Doug still sat in the same place as he had been sat before. The restaurant was far less packed than it had been earlier, with only a few couples finishing glasses of wine, or a cup of coffee before they headed home.

The unimpressed look on his older brother’s face was visible almost immediately. “Dougie, I didn’t think you’d still be here,” he grinned.

“And that’s why you have two plates in your hands. Just say it, Pace, I have no where better to be.”

“I wasn’t going to say a word actually,” he replied placing the plates on the table. “But now you say it…” He slumped down on the chair previously occupied by his friend and yawned. “I’m glad tonight is nearly over.”

“I’m just glad to have some food.”

“I see you scared away Jack,” Pacey said moments before filling his mouth with food.

“I think he got bored of waiting for you.”

“Maybe you are a dull conversationalist,” Pacey commented.

“You’re so obnoxious. It’s a wonder that you have friends, let alone nice ones.” Doug started on his food.

Raising an eyebrow, Pacey looked up at his brother. “So you approve of Jackers, eh?”

“Jackers?” Doug questioned. “Well the pet name is questionable, but yeah, he seems like a nice guy.”

“He’s a teacher, did he tell you that?”

“He did.”

“Lives in New York,” Pacey added, still eating.

“Yes, that also came up,” Doug replied, growing suspicious of his brother’s comments.

“He’s a good guy.”

Doug, this time, decided not to reply. Instead he looked at his brother, raising an eyebrow, very aware that eye contact was being avoided. “Why do I get the feeling that you had no intention of joining us for dinner tonight?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Pacey replied, still looking down at his plate.

“Did you even try to get someone to cover you in the kitchen?”

“What are you accusing me of, Sheriff?”

“I think you know exactly what.”

“Are you really saying that I would prefer to be slaving away in the kitchen than having a nice meal with my brother and friend?” He finally looked up at his brother, staring him dead on.

“Okay, fine. Whatever you say,” Doug caved in.

“You had enough to talk about though, right? There weren’t any awkward silences?”

“No, Pacey, it was fine. I just think he was tired and about to die of hunger.”

“It’s going to be nice to have him here during the summer. Think I’m going to make use of him behind the bar,” Pacey revealed.

“Don’t you think he’s a bit over qualified to be your barman?” Doug laughed.

“Maybe. But at least he can count the change he’s giving unlike some of the kids round here.”

“Don’t be so down on them,” Doug warned. “A few years ago those kids were you.”

“And that is why the Potters never hired me to work here,” Pacey laugh, remembering the old days. “Anyway, with Jack behind the bar my punters will have something pretty to look at. Don’t you agree?”

“What are you trying to get at, Pacey?” Doug asked, beginning to get frustrated.

“Nothing, I’m just saying he’s good looking. Even I can appreciate that,” Pacey defended. “He’s a nice guy.”

“So you have been emphasising.”

“What? Do you disagree?”

“No. I agree. He seems to be very nice.”

“But you don’t think he’s good looking?” Pacey asked dryly.

“Pacey,” Doug warned quietly as to not to draw attention to the two of them.

“What?” he smiled. “I’m just asking.”

“Since when do you care if I think you’re friends are attractive or not?”

“Ah, I never said anything about ‘attractive’; I merely said he was good looking. It is that is thinking about attraction.”

“What’s the difference?” Doug asked defensively.

“Oh, there’s a difference alright. And you know it.”

Silence washed over the two of them as they finished their meals, and Doug finished the remainder of his wine. Pacey every now and then would look up at the older Witter and try and work out what he was thinking - wondering whether he had already pushed his teasing too far, or if there was still a little room.

“You know he’s gay right,” Pacey finally announced.

“That is it, Pacey. If you’ve got something to say then just come out and say it.”

“I’m just saying that he is nice, smart, good looking, funny, gay… last time I checked that was pretty much your type.”

“How on earth would you know what my type is?” Doug asked. “I barely know what my type is.”

“He’s a good guy, Dougie.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Doug sighed. “But just because two gay men happen to be living in the same town it does not mean that they will automatically find each other attractive. That’s like me assuming you fancy every straight woman in Capeside.” Doug thought about what he had just said. “Okay, so maybe that’s a bad example.”

“Come on, Doug, even I find it hard to resist Jack’s charms. He’s hot,” he laughed.

“You date him then,” was the dry response.

“If I thought he’d be up for it, I’d give it a go,” Pacey still joked. “Come on, seriously. What is wrong with him? I have delivered the perfect package. And he’s just here for the summer so nothing serious.”

“Well, one: I don’t know him. Two: last time I checked only my close family know I am gay. Three: I would like it to remain that way. Four: I am not looking to date anyone and five - most importantly: if I were looking for someone, it would not be Jack. I just do not see the attraction.”

“Fine,” Pacey replied. “I hear you loud and clear. But you must be dead to not want a bit of Jack McPhee.”

“Please, Pacey,” Doug begged. “Stop talking like that.”

“I shall say no more.”

“Good.”

“Apart from this. You’re not getting any younger, Doug. And you’re not likely to find the man of your dreams in that closet you are finding so very comfortable. So, Jack is not right. I’ll accept that. But I just have the feeling that the list of excuses you just reeled off would be the same if Brad Pitt walked in here and offered himself to you. If you never do anything that scares you, then you may as well just be standing still.”

“Pacey…”

“No, you don’t have to say anything. I just want you to be happy, Doug. That’s all I want.” He smiled softly at his brother before standing from the table. “I should probably clean up.”

**To be continued...**


	2. Dropped Call

The more time Jack spent back in Capeside, the more he again grew accustomed to all the things he had forgotten that he even missed. Taking morning runs along the beach was definitely at the top of his list. Pacey’s awful jokes remained at the bottom. Each morning Jack would wake at the time that he usually would for school - his body not yet accepting that he was on summer vacation. He made the most of Pacey still being asleep after a long night at work and would get up and pour some coffee before heading out into the morning Capeside chill. He would always begin with a stroll down the path towards the sea, and finally set off running a couple of miles down the shore line. Once he reached the fishing huts he knew it was time to turn back. But not today. 

His feet kept beating at the sand beneath him. Today he just wanted to keep running. He wanted to block the true reasons why he was in Capeside - why he was considering not returning to New York. He wanted to ignore Jen’s voice in his head, telling him that running back to Capeside would not help him find where he wanted to be. Instead, he repeated Andie’s encouragement to get away for a while. Even though she was working hard, and had not been able to visit him in New York for a while, she was able to pick up a lot from the occasional phone call and e-mail.

His avoidance was not helped by the constant vibration of his cell phone in his pocket. He knew who it was, and he wished he had left the damn thing back in the house. He hated that the caller knew that he would be awake this early in the morning, even when not working. He hated that they were so persistent - so far calling every ten minutes. Refusing to answer, Jack kept running. There was no point leaving New York if he was only going to bring it with him. Some things could wait until he returned. If he returned.

Jack grew tired of thinking and even more tired of running. Stopping, and expecting to turn and head straight back, he found his disobedient feet refuse to make the return journey. Instead they carried him down to the shoreline and dumped him into the soft sand. Picking up a stone that lay next to him, he ran his finger over the smooth edges. The vibration of his cell made him jump for the third time that morning. Ignoring it once more he threw the stone into the sea, managing three skims before it then disappeared into the expanse of water. His hand twitched at his side - debating whether or not to enter the pocket and answer the phone. As if acting on its own accord it did just that, sliding the ear piece upwards and holding it to his ear.

“Hello,” he said – his throat croaky from having not yet spoken today. “Hello?”

As he looked down at the screen of his cell he saw that he had answered it too late. The caller had already given up.

Before he had a chance to mentally kick himself for giving in and answering, he became aware of a body fall into the sand next to him.

“Good Morning,” Doug spoke.

Jack looked at him slightly stunned, having never crossed anyone else on his morning runs, let alone someone he knew. “What are you doing here?” he asked, not meaning to sound rude, but aware that he probably did.

Doug raised an eye-brow, wondering whether his first impression of Pacey’s friend had been founded too soon. He looked down at his sweat pants and old t-shirt. “From the looks of our attire, probably the same thing as you’re doing here,” he answered sarcastically.

Jack looking at him, blinking, surprised, having only heard Doug’s scathing tone directed towards Pacey. He immediately became apologetic, as though he were a chastised child. “I’m sorry. I think I’m still half asleep.”

Doug regretted his tone instantly having heard the genuine apology - wondering why he had even used it to begin with. “No problem. I’m not used to bumping into people out here.”

“Same,” Jack said smiling.

Doug saw the unease that was spilling out of every single one of Jack’s pores. He looked exhausted, but even so, Doug could not help but notice the sparkle in his eyes. The way his hair fell more naturally to the left, though it was being forced right, with just the right amount of hair gel. He noticed that Jack had one dimple when he smiled, but two when he grinned. Then he noticed that he was staring. “Everything okay with you?” he asked, trying to put on his sheriff voice just in case Jack did not want to answer. That way he could pretend that it was only a casual question that he would ask any Capeside resident.

“Um, yeah. Everything’s fine,” Jack answered, looking back towards the sea, not even noticing that Doug had been observing him.

“Pacey hasn’t driven you crazy yet?”

Jack laughed softly under my breath. “Not yet. But we’ll see how my first night behind the bar goes. I may want to kill him after that.”

“Tonight’s the big night?” Doug asked. “I may have to come by and see how it goes.”

“Sure. But if you order anything more complicated than a beer then you can get your own drink,” Jack laughed. “This is going to be a nightmare!”

“It will be fine. How hard can it be?” he tried to reassure. “I’ll buy you a beer - that will calm down any nerves.”

“There’s no need,” Jack declined.

Doug immediately wanted to take back his words. What was he doing offering to buy him a drink? So much for keeping things casual.

Jack saw the look on Doug’s face and felt the need to explain himself. “Not that I don’t want to have a beer with you. It’s just that you don’t need to pay. I’ll have it on Pacey.” 

“Oh,” Doug replied relieved.

“Not that I would be having a drink with you,” Jack added, worried that he may have been misunderstood. “There will be plenty of other people there.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“But obviously if no one else is there I’ll still have a drink with you,” Jack added flustered, not wanting to offend the sheriff.

Doug could not help but smile at the way Jack’s checks grew flushed.

“I’m going to shut up now.”

“It’s okay, Jack. I knew what you meant the first time.”

“No wonder I’m a bad teacher - I can barely talk,” Jack joked embarrassed, but Doug felt there was more to it than a joke.

“I’ll put it down to early morning madness. I get it myself,” he reassured. “I try not to talk to anyone before 8am.”

Jack looked down at his watch. “It’s 8:01. Shall we try again?”

“Sure,” Doug smiled and then stood up.

Jack watched the sheriff bemused - wondering what he was doing.

Doug sat back down in the same spot he had just vacated. “Good morning.”

Jack smiled back at him - this time showing both dimples. “Good morning, Sheriff.”

“I hear you’re working behind the bar at Pacey’s tonight? I’ll have to pop by for a drink.”

“Yes, you should,” Jack responded. 

“See, not so hard after 8, is it?”

“Like magic.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack looked at the shirt and tie that had been left waiting on his bed once he had returned home. He had hoped that it had been Pacey’s idea of a joke - but he could not be entirely sure. He was not looking forward to the night ahead. Even though he knew he could not go too far wrong, he did not want to make a fool of himself. Though somewhere deep down he was relieved that Doug would be swinging by - even if it was only for one drink.

He convinced himself that this was because he knew Doug would be able to bail him out of trouble if needed. Unlike other customers, Doug would not just stand back and watch him struggle. Though Pacey had promised that he would be on hand, Jack knew he was too busy during the summer season to cook and babysit him at the same time. He just hoped that his first night would be quiet.

Having got through the awkward conversation on the shoreline, Jack and Doug had managed to run back home in comfortable conversation, occasionally going quiet in order to catch their breath. Doug had talked about how he had recently bought a house on the beach, not far from Pacey’s. It had been a total wreck when he first got it, but he was slowly doing it up during his days off. Jack got the impression quite quickly that Doug did not socialise a great deal - except with Pacey, and even then Jack knew from memory that their relationship could very easily become volatile. It pleased Jack to think that this would probably mean that he too would be one of Doug’s main companions over the summer. Again he convinced himself that this was a good thing because he could not bare just Pacey for weeks.

Only a couple of times Jack had allowed himself to pull back in the race home, enabling him to admire the man in front of him – noticing strong and tanned calves that Doug’s shorts left revealed, his broad shoulders, his toned ass that Jack was sure looked better when Doug was in uniform. The second his observations began to freak him out he would plough more energy into his stride and pull once again in front of Doug. He had not noticed however that Doug had twice done the same thing.

Jack was not in Capeside to find himself a boyfriend. If that was what he was seeking, Capeside would be the last place he would have ventured to. Capeside: Gay population of one - and that was only when he returned to the strange little town. The rest of the time Capeside was allowed to forget about its little blemish and again claim to be the perfect white-suburban dream. Where kids could roam free without any chance of coming to harm, or meeting anyone that their parents would not be happy to have round after church for Sunday lunch.

Again Jack’s cell phone sprung into action. But for the first time a different name than he was expecting was flashing on the screen, demanding attention.

“Hello,” he smiled into the mouth piece.

“I can’t believe you’re back in Capeside!” the voice spoke sternly. “What is a girl supposed to do alone in New York, eh?” she asked - the smile now breaking through into her voice.

“Alone?” Jack laughed. “I doubt it. I’ve been here a week and you’ve only just realised I’m gone.”

“Don’t be silly. Your presence was missed immediately. I’ve been spending my time downing chasers with mom and Grams, mourning our loss.”

“Now I know you’re lying,” Jack laughed. “But nice try.”

“Seriously though. It’s not the same without you. A bulb blew yesterday and I had to change it myself.”

“You poor princess.”

“But how is the sleepy little town we used to call home?”

“It’s good. It’s the same I guess. Just I’m older.”

“And how are you?” Jen asked, her tone becoming more serious and affectionate. 

“I’m fine, Jen. Honest. I just needed to get away for a bit.”

“I know. I understand that. But Capeside? Why not LA or even Boston?”

“I don’t really know. I guess the road always leads back to Capeside.”

“That’s a little deep,” she laughed. “But I’m glad you’re doing okay. I just wish I was with you right now. You know how good I am at eating ice-cream and watching soppy movies. I am experienced at mending broken hearts.”

“I don’t have a broken heart, Jen. There is nothing wrong with my heart.”

Jen hesitated before reluctantly agreeing with her best friend. “Well I’m glad to hear it, because whoever breaks my Jacker’s heart has to deal with me.”

“Now there’s a scary thought.”

“Indeed.”

“I am really sorry to leave you in New York. I know it is a really horrible time to do this.”

“Jack, you have been there every time I have fallen and every time I have succeeded over the last eight years. It is not like you make a habit of bailing out,” Jen said sweetly. “I would rather you leave for a while and come back to me happy, than stay and wish you were anywhere but in New York.”

“But still…”

“No buts,” she interrupted. “If anything happens this end you know I would call you immediately.”

“I think that is quite enough about me,” Jack spoke, attempting to change the subject. “How is the bump?”

“He is doing just fine,” Jen smiled down the line.

“He?” Jack replied, now also smiling. “You decided to find out?”

“No. Call it mother’s intuition.”

“So finally there will be a boy in the Lindley Clan.”

“There already was before you left,” she pouted. “Joshua will just have to accept that his Godfather likes to runaway every now and again.”

Jack was about to protest the word ‘runaway’ when he was suddenly struck by something more important. “Joshua?”

“Yes. I have finally picked a name. What do you think?”

“I love it,” Jack replied honestly. “So much has happened since I’ve been gone.”

“I know. I swear I have doubled in size - again. Six weeks to go and I look like a whale.”

“You are not a whale,” Jack laughed.

“I can’t wait to get him out of me. Whoever said pregnancy was a pleasurable experience was obviously not carrying a baby sumo wrestler!”

“Be nice. That’s my Godson you’re talking about.”

“You give birth to him then.”

“If I could I would.”

“Liar!”

Jack laughed at her response as he looked down at his watch. “Jen, I have to get going. I don’t have long before I have to report for duty at Pacey’s.”

“Of course,” Jen replied, recalling a conversation she had had with Pacey a few days prior when she had phoned to check on Jack. “Who would have ever thought that you would end up working for Pacey Witter?” she laughed. “It seems that the world has been turned on its head.”

“It really does,” he agreed. “But I will be back in New York before you and Joshua know it and all will be right with the world again.”

“I look forward to it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey stood at the kitchen door during a moment of still in the restaurant, watching Jack talking to a couple of regulars who were sat at the bar. He was glad to see him starting to look more comfortable in his surroundings.

Jack’s first hour on the job had seen four broken glasses and one beer spilt over the floor. Now Pacey was watching him getting all orders right, the liquid remaining in the glasses and all punters happy with the service. He was finally able to relax in the knowledge that Jack was not going to single-handedly be the downfall of his business.

Even if he had been, Pacey would still be glad to have Jack around. Since he had moved in the week before Pacey had not really spent any time with his old friend. Jack still being on teaching time, and Pacey working evenings and sleeping during the day, meant that the chances of them bumping into each other was reduced down to only a couple of hours each day.

In fact he had spent more time talking about Jack, rather than to him. Jen had phoned a couple of times to check up on him. Still though, she had not gone into details as to why Jack had so suddenly fled New York for the sleepy town of Capeside. Even so, he was pretty sure that it was something to do with the fact that Jack jumped every time that his phone rang, and how quickly he would reject the call.

If he had had more time with his friend, he probably would have asked about everything. But it was not something he really wanted to bring up and then have to excuse himself for work, or talk over the bar on the odd evening Jack popped in for a drink. His overall mood seemed to be pretty upbeat, so Pacey did not worry too much and assured Jen of the same. It seemed as though whatever Jack was running from had been left behind. Watching him now, working behind the bar, he looked like his normal happy self.

“Do you ever do any work?” asked a voice coming up beside Pacey. “Or do you just find enjoyment in watching other people slave away?”

Pacey turned to the source of the voice, being pulled from his moment of thoughtfulness. “Indeed big brother. I like to crack the whip and see my minions run.”

“I thought as much,” Doug laughed.

Pacey looked at him oddly, caught slightly off guard by the jolliness of the town sheriff. “What was that?”

“Huh?” was all that Doug could retort, confused by the look that was staring him in the face.

“Did you just laugh?”

“It does happen,” Doug smiled back.

Again this aroused Pacey’s suspicions. “To normal people, yes. But you, Doug, no, it does not happen. At least not in my presence. Frowns; yes. General annoyance; quite often. Sarcastic snipes - well they go without saying,” Pacey listed. “Honestly I could go on about your negativity forever.”

“I think you’re being a little on the harsh side,” Doug replied without any trace of annoyance. In fact he could only really be described as bemused. 

“Okay, either you’ve just got laid, or you’re on drugs,” Pacey announced. “And I just want you to know that I have my fingers crossed for the latter. But if not, spare me the details.”

“Pacey, what is wrong with you?” Doug griped, now finally beginning to tire of his little brother. “Am I not just allowed to be in a good mood?”

Pacey pondered on this question for a moment before finally softening. “I guess. But just so you know my suspicious nature has been awakened. If I find out that you’ve been bumped up in dad’s will I will not be happy.”

“If I were you I would give up any hope of getting anything there, Pacey,” Doug replied, starting to become wary as to Pacey’s enquiries of his good mood. Honestly, he did not know himself why he was so carefree and happy today. But ever since his morning run he found himself unable to stop smiling - which made delivering bad news at work very difficult.

“What brings you here tonight anyway?” Pacey asked, deciding that even if there was a specific reason for his brother’s mood, he was not about to find out though his usual methods.

“Nothing much. Just been for a walk and decided that I fancied a beer,” Doug replied, looking towards the bar, seeing Jack for the first time. A small smile crept to the corner of his mouth, so small that any normal observer would have mistook it for a twitch, or maybe have missed it entirely. 

In that second Pacey could have sworn that he saw something flash in the older man’s eyes. Something tiny, something fresh, something different. But as soon as it become visible, it was gone, lost behind Doug’s normal stern and authoritative look. “Right, of course. And I guess this is where you would go to get a beer,” he replied, without even an element of sarcasm.

“Yes,” Doug replied confused.

A moment of uncomfortable silence hung above them - neither of them knowing why.

“So, I need to go clean up the kitchen. I guess I’ll come and join you for a beer when I’m done.”

Before Doug could reply, Pacey had already disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Okay,” Doug said to himself, already heading over to the bar. Jack was stood talking to an elderly couple who were sat at a table near to the bar. He could see that while Jack was not overly interested in the conversation, he was giving the old pair his full attention. Smiling and nodding where appropriate and adding his own comments whenever he thought he should. This again made Doug smile.

It was just then that Jack looked up, aware of someone approaching the bar. Maybe through relief of someone else to talk to, or just because he was happy to see Doug, the fake smile he had been wearing for his previous customers, grew in size and in authenticity. 

“How’s the first night going?” Doug asked, taking a seat at the bar.

Jack pulled a face that could only be interpreted as not too good. “I haven’t dropped anything for a couple of hours,” was all he could honestly say on a positive note. “But I’m getting better.”

“I’m sure everyone is bad when they first start,” Doug said, knowing that both he and Jack did not believe it.

Jack smiled anyway, taking it as some kind of comfort, as he turned and took a beer from the fridge and opened it, placing it in front of the Sheriff. “Have that one on Pacey,” Jack offered. “If he notices, I’ll just say I dropped it. He’ll never doubt it.”

Doug could not help but laugh. “Thank you. I bet this makes you eager to get back into the classroom?”

“Not really,” Jack responded. “Give me a couple of days and I’ll not want to leave.”

“And stay in Capeside forever, ignoring your original calling?” Doug asked, again picking up of Jack’s negativity towards his profession. 

“I wouldn’t necessarily call it a calling,” Jack laughed despite a contradictory emotion plastered over his face. 

“Something must have attracted you to teaching. And it can’t have been the pay,” Doug joked, wanting to push the issue further and find out more about that man that was still quite a mystery.

“I guess I wanted to make a difference,” Jack replied with little thought. “But things don’t always work out the way we plan them.”

Before Doug could say another word, the elderly gentleman interrupted, asking Jack for another bottle of wine. The concentration on Jack’s face while opening the bottle was too much for Doug to want to try and hold a conversation with him at the same time. By the time the bottle had been delivered to the couple’s table, and been paid for, the topic of conversation was lost.

“So how was your day at work?” Jack asked, kindly.

“Not too bad. I was preparing a drug talk to do at the high school in the new academic year and then had a meeting with the new principal there.”

“Oh?” Jack said. “Kids getting in trouble there?”

“Not at all actually. It’s just a new initiative that has been started up since Principal Morris arrived. Combating the early signs, rather than waiting for all hell to break loose,” Doug explained. “A more refreshing approach on the school’s part.”

“Sounds like he could prove to be a decent principal. Lord knows it is needed round here.”

“Yeah, he is a good guy.”

Jack’s cell phone sprang to life in his pocket for the tenth time that evening. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw a number flash up on the screen. Even though he had deleted the contact from his phone book earlier that day, just in case he was weak enough to call or text, he recognised the number immediately. Rejecting the call, he dumped the item down on the bar in front of him. “Sales call,” he muttered in explanation. “Been getting them all day.”

Even though Doug picked up that the tone of Jack’s voice did not seem to match his words, he chose to ignore it. He had no reason to disbelieve the man in front of him. “There are ways you can stop those calls,” Doug smiled. “It’s pretty easy.”

“I’ll have to get you to answer the next one then,” Jack said flippantly, keeping up the lie, starting to relax, seeing that his phone had not begun to ring again.

Doug smiled his response. “So, what’s with the clothing?” Doug laughed, looking at Jack’s overly smart attire.

“You could call it Pacey’s idea of a joke,” Jack said, rather unimpressed. “I think he was testing to see how much of his crap I will take.”

“And how much of his crap will you take?” Doug inquired.

“Less than he thinks,” Jack smirked, as though he was plotting something. “He will soon learn who is really in control. I just have to wait until he can’t live without me. But after tonight, it is going to take a lot before he realises that I’m an asset, not a liability.”

Doug could not help but laugh. “You have a wicked streak,” he smiled. “I like that.”

“You have to when dealing with Pacey.”

“Either that or incriminating evidence against him,” Doug retorted.

“I’m sure I have plenty of that saved up over the years too,” Jack admitted. “But he probably has as much to use against me.”

“I shudder to think,” Doug laughed.

“The problem is that Pacey’s indiscretions are usually public, so it is hard to hold anything too incriminating against him that half the community don’t already know.”

“How about you?” Doug asked curiously.

“Me?” Jack asked. “Well, I try to keep my indiscretions a little more private.”

Something about that comment sparked Doug’s curiosity further, causing a devilish smile to creep up over his face.

Jack did not seem to notice. “Not that I really have many indiscretions. Not since college anyway.”

“I guess that is what college years are for.”

“I suppose. I definitely needed to do some growing up.”

“I think Pacey still does,” Doug muttered.

“I think he is doing just fine,” Jack interjected. “Just think how he was when he was sixteen.”

“He‘s always been a nightmare.”

“I think you’re a little hard on him, Doug,” Jack said seriously. “How many times does he have to prove himself before you forget this past?”

Doug was left speechless, surprised that a man who barely knew him was comfortable enough to speak so bluntly to him. It was not something that he was accustomed to. Most people in the town only saw him as the Sheriff, and therefore spoke to him accordingly. It had been a long time since there was anyone in the town who dared to speak so openly to him.

As he stared at Jack in amazement, wondering whether of not he should take offense; he saw past the chastising look on his face, to see the kindness in his eyes.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Jack said, stepping away. “I need to go get some more ice.”

As Jack walked away, Doug was still contemplating what had just happened. Jack had always seemed a little shy to him - even though Pacey had assured him that he was not. Even so he had not seen his assertive side. Doug could not help but think that if he had been a student in Jack’s class, and had been spoken to in such a bold, but kind manner, he would not be able to help but listen. Now he was finally seeing the qualities that probably made Jack a very good teacher. Maybe even the sort of teacher that the kids of Capeside needed.

The sudden ringing of Jack’s cell phone, still sat on the bar in front of Doug, shook him from his thoughts. He looked in the direction that Jack had disappeared, and tried to call him back. It was a pointless endeavour though, as Jack was too far out of range to hear.

Looking down at the phone, no name flashed up, only a number. Doug assumed it was the same sales caller that had been harassing Jack all day. Remembering what Jack had said about getting Doug to answer the next call, he picked up the phone, with every intention to get Jack off of the call list - a way of doing something nice for the man, who he seemed to have disappointed with his earlier comments.

“Hello?” He said into the phone.

“Oh,” said the other voice. “Is Jack there?”

Doug then realised that it was not a cold caller. “No, um, sorry, he has just left the room,” he explained. “Can I take a message?”

“Is he back in New York?” asked the voice.

“No. Still in Capeside,” Doug answered. “He’s just at work at the moment; shall I get him to call you back after his shift?”

“No,” said the man, sounding slightly confused. “No. I’ll phone back later.”

Before Doug could say anything else the phone went dead.

Doug too put down the phone, and pondered the idea of telling Jack that he had answered a call. But now knowing that the call had not been for sales purposes, he felt that maybe Jack would not be too happy about him answering his cell.

Deciding to honour the wishes of the mystery caller, he chose to keep the call to himself - assuming the caller would let Jack know himself when calling back later.

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Rude Interruption

Pacey’s idea of the perfect day off - not that he got them very often – was to sleep. He would close up the restaurant, hand the keys over to a member of staff, and head straight home. He would already have a bottle of wine cooling in the fridge and would have a selection of DVDs that he had not had the time to watch stacked up next to his TV. His cell phone would be switched to silent. All he wanted was peace and rest.

Normally he would be able to totally switch off. He would trust in the fact that the world was still spinning outside his bedroom window - that people were still going to be the same once he emerged one day later. He would not think about anything or anyone. His only real consideration would be what pizza to order.

But today, once he had left work and headed home, preparing for such a day, he found himself unable to turn off. He found himself going over the look that flashed in Doug’s eyes when he spotted Jack behind the bar. Even though Doug had heavily denied any kind of attraction, Pacey was now questioning the whole thing again. But with Doug being so adamant, and Pacey not being wholly sure that he had really seen anything at all, he was wary about pressing the issue any further. At the end of the day, what harm was there in a little crush. After all Jack had not seemed to be looking in Doug’s direction anyway.

Though Pacey teased, deep down he hoped he was wrong. He had hoped that Jack’s arrival in Capeside would spark his brother’s interest in finding himself a man like Jack - but not Jack specifically. Now he was worried that maybe he had accidentally pushed his brother in the direction of the only other gay man in Capeside, when he had wanted Doug to go out and experience something - or someone - new. Someone in the same position as he was. Someone able to commit to something Doug needed.

Pacey knew that Doug was ready to settle down - even if he was not ready to burst out of the closet. He wanted someone to have quite nights in with, nice dinners out with - someone to run along side him. They would just need to go at Doug’s speed. Jack however, was younger. He still wanted to live the New York life. So now, truly thinking about it, he realised that the two men in his life were totally incompatible. Or maybe he just hoped that to be the case.

Pacey wanted to pushed it all from his mind and finally relax. He wanted to head straight to bed, but he knew his plans for the night were ruined when he returned home to find his brother sat on the front porch. 

“What are you doing sat on my porch at this time of night?” Pacey asked, slightly annoyed, having already left work far later than he had planned.

Doug looked at him with worry on his face. “I need to talk to you.”

Pacey was about to dismiss the older the man, telling him that the last thing he wanted right in the very moment was to listen to any more of his melodrama, but something stopped him. Digging his hand into his pocket to find his keys, a made a motion towards the door, indicating to Doug that he could come in.

“Is Jack in?” Doug asked hesitantly. 

“I don’t know,” Pacey replied, eyeing up his brother, trying to work out what was going on. 

“Can we talk out here?” Doug requested, looking scared stiff to go inside.

“What’s going on Doug?” Pacey asked, losing patience quite quickly, dumping his body down on one of the porch chairs. “I really don’t want to be sat here guessing, so you better spill.”

Doug took a deep breath. “I think I’ve done something stupid.”

Pacey, still not too interested, could not hold back his tiredness. “We all do stupid things, Doug. Go to bed. I’m sure it will all be fine in the morning.”

“I answered Jack’s cell phone,” Doug announced. 

“Huh?” Pacey said. “You’ve lost me.”

“Jack’s cell rang tonight in the bar, and I answered it while he was gone. I thought it was a sales call, but it was some guy.”

Pacey’s ears pricked up. 

“He didn’t leave a name and said not to worry about letting Jack know.”

“What did you do?” Pacey asked, slightly surprised by the very un-cop-like behaviour demonstrated by his brother.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t really thinking. I was slightly thrown by the conversation I’d just had with Jack,” Doug explained. “I didn’t tell him anyone had called, but the more I think about it, the more I feel that there was something not quite right about the call.”

“How so?” Pacey was more interested in finding out about what the conversation had been about that had got Doug so flustered, but knew it was not the most pressing issue. 

“I don’t know. I just have a feeling that something was not quite right.”

“What was he calling for?”

“He just wanted to talk to Jack and see if he was back in New York yet.”

“And what did you say?”

“I just said that he was still in Capeside.”

Pacey looked at him confused. “Why did you say that?” he asked. “You could have just said nothing.”

“I know,” Doug replied. “Don’t you think I know that? I don’t know why I opened my mouth.”

Pacey rubbed his hands over his face, and still seeing the worry on the face of his brother, decided to try and console him. “Look, I’m sure it was nothing. Just tell Jack that you answered his cell.”

“And what if it is something?” Doug asked.

“Like what?” Pacey asked. “Just talk to Jack.”

“I just feel really stupid,” Doug replied. “He’s going to think I‘m an idiot.”

Pacey could see how concerned his brother was and did not want to delve at this time at night into why he cared so much about what Jack thought of him. “Jack won’t care that you answered his cell. It’s not a big deal. So you said something that may or may not have been appropriate. You can‘t know for sure until you talk to him.”

Doug sighed. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

Pacey stood up to go inside. “Doug, listen… it’s not that I don’t care about your little freak out, but I have a one day off once in a blue moon and I have plans to get started.” Turning the key in the lock, he pushed the door open. “Come back tomorrow at six, and you can tell Jack then over dinner.”

Doug stood also, knowing he had no choice. “Okay.”

“And just chill out. He’ll be cool.” Pacey closed the door behind him, leaving Doug out on the porch. He wanted his brain to switch back to thinking about movies and beer but it had drifted far beyond that. Deep down he had a feeling that the phone call Doug had answered had something to do with the person Jack had been constantly hanging up on. Not that he wanted to tell Doug that. “Shit.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As Jack walked back up the path to Pacey’s house, he was surprised to see two figures through the kitchen window. Pacey had quite bluntly informed him the day before that he was expected to remove himself from the house during his day off. Noting that for once Pacey was being serious, Jack had made sure to be up early, and entertained himself by wandering around Capeside for the day. It was seven o’clock before he felt it was safe to return home.

He knew with almost certainty that the second figure would be Doug. His stomach fluttered at the thought and he told himself that that was due to the last conversation he and Doug had shared. After his blunt words towards the older man he had returned to the bar to find him no longer sat on his stall - his beer barely touched.

He tried to hide his nerves as he stepped though the door. “I see,” he said boldly. “You send me packing for the day and then you go and have a little party.”

Doug and Pacey both looked over at him, but only Pacey smiled. Jack noticed.

“If this were a party, Jack,” Pacey laughed. “My life has become more boring than I thought. No offence Doug.”

“None taken,” Doug replied. “I think.”

A moment of silence flooding the room before Jack formally greeted Doug, with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Pacey’s heart started to pound as he witnessed this, but was glad that Doug’s eyes were too busy grazing the ground to notice. False hope was the last thing the older man needed, and as far as Pacey was concerned, that was all he would ever receive from Jack.

“We just decided to get together for dinner,” Pacey explained, trying to steer the conversation back to the reason for the get together.

“Okay,” Jack replied. “For any particular reason?”

“No, not really,” Pacey replied.

Jack glanced over at Doug, noticing that he had barely spoken a word. He was in the corner of the kitchen, busying himself with a salad – doing anything he could to avoid looking over in Jack’s direction. All Jack wanted to do was lock himself away upstairs in his room – anything to not be in the tension-filled room. 

“Well, I’ll head upstairs and leave you guys to it,” he said, making a dash for the stairs before Pacey could protest, which he knew he would.

“Don’t be silly, Jackers. There’s dinner for you too,” Pacey intercepted, as expected.

Jack desperately gave him a look that the prayed he would understand. But his visual conveyance of desperation to leave was not correctly interpreted by his friend.

“You’ve got five minutes to get ready then dinner is on the table.”

Exasperated by Pacey’s statement, disallowing him any other get out clause, Jack knew he was stuck, unless he could get Doug to excuse him from the meal.

“Are you sure that I haven’t interrupted a brotherly meal?” he said looking at Doug, who was still playing with the damn salad. “Doug?”

Doug’s head suddenly darted up, realising that he was being spoken to. “Um, no, it’s okay,” he managed to utter.

“It’s more than just okay,” Pacey said, slightly annoyed by oddness going on around him, starting to make him feel like there was something that he had not been told. “I have cooked for all three of us. So go upstairs, get washed up, and get your ass back down here and eat. Okay?”

“Whatever you say,” Jack replied, doing exactly what he was told, disappearing up the stairs.

Once Pacey had heard the click of the bathroom door, and was sure that Jack was out of earshot, he turned to his brother with a stern look on his face. “Why do I get the feeling that there is something more going on here than you have told me?”

“Like what?” Doug asked, carrying the salad bowl to the table and placing it down.

Pacey stared at him for a moment. “I give up,” he sighed, heading to the oven to check on the food. “You better make it crystal clear to Jack that I have absolutely nothing to do with this fuck up of yours.”

“So now it’s a fuck up?” Doug asked. “Last night you said it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Get your head out of the sand, Doug. You’re supposed to be a cop. If you can’t see something more is going on with his little escape from New York, then maybe you should be running the restaurant and I should be protecting the town.”

“It was a mistake, Pacey. It’s not like I intended to do it,” he snapped back.

“Well maybe if you spent less time staring into his deep brown eyes and daydreaming, you would act like less of an idiot,” he hissed, not wanting to raise his voice.

“Blue,” Doug mumbled under his breath.

Pacey glared at him in disbelief. “You’re delusional if you think something is going to come of your little crush. He doesn’t even know you’re gay.”

“I don’t have a crush. Christ sake, Pacey…” He trailed off, not really knowing what to criticise his brother for this time.

“I’m not saying any more on this. It’s absurd.” 

Doug probably would not have retorted, even if Jack had not been coming down the stairs, but it did save him from resorting to a childish strop, saved only for siblings.

“Right, dinner,” Pacey said, clapping his hands together. “Everyone sit down.”

“It smells good,” Jack said unsurely, feeling as though he had walked in on something, but took his seat anyway.

Pacey soon followed with the food in hand. Placing it in the centre of the table, he sat. “Help yourself.”

Jack reached for the serving spoon in one of the dishes at the same time as Doug. As their hand touched, Jack pulled back as though he had been electrocuted. “Sorry,” he muttered, slightly embarrassed by the severity of his reaction. 

Doug said nothing in return, but Pacey was sure he saw some hurt in his brother’s eyes.

Wanting to get the unpleasantness out of the way as soon as possible, and hopefully stop Doug acting like a guilt-stricken-fool, Pacey instantly raised the reason why the dinner had been planned. “Doug, isn’t there something you wanted to tell Jackers?”

Doug looked at Pacey, having hoped to at least eat before he had to tell the whole story. 

“What’s going on?” Jack asked, beginning to feel nervous.

“It’s nothing really,” Doug explained. “Just a bit of a confession.”

Jack looked even more worried now.

“Maybe confession is the wrong word,” Pacey intersected. 

“Yes, sorry,” Doug continued. “It’s just that last night, in the bar…” A knock on the door interrupted Doug’s flow.

Pacey stood to answer it. “I’ll get that. You two continue you’re little chat.” 

Leaving them alone he approached the door and opened it, so relieved to be leaving the table that he had not even considered who would be at his door. Upon answering it, he was still none-the-wiser.

A tall man, with dark hair stood in front of him. He looked to have a muscular build, but it was hard to tell beneath his jeans, shirt and jacket.

“Can I help you?” Pacey asked, having noticed the conversation at the dinner table had totally died out.

“You must be Pacey,” the man stated, not asked.

“Must I?”

“Are you?” the man asked, seeming to tire of Pacey incredibly quickly.

“Who wants to know?” he inquired, now becoming more serious.

“I have reason to believe you’re harbouring my boyfriend.”

“Daniel?” Jack said, from behind Pacey. “What are you doing here?”

Pacey spun round to see the shocked look on Jack’s face. “You know this guy?”

“Yes,” Jack said, still staring at the man in the doorway.

In the time that Pacey was caught off guard, Daniel had managed to step into the house and close the door behind him.

“What are you doing here, Daniel?” Jack said, approaching the man, trying to take him to the corner, to talk more discreetly. 

Daniel avoided being moved. “I came here looking for you. You left New York with out even a word. Would it have killed you to have called? Or answered your phone?”

“How did you know I was here?” Jack asked confused.

“The guy who answered your phone last night told me. After I found where the hell Capeside was, I drove all the way down here to take you home. I remember you had a friend here, and with a name like ‘Pacey’ it was not hard to track him down.”

Jack looked at him confused. “I don’t understand. No one answered my phone.”

Doug made a noise behind Jack – almost like clearing his throat. “I’m sorry, Jack.”

Jack turned and looked at him. “You?”

Doug had expected him to be angry. He had expected see the anger in his eyes, but all he saw was hurt. “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you.”

“Your confession,” Jack muttered, laughing slightly despite the situation.

“I’m really sorry, Jack. I wasn’t thinking.”

“And once I’d spoken to your new boyfriend here,” Daniel said, indicating towards Doug, “I thought I should come down here and find out what was so good that you’d left me in New York.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jack snapped. “Don’t be stupid.”

Daniel looked over at the dinner table, the bottle of wine, the good food – and then back to the way Doug was looking at Jack.

“You expect me to believe that?” he laughed. “Very cosy little thing you’ve got here, Jack.”

“Daniel, stop it. I am here visiting my friend…”

“And shacking up with a stranger,” Daniel finished for him.

“Nobody is shacking up with anyone!” Jack shouted, finally loosing his temper.

Daniel saw the way Doug winced as Jack said his words.

“Doug is Pacey’s brother! He is not a stranger! And we are certainly not shacked up!” Jack again tried to pull Daniel off somewhere a little more private, but again Daniel resisted. “I don’t know what you thought you would gain by coming here, but whatever it is, it’s not going to work. Even if I do come back to New York, it won’t be with you!”

“As far as I’m concerned you’re still my boyfriend!”

“Then you’ve got your facts wrong,” Jack spoke more softly. 

“Should we go?” Pacey asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Doug stated, not happy to leave Jack alone with a man he was clearly avoiding – a man that would not have found him if it had not been for Doug’s big mouth.

“What a surprise, lover boy over here doesn’t want to leave you alone,” Daniel snapped at Jack.

“Daniel, just drop it. There is nothing going on between me and Doug – not that it would be any of your business.”

“He wishes there was though,” Daniel sneered, glaring at Doug. “I can see the way he’s been looking at you!”

“I suggest you back away and stop raising your voice,” Doug announced, stepping into Sheriff mode, moving towards Daniel.

“I think you should keep out of it,” Daniel replied.

Looking at the stranger in front of him, Doug would have guessed that he was no younger than himself. “This is Pacey’s house, and you’ve just walked in and started shouting.”

“Funny that,” Daniel sneered. “Pacey’s house, but it’s you getting involved.”

Jack looked at Doug, pleading with him to just back away. Doug could not do that.

“I think it’s time that you go,” Doug said, trying to guide him towards the door.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Daniel said, not being moved. “Good looking guy isn’t he? I don’t blame you for liking him.”

“Daniel! Stop it!” Jack snapped. “Just go!”

“If you can’t see that he looks at you like he wants to jump you, then you are more naïve that I thought you were.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Doug snapped.

“Trust me, I do. You look no different from the teenage boys in my class when a bit of skirt walks in.”

“You’re disgusting,” Doug disapproved, now realising where Jack must have met this idiot.

“Seems to be riling you a lot for something that isn’t true,” Daniel suggested. 

Doug glared at him, his skin beginning to boil. The thought of this man ever being with Jack turned his stomach.

“As I say, I don’t blame you. Jack can be a bit of a tease.”

Before Doug knew what he was doing, his arm swung towards the man in front of him, his fist curled tight. It made contact with his cheek, causing a cracking sound.

“Doug!” both Jack and Pacey shouted simultaneously. Pacey couldn’t help but smile to himself. If Doug had not have done it, he would have felt compelled himself.

All Daniel did was smile at Jack, holding his cheek in his left hand. “See?”

“Don’t be stupid! He’s not even gay!” Jack shouted, still shaken by the violence of Doug’s reaction.

“Actually,” Doug said softly. “I am.”

Jack’s eyes moved from Daniel’s form, to Doug’s, trying to work out if he had just heard him correctly. “What?”

“I am gay,” Doug repeated.

Jack looked past Doug to Pacey, trying to gage his friend’s reaction. “Pacey?” He saw no real shock in his face – not beyond the fact that Doug had just blurted his secret out so suddenly. 

“You’re lying,” Jack said to Doug, not getting a response. “Pacey?”

Pacey looked down, not wanting to get involved, knowing that he was already involved through his omitting to share the information.

“You knew?”

“Jack, it wasn’t for me to tell you,” Pacey tried to explain.

Jack’s mind whirled, trying to process the information, acting out scenes of the past couple of weeks in his head, filling in the gaps with this new information.

Daniel’s low chuckling drew him out of his shocked state. “Oh, Jack. You never knew?” he asked; patronisingly. “How sweet.”

“I think you should go,” Jack said softly.

“I agree,” Doug added.

“Not him,” Jack said looking at Doug, avoiding his eyes. “You.”

“Jack?”

“Maybe it’s best for tonight,” Pacey added, walking toward his brother, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.

Doug tried to catch Jack’s eyes, but upon failing, he slowly weakened. “Okay.”

“Hard luck, mate,” Daniel smiled.

Doug did not utter another word, but instead walked to the door, giving Jack one last look before turning the handle. Jack looking away was Doug’s final confirmation that he wanted him to leave. “I’m sorry.”

**To be Continued…**


	4. The Months Gone By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **All text in italics are flashbacks**

_Jack wandered down the hall following the principal. As he looked around at the students filing though the halls, or stood at their lockers, he wondered how he had ended up back in school. He could remember more clearly his own high school days than he could all the lessons he had sat through while being trained as a teacher._

_To become a teacher seemed like a sudden decision to all of his friends, but for him, it was something that felt natural – like his whole life had been leading to this one thing. Of course both Jen and Grams had been very supportive, and this spurred him on to achieve._

_And now, the day that had once seemed so far in the future, had arrived. His first teaching job and he felt so unprepared. His hands were shaking; as were his knees – he worried if he stood still he would fall over._

_“Mr McPhee,” the principal said, stopping in the doorway of an empty classroom. “I’d like you to meet the head of English, Mr Walsh.” He gestured towards the teacher sat at the desk._

_The man stood slowly and made his way towards Jack and the principal. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said, extending his hand. “You must be our new recruit.”_

_“Yes,” Jack replied, shaking the man’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”_

_“It’s good to have you on board,” he said warmly. “And none of that Mr Walsh rubbish,” he said, smiling towards the principal who had originally introduced him. “I’m Daniel.”_

_“Jack,” he replied, smiling, suddenly feeling a lot more at ease in this man’s presence. “I hope all of the faculty are as friendly.”_

_“I’ll leave you two to business. I have an issue to solve in the IT department,” said the principal as he excused himself._

_“First teaching job, Jack?” Daniel asked, gesturing for him to come in. They both sat at a desk._

_“Is it that obvious?”_

_Daniel smiled kindly. “Hopefully the kids won’t notice.”_

_“Next you will be saying that they can smell fear.”_

_“They can,” Daniel laughed. “Teenagers are not so different from wild animals. Don’t forget that for one second.” Daniel looked at him closely. “But I guess you know that – not being a teenager long ago yourself.”_

_“I’m not that young,” Jack protested._

_“Maybe,” he laughed, “but until the new faculty intake next year, you will have to get used to being the ‘newbie’.”_

_Jack cringed on hearing that word again. Jack knew that Daniel was not trying to be cruel – he was just stating facts. Jack guessed that being a high school teacher probably was not much different from being a student. You will always feel out of place until you have become established at the school._

_Jack became aware that Daniel was still smiling at him. He had a nice smile – friendly. The left side of his mouth tilted higher than that right causing a slight dimple to form on only one side. His eyes shone bright blue, and though he was probably in his mid-thirties, a great youthfulness radiated from him. Jack was sure that the kids he taught loved him._

_“Not to worry,” Daniel assured. “You’ll be teaching freshman, so they will just as nervous as you for the first few days.”_

_“I’m not too nervous. I’m just eager to get started.”_

_“That’s good to hear,” Daniel said, standing from the desk. “Just remember that I’m here if you need anything.”_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“So, you’re just not going to talk to me now?” Daniel asked, sitting down on the bed, watching Jack pace back and forth across the room.

“Why did you have to do that?”

“Do what?”

“You know exactly what. You knew nothing was going on with Doug but still you had to push.”

Daniel laughed slightly. “Aren’t you glad that I did, even just a little bit? It helped you find out a little bit more about your friend.”

“Don’t you dare laugh,” Jack snapped. “You had no right to say any of that stuff tonight.”

“If I think a man if going after my boyfriend…”

“I’m not your boyfriend,” Jack interrupted. “Do you think I came here so that you would follow? I came here because I didn’t want to see you.”

“No. You came here to escape.”

“I came to escape you. I did not want to see you everyday.”

“And that’s why you quit your job?” Daniel asked. “You really believe that?”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked, finally standing still.

“Since your first day teaching, you were in way above you head, and you knew it. You’ve been looking for an excuse to get out of there ever since.”

“That’s not true.”

“Whatever you want to believe, Jack.”

“Stop changing the subject,” Jack said, shaking his head, trying to get back to the real argument. “The fact is you’re not welcome here. I don’t want you here. I broke up with you and whether you like it or not, you have to accept it, because it’s not going to change.”

“Now if you could face a class with the same conviction you just showed there, maybe you could be a half-decent teacher.”

“Stop it!” Jack shouted. “I know what you think of my teaching. You have spent the last ten months telling me where I’m going wrong in every aspect of my career.”

“Only because I care.”

“I don’t care why. I don’t care one little bit. I just want you to go back to New York and leave me alone.”

“And you’ll stay here?” Daniel laughed, “In this backwards little town?”

“There is nothing wrong with Capeside,” Jack defended.

“Really? I can’t say I think much of the locals.”

“I doubt they think highly of you either.”

Daniel stood from the bed and walked towards Jack. He reached out and took hold of his hands. “Jack, please, let’s stop this madness,” he said softly. “Pack up your stuff and come back to New York with me. It can be like it was. You know we are good together.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Jack looked around his classroom. It looked like a bomb had hit it. Paper plates, plastic cups, banners and posters scattered everywhere – the remnants of his first parent/teacher evening. Of all the things he hated about the job, he had decided in the last three hours, that this must be the worst._

_Usually, his job was fine. Though most of the time he felt like he was struggling to keep his head above water. He had been assured it was like that for all new teachers – especially while teaching texts that they had never taught before._

_And it was not just the actual teaching. Each of the kids came with their very own troubles and issues that were part of being a teenager. He however, seemed to be hyper-aware of everything, and wanted to do all he could to help. This sometimes meant he made allowances for behaviour, or lack of work, that he probably should not have done. It had been noticed by other teachers. And while some supported his decisions, and indeed respected them, others, including his head of department, were not particularly enthusiastic._

_“First one is always the worst.”_

_Jack looked up to see Daniel in the doorway. “It was fine,” he smiled._

_“But you’re glad it’s over, right?”_

_“Is it bad if I say yes?”_

_“Not at all. It’s honest. 90% of teachers dread these evenings.”_

_“It was quite nice to meet the parents – get to see who the kids go home to day after day. Helps me determine who needs a little extra support.”_

_Daniel smiled widely. “I love the way you look at things. You’re definitely unique.”_

_“I don’t think so,” Jack protested, slightly embarrassed._

_“You do know it’s not your job to save everyone?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_Daniel moved toward Jack. “Do you want some help clearing up? All the others have gone home.”_

_“Everyone?”_

_“Everyone.” Daniel confirmed as he looped his arms around Jack’s waist, and kissed him softly on the lips. “Not the best way to spend our anniversary.”_

_“Anniversaries refer to year milestones,” Jack smiled, receiving the occasional kiss. “We’ve only been together one month. It’s hardly an anniversary.”_

_“If only my students were as sharp as you. Your teachers must have loved you.”_

_Jack laughed. “Hardly.”_

_“Well I think you’re pretty special.”_

_“Good.”_

_“Why don’t we get tidied up here and head off? I have something planned.”_

_“That sounds lovely,” Jack started._

_“Why do I feel like there’s going to be a ‘but’?” Daniel asked, pouting. “It’s our monthiversary.”_

_Jack could not help but smile. “You know that’s not a real word.”_

_“It is now,” Daniel said, resting his forehead against Jack’s. “Come on, I’ve planned everything for a perfect night.”_

_“Except rescheduling parent/teacher evening,” Jack moaned._

_“Some things are beyond my control.”_

_“And some things are beyond mine,” Jack replied. “I have so much marking to do.”_

_“Please,” Daniel groaned against Jack’s lips._

_“Please don’t do this,” Jack whispered - his face so close to Daniel’s. “I don’t have any choice. I should have had it done before tonight.”_

_“Okay,” Daniel replied, stepping away from Jack. “Then I guess we will be spending the night marking essays.”_

_“No. Don’t be silly,” Jack said. “You shouldn’t have to waste your evening on this.”_

_Daniel picked up a trash bag and continued with the clean-up effort. “I want to spend this milestone with you – whether that means eating the amazing meal I had planned, drinking the best wine, lighting a few candles and whatever else followed,” he smiled, thinking of the night he had planned. “Or marking thirty essays on the recurring themes in Steinbeck’s ‘Of Mice and Men’.”_

_“You really don’t have to,” Jack said, smiling._

_“I know,” Daniel said, turning from the desk he was clearing, and smiling. “That is why I am so wonderful.”_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_The lights were down low with candles scattered around the room. The warm scent of vanilla filled the air. Cushions littered the floor in front of the lit gas fire. Empty plates, once filled with the best food, lay discarded on the coffee table, next to a pile of essays – only three of which had grades in red pen marked on the top._

_Lay close to the unfinished work, Jack was wrapped in a fleece blanket, asleep in Daniel’s arms. He had had every intention to do his work – ready to hand back to his class in the morning, as he had promised. But once they had got back to Daniel’s apartment, and Daniel had persuaded him to at least eat before starting work, one thing led to another, and work became the last thing on his mind. It was not long before the string of late nights spent preparing for the parent/teacher evening caught up with him, leaving him totally exhausted._

_Daniel brushed a stray hair off of Jack’s forehead. He smiled down at the man asleep between his parted legs, head resting against his chest. He was sat, leant against the couch. He had been tempted to move into a lying position but was worried it would wake Jack. He quickly decided that he was perfectly happy sat watching the other man sleep._

_He leant down and kissed the top of Jack’s head, breathing in the scent of him. He was still unsure how the introduction of a new teacher into his department had blind-sighted him so incredibly. He had always told himself that he would never be that teacher – the one who enters into the school equivalent of the ‘office romance’ – especially with someone over ten year his junior. But there was something about Jack. Maybe the way he seemed to take it upon himself to do more than teach the kids in his class, in a way that other teachers could not be bother to devote their time to. Whatever it was he found himself stuck._

_It had all started with having lunch in the staff room, which then became the odd drink after work. Once it had reached meeting for dinner on the weekends Daniel was sure that Jack would realise what was going on. It surprised him that he had to so literally spell it out to the younger man. He may have demonstrated a high intellect and most definitely a talent for teaching, but his naïve, child-like nature – the same thing that helped him relate to the kids – made it harder to see the bigger picture of the adult world. And while this frustrated Daniel at times, he could to help but find it endearing._

_It was mid-night before Jack started to stir, pulling the blanket higher up his body as the cold of the night crept in around him. Daniel wrapped his arms around him a little more tightly._

_Jack smiled, still half asleep, until he realised where he was. “You let me fall asleep.” He pushed himself into a seated position._

_“You looked shattered.”_

_Jack sighed. “I’m going to look even more shattered tomorrow having spent the whole night marking these damn essays.” Standing up, wrapping the blanket around him, be began to collect his clothes together._

_“Jack, calm down,” Daniel soothed, reaching out and taking hold of his arm. “It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get it done.”_

_“Daniel, I promised them.”_

_“You won’t be the first teacher to break a promise.”_

_“Well I don’t want to be that kind of teacher,” Jack said pulling away._

_“What do you mean by that?” Daniel asked, slightly offended._

_“Nothing,” Jack replied, rubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t mean anything. I’m just tired and stressed.”_

_“Well get used to it, Jack. This is what it’s going to be like for the next forty years. If you can’t do it now, then wait until you get older.”_

_“I’m not saying I can’t do it,” Jack said defensively. “I just needed tonight to catch up.”_

_“So this is my fault?” Daniel asked._

_Jack stared at him, wondering why he seemed to be trying to pick a fight. “No,” he said. “I never said it was your fault.”_

_“Really?” Daniel asked. “Because it seems to me that you’re blaming me for not getting your work done on time.”_

_“I never said that,” Jack defended._

_Daniel ignored Jack’s protest. “Which is odd, because I’ve managed to get all my marking done, and none of the other teachers in my department are having any problems.”_

_Jack looked back at him, not sure what he was supposed to say in response to that._

_“Maybe, Jack, if you spent less time dealing with Tammy’s boyfriend issues, or Ollie’s other academic down falls, and only focused on your actual job, you wouldn’t have any problems with time.”_

_“Okay, so next time Tammy comes to me and confesses that her boyfriend is forcing himself of her, I’m supposed to tell her to stop wasting my time, and to get on with her English assignment?”_

_“You’re not there to be their friend, Jack. You need to start establishing yourself as a good teacher, rather than the hot English teacher who all the girls have a crush on.”_

_“Are you telling me that as my head of department, or as my friend?”_

_“Friend?” Daniel laughed. “Is that still what you’re calling me? Are you usually found naked in your ‘friend’s’ apartments?”_

_Jack began to pull on his clothes. “I’m going home.”_

_Daniel slumped down on the couch, putting his head in his hands. “I just wanted tonight to be perfect.”_

_Jack picked up the stack of essays and headed for the door. “Good bye.”_

_He was about to reach out for the handle when Daniel stopped him, having come up behind him. “Just wait,” he said softly, taking the bundle of papers from Jack’s arm. “I promised I would help.”_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Daniel, I want you to go,” Jack said, opening the bedroom door.

Daniel took the door handle from Jack’s hand and closed it again. “No you don’t.”

“This is Pacey’s house, and you’ve already offended his brother. I am pretty sure he wants you to leave as much as I do.”

“I’m not going to leave until you come too.”

“I’m not coming back to New York with you.”

“Why not?” Daniel asked, again getting a little closer to Jack than he could see Jack wanted.

“You know why not,” Jack said quietly – Daniel’s face uncomfortably close to his.

“It was all just a misunderstanding,” Daniel uttered. “Just because we can’t work together. It doesn’t mean that we can’t be together.”

“Daniel, the reason we can’t work together is because I can’t stand to be around you.”

“You know that’s not true,” Daniel said, placing his hand on Jack’s cheek.

Jack pulled away. “You are the embodiment of everything I hate about teaching. You couldn’t care less about the kids. You are the sort of teacher that made my high school experience hell.”

“You need to stop dwelling on your past. It’s not all about you.”

“No, it’s about the students! Maybe one day you’ll realise that.”

Daniel laughed. “It really is cute that you get so passionate, but one day, when you’re leaving in the real world, you’ll realise it’s not that simple.”

“Patronising fuck.”

“And it is for exactly that reason that I went to the principal with my concerns about you.”

“You went to Paul because you were pissed off because the students liked me more than you.”

“Oh come on, Jack. Don’t be so ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous?” Jack asked.

“You’re being totally irrational.”

“It’s irrational to be upset because my boyfriend went to my boss and told him that he thought that I wasn’t doing my job properly? It’s irrational that I am upset that I got called in for a meeting about my future in the school on the grounds of what you said? The only irrational thing is that you’re here now, acting as if nothing has happened.” Jack opened the door again. “Leave.”

“No.”

“Yes,” said a voice from outside the door.

They both looked out to see Pacey stood on the landing.

“I want you out of my house now,” he said firmly. “So far tonight you have upset my brother and my friend, and to be honest, you have totally pissed me off.”

“This really does not concern you, Pacey,” Daniel said.

“This is my house, and everything that happens in here concerns me,” Pacey calmly stated. “Now I’ve asked you once, do not make me do it again.”

Daniel looked to Jack for support, hoping he would cave in and allow him to stay as he had earlier that night. 

“Just leave,” Jack said softly.

“Jack?”

“And stop calling. I don’t want to talk to you again.”

“You heard him,” Pacey injected. “Leave.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_“I’m glad you have found the time to come and see me, Mr McPhee,” said the principal._

_“Jack,” he responded. “Call me Jack.”_

_“Okay, Jack.”_

_Jack was looking around the office, at the books stacked up on shelves behind the principal’s desk – most of which he was sure had never been opened. He saw the photo of a young child cased in a handmade frame, decorated with pasta shapes and glitter. He knew it was the principal’s daughter, Isabelle._

_“Jack, you have been here nearly a full year now,” the principal started._

_“Yes, that’s right,” Jack answered, still gazing around the room, avoiding looking straight at the other man._

_“And as you may know,” the principal continued, “for all new teachers we like to review their progress over the course of the year, in order to see where we stand for the upcoming year.”_

_“Okay,” Jack muttered in acknowledgment, already knowing that he was not going to like what followed._

_“I have a report here written by the head of English, Mr Walsh, and also the grades of your classes.” The principal cleared his throat, trying to get Jack’s attention. “I would like to start of by saying that the feedback from the students has been wonderful. Impressive in fact. You should be very proud. It usually takes years of experience to get the kids to both like and respect you. So well done.”_

_“I hate to be rude, Paul, but I know you haven’t pulled me in here to converse about my good student/teacher relationship. I have spoken to Mr Walsh, and I know what you’re trying to avoid saying, so you may as well cut through the pleasantries, and say what’s concerning you.”_

_The principal looked at him flustered; surprised to hear such candid works from the man in front of him. “Okay. I just want you to know it has been a pleasure having you here this year. An injection of youth was exactly what the English department needed…”_

_“But…”_

_“Having received your report from Mr Walsh, I must admit that I am concerned. The over all grades of your classes were not fantastic, but considering the ability level of the groups you were given, they are certainly not a worry.”_

_“But,” Jack said again._

_The principal looked at him sympathetically, unable to hide the fact that he too felt Jack was in some ways being set up for a fall. “Mr Walsh has highlighted worries concerning your lack of time management, and seems to have reason to believe that you’re struggling with the course material.”_

_The principal looked up at Jack from the report, expecting him to want to reply to some of the allegations._

_“Mr Walsh has also raised concerns regarding inappropriate interaction with students,” the principal explained._

_“Meaning what exactly?” Jack asked calmly, though feeling far from it._

_“I understand that you may want to help, Jack. I think that is very honourable. I really do. I wish I had more teachers in my faculty who wanted to help the kids like you do. I am sure that is why the students think so highly of you. They certainly seem to trust you. But Mr Walsh seems to believe that this is affecting your ability to teach the student body as a whole.”_

_“And you share this opinion?”_

_“As I said, Jack, I wish I had more teachers like you. But I have to take the concerns of each of my head of departments seriously. And for whatever reason, Mr Walsh has decided that you’re not the best teacher for your role.”_

_“So this is where you tell me that my contract shall not be extended, and to pack up my desk?”_

_“Not at all,” replied the principal. “I would love to have you here for another year, and for many more to come. We just need to find a solution to these little glitches you have faced this year.”_

_“In all due respect, the only glitch I have faced is Mr Walsh himself.”_

_“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”_

_“As am I.”_

_“Maybe if we could get together in a meeting – all three of us, then we could work something out,” he offered._

_“That really won’t be necessary,” Jack replied._

_“Oh?”_

_Jack pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket. “I would like to officially hand in my resignation.”_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Pacey, I am so sorry about tonight,” Jack said, sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, placing a beer in front of his friend, and sitting down opposite.

“It was supposed to be your day off.”

“Do you really think that matters?”

Jack let out a groan. “I guess you want an explanation?”

“Not at all,” Pacey replied. “I respected your privacy enough to listen outside your door.”

Jack could not help but laugh.

“If you don’t mind me saying, Daniel seems like a bit of a jerk.”

“Yeah. He pretty much is.”

“You certainly know how to choose them.”

“I didn’t know he was going to turn up here.”

“I know,” Pacey said kindly. “How could you have known?”

The room fell silent for a few moments before Jack spoke again. “I’m such an idiot!”

“Hey, I’m having none of that. You are not an idiot.”

“I feel like one.”

“Well you’re not, and if you carry on with that kind of talk I will call Jen, and you’ll get verbal ass kicking from the scary pregnant lady.”

Jack smiled. “Okay, fine.”

“Don’t doubt me. I’ll do it. Jen and I have this Jackers double team act. You don’t want to see us in full force.”

“You stayed pretty calm tonight,” Jack said gratefully.

“Yeah well, I was ready to take that man down if the need had arisen.”

“Sure.”

“Seriously,” Pacey laughed. “But I think the shiner he will wake up with tomorrow from Doug will be enough.”

Jack remained quiet.

“Jack, he never meant to lie to you,” Pacey said softly, placing a hand of Jack’s arm.

“It doesn’t matter. It could have happened to anyone.”

Pacey looked at him confused.

“It could have been you that answered the phone,” he expanded.

“That wasn’t what I was referring to,” Pacey replied.

Jack said nothing for a moment before then answering. “I know.”

“Maybe you should talk to him. If anyone knows how he’s feeling it’s you, right?”

“Y’know what, Pace, I’m really tired,” he said standing. “I’m just going to head to bed.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure thing. Sleep well.”

**To Be Continued…**


	5. Avoidance

Running was usually Jack’s way of forgetting whatever it was on his mind that he did not want to be there. Whether it was running round central park, or along the beach in Capeside, it usually worked without fail. He would set off from home, with no real sense of how far he would need to go to cleanse himself. 

Today it did not seem to make any difference how far or how hard he ran. He could not get the events of the previous night out of his mind. The shock he felt when Pacey opened the door to reveal Daniel – someone he had hoped he had left in the past. Now the thought of returning to New York, to be further haunted by the poor choices of the past, filled him with dread to the point where he did not want to return. He knew deep down that if it was not for Jen and baby Joshua, he did not even have anything to return for.

But now staying in Capeside did not seem like much of an option either. Even though he really enjoyed catching up with Pacey and seeing that he had settled into a good life in the town. A life that, whether if was purposeful or not, revolved a lot around socialising with his brother – a man that Jack did not want to be anywhere near right now.

Jack knew that the chances of him settling down in the way that Pacey had was something that just could not happen in Capeside. He was not willing to always be the odd one out, and it angered him that Daniel knew that. It angered him that Daniel would always have a small sense that he had won. Jack would eventually have to return to New York, and whether or not he ever saw Daniel again, Daniel would be right. Jack could not stay in Capeside and live a fulfilled and happy life. Jack knew he had a past in both Capeside and New York, but New York was the only place that seemed to hold any kind of future for him.

He felt like his feet would fall straight through the sand as he slammed them down hard with every stride. If the sand did part and suck him under, maybe it would save him from having to face the consequences of the out pour of information he received the previous night, or help sooth the humiliation he felt over Doug’s true confession. Having spent time with the other man, he now felt as though there had been a recurring joke, for which he was continuously the punch line. And though he knew it was not Pacey’s place to tell him, he wished he had. He wished he had known the subtext of each conversation he had had with the other man. He wished he had been privy to all of this information earlier, and then maybe he would have made different choices. Choices that would not have culminated in the awful scene that played out before him last night. Choices that would have meant he had kept his distance from the other man, fearing that when the news finally broke to the rest of Capeside – as it inevitably would, he would again be victimised. This time as the man who turned the Sheriff gay through close proximity, or even worse, had been chasing after him

Some things, Jack decided, he could really do without.

His mind wanted him to keep running. For as long as it took to feel better about everything – however long that may be. But his body, already exhausted from lack of sleep could not manage anymore and dropped to the soft sand beneath him. There he lay, staring up at the sky – watching the clouds as they carelessly drifted by. His hands at his side, tightly gripped the gains of sand beneath him, and felt as one by one they escaped his hold and fell back to where they had been found. He tried to control his breathing, but after five minutes of lying flat on his back, his heart was still racing and his lung were still working so hard that it felt that they might fail any second. He concluded that this was what death felt like. The car wreck had happened the night before and now he was slowly dying of his injuries.

For the first time since it had all happened he allowed himself to truly feel the pain. His chest felt like it was about to cave in, and tears fell from his eyes in slow streams. In a feeble attempt to stop them he closed his eyes, but they crept from the seams. Is fist hit the ground as hard as he had wanted it to hit Daniel. Not for hurting him, but for hurting Doug. Jack had welcomed Daniel into his life, and therefore had to deal with the repercussions. But Doug was just an innocent bystander, forced from the closet by the mere circumstances he found himself in. And Daniel was right – that was the worst thing. Jack had been glad that he pushed Doug far enough to get a reaction, but this was not something he was supposed to admit.

But now Jack was also caught up in Doug’s mess too. Jack was Doug’s Mr Peterson, causing a chain of reactions that resulted in the loss of the protection of a categorical label – straight. Jack did not want to be any part of the reason for Doug’s unravelling. He did not want to remember the pain on Doug’s face, and the disappointment on Pacey’s. He did not want to recall his own weak words of protest, as though he could change it by playing a game of disbelief. But it would be only that – a game. Convincing himself that what he had been told was not true, when deep down he knew it was. When deep down, he should always have known.

If Doug had wanted him to know, he would have told him long before. Or Pacey would have said something. If it had not have been such a big secret – if Jack had been trusted with the truth, maybe he would not feel so bad this morning. 

Jack took in a deep breath and released a roar of complete frustration and anger. The strength of the cry surprised even himself – not expecting his lungs to be capable of such power. The release used the last of his energy reserves. He knew he would not be able to stand, even if he had wanted to. He just lay there, eyes still clapped shut, seeing images of New York and his old school, remembering the reasons why he had left his job and all the times he had been told by Daniel that he was an inadequate teacher. They whirled and spun around his head until his brains only escape was to switch off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He was not too sure how long he had been lying there – flat on the sand, but when the sea started lashing against his feet his body decided it was time to wake up. Opening his eyes, he immediately winced. The sun shone down brighter than it had when his eyes had first closed. His body felt heavy, and his mind felt groggy. It made him care less about his feet getting wet.

Straining to see through the sun, he became aware of a figure next to him – maybe five feet away from where he was lying. He blinked and strained to gain focus, only to see the image of Doug sat, legs crossed in front of him. He was pretending to look past Jack, but Jack knew he was perfectly in the other man’s vision.

“You’ve been asleep for quite a while,” Doug said, not moving his eye line.

Jack remained silent, staring at the other man as if he were a ghost.

“We had a call into the station about someone on the beach,” Doug explained. “I happened to be passing.”

Jack could not help but think how convenient that was. Digging his hands into the sand next to him, he managed to force himself into a seated position. His head immediately began to pound – whirling around with all the bitter words he was holding back.

“Are you okay?” Doug asked, seeing the pain strike Jack’s face.

This time Jack did not even take the time to look in Doug’s direction. Fighting through the pain he managed to stand. Without even looking back, he set off back down the beach.

“I can drive you back,” Doug called after him, scrabbling to quickly get up from the sand. “It’s a long way back.”

As though he had not heard a single word, Jack carried on, acutely aware that Doug was not far behind him.

“Jack!” Doug continued to call. “Are you listening?”

Jack could almost have laugh to himself, despite the situation. It seemed as though the Sheriff was not used to being ignored.

Doug jogged forward, managing to catch up with Jack. Reaching out, he grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop. “I said I had the car,” he said breathlessly. He looked Jack deep in the eyes.

“I don’t need a lift,” Jack said firmly. “Not from you.”

Doug continued to look at him. “What is wrong with you?”

Jack’s words again dried up as he pulled away from Doug’s hold. He kept the eye contact that Doug had initiated until the older man eventually glanced away – finding the stare too intense. This was Jack’s cue to again walk away.

Doug watched as Jack disappeared down the beach. The intense anger that seemed to be raging behind his eyes, as well as the complete dismissal of any kind of friendly gesture made it very clear to him that he should no longer follow him. 

Jack’s temperament had surprised him. He had always known that he would be upset. He had in fact expected it. But the way he looked today was if he had totally shut down – pushed every moment the two of them had shared out of him mind, to now make the other man a compete stranger.

That was exactly how he had made Doug feel. Like even more of an outcast that he had feared he would feel if ever his secret was revealed. But of all the people that he thought would understand; Jack was one he assumed would take the news best. After all he had been there himself – in the same town.

Doug had slept so badly the night before that he had decided to head into work early, and relieve one of the other officers. Ever since he had arrived though, he had not been able to think of anything other than Jack, and more so, whether of not Daniel had weaselled his way back in, and whether while he was working, Jack was wrapped in another man’s arms, sleeping soundly. The thought haunted him so badly that it made him ill.

After years of experience, Doug could spot Daniel’s type a mile off. Possessive, jealous, cruel. Everything that Jack did not deserve. Then when he punched him, he felt like he was giving justice to all those who had ever been fooled by such a man. He wanted Jack to know that he was not going to stand back and let this man walked back into his life, and continue to treat him badly. But everything had backfired. Doug was asked to leave and Daniel was allowed to stay. He had only made things worse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You sound rough,” Jen said concerned.

“I feel like I have the worst hangover ever,” Jack replied into the mouthpiece of his cell, having returned home, and just about made it up the stairs to his room.

“Drink a lot last night?”

“Not one drop.”

“So what’s up then?” Jen asked slightly confused.

“Daniel.”

“What about him?” she asked. Her voice hardened at the thought of him. “Has he been phoning again?”

“Worse,” he groaned. “He turned up at Pacey’s.”

“He came to Capeside?!” she asked shocked. “How did he know where you were? I didn’t tell him.”

“Doug.”

“Doug? Okay, I’m confused.”

“There’s more,” Jack groaned, feeling his headache come back. 

“More?”

“Doug’s gay.”

“No he’s not,” Jen laughed. “That’s Pacey winding you up.”

“Doug ‘outted’ himself.”

“Jack, are you being serious?”

“Would I lie about this?” he asked, falling back onto his bed.

“You’re going to have to give me a minute to process this information,” Jen said, still getting over the shock. “What did Pacey say?”

“He already knew.”

Jen stayed quiet – not really knowing what to say.

“Jen, it was awful. He looked broken.”

“Having you there, being his friend, will help him through.”

Jack’s heart sank, knowing that he had been anything but friendly. “I haven’t spoken to him since. In fact I’ve actively avoided him.”

“Why?”

“I thought we were friends, Jen. Why couldn’t he have told me? It’s not like I wouldn’t understand.”

“Like you’re understanding now?” Jen asked disapprovingly.

“He has been lying to me for weeks…”

“I’m going to stop you right now,” Jen interrupted. “Step back eight years, back to that intensely insecure and confused boy that I first met. How terrifying was it to tell people?”

“Jen, I was sixteen. Everything was terrifying.”

“And you think this sort of thing is only scary for teenagers? Somehow it is less scary for adults – people who have spent the best part of their lives establishing themselves in their community, and being the person people think they are supposed to be? Come on, Jack. You know that’s not true.”

“But that’s exactly it. I know what it’s like. I would have been cool with it.”

“Maybe, Jack, the fact that you know what it’s like makes it scarier to tell you. Maybe the possibility of you rejecting him was more painful that those who don’t understand.”

“But he wouldn’t know how I was going to react until he told me.”

“He has told you now.” Jen paused for a moment. “And I hate to say this, Jack, but you don’t seem to acting in your normal understanding manner.”

“I’m just so… angry.”

“Angry?”

“I know it sounds awful,” Jack confessed. “I don’t want to be angry. When I saw him earlier, I wanted to talk to him and tell him that it was okay, but something else took over, and I felt like I was on fire.” He sighed heavily, pushing his head back into the pillow. “I know that he doesn’t owe me anything, and he didn’t have to say anything at all. But then the other part of me is sifting through all the conversations I have had with him, thinking the he must have thought I was a total idiot for not knowing. I just feel like a joke.”

“I’m sure that is the last thing he wanted,” Jen reasoned. “I’m just surprised that Pacey managed to keep it quiet.”

“I know. Me too.”

“So, what about Daniel?” she asked, noticing that Jack had only spoken of Doug.

“He’s gone. He managed to turn up, throw my world into chaos once again, and then leave.”

“Did he leave of his own accord, or was he hoping you would be coming back to New York with him?”

“The latter,” Jack responded. “But he’s gone now.”

“You seem very relaxed about the whole thing.”

“As far as I am concerned we were already over. I’d said my goodbyes.”

“But the man drove all the way from New York to find you.”

“So I can add stalker onto the list of his bad qualities.”

“Well I am glad that you’re over all of that,” Jen smiled down the phone. “Does that mean you will be back to hold my hand as I expel this creature from my body?”

“Such nice imagery, Jen,” Jack laughed. “And yes, I’ll be back soon. I’ll give it to the end of the week here, and help Pacey out, and then I’m heading back. There’s no reason to stay anymore.”

“Good.”

“But I still think that you’ll be better off with Grams in with you.”

“You are going to be the closest thing to a dad for this baby and I want you there right from the very beginning.”

“Well, maybe not the ‘very’ beginning,” Jack laughed.

“If I had known I was going to be in this situation, I would have preferred it to have been you there.”

“Whatever.”

“Don’t you know it’s a girl’s dream to be knocked up by her gay best friend?” Jen laughed. “It would mean that you would always be mine.”

“It will never be any other way.”

“One day you will find a handsome young gentleman who sweeps you off your feet, and it will be ‘Jen who?’”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Okay, so maybe that won’t happen. But it would be nice if you met a man who loved you as much as I do. And even better if you loved him back.”

“Even more of a reason to come back to New York,” Jack laughed. “It certainly isn’t going to happen around here.”

“Maybe,” Jen agreed. “But I think you should sort things out with Doug before you come back.”

“I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Just think about how you felt, and then try and remember all of the things that you wished someone had said to you.”

“It’s that simple?”

“That simple.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pacey had always been good at watching. Ever since he was a kid, on the sidelines of a Dawson and Joey saga, he had learnt that on most occasions you could gain more knowledge by stepping back and observing. As he got older he did not have to look so hard – people’s behaviour or words would jump out at him. Something that was not noticeable to others was obvious to him. This had been the case with Jack for many years now. No more so than during this visit.

He had been impressed by Jack’s ability to skirt around any conversation of the previous night – especially concerning Doug. He claimed multiple times to be okay, and assured Pacey that Doug’s confession could not be further from his mind. His words were sure when he told Pacey that he understood Doug’s reasoning behind not telling him the truth, and that he had not taken any offence. But the way his eyes grazed the floor, instead of looking directing at Pacey, and the way he gripped his coffee cup so tightly that Pacey was sure it would crack, told Pacey all that he needed to know.

He had called his brother at work, advising him that coming into the restaurant tonight would be far from a good idea. He had reassured him that time would heal hurt feelings and that eventually everything would be just fine. Doug had agreed to stay away, but the unevenness of his voice, and the disjointed dialogue told Pacey the truth.

That was why when Doug walked in not long after the end of dinner service, Pacey was prepared, stood at the door, ready to send him back in the other direction.

“You said you would stay away,” Pacey said, placing a flat palm against Doug’s chest, preventing him from passing through the door way.

“You knew I was lying.”

“Even so,” Pacey smiled at how well Doug could read him also, “I still recommend you going home.”

“Thank you for your concern, Pacey, but I need to talk to Jack.”

Pacey pushed him further out the door into the decked seating area. “All night I have been waiting for a beer bottle to smash the way that he’s slamming them onto the bar,” he said looking back to where Jack was working, hoping not to have been noticed. “He has had a face like thunder all day.”

“I know. I saw him earlier,” Doug said, also trying to look over in Jack’s direction, but Pacey kept blocking his view.

“Earlier? When?” he asked surprised. “Y’know what, it doesn’t matter. If he didn’t want to talk to you then he won’t want to talk to you now.” 

“Pacey, why are you being so difficult? You’re not his minder.”

“No, I’m not, you’re right,” Pacey retorted. “But I seem to be the only one talking sense to you. Go home and let this lie for a while.”

“I don’t want to. I need to talk to him.” Doug tried to force his way past his brother, but Pacey was too determined.

“Why?” Pacey asked, trying not to lose his temper, pushing Doug back once again. “To apologise? To find out if Daniel is still on the scene? To find out if you blown your chances with him?”

“Don’t be stupid!”

“You are transparent Doug,” Pacey said hushed, again checking if they had been spotted. “I know what you are doing and it’s not going to work. Whether Jack kicked Daniel out last night or let him stay over, it won’t change why he’s annoyed at you.”

“He stayed over?” Doug asked shocked. 

“No,” Pacey sighed. “Jack kicked him out soon after you left.” He gently took hold of Doug’s arm and manoeuvred him towards the steps leading to the beach. “I understand why you didn’t tell Jack. I really do. But you have to understand that last night came as a bit of a shock to him, on top of everything else. You need to give him a few days to sort out his head. That’s just how Jack works. So coming here, trying to cleanse your conscience is pointless. He’s just going to say something he doesn’t mean out of anger, and you’ll be back to square one.”

Doug finally relaxed in Pacey’s grip, seeming ready to give up. “Okay,” he said pulling away. “Maybe you’re right. You know him best after all.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry for putting you in such an awkward situation.”

“It’s fine. Just don’t go rocking the boat.”

“I’ll give it a couple of days.” Doug turned and walked down the steps.

“Liar,” Pacey muttered under his breath as he watched Doug head off across the beach in the direction of his house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack’s whole body ached by the time he finished for the night. He did not hang around for Pacey to lock up, instead deciding to head home alone. He knew this would give him at least an hour of peace back at the house – long enough to pretend he was asleep when Pacey returned, and therefore avoid any more talks about Doug’s little out pour.

All he had done all day was beat himself up over the way he had treated Doug on the beach that morning. Even if he was angry, Doug deserved more than being ignored. He knew that. And he knew that Jen was right. He should be understanding and supportive, and all the things that he had craved as a gay teen. But knowing that only made him feel worse that he felt incapable of being any of those things. All he felt was hurt. The only words he had were bitter. And after all, it was because of Doug that Daniel had found him. Not that Doug would have known the implications of his cell phone conversation. Jack felt cheated. He had considered Doug a friend.

If he had had the energy he would have run home. But lack of sleep, and wasted energy on anger throughout the day, meant that a slow walk was all that he could manage. This meant he had not got far before the familiar figure of Doug appeared from the side of the restaurant.

“Jack?”

He was too tired to ignore him. “What?”

Doug was slightly thrown by the response, having not expected any words. “Could I talk to you?”

“We don’t have anything to talk about, Doug,” Jack responded as he continued to walk.

Doug fell into pace next to him. “You know that’s not true.”

“Fine!” Jack shouted, feeling very irritated. He stopped abruptly and turned to Doug. “What do you want to say?”

Doug took in a deep breath, trying to focus. “I never meant to lie to you. I had every intention of telling you the truth, I really did, but I couldn’t. The more I got to know you, the more I felt stupid for not telling you before, and I didn’t know how to say…”

“That you’re gay?” Jack interrupted, noticing Doug still have issues with saying the words.

“Yes. That’s I’m gay.”

“Because you thought I wouldn’t understand?” Jack asked.

“No. I knew you would understand.”

“So, because you couldn’t trust me?”

“No. It wasn’t that at all.”

“Because you took pleasure in me being the odd one out, instead of you?”

“No,” Doug said quietly, feeling bruised by Jack’s last accusation. 

“I came back to Capeside, and all of a sudden, you were no longer the only gay man in the town, right?” Jack asked. “And it was easier to have people point at me, and talk about me, than it was for you to have to face that yourself.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Doug protested.

“You saw how it was for me, and you knew that if you told the truth, then some of those points and stares and names, would be directed at you too,” Jack continued, ignoring the other man. “And you standing back and not saying anything to me – even though you knew I wouldn’t have told a soul, makes you as bad as them. Because you are perpetuating this town’s unhealthy obsession with the ‘norm’, and allow people to persecute those who do not fall into their perfect little ideal.” 

“Jack, it’s not like that. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t.”

“Everything you hate about yourself, Doug, I am. I am all of those little voices inside your head that you have convinced yourself are wrong. I am all of the things that you want to keep secret.”

“It’s not like that. I wish I could be more like you, Jack. I wish I could stand up and say to hell with everyone that does not agree with who and what I am.”

“But it is easier to let someone else test the water first and fight their way through life.” Jack started to again walk down the beach.

“I thought you would understand!” Doug called after him. “I thought you of all people wouldn’t judge me.”

“How can I not judge, when you are still judging yourself. And with that, you are judging me, and everyone like me.”

“I am like you.”

“No,” Jack said, again stopping. He looked at the man who had been following him. “I am not like you.”

“Why can’t you understand that I was just scared?” Doug bowed his head, embarrassed to admit such a thing. 

His body flinched as he felt unexpected hands on his shoulders. Soft hands, comforting hands. “I understand that,” Jack said softly. “Christ, Doug, I understand that. I was prettified the day I came out, and I have been scared ever since.” His hand moved to Doug’s chin and lifted the other man’s head so that he was looking at him. “But the fear gets a little better every day, until you can forget about it most of the time. Until one day you forget about it totally, and you realise that fitting in is not the most important thing. I was in High School, Doug. You think that wasn’t scary?”

“I am the town sheriff,” Doug whispered.

“Exactly. You have the power to change things around here. I was just a kid.”

“I’m not ready for the whole town to know my business, Jack.”

“I’m not the whole town.” With that Jack released his gentle hold on Doug and stepped back. “If you had told me right at the beginning, Doug, I would have found this whole thing easier to deal with.”

“I know.”

“But last night, with Daniel there. Your timing…”

“I know.”

“I know I should be throwing my arms around you and telling you that everything is okay, and that I am proud of you for being able to tell me. And maybe you think I should be passing on knowledge and experiences. But there is no gay handbook, Doug. This isn’t something I can help you with.”

Doug just looked back at him through the darkness of the beach.

“And to be honest, I don’t think I should be around you right now.”

“Why? I’ve said I’m sorry.” Doug scrambled, stepping closer to Jack, only to have Jack take a step back.

“It wouldn’t be fair,” Jack explained. “I’m going back to New York next week. I don’t think it is a good idea us getting close. It will only get the town talking.”

“It didn’t stop you before.”

“That was before I knew that what people would be saying would be true.”

“So, that’s it?” Doug asked, “Friendship over?”

“We were never really friends,” Jack said sadly. “We just happened to know each other.”

“I don’t agree,” Doug argued. “I thought of you as more than that.”

“So did I,” Jack agreed, “before.” Again he walked in the direction of home, but this time Doug did not follow. “I just wish you had told me before.”

**To Be Continued…**


	6. Good Intentions

Even though Doug had been out of school for longer than he was happy to admit, summer vacation was something he looked forward to as much as the youth of Capeside. It meant that he was able to drop one of his town Sheriff duties and not have to attend any meetings at the high school. While the students and teachers alike were sunning themselves, or taking up summer jobs, there was no real point in meeting up until the new school year.

Unfortunately this summer was a little different. With the introduction of a new principal, and the loss of a couple of other members of the faculty, unity was something that Capeside High was lacking. This was the catalyst for the emergency meeting called during the latter end of the summer. It was something that Doug could not remove himself from – it seemed unity was not just wanted among the faculty, but among the community as a whole. 

So once again, earlier than anticipated, Doug found himself sat at a desk in a Capeside High classroom. Something that he always found very surreal. His palms would always get sweaty, his cheeks would flush, and even though he was not supposed to come armed with anything, he always felt under prepared. He never understood why these meetings could not be held somewhere a little more… adult.

He found it amazing how little had changed since he was in school. The same wooden desks and tatty blackboards. The smell of chalk in the air - even when the classrooms had not been used for months. The same kind of boring posters littered the wall. Ones that barely interested him then, let alone now.

The room also held teachers and a few parents, all seemingly against their will. A look that Doug witness quite often in his line of work. The meeting had been going on for an hour so far, and still nothing seemed to be resolved. The temperature of the room was creeping upwards, and occasionally someone would stand from their desk to open another window, or fiddle with the faulty air-conditioning. 

“That does not change the fact that school starts again soon and we are still three teachers down,” one of the parents voiced.

“At this moment in time I am looking into temporary teachers, or if all else fails, moving the timetable round and increase the class load for the more senior teachers,” Principal Morris explained.

“And when will we have time to do our prep and marking if we are taking on a larger workload?” asked one of the teachers.

“I am not suggesting for one moment that this will be best or most practical option, but at the minute I have very few other alternatives to pursue,” regretted Principal Morris. “Unfortunately good teachers do not fall out of thin air.”

Doug had been listening to every strained word of over an hour and had not yet contributed to the session, apart from agreeing a date for the drug talk he had prepared. All of a sudden the man who had been filling his thoughts came to mine for a totally different reason than normal. “Which teachers are you still looking for?”

Someone at the back of the room sighed, indicating to Doug that this is something that had been mentioned multiple times before – probably when he was daydreaming. 

Principal Morris rubbed his hands over his face, and pushed the sleeves further up his arms before answering. “One Math, one Biology and one English.”

“This may or may not be useful,” Doug injected, “but there is currently an English teacher working at my brother’s restaurant, just for the summer. As far as I know, he has not yet confirmed his job placement for the upcoming academic year.” Doug’s body tingled as he said the words – convincing himself that he was only divulging this information for the good of the school.

“Why didn’t you say something an hour ago?” asked Principal Morris.

“Are we really that desperate that we are looking in local bars for teachers?” asked one of the members of staff. 

“Do you want the honest answer?” the principal replied.

“He’s a good guy,” Doug continued. “He grew up round here. Went to this school in fact.”

“You mean the gay guy?” a parent asked. “No wonder he’s out of work.”

Doug became very flustered. “He is gay, yes. But I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“With all due respect, Sheriff, that’s because you don’t have children,” said the same parent.

“Now, let’s not have any of that,” demanded the Principal, who began collecting together his papers. “I suggest that everyone disperse now. We are not going to achieve any more today.” 

The crowds all began to leave as quickly as students at the end of a long day.

“Sheriff, if you could stay behind?” asked the Principal.

Doug certainly had not heard that for a very long time, but it still made his blood run cold. “Sure,” he replied.

Principle Morris moved towards the windows and began to close them as he spoke. “Sheriff, this teacher…”

“Doug is fine,” he interjected quickly, wanting to remove the formality.

“This teacher, Doug, tell me more,” he asked, closing the last window. “And call me James,” he smiled.

“There’s not much to say, really. He’s young, worked in New York before coming here. To be honest he’s my brother’s friend, and I don’t know much about him.”

“But you know enough to recommend him?”

“If you want a young and innovative teacher, then this is your guy,” Doug said bluntly. “Go check him out yourself.” 

“Maybe I will.”

“But he’s not going to be easy to get. As far as I know he’s planning on going back to New York.”

“Do you think he’s worth the fight?” Principal Morris asked. 

“I think so.”

The principal smiled at Doug as the gestured towards the door. “Do schools always make you this nervous?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack knelt on the floor, stocking up the shelves of the fridge behind the bar at Pacey’s. He kept the lines straight and the labels of the bottles facing forward. He was working the afternoon shift and there was never too much to be done at this time of day. Pacey had been putting him on this shift for the past few days. He assumed it was because Pacey worried that his miserable face was scaring away valuable evening customers.

But today, Jack was not feeling too bad. In fact, since his last confrontation with Doug on the beach, he had been feeling a lot better – lighter. As far as he was concerned he had put a line under things with Doug, and could now return to New York not having to think of any of this mess he had inadvertently stumbled across.

The thought of going back to New York was finally exciting him. He was looking forward to seeing Jen in full bloom, and being with her when she gave birth to Joshua – though he was not sure how much help he would be. He was even looking forward to job hunting, but he knew the chances of finding the permanent position that he wanted would be small as it had been left so late. He knew something would turn up though. He was finally willing to take a step back and let fate take control.

Jack knew that he needed to give his bank account an injection of funds if he was going to be able to spoil the new baby as much as he wanted to. This was another reason for wanting to find a job as soon as humanly possible. He had even considered going back to his old job – that was until Daniel had turned up in Capeside. He was glad however that after a couple of days of unanswered phone calls Daniel had taken the hint and stopped calling. That was another factor towards his more care-free mood.

“Could I get a beer please?” asked a man at the bar.

Jack turned suddenly from his position on the floor. “I’m sorry,” he smiled to the customer, getting a cold beer from the fridge and standing. “I was in a total daydream.”

“Not at all,” replied the customer graciously.

Jack opened the bottle and handed it to him.

“I’ve not seen you around here before,” said the customer, striking up conversation.

For once Jack did not mind. “No. I’m just on a visit from New York to help out a friend.”

“So what do you think of Capeside? A little different from New York I bet.”

“Well I grew up here…” Jack began.

“Ah, you need not say anymore,” the man laughed. “It is definitely a place you grow to love more the older you get.”

Jack smiled an understanding back to the man. “I can’t say I’ve seen you here before either.”

“I guess I am a bit like you,” the man said. “I grew up here and when I moved away for college I decided not to come back.”

“But you did.”

“Indeed,” the man laughed, sipping his beer. “I got married, had children and suddenly realised why my parents raised us here.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“No,” the man laughed. “Well, yes, but how much trouble can a kid get into in Capeside? That’s why I’m back.”

Jack could not help but laugh at the man’s honesty. “You’d be surprised.”

“My kids hate me now, but one day they’ll understand.”

“Let’s hope so.”

The man held out his hand to Jack. “My name is James.”

“Jack,” he responded, shaking James’ hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“And you.”

“So, are you a barman in New York too?”

Jack looked at the man stood in front of him, wondering why he seemed so interested in Jack’s life story. He looked to be in his mid-forties, maybe a little older. His hair was still jet black, and did not have the beer gut that was typical of most the male Capeside residents of his age. He just seemed like a genuinely nice man.

“No,” Jack laughed. “But if I don’t find a job soon then maybe I will be.” He walked back to where he had been previously stocking up the fridge, and moved the crates of beer to one side to clear space. “I’m a teacher.”

“Good profession,” smiled James. “Attending Capeside High didn’t put you off?”

“Actually, it was exactly that which made me want to teach,” Jack admitted. “I had some bad teachers. Really bad. I guess it just comes to a point when you can’t expect things to get better unless you do something about it yourself.”

“Sounds like a mighty job for one man.”

Jack could not help but smile. “I just do my bit and hope there are others out there doing the same.”

James was no longer smiling – he was grinning. This concerned Jack slightly, but he assumed that maybe the beer had gone to the man’s head.

“So you worked in New York? How are the kids there? A handful?”

“The kids were fine – great in fact.”

“So why quit?”

Jack gave him a curious look, wondering how he knew he had resigned.

“You said you were looking for a job,” James explained. “I put two and two together.”

“It was nothing to do with the kids. It was the teachers that I could not work with there. Personal reasons.”

“I see,” said James. “Threatened by the new blood were they?”

“You could say that.”

“And you’re how old? Twenty-five? Twenty-six?”

“Twenty-four,” he answered, starting to feel uncomfortable with the questioning. It looked as though James was making mental notes on everything he said.

“You come across older.”

“I’m sorry, but are there any reasons for these questions. I’m starting to feel like I’m in an interview or something,” Jack laughed.

“You’re not far wrong,” James smiled, aware he was starting to freak out the other man. “Who would have thought the day would come when I was prowling bars for a teacher young enough to be my son.”

“I hate to be rude, but you’re starting to weird me out,” Jack said, forcing a half-smile.

“You’re not being rude,” James smiled back. “My name is James Morris.”

“Yeah, you said,” Jack interrupted, ready to walk away.

“Principal James Morris.”

Jack looked at him still confused.

“I’ve just started at Capeside High and we are still down a couple of teachers for the upcoming year,” he explained, looking at Jack’s blank expression. “And just when I had given up all hope of finding anyone, I heard that there was a teacher working behind the bar here.”

“I’m sorry, you’ve lost me.”

“I thought I would come in here and see if you were worth hiring,” James continued. “And after five minutes talking to you, I am certain you would make an excellent addition to Capeside High.”

Jack stared at him shocked. He felt like he was dreaming. “I live in New York,” was all he could say.

“I was hoping I could change your mind on that.”

Jack definitely admired his forwardness. “I really appreciate your offer – if not slightly strange,” Jack said, still shocked. “But I never came here this summer with the intention to move her permanently. My best friend is about to give birth and I need to get back…”

“Are you the father?” James asked.

“No,” Jack laughed. “But my life is in New York.”

“No job though.”

“That’s true,” Jack answered, slightly stumped but the older man’s bluntness. 

“Jack, I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but I see something in you. I think you’ll be an amazing teacher. I think that a passion for teaching like yours would be wasted behind a bar in some New York club. I think you are the breath of fresh air that I have been looking to inject into the school. After all, it is the reason you started teaching.”

“You’re very kind, but…”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” James interrupted. “I am going to go and leave you to think about my offer, which still stands. When you’ve come to a decision which is based on more than geography, come and see me. I’m at the high school most mornings, getting things ready. Come by whenever you’re ready and we’ll talk business.”

He smiled one last time before finishing the last of his beer and left, leaving Jack stood behind the bar totally dazed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I know, Jen, it is totally insane,” Jack said, speaking into his cell as he strolled back home along the beach in the last afternoon sun.

“So a stranger comes in, asked a million questions and offers you a job?” Jen clarified. “Why don’t these types of things happen to me?”

“You’re sounding very upbeat about the whole thing. I was expecting you to freak out.”

“No, I have consumed enough herbal tea to stabilise my mood for a while,” Jen said, taking another sip from her mug, and putting her swollen feet up on the couch. 

“This is all insane.”

“It’s only insane depending on your response.”

“I told him no, of course. I told him my best friend is about to give birth and I had to get back to New York,” Jack smiled, convinced that was the right answer.

“Insane!” Jen shrieked, piercing Jack’s eardrum.

“Ouch!” Jack exclaimed, moving the phone away from his face. “Why did you do that?”

“You said no without even looking into it?”

“Jen, is that baby making you crazy? Two days ago you were telling me to come home and be with you and the baby.”

“I know. And I still want that. But what about after that, Jack? Are you going to follow me around for years with clean diapers and bottles of formula?”

“If that’s what you need.”

“Very convenient,” Jen muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“Jack, I will not let you use this baby as another excuse to run.”

“Run? I am coming home.”

“To what?” she asked. 

“You and the baby.”

“Jack, as much as I would love to have you here every second of every day, helping me, and showing me the way, I just will not allow it. I already dragged you to New York once.”

“I wanted to come.”

“But if I hadn’t have moved and shaken your world like that, then maybe you would have already have moved back to Capeside. Maybe you are destined to have that job, and I have messed with your fate,” Jen explained.

“Capeside is not my fate, Jen. You are.”

“And as flattering as that may be, and as much as I may think that of you too, there has to be a time when we cut the chord, so to speak.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked confused.

“Never,” she answered. “But not so long ago you said that New York held nothing for you, and you needed to head back to Capeside for the summer. Nothing has changed in New York, Jack, and by the sound of things, plenty has changed in Capeside.”

“I haven’t changed.”

“Good,” Jen smiled. “Because I stand by what I say. I want you here in New York to welcome this bump into the world,” she said, stroking her stomach. “But after a couple of weeks of a screaming baby you will be begging me to let you go back to Capeside – just in time to start teaching.”

“Just like that?”

“As long as the baby keeps to its schedule, you can do both.”

“That’s all very well and good saying that, but what if I don’t want the job?”

“Then that is something you’ll have to figure out for yourself. But don’t be using me and Joshua as an excuse, because we will be here no matter where you live.”

“I can’t live in Capeside.”

“Why not? You did it before.”

“That was different. You were here. I don’t know anyone apart from Pacey.”

“You’d meet people at work. And you know Doug. Who else do you need to know than a restaurateur and the law enforcement? Someone to cook for you and someone to turn a blind eye to your speeding tickets.”

“Less than two weeks to go now,” Jack said, changing the subject. “Are you excited?”

“I’m tired,” she answered accepting his ploy. “I’m going back to the doctors tomorrow.”

“Do you think it’s anything serious?” Jack asked concerned.

“Not at all. Just first time mom fatigue.”

“Are you sure?”

“Would I lie to you?”

Jack heard something in her voice that he should have questioned, but he decided to put it down to her exhaustion. “As long as you’re okay.”

“Grams is taking great care of me.”

“Well I will be back soon to take care of both of you.”

“And who will be taking care of you?”

“I’ll be just fine.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so.”

“Promise me something though,” Jen asked. “Please make sure you think about this job. If you really don’t think it is right for you then we will love to have you back here. But the last thing I want is to have you in New York when your heart is still in Capeside.”

“Thank you, Jen.”

“Any time. What kind of soul mates would we be if we couldn’t even be apart for a while?”

“Good point,” Jack smiled.

“Anyway, Joshua is very much on my bladder again,” Jen groaned. “Call me tomorrow and let me know what’s happening.”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Bye, Jen.”

“Good bye.”

Jen reached round behind her to place the phone back into the holder. She looked down at her swollen feet and gave her toes a wiggle.

“You cannot keep lying to him, Jennifer,” came Grams’ voice as she entered the room.

“Listening into my conversations again? I thought that stopped when I was sixteen,” Jen smiled in her direction.

“I assume that was Jack?” Grams asked, handing Jen a glass of water and a small white pill.

“It was indeed,” she replied, resting the pill on her tongue and taking a mouthful of the water.

“How is he?”

“Tackling enough of his own dramas to hear about mine.”

“Jennifer,” Grams’ said disapprovingly, sitting next to Jen’s feet at the end of the couch, instinctively giving them a rub. “That boy loves you very much. He deserves to know what is going on.”

Jen sighed, not wanting to hear the truth. “There is no need to say anything until we know ourselves what is going on.”

“Maybe, dear. But encouraging him to stay in Capeside may mean you can hide this for longer, but eventually he will realise something’s wrong.”

“At the moment I have nothing to hide,” Jen again emphasised. “And that was not the reason I was encouraging him. Maybe it is where he belongs.”

“As soon as you tell him you are sick,” Grams spoke softly, “the last thing he will want to do is leave your side.”

“I know,” Jen groaned, attempting to lift herself from the couch. “But that is something we will have to deal with when the time comes.”

**To Be Continued…**


	7. A Step Too Far

Pacey sat at his kitchen table with his hands wrapped around a large cup of coffee. He had told himself when he first opened the restaurant that he would get used to the late nights and early mornings. He was certain that once he settled into the swing of things he would not need to spend nearly every waking hour obsessing about what produce needed to be ordered, or which staff wanted to swap which shift. It was a lie he was still feeding himself every morning.

The worst part of it though was knowing that if his time was not being spent of his business, there was no one else to spend it on. Capeside was not like when he was in High School. When there were a hundred people his age wandering around. His age group was a disappearing demographic in the small town, with most people leaving for college, or setting themselves up in larger urban areas.

Having Jack around cheered him up. Having Jack around had always cheered him up. But even he had been dragged into Pacey’s work environment, and it felt as though the only time Pacey got to speak to his friend was during clean up at the end of the night. Even then there was an area of conversation that neither man ventured into. Never speaking of the only other Capeside resident that the two both mutually knew. While it made Pacey uncomfortable, and thought in some ways he was conspiring against his own brother, he was also aware that Jack had inadvertently stumbled into this situation. Neither man had planned the last couple of weeks. Neither man was willing to talk about it. Pacey was glad that even though he was stuck in the middle, neither side was pushing on him too hard – in fact Jack seemed to be doing the exact opposite – barely talking about anything of importance with his friend.

Pacey knew that Jack was New York bound, and by the new found neatness of his spare room, Jack was planning to leave soon. That was why when Jack had returned home the previous day talking about a possible job opportunity in Capeside, Pacey was surprised. He had always been aware of the insane plot twists that had infiltrated his time in Capeside, but this one seemed like the most irrational and unexpected to date. 

He had not let on though about how peculiar he thought it was that this unknown principal had stumbled across Jack working in a local bar. He had assumed that it was just an idea that Jack was happy to toy with in his last couple of days in Capeside, and then spend the next couple of years angsting over how different his life would have been if he had accepted the job. It was the Jack way of doing things. It would take something pretty huge to get Jack to stay in Capeside, and while Pacey considered himself a very good friend, he knew he was not that thing.

Jen was pregnant to the point of threat of exploding, and Pacey knew that Jack was determined to be one of the first people that new baby saw. He had even seen Jack reading up on baby books, and recalling childhood nursery rhymes, as though he had to pass a test to be God Father, and knowing Jen, he probably did. Pacey knew it was a matter of days before his friend would again leave Capeside.

“Morning,” Jack said, coming down the stairs and entering the kitchen. He found himself his usual mug and went to the jug of coffee waiting for him on the side. “Top up?” he asked, holding the jug up to Pacey.

“No, I’m good,” he replied, checking out Jack’s attire. “You don’t normally wear a shirt for breakfast,” Pacey pointed out. “In fact you are normally arriving home in sweat pants and a t-shirt right about now, not even looking tired after an eight mile run.”

“I’m going to see a man about a job,” Jack replied, sitting down across the table from his friend. He took a sip of coffee, and realising that Pacey hadn’t replied, looked up at him from behind the rim of his mug. “What?”

“Nothing,” Pacey answered as he picked up a paper that lay on the table and started to flick through the local news. “The new Spielberg film is on at the Rialto; we should go and see it before go back to New York.”

“Smooth, Pacey,” Jack laughed.

“What?” Pacey asked in mock confusion.

“Complete avoidance of any conversation about the possible job that you obviously completely disagree with.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Am I that obvious?”

Jack smiled at his friend. “It’s fine. I just wish you and Jen would take the same stance on this situation. I say I don’t want the job and she nearly bites my head off. I say I’m going to look into it and you look at him with complete disappointment.”

“She wants you to take the job?” Pacey asked confused, almost positive that she would feel as he did. “And it’s not disappointment. It’s concern.”

“I know,” Jack replied. “And I understand why. I know it looks like I’m running away from New York, and this is all very convenient, but I think I owe it to myself to at least look into it. At least that way, in five years time, when I hate my job back home, I will know exactly what I passed up, and be able to sufficiently kick myself for it.”

“There’s the Jackers I know and love,” Pacey laughed. “I just don’t want you making any rash decisions.”

“And I won’t,” Jack assured. “I’m going to head down to the school, have a chat with James, and see what he’s got planned for the place. I’m just curious.”

“Curiosity killed the cat,” Pacey stated.

“I never liked that phrase,” Jack cringed. “I won’t be staying there long enough to accept any job. I have to get back and pack. I think I’m going to hit the road tomorrow.”

“So soon?” Pacey said with faux surprise, which Jack missed.

“I need to get back for Jen.”

“Of course,” Pacey replied. “Well you’re welcome back any time, you know that.”

“Thanks, Pace.”

“I could throw you a leaving dinner at the restaurant?”

“Table for two?” Jack laughed. “I don’t think it is worth it. You’re the only one who will notice that I’ve gone.”

“I don’t know if that’s true.”

“I can’t think of anyone else,” Jack answered defensively.

“Okay then,” Pacey replied finishing his coffee and getting up from the table. Putting the paper under his arm and his mug in the sink he moved to Jack. “Have a fun day job hunting, honey,” he mocked, kissing him on the top of the head. “I’m off to work.”

Jack laughed. “Have a good day.”

“I will,” he answered walking through the door only to poke his head back round one second later. “And I don’t mean to pry, but I know he would appreciate you saying good bye.”

“Maybe,” Jack answered unconvincingly.

“Okay. Good bye… again.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack opened the door of the high school with great apprehension. He had known that walking down the old hallways was going to be a strange experience, but he had not thought that his heart would be beating so fast that it could explode. The same smell radiated. The same smell he had found in every high school he had interned in. The same brightly colour walls, and blue lockers.

He located his old locker quickly, running his hand over the cold, metal door. The word ‘fag’ seemed to be burning through the paint. Staring him down. But unlike when he was sixteen he was able to see past it, back to the plain blue surface. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and carried on down the hallway. He passed Jen’s locker, where he had first found her holding her cheerleader pompoms in confusion. He passed the film lab and immediately thought of Dawson and the documentary he had made during his football days. He stood on the spot where his father had finally admitted acceptance of his own son stood before him in his sports jersey. His teenage years were part of the building – each spot with a different significance. 

“Mr McPhee,” James said, coming out of his office. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“Don’t pretend you weren’t expecting me,” Jack said, shaking the man’s hand.

James smiled. “Okay. I knew you would come. But it was a matter of when.”

“Well I’m here now,” Jack replied. “And it feels very strange.”

“Come into my office. He can have a chat.”

Jack followed him into the small office and sat in the chair in front of the desk, as he would have done if he were called in as a student.

“You teach English, right?” James asked.

“Yes,” Jack answered.

“Good. That’s exactly what I’m looking for.”

“And there are no other English teachers?” Jack asked.

“Seemingly not,” James responded. “I don’t usually go looking for teachers in local bars, but this time I am glad that I did.”

“James, I appreciate this. Honestly I do. But what I said yesterday was all true. I live in New York. My friend is mere hours away from giving birth to my God Son. I never came to Capeside with the intention of staying here.”

“I understand that,” James answered, rubbing his hands together in contemplation. “And that is why I have come up with a plan that suits both of us.”

“Which would be what?”

“School does not start again for a few weeks. That is long enough for you to get to New York and back, with plenty of time in between to change diapers and coo over your friend’s baby. Then you come back to Capeside on a temporary basis – until Christmas maybe and we will see how it goes. No long commitments, no yearly contract. If after that you want to stay then the job is yours. If not I would have had time to find a replacement.”

“That is a very kind offer but it does not change the fact that I don’t live here,” Jack smiled, mainly at the man’s pure determination.

“That’s where I need your cooperation.”

Jack sighed – his head racing with all the options. “I have one friend telling me to take the job and another telling me that it’s insane. I’m not sure which one is right. Usually they are fairly unanimous.”

“Do you need your friends to agree?” James asked.

“No. Of course not. It’s just nice to have someone to tell you when you’re about to make a mistake.” 

“The only mistake to be made here is me letting you walk away with out signing on the dotted line… so to speak.”

“This isn’t something I can make a decision on right this second. Until I am back in New York and hold that baby, I don’t know if I will want to come back.”

“Okay,” James said standing. “This child obviously means more to you than I first anticipated. I apologise for being so matter-of-fact about things.” He walked around the table and to the door. “I have one more trick up my sleeve though. Please let me try it.”

“What is it?” Jack asked suspiciously, also rising from his seat.

“I want to show you which classroom is going to be yours,” James said gesturing down the hallway.

“I don’t believe I’ve accepted the job,” Jack replied, following the other man anyway.

“Not yet,” James added. “But I like to be optimistic.” He turned the handle of the door in front of him and opened the door. “This could be yours.”

Jack stared in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Is there a problem?”

“That was Mr Peterson’s classroom,” Jack said, almost able to see the sixteen year old version of himself stood reading out his poem. The whole class whispering to each other, followed by his break down.

“Yes,” James replied, pulling Jack from his vision. “He has retired.” He looked at Jack oddly. “Is there a problem?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to step back into that classroom,” he replied honestly. “Let alone teach in it.”

James did not reply. He looked at the younger man, who had seemed so confident when he had first met him. Now differentiating him from one of the students would have been difficult.

“I’m sorry,” Jack added. “I think I’m wasting your time.” He turned quickly and started towards the door.

“Jack, I know what happened in this classroom,” he called after him.

Jack stopped suddenly and looked back at him. “Excuse me?”

“I know about the poem. I know about you.”

“And?”

“And it does not make the slightest bit of difference to me. I want the kids who come here to have the best education possible, provided by the best teachers, regardless of gender, race, religion or sexuality,” James explained. “You being gay does not make the smallest bit of difference.”

“And when the parents complain?” Jack asked.

“I’ll tell them that they will be hard pushed to provide their children with better education than here, but if they want to try then they are welcome to do so. I stick by my staff, Jack.”

Jack walked back towards him, not saying another word.

“People will talk, Jack. There is not point pretending otherwise. But I know that the students’ lives will be enriched by your presence, and that will be because of your teaching. I spoke to the principal from your last school.”

“I never told you where I worked,” Jack said confused.

“I have connections,” James laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “I may be mad enough to offer random teachers on the spot jobs but I always check references before printing any contacts. It only took a few calls before I found your old school. Paul sang your praises, Jack. He had hoped you would be returning there.”

“That’s not going to be possible.”

“Well, I hope that their loss is our gain.”

Jack took a deep breath and entered Mr Peterson’s old room. “If you knew, then why this room?”

“Pure irony I’m afraid.”

“I was never a fan of irony,” he muttered, walking alongside the desk, running his hand across the wooden surface. 

James just smiled as he watched Jack move around the room, getting reacquainted with his surroundings. “I know you’re tempted.”

“I am,” he replied, running his hand along the windowsill as he looked out to the grass and trees outside. “But I can’t give you an answer right now.”

“I can wait a while.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As Jack wandered around Pacey’s house collecting together all his things, he could not think of anything but his morning at the High School. Once he had relaxed a little, he started seeing the building in a new light. It became more than just where he spent his teenage years; it became a place where he could further his career.

He began to wish that he could split himself in two. His heart could return to New York and be with Jen, while his head could stay and do the job that he loved so much. However, there were also many good reasons for his head to be in New York too, and no reason for his heart to be in Capeside.

Honestly, the thought of getting out of Capeside filled him with relief. In New York he could become part of the crowd. He could blend in. In Capeside his every move was scrutinized. He would be relieved to never have to worry about bumping in to Doug again and force another awkward and unnecessary conversation. He would be able to forget the other the man existed, though he had not yet decided if that was what he wanted to do.

He just wanted to hold baby Joshua in his arms, and rock him to sleep. He looked forward to telling Jen to lie down and get some sleep while he changed diapers, and took care of her son. And while Joshua was never planned, or even expected in his wildest dreams, he was so grateful to this new bundle of life for helping him remember what it felt to love something so much that he would die for it. He had been reminded of how much he treasured Jen and Grams, and how much of a family they had become – even more so since moving to New York. He was not ready to give up any of that and move on.

In his mind he was still sixteen. He still needed Jen to talk everything through with. He still needed Grams to buy his ‘Jack milk’ and make him feel included as she had done the first time round. Deep down though he knew more that anything, he was not ready to lose the feeling that Jen needed him too. Because without that – jobless and boyfriendless, he knew that he had nothing else.

Again his mind slipped back to Doug. Suddenly realising that he too was in that situation. Totally alone, and isolated from anything that remotely resembled a companion outside of his family and work environment. His job was probably equally as important to him as the new baby was to Jack. Realising this saddened Jack deeply, regretting having pushed him away. And it had not just been since he came out. Jack knew that he had been keeping him at arms length since the very beginning. On their first meeting Jack had seen a highly attractive, intelligent and passionate man. This had intimidated him beyond words. Finding out that Doug was also an approachable and friendly person, Jack was weary immediately – knowing that it was not healthy to have these types of feelings about Pacey’s brother. No matter how innocent they may have been.

Pacey’s comment over coffee that morning came back to him. Maybe he had been right. Doug probably would appreciate a good bye, no matter how small and informal. He could swing by his house on his way. He would not have to stay long. He would not even need to go in. He could just say good bye, good luck, and then be on his way. It would be that simple. Or maybe he should go today just in case it looked to Doug that he had been an after thought. Or maybe that would be good – play it cool, like he did not care. Jack was confused. Why did he care so much anyway?

Climbing the stairs and walking into his room he dumped his armful of items that he had collected onto his bed. His mind was no longer on the packing, and he no longer cared if he accidently left a book or a CD, or his toothbrush behind once he had gone. There were more important issues. Like whether or not he would be returning to Capeside. Whether or not there was anyone to return for. Whether this job was the best offer he was going to get, and if so, whether that was a good enough reason to accept it. 

He knew that on some level that Jen was right. How long could he put off his life in order to live vicariously through her and her new baby? As James pointed out multiple times, it was not his baby, though he sincerely wished that it was. Knowing all of that did not make decisions any easier. He needed a couple of weeks of doting on Jen and Joshua - fetching anything she needed. He looked forward to being woken in the night by the sound of Joshua crying and changing diapers. Until he experienced all of that how could he know if he was willing to give that up? How could he know whether or not that was supposed to be his life or not? He knew deep down that Jen having children was the nearest things he would have to his own. And while he knew that would not mean him seeing them on a daily basis, and having a real hand in raising them, being ‘Cool Uncle Jack’ was something he could live with. He certainly did not want to live without it.

Then again, he did not go through his training and the last year working to throw in the towel when it came to teaching. He knew that if he went back to New York he would not have a job, and probably would not even start looking until the next academic year – or maybe not until he felt that Jen did not need him anymore. Whenever that would be.

“I need a sign,” he muttered to himself. It was level playing fields at the moment - Jen or his career. He needed something to swing the vote one way or another. Something to really catch his attention. Something that he could not walk away from. He closed his eyes for a moment as he sat on the edge of the bed, hoping that something would magically happen. Anything. A phone call saying Jen was in labour. News that George Clooney had moved to Capeside. As he opened his eyes again he knew he was grasping at straws but still hoped.

He was glad at least to have his packing to take his mind off of other issues, even if it was only momentarily. He was mostly done. He had collected his things together and thrown it all on his bed. It just needed to be stuffed into his bag and he would be ready to go in the morning. The only thing left was to clear out his car before the return journey. He was pretty sure there was still empty drink bottled and chip packets littering the passenger foot well. He did not want to start the long journey already in a mess.

He sighed as he pulled himself up from his seated position and headed back down the stairs to try and find the minimal cleaning products Pacey owned which he could use on his car. He entered the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboard under the sink.

“If you’re looking for cleaning products you may as well give up,” a male voice said.

Jack’s body jolted, startled. He spun around as he stood, almost falling in the process. “Doug.”

Doug stood in the doorway of the porch, not fully inside the building. “I didn’t mean to make you jump.”

“Its fine,” Jack replied, slightly embarrassed to be caught off guard.

“I heard you were leaving?” 

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Jack said still stood by the sink on the opposite side of the open-plan house. 

“Oh,” Doug responded nodding, also not moving.

“I was going to drop by and say bye, but I didn’t know if you were working and I thought that you probably wouldn’t want me coming into the station,” Jack rambled.

“I wouldn’t have minded.”

Jack did not know what to say and was becoming increasingly aware that neither of them had moved. “Do you want a drink? Coffee? Beer?”

“No, I’m good,” Doug replied awkwardly.

“Okay.”

The room again fell quiet. Doug looked at the man on the other side of the room, who seemed to be just as uncomfortable as he did. Taking a deep breath he took one further step into the house and let the door close behind him. He was sure that he saw Jack take a step back, flush against the counter, just to keep the distance between them. “I’m glad I caught you before you left.”

“Really? Why?”

“I didn’t want you going back to New York without attempting to fix whatever it was that happened between us.” Doug picked up more guts and moved further into the house, knowing Jack had nowhere else to back into. He stood by the couch, next to the coffee table – keeping a conservative distance. 

“Doug, we’re cool,” Jack replied, almost believing it himself. 

“We are?” Doug asked confused.

“Sure. Why not?” he laughed in spite of the situation. “Everything’s fine. Things got a little out of hand. I was stressed, and I did not act the way I wish I could have. I’m sorry.”

Doug looked confused, but relieved. “Okay. I wasn’t expecting that,” he said sitting down on the couch. “Not after last time.”

“I am glad you came by. I didn’t want to go back to New York with all of this on my mind.”

“I didn’t want to tell you the way I did.”

“I know,” Jack answered. “Looking back on the way I told people myself, I know things rarely work out the way you want them to.” Jack stepped away from the counter top that he was pressed against, but not daring to get too close. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t see past my own issues to at least be civil.”

Doug stared at the younger man in disbelief. He had been expecting to be turned away at the door. He had certainly not been expecting an apology. “Are you only saying all of this so you can leave Capeside with a clear conscience?”

Jack could not help but laugh. “I see you guys don’t leave your suspicion at the office.”

“I’m sorry,” Doug apologised. “You’ve thrown me a little,” he confessed. 

“I didn’t mean to do that either,” Jack smiled.

Seeing Jack’s smile, Doug’s suspicions melted away, and all he wanted to do was tell the other man that he did not want him to leave. That he wanted him to stay in Capeside. “I’m sorry too… for everything that happened.”

“I think we can call it even,” Jack replied, now moving over to sit in the chair opposite from Doug. “We can just forget about all of this now, right?”

Doug smiled his response. “So, will you be seeing Daniel when you get back?” As soon as he asked the question he wanted to take it back. He did not even want to know the answer.

Jack looked at him slightly surprised that he had mentioned the man that he had disliked so intensely on first meeting that he thought it necessary to punch. “I certainly don’t intend to,” he answered. 

“Avoidance is probably for the best,” Doug muttered.

“Yeah,” Jack responded. “Anyway, I may not even be in New York long enough to bump into him.”

“Really?” Doug asked.

“Yeah.” Jack hesitated before saying anything else, but after deciding that there was no harm in doing so, he began to talk again. “It’s not a sure thing – far from it in fact, but I have been offered a job at Capeside High.”

“That’s brilliant!” Doug said, a little too enthusiastically. 

“As I say,” Jack repeated, “It’s not a sure thing.”

“How so?”

“I haven’t accepted anything. I need to get back to New York and see Jen and the baby and see how things go.”

“That makes sense,” Doug said, slightly disappointed. “Good luck making your mind up.”

“Thanks. I’m going to need it.” Jack sighed. “I have no idea what I’m going to do, and the clock is very much ticking.”

“If you had to choose right now, what would you do?” Doug asked curiously. 

“I don’t know,” Jack answered on instinct. “I guess… I guess I would have to take the job. If I hated it I could always leave.”

“That’s very true,” Doug smiled.

“But then on the other hand,” Jack continued, “I could always come back for the job at a later date. The early years of Joshua’s life is something that I will never get back.”

“It’s not like he’s your son though,” Doug pointed out.

“So people keep saying,” Jack laughed. “But having been with Jen when she got the results of the pregnancy test, for the first scan, picking out toys and clothes, and being there when the baby’s father walked away… I don’t know. In a way I feel like Joshua is mine.”

“That’s a large obligation on the shoulders of someone who never asked to be a dad though, don’t you think?”

“Jen never asked to be a mom. But in a few days she will be. I’ve seen how this baby has totally changed her. Maybe I’m hoping he’s going to change me too.”

“From where I’m sitting,” Doug said, “you don’t need to do any changing.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jack said seriously. “I feel like I am waiting for something inside me to click. Do you know what I mean?”

“I’m not sure.”

“It sounds weird, but I feel like I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing. On the whole I am happy with my life. But I’m just waiting for something inside of me to realise that I’m doing okay.”

“I think I understand.”

The room plunged into a contemplative silence only interrupted by knocking at the same door that Doug had entered through.

Jack’s head jerked in the direction of the door to see Principal Morris stood on Pacey’s porch. He got up quickly and opened the door. “Come in,” he said, trying to be polite, but wondering why he had turned up here, and why it had to be while Doug was also visiting. 

“I won’t keep you long,” James said quickly. “Hello Sheriff,” he said in Doug’s direction.

“Hello,” Doug replied.

“Sorry for interrupting,” James apologised.

“It’s not a problem. Doug just came by looking for Pacey,” Jack lied.

“Of course. In fact it was Pacey who sent me here.” James lifted an envelope. “I wanted to give you this before you went back to New York.”

“What is it?” Jack asked, taking it from the other man.

“A copy of what would be your contract. I thought you might want to give it a read while you were away.”

“Thank you,” Jack said. “This still doesn’t mean I’m accepting the job.”

“I know,” James laughed, “but I have a feeling I’m getting closer to cracking you.”

“Maybe,” Jack replied.

“Anyway, I’m be off and leave you two alone,” James said opening the door. “And to think none of this would have been possible if it weren’t for Doug sending me in your direction.”

“Excuse me?” Jack asked confused, looking back and forth between the two men.

“Do you think I heard about a teacher working behind a bar out of thin air?” James asked. “Doug recommended you.”

“You did?” Jack asked, looking over to Doug, who was avoiding all eye contact.

“He’s being shy,” James smiled. “He obviously sees in you what I do. Anyway, I’ve got to get going.”

“Okay,” Jack said, trying to keep a smile on his face.

“Keep in touch, Jack.”

“I will.”

“Bye!” he called as he walked back along the porch and after a few seconds out of sight.

Jack turned immediately to Doug, anger now plastering his face. “Tell me that’s not true.”

Doug stood and attempted to walk closer to the other man, but his feet would not let him. “I can’t.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Why would I do what? Recommend a good teacher to someone looking for one?”

“You know nothing about my teaching abilities,” Jack replied sharply.

“Maybe not, but I have a fair idea about the sort of person you are, and if more teachers were people like you, then maybe the world would be a better place.”

“People like me?”

“Yes. People like you,” Doug said, raising his voice. “Passionate, caring, understanding, kind… the sort of person who would take on another man’s baby, not because he thinks he should, but because he wants to.”

“So why recommend me for a job that would keep me away from all of that?” Jack asked, also raising his voice merely because Doug had.

“I was sat at that boring meeting, discussing who could take the job and the whole time, the only person going through my head was you!”

“I wish you would stop meddling in my life! If you want to mess with someone then please stick with Pacey, because all you have done is made my life more difficult than it already was.”

“That was never my intention,” Doug replied.

“I can’t quite work out what your intentions could possibly have been.”

Doug stayed quite, not sure if Jack actually wanted an answer. “I should go,” he said, walking past the other man. He was quickly stopped though by Jack grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him back.

“I want to know what you thought you had to gain from recommending me for that job.”

They were stood mere inches apart – Jack’s hand still on his arm. Jack’s eyes bore into his own. “I don’t know,” he answered so quietly that he was not sure if Jack even heard.

“I don’t accept that,” Jack replied in an equally low voice.

“Maybe…” Doug started. “Maybe I wasn’t ready for you to leave.” His voice caught in his throat – shocked that he had said the words that he felt so intensely. 

“Why?” Jack whispered.

“I couldn’t let you go without apologising for everything.”

Jack shook his head. “You could have apologised at any time.”

Doug was unable to concentrate on the words, only on the shapes that Jack’s lips were making. The smell of menthol from his shampoo. 

“I don’t believe you,” Jack said softly, urging Doug to continue.

“I… I didn’t want you to leave with no reason to ever come back,” Doug replied, his eyes still shifting, taking in the close proximity of Jack’s face.

“Why?” Jack asked, his hand loosening his grip on Doug’s arm, but not enough to lose control.

“Jack, don’t do this,” Doug begged.

“Tell me why?” Jack said, ignoring the plea.

“I don’t know.” As he said the words he was sure he saw disappointment in Jack’s eyes.

“Fine,” Jack whispered, letting go of Doug’s arm altogether. “I’ll see you around, Doug,” he said, turning and beginning to walk away.

“Stop,” Doug called, this time grabbing Jack’s arm and pulling him back. Knowing he had no other words to keep Jack’s attention, he pulled him closer than before. Close enough to feel Jack’s sharp exhale of breath. Close enough to know that Jack’s knees were shaking- even more than his own. His body took over, putting his mind on a back burner. “This is why,” he whispered. Taking hold of Jack’s other arm; he pulled him closer until finally, after what felt like an eternity, their lips touched. Their eye lashes brushed, and hearts pounded together as Doug kissed Jack softly enough for the other man to pull away if he so desired, but deep enough to show him all the reasons, that he could not verbalise, why he did not want him to leave.

Doug’s shaking hands remained on Jack’s arms, attempting to keep him from running away. His mind whirled – having only imagined what it would be like to kiss Jack McPhee. This was it. Soft, masculine lips – strong against his. Kissing him back. Definitely kissing him back. Doug knew, without any doubt, that this was the best he had ever felt in his whole life.

Until suddenly he was no longer being kissed back. Jack’s lips were pulling away with the rest of his body. 

Breathless, and shocked, he stared back at Doug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t say that… please,” Doug whispered, immediately knowing that Jack was referring to this kiss and not the argument that came before it.

“I’m so sorry.”

Doug watched as Jack continued to step away, his face pale as a ghost. “Jack…”

“Good bye, Doug.”

“Good bye?” Doug questioned.

“I belong in New York. I should never have come here.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“I have to go,” he said, turning and walking away, back up the stairs to his packing. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, leaving Doug stood alone in the living room.

Doug watched as the other man disappeared along the landing. His breath caught and chest grew heavy. “Jack,” he whispered, hopelessly. “I’m not ready for you to go.”

**To Be Continued…**


	8. Sympathy Pains

Jen wriggled her way into a seated position in her bed, using one hand to fluff the pillows behind her back while using the other to hold the phone to her ear. “There’s no time difference between New York and Capeside, right?” she asked, yawning.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Pacey replied.

“So why are you phoning me at this ungodly hour?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Pacey, I’m fine. Apart from having a squatter inside me, who seems to be refusing to come out.” She rubbed her belly in an encouraging way – hoping that maybe it would convince the baby to make an appearance some time soon. “Is something going on your end?”

“I think the thing that’s been going on my end is currently on his way to your end.”

“Excuse me?” She asked confused, bitterly aware that if she were allowed her normal, pre-pregnancy, morning caffeine fix she would be able to understand Pacey a lot better.

“I got back from work last night to find a note from Jack.”

“A note?”

“Apparently he’s on his way back to New York.”

“What, he didn’t say good bye?”

“Nope,” Pacey replied. “And it seems like he left in a hurry – there are still some of his things in the bathroom. I don’t know what time he left but he wasn’t here when I got in from work.”

“I haven’t heard from him,” Jen said concerned.

“I just figured you’d gone into labour and he left in a hurry.”

“I wish,” Jen groaned. “I feel like I’m housing a small family!”

“Ever the drama queen.”

“Have you ever been pregnant, Pacey?”

“Can’t say I have, Jen, no,” he laughed.

“Then keep your drama queen jokes to yourself,” she warned. “At first I thought pregnancy was a beautiful and miraculous thing. Pacey, it’s not. It really, really is not!”

“It’s nearly over,” Pacey said sympathetically. “And then you’ll have your own bundle of puking, crying and peeing joy.”

“When you put it like that, Pacey, it’s a wonder anyone has sex!”

“Are you allowed to say the ‘S’ word in the ‘house of Grams’?”

“When you come back pregnant it is pretty hard to pretend that you have been abstaining. After that saying the word doesn’t seem like such a big deal,” she laughed.

“I guess you’re right.”

“Anyway, she’s been fantastic. I think she’s looking forward to becoming a Great-Grams as much as I am a mom. The disappointment only lasted the first trimester before she cracked and started getting excited. I’ve never seen her knitting needles move so fast.”

“I wish I could be there.”

“I’m glad you’re not,” Jen retorted. “I don’t want you teaching Joshua any bad habits until he is a lot older.”

“Oh come on. Give me a little credit.”

“Last time we were in Capeside you were teaching Alexander how to best hide whoopi cushions. I hate to say it, Pace, but you’re a bad influence.”

“Kids need to know these things,” he argued.

“I’ll remind you of that when you have kids.”

“I’m having trouble even getting the practice is at the moment, let alone actually having a baby.”

“Dry spell?”

“A total drought. It doesn’t help that the average age in Capeside is around one hundred,” he said sarcastically.”

“Poor Pacey.”

“I know. I was even starting to look at Jack and thinking he was a viable option,” he laughed.

“I don’t blame you. He is gorgeous,” she laughed too. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a little Witter action.”

“I don’t know what my brother would have to say about that,” Pacey said seriously.

“Care to expand on that?” Jen said, quickly stopping laughing.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Pacey quickly retracted.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you that it’s wrong to lie to pregnant ladies?”

“No. Never take sweets from strangers. Always look both ways before crossing the road. Don’t sleep with your English teacher,” Pacey listed. “I can’t say I’ve ever been good at abiding by rules.”

“Pacey – spill.”

“It’s nothing, really. I just think that the Sheriff of Capeside is a little smitten on a certain mutual friend of ours.”

“You’re kidding,” Jen said. “Jack never said anything.”

“He wouldn’t have. I think he’s totally oblivious still.”

“Of course he is; he’s Jack,” she sighed. “Will that boy ever learn?”

“It’s not his fault that he’s so irresistible,” Pacey laughed.

“It seems like there is some Witter/McPhee link. First you and Andie, then Doug and Jack.”

“Nothing’s going to happen there. Doug wouldn’t dare do or say anything. I think it’s just a little crush. Nothing to get excited about.”

“Shame,” Jen remarked. “Anything to get rid of the memories of Daniel.”

“But he seemed like such a nice guy,” Pacey joked.

“Sure, if by nice you mean passive aggressive, jealous and possessive.”

“What more could you want from a boyfriend?”

“I’m hardly one to talk though. Nine months pregnant and no man in sight.”

“None of that’s your fault, Jen.”

“I know,” she replied. “But that does not make it easier when I have to explain to Joshua who is daddy is and why he is never around.”

“That kid is going to know so much love that it won’t even cross him mind where his dad is.”

“If only that were true.”

“Just say that I’m the dad,” Pacey offered.

“That’s what Jack said,” she laughed. “I had no idea you guys were so eager to have a baby with me.”

“Any day.”

“Well on that note, I should probably try and call Jack and see where he is.”

“No point,” Pacey cut in. “His cell his been switched off since last night.”

“Oh,” Jen replied. “Do you think he’s okay?”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. But if I hear anything I’ll let you know.”

“Same this end,” Jen returned.

“Well, I’ll let you get on with whatever very pregnant women do.”

“Eat and pee.”

“Okay then. I will let you enjoy that.”

“Thanks, Pace.”

“Call me when you’ve had your litter.”

“Of course.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Pace.” Putting the phone down on her dresser, she tried to move into a more comfortable position.

Looking down at the swollen belly she could not help but smile. Nine months ago the thought of having baby scared her so much that she found it hard to tell anyone that she was expecting. Even so, she never once considered not having the baby – even if the father was a complete waste of space. Now, she loved to imagine her life with her baby. She knew she had so much to look forward to. Holding the baby for the first time, smelling its beautiful new born head. His first smile, first word, first steps.

She was going to be the sort of mom who spoke non-stop about how wonderful, beautiful and clever her baby was. She would push the pram around the park and let old ladies peer in and say how precious her baby looked. She would hold and kiss her baby and every day tell him how much she loved him. She would make sure that he knew how special he was every day of his life.

She would not moan about how exhausted she was, or demand someone else take the baby for a few hours so she could lie down. Every second had to count. She had decided that as soon as she stepped out of the doctor’s surgery a few days earlier. She knew that being referred to a specialist was never going to reveal good news, but she was hopeful that whatever would be found would be something that could be quickly fixed and she could devote all her attention to the baby that needed it.

“Good morning, Jennifer,” Grams greeted as she entered the room carrying a tray of breakfast. “I thought I heard you up.”

“Pacey called,” she replied, sitting up a little more so the tray could be placed on her lap. “Thank you.”

“You need to keep up your strength,” Grams said, walking over to the window to open the curtains and let some light in. “What did Pacey want at this time in the morning?”

“Apparently Jack is on his way back.”

“I know, dear,” Grams replied. 

“How do you know?”

“He’s already here. Fast asleep I assume.”

“And you didn’t think to come and tell me?”

“No, dear. You needed to sleep. He did come and check on you but he didn’t want to wake you.”

“Has he been back long?” she asked, taking a bite of toast.

“He got back in late last night after you went to bed.”

“How was he?”

“Fine,” Grams answered, sitting on the edge of her granddaughter’s bed. “Tired from the drive.”

“Did he say much?”

“Why do I get the feeling you know something that I don’t?”

Jen put down her Camomile tea. “I really hate this stuff.”

“Jennifer.”

“Okay. No, Grams, I don’t know anything. But Pacey said that Jack left Capeside in a bit of a hurry. I just wondered if he had said why.”

“Not to me. He seemed more concerned with making sure you were okay. I think he may actually be more prepared for the arrival of this baby than any of us,” she smiled.

“That’s probably because he doesn’t have giving birth to worry about.”

“You’ll be fine, Jennifer.”

“I’m still not convinced.”

“Well it’s too late to change anything,” Grams sympathised. “When you hold that baby in your arms for the first time, you will forget about the pain and the discomfort and it will all be worth while. I promise.”

“Anything to get rid of this bump,” Jen smiled finishing her breakfast.

“You’ll be back to normal soon enough. Perks of youth.”

“And having no time to eat.”

“Well I won’t be having any of that. You heard what the doctor said. You need to take care of yourself.”

“About that…” Jen started.

“I know,” Grams interrupted. “Not a word to Jack. Not that I agree.”

“It’s for the best right now.”

“I’m not happy about it, but I will do as you ask.”

“Thank you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack pulled his bed covers up around him – surrounding himself in the softness of his own bed for the first time in weeks. He was glad to be home. Away from Capeside and anything that forced him to think about things that happened there. His sleep had been plagued by dreams of the kiss from Doug – the feel of his lips, his hands on his arms. The taste of him stayed on his lips. The look on his face when he walked away burnt into his mind. He was not sure which one tortured him more.

Jack made a mental note to call Pacey and thank him for his hospitality. He regretted only leaving a note for his friend, but under the circumstances he felt like he had little choice. He did not want to risk going to restaurant and bumping into Doug, and he could not wait until Pacey got home to say good bye – knowing that he would have convinced him to stay one more night. Something he could not do.

Rolling over he finally opened his eyes.

“Good Morning,” Jen smiled.

Jack jumped, bolting up in bed. “Bloody hell, Jen, how long have you been there?”

“Only a few minutes.”

“Can I not get any privacy around here anymore?” he said in mock annoyance, patting the bed, indicting for her to sit down. “You look gorgeous.”

“I’m a whale,” she groaned.

“Prettiest whale I’ve ever seen,” he replied.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” she said, running her hand through his messy bed hair. “I’ve missed you,” she smiled, throwing her arms around him the best she could.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“So why the unannounced return?” she enquired.

“I told you I was coming back this week,” he said, fluffing up a pillow to put behind her.

“I know. I had expected a call to say you were on the road though.” 

“Maybe I wanted to surprise you,” he said, rubbing her tummy.

“I’ll accept that for now,” she smiled, “but only because I’m happy you’re back – for whatever reason.”

“You are the reason.”

“Why aren’t there straight boys like you?” she smiled.

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Jack started. “I think we should get married, raise this baby together in the suburbs. You can have boyfriends, I can have boyfriends. Grams can live next door. Perfect life.”

“Sounds wonderful, dear,” she replied taking hold of his hand. “But let’s rethink the suburbs.”

“Anything you like.”

“Capeside has made you soft,” Jen laughed. “You used to argue, not just give in.”

“I would never argue with a pregnant woman. Especially a caffeine deprived one.”

“At last – someone has learnt!”

“So what’s the plan for today?” Jack asked.

“I was thinking a lazy day. Pyjamas, a few movies, ice cream. It will probably be the last one for a while.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jack smiled, loving being back with Jen. “Shall I go to the store and get some supplies?”

“I thought you would never ask,” she joked.

“Any weird cravings I can cater to?”

“Chocolate ice cream,” Jen replied.

“That’s not weird.”

“And celery.”

“Okay, that’s weird,” he laughed. “But your wish is my command.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack wandered around the store, not really paying attention to where he was going. He figured he would just walk around until he found what he wanted. Jen had always said he was the worst grocery shopper, and he was now realising that she was right. His shopping list was very limited, but still after ten minutes in the store his basket was empty.

He was not in the mood to shop. He was barely in the mood to leave the house. He had thrown on an old pair of jeans and old baggy sweater that he used to wear when he went for a run in the winter. Having spent only a maximum of ten seconds on his hair he could not help but notice that he looked like all the new dads who had popped out for another pack of diapers – sleep deprived, ruffled, but glowing with pride. Though he knew he did not quite fit in that category, especially since the sleepless nights in a baby run house had not started yet, he felt close enough to it to show a little solidarity to the other shoppers.

Having walked the baby isle fifty times Jack finally found the vegetable section. He picked up two bunches of celery and placed it in the empty basket. Giving it a little more thought he picked up a third, just in case.

“When my wife was pregnant she couldn’t stop eating carrots. I was convinced the baby would come out orange,” a man next to him said. 

Jack could not help but laugh. “She’s beautiful,” Jack said, looking at a tiny baby dressed in pink, asleep in the pram.

“That’s because she’s asleep,” the man laughed. “You wouldn’t believe the lungs she has on her. Not so precious when she’s screaming at four in the morning.”

“I can’t wait for all that,” Jack said, keeping his eyes on the perfect bundle.

“When’s yours due?”

“Any day now,” Jack replied, not even correcting the man about the true father of Jen’s baby.

“Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

Jack smiled as the man walked away pushing the pram. In a few days that would be him.

The smiled stayed on his face as he continued around the store. He grabbed some popcorn, the tea that Grams had requested, and then headed for the freezer section.

He stood in front of the freezer, staring at all the different varieties of ice cream. Would Jen prefer chocolate, double chocolate chip, chocolate brownie, chocolate surprise… the list was endless. He had never noticed how many stupidly similar flavours of ice cream there was before.

Opening the freezer he randomly pulled out two different cartons. Looking down at them he could not make out any difference between them, other than that one was a dollar more expensive than the other. He continued to stare at them, hoping the answer as to which one to buy would become clear.

“You don’t like chocolate ice cream,” said a voice behind him.

“Huh?” he said instinctively, before even looking to see who it was, let alone wonder how they knew that he hated chocolate ice cream.

“I said, you don’t like chocolate ice cream,” Daniel repeated.

Jack stayed silent. He had not been expecting to bump into anyone, especially while contemplating such a difficult dilemma.

Daniel peered into his basket of groceries. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” was all Jack could say again.

“You’ve got some very odd things in your basket,” he said pointing. “I don’t think you could make anything with that combination.”

Jack finally snapped back into life. “Oh, yeah, it’s for Jen.”

“Ah, weird cravings?”

“You could say that. Unless you normally eat celery with chocolate ice cream.”

“Not everyday,” Daniel laughed.

Again silence fell between them. The two men stood a couple of metres apart, not moving an inch for what felt like an hour.

“So,” Daniel said, finally breaking the silence. “Have you back in New York long.”

Jack looked down at his watch. “About twelve hours.”

“Oh, not long then,” Daniel replied. “How was the drive?”

“Daniel, I don’t mean to be rude, but participating is small talk during a chance meeting with my ex in the ice cream section of a grocery store is just a little too much of a cliché for me to stomach right now.”

“Okay. I get that,” Daniel smiled. “How about over a coffee instead?”

“I wouldn’t want Jen’s ice cream to melt.”

“Fair enough,” Daniel nodded. “Well, maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Maybe,” Jack replied.

Daniel turned to walk away and suddenly changed his mind. “Actually, Jack,” he said quickly in case Jack too was walking away. “I just wanted to say sorry.”

“Sorry?” Jack asked, slightly surprised.

“I shouldn’t have come to Capeside. And I shouldn’t have said most of the things I said to you, and to your friend. I know there is nothing going on between you two – and even if there was it was none of my business. You had made your feelings very clear. I was just too stubborn to accept that I’d ruined things.”

Jack looked at him in disbelief.

“Anyway, um, send my love to Jen and the baby – she must be nearly due, right?”

“Any day.”

“Wow. Time flies,” he sighed. “Well, if you ever need time away from a screaming baby, or someone to have a coffee with sometime, you know where I am.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Okay,” Daniel nodded. “And I recommend that one,” he said, pointing to one of the tubs of ice cream.

“Thanks,” Jack said putting the other one back into the freezer.

“Bye,” Daniel said, again moving away.

“Bye.”

“You’re looking good by the way. Just to make things harder,” Daniel said, blushing a little.

Jack could not help but laugh a little. “Thanks.”

Shaking his head in disbelief he watched as Daniel walked away before swapping the ice cream that Daniel recommended for the one he had put back into the freezer. Remembering Jen sat at home waiting for him he headed to pay for his jumble of items.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“What took you so long?” Jen asked, sat in front of the TV, lying across the couch.

“Do you know how many different types of chocolate ice cream there are?”

“You know which ones are best,” Jen remarked.

“Not with celery I don’t,” he laughed, handing her the tub and a few stalks to celery.

“You can try if you want,” she smiled, handing the tub back in offering.

“No, that’s fine.” He walked to the other end of the couch and lifted her feet; taking a seat and resting them back down on his lap. “What are we watching?”

“Thought we could watch ‘Dreamgirls’ again – just to remind us of all the talent we don’t have.”

“You’ve made me watch that five times now,” Jack laughed.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

“Well, it not really my thing, regardless of how much you say it should be,” Jack argued.

“What did you say earlier about not going against the angry pregnant lady?”

Jack sighed. “I can’t wait for you to have this baby so you can stop playing that card.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll start using the ‘young single mother’ card instead,” she smiled as she took a bite of ice cream covered celery.

“That’s gross.”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“There is no nutritional value in that.”

“Who cares?” Jen said sticking her tongue out.

“So much for theories that women crave foods that contain nutrients than their bodies are lacking during pregnancy.”

“Jack,” Jen said, looking disapproving. “Have you been reading pregnancy books again?”

“So what if I have? I just want to know what’s going on.”

“Jack, I have no idea what’s going on and I’m just fine. As long as the doctors know what they’re doing, then I’m happy.”

A calm silence fell over the two friends as they both sat staring at a blank TV screen.

“I bumped into Daniel in the store,” Jack confessed.

“Please tell me that he’s not the reason you rushed back to New York,” Jen said quickly, attempting to sit upright, but failing.

“No! Not at all. It was complete coincidence.”

“Okay.”

“Why would I want to see him again?” Jack reasoned.

“Why did you want to see him to begin with?” she retorted.

“Come on, Jen, even you liked him at the beginning.”

“That was so long ago I can hardly remember,” she said stubbornly, unwilling to admit that Jack was right. There was indeed a time when she too found Daniel to be a very charming person. Then again, her instincts were not always perfect when meeting new people. Instead of allowing Jack a small victory she carried on munching on her ice cream celery stick. “Did he say anything?”

“Not much. Just general small talk”

“What did you say?”

“That I was not in the mood for trivialities.”

“Oh, I like that word,” Jen laughed. “What did he say to that?”

“He apologised.”

“He what?” she asked, choking on her food.

“I know,” Jack said, rubbing her feet. “He apologised for coming to Capeside, and for what he said to Doug. He even took responsibility for what happened with us.”

“Personal growth is a funny thing,” Jen remarked, rubbing her belly. “Ouch, I think I ate that too fast, I’ve got indigestion”

“Do you want some water?” Jack offered.

“No, I’ll be fine. It’ll pass,” she said, still rubbing her belly. “And whatever you do, do not tell Grams, she make me drink another damn herbal tea.”

Jack laughed his response. “Okay, I won’t say a word.”

“I’ve missed having you as my partner in crime.”

“I’ve missed helping you get into trouble.”

“So,” she sighed. “Are you going to put the DVD on or not?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time the credits rolled at the end of the film Jack was asleep on the end of the couch – Jen’s feet still rested on his lap.

“Poor boy looks exhausted,” Grams said getting up. “Would you like me to get a blanket for the two of you, Jennifer?”

Jen was too busy rubbing her tummy to notice that Grams was talking.

“I’ll go fetch one,” she said leaving the room.

Jen wriggled her feet in an attempt to wake Jack up. It did not work. This time she kicked them a little. Still nothing. “Jack,” she whispered sharply. “Jack!”

“Huh? What?” he said waking. “What’s up?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“You know the plan we came up with from when the baby’s coming?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember it?” she asked.

He laughed slightly. “Remember it? I came up with it.”

“Good,” Jen smiled. “So you remember where my bag is to take to the hospital?”

“In the cupboard in your room.”

“And you remember the music we chose?” 

“It should already be in the bag, unless you fiddled with anything while I was gone.”

“I haven’t touched a thing.”

“It’s in the bag then.”

“And you remember the route to the hospital?”

“Jen, don’t worry,” Jack soothed. “When the time comes I will be ready, day or night.”

“Good,” Jen smiled, looking noticeably more relieved.

“You have nothing to stress about.” Reaching out he took hold of her hand.

“Nothing at all,” Jen agreed. 

“Shall I put another movie on?” Jack asked, standing up.

“Best not,” Jen replied, taking a sharp breath.

“Why not? It’s still early.”

“Because I am pretty sure that this is my forth contraction in the last hour.”

“What?” Jack said shocked.

“I think it’s happening,” Jen said panicking.

“Are you sure?” Jack asked, kneeing down next to her.

“I think so,” Jen winced. “It hurts enough to be real.”

“Wow,” Jack grinned. “This is it?”

“Looks like it,” Jen said, trying to smile.

“Okay. It’s time.” Jack stood up. “You wait there. I’ll get Grams.”

“We still have loads of time. Don’t panic.” She was not sure if she was talking to Jack or reminding herself. 

**To Be Continued…**


	9. Baby Love

Jack was pretty sure that he could hear the cracking of bones as Jen squeezed his hand so hard that his fingers were turning blue. He did not care though. He had more important things to be thinking about. Such as reminding Jen of the breathing exercising they had learnt together, or dabbing her forehead with a damp flannel, or even trying to remember if the baby’s cot was ready for when they returned home.

“You’re doing well, mom,” the nurse smiled.

Jen glared at her – wondering how she had the audacity to smile while she was in so much pain. She had been dreading this moment for nine months. Even though she knew she just needed to get through the birth before being able to spend a life time of joy with her gorgeous little baby boy, she could not see past each second of pain. She was so grateful to have Jack by her side. He really was doing a great job – she had to remember to tell him that some time. Maybe once the bones of his fingers had re-set.

Then as quickly as it came, the pain began to dilute a little. She tried to catch her breath and regain a little calm. “What am I doing here?” she groaned to a pale-faced Jack.

“You’re doing great,” he smiled, swapping his hands over so she could squeeze the other one when the time came. “I am so proud of you.”

“You’re doing well too, Dad,” the nurse said smiling.

Jack and Jen looked at each other and laughed. “He’s not the dad,” Jen chuckled.

“Oh,” the nurse said, her face reddening. “I shouldn’t have been so presumptuous. Boyfriend?” she asked.

The two of them laughed again. “Try gay bestfriend.”

“Well I’m going to recommend every pregnant woman getting herself one of those,” the nurse laughed too. 

“I have finally found a use for him,” Jen smiled in Jack’s direction.

“Cheers, Jen,” he said sarcastically, kissing her damp forehead. 

The door of the room opened and in walked a tall, blonde doctor. “Good evening Miss Lindley,” he said reading her name off of her file. “How are you doing?”

“I’m not really sure what the answer is to that,” Jen replied. “But I suppose I am fine. I haven’t passed out in pain yet.”

“That’s good,” he smiled before turning to talk to the nurse.

Jen tried to listen to what they were saying but they had mastered the art of hushed speech very well. If he was going to bring up anything to do with her medical condition – even though very little was known – she did not want Jack present. Now was not the time to tell him that she was ill. She wanted to wait until she was undergoing treatment and on the road to recovery before letting on. That way he would not worry as much.

“It all looks like you’re doing well,” the doctor said turning back from the nurse. “Everything seems to be moving along nicely.”

“That’s great,” Jack smiled, giving Jen’s hand a squeeze in comfort.

“I would like just to do a few extra checks though just to be sure of everything.”

“Why?” Jack asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Jack,” Jen intercepted. “Why don’t you go check on Grams? She’s been sat alone for a little while.”

“No, Jen, it’s fine. You need me more.”

“Jack, honestly. It’s just first time mom checks. It’s all normal. I am fine. It would make me feel better if you checked on Grams.”

Jack looked back at her unsure. He was not happy about leaving, but he was willing to do whatever Jen needed. “If you’re sure?”

“I am sure,” she replied. “Quickly, before the pain comes back and I want to crush your fingers some more.”

“Okay,” he reluctantly replied, backing off towards the door, not taking his eyes off of her until he had to.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“How do you do it?” Jack asked slumping down into the seat next to Grams.

“How does who do what, my dear?” she asked, putting her knitting down on her lap and lifting her glasses.

“Women,” he answered. “Give birth,” he continued. “It’s like a form of torture.”

Grams simply smiled and took hold of his hand. “It’s a lot harder without someone in there who cares about you.”

“I really think you should be in there,” Jack said. “After all you have done this before. I am clueless.”

“Jen and I have discussed this on multiple occasions, as you know, and we both agreed that you were the best person to be in there.” She softly placed her hand on his shoulder. “You have always been there for Jennifer. I know she is safe in your hands.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “I don’t think I have ever been so scared.”

Grams couldn’t help but laugh. “If that little boy turns out to be anything like his mother, you will be scared far worse and far more often. Trust me on that.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

As they sat quietly for a few moments Grams refrained from picking up her knitting, knowing that there was more Jack wanted to ask.

“Do they normally do all these tests?” 

There is was. The beginning of the questions that would mean that she would have to start misleading the boy she loved like her own Grandson. “It is perfectly normal,” she responded.

“Really?”

“Oh yes, dear. She is a first time mom. They are doing all the usual things. It’s just to be sure.”

She saw the weight on his shoulders visibly lighten. “Okay.”

“Why don’t you get yourself a coffee? It could be a long night yet.”

“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” he said standing again. “Would you like one?”

Grams shook her head, no.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taking one sip of the hospital coffee was enough to make Jack realise he should not have bothered. Placing it down on the nearest surface he headed back towards Jen, hoping the doctors had finished whatever it had been that they were doing. Considering this made him walk slower, not wanting to interrupt. He loitered around the vending machine, looking at all the candy. Surely hospitals should be promoting more healthy food. Then again in moments of stress, sadness or celebration, sugar based snacks usually win out. He could kill for some peanut butter cups right now.

Next to the vending machine was a phone. A great way to waste a few minutes. Instead of putting the last of his change into the vending machine he opted for the phone. After dialling a familiar number he waited for an awesome.

“Hello, Pacey’s phone.”

Jack froze. If he had been able to regain movement in his arm he would have hung up. But he did not. “Oh, um… Doug?”

The line went quiet at the other end too.

“Is Pacey there?” Jack asked, not knowing what else to say. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. He wanted to apologise for being suck a jerk. He wanted to apologise for doing exactly what people had done to him in his past.

“Sure,” said the small voice before the line went quiet again.

Jack waited a few moments before hearing anything else.

“Jack, where the hell have you got to?” Pacey asked.

“I’m back in New York like I planned,” he answered, knowing that did not really answer what Pacey was really asking.

“I hadn’t realised you were in such a hurry.”

“Well it’s lucky I was. Jen’s in labour.”

“Wow,” Pacey said shocked. “I only spoke to her this morning. How is she doing?”

“Good, I think. I don’t really have anything to compare it to.”

“Well I’m glad you made it back in time.”

“Yeah, me too. She’s just with the doctors at the moment so I thought I should pass on the news.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Could you call the others and let them know?” Jack asked.

“You want me to call Miss Potter?”

“No, that’s okay, Pacey, I’ll do it. But you’ll have to come here and have your hand broken by Jen while she simultaneously verbally abuses you.”

“Um, I think I’ll pass. I’ll start the phone tree.”

“Thank you, Pacey.”

“Any time,” he replied. “But don’t think that the heat is off you for sneaking out of here. I want to know what’s going on.”

“Nothing is going on,” he protested. “And even if there were, now is not the time.”

“Fair enough,” Pacey agreed. “You get back to Jen and give her my love.”

“I will,”

“Run along.”

“Bye, Pace.” 

Before Jack could even put the phone down and take a deep breath he heard his name being called. As he turned he saw the nurse from before.

“You better get your butt back in here before your friend kills you. It’s all go!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey placed the phone down on the kitchen counter and picked up his wine. Checking that his staff were all okay he headed back out to the bar where he had been having a drink with his brother before he was called into the kitchen to fix a dilemma.

He sat back next to his brother in silence, only looking at him.

“What?” Doug asked, putting down his glass.

“Nothing,” Pacey replied. “I was just wondering how you managed to make this place feel so cold in mid-summer.”

“What are you talking about, Pacey?” he asked, already irritated. 

“Did you not want to talk to Jack?”

“He was calling for you.”

“And it would have killed you to make small talk while you walked the phone from here to the kitchen?”

“Of course not.”

“So my question still stands.”

“Stop being so obnoxious.”

“Have you two had a falling out?”

“We’re not in fourth grade, Pacey.”

“So what’s going on?”

“Pacey, nothing is going on,” Doug snapped. “You wanted me to not talk to him, and now that I didn’t, that’s not right either.”

“Whoa, I never asked you not to talk to him,” Pacey intercepted. “I have no problem with that at all. It was all of your craziness that seemed to come along with it that I had a problem with.”

“Do you realise how stupid this conversation is?” Doug asked. “He’s not even here. He’s in New York. He’s not coming back. So where’s the issue?”

“You tell me,” Pacey replied.

“I would really appreciate it if you would stop looking for things that aren’t there. Nothing is going on. We have not had an argument.”

“Okay. That’s fine. I am just trying to work out why he left here so quickly and why you have been in a fowl mood ever since.”

“Maybe the two things are in no way connected. Maybe you were annoying him as much as you’re annoying me right now.”

“Maybe,” Pacey conceded. “Maybe.”

“Look, Pacey, nothing is going on. You are not being kept in the dark. I just did not feel like striking up a conversation during the ten seconds it took to get the phone to you.”

“So nothing’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay. Just wanted to check.”

“Well you’ve checked. Drop it now.”

“Consider it dropped. I’ll never mention it again.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Push, Jen, Push,” shouted the nurse in encouragement.

“I can’t!” she screamed. “I can’t do it anymore!”

“Come on, Jen,” Jack encouraged, giving her hand a soft squeeze. “You’re nearly there.”

“A few more pushes, Jen. Nice big pushes,” the doctor joined in.

The room was buzzing. Jack could not help but notice that it was far from the quiet and tranquil environment in which you would want your baby to be introduced into the world. The harsh lights shone down on them. Medics crowded the bed. He felt ready to pass out – let alone Jen.

It had been three hours since he had called Pacey. He has spent that time convinced that he was merely moments away from meeting baby Joshua, and that Jen was moments away from some kind of relief. Still he felt this.

Jen was exhausted. The last thing her petite frame wanted to do was push again. She wanted to sleep for a few hours and maybe try again later if she felt up to it. But the baby was on his way and not taking no for an answer. It was a stark reminder that she was no longer in control. Joshua was in charge now and was making it perfectly clear to her before even his first breath.

“Jack, I can’t do this!” She stared up at him, face flushed and coated with beads of sweat.

He knew that he did not look much better, but was at least a lot more comfortable. “Jen,” he said softly, moving in closer to her. “You are doing so well. I am so proud of you. You can do this. You are stronger than you think. I see it, Grams sees it. We all do. You are going to be the best mom – you just need to give a few more pushes and it will all be over. I am going to be here the whole time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Taking a few deep breaths she nodded, allowing a couple of stray tears to roll down her face.

Jack wiped them away. “Jen Lindley doesn’t cry,” he smiled. “She kicks ass. Show them how it’s done.”

“Come on, Jen, you’re nearly there,” the nurse urged. “You need to sit up a little. It will make it a lot easier.”

Jen tried to lift herself but fell back in exhaustion. “I can’t.”

Without thinking, Jack helped her forward and climbed up onto the bed and dropped himself into the gap, letting Jen’s tired body fall back against his for more support. “Lean on me.”

A few of the nurses smiled to one another before focusing back to the job at hand. “Come on, Jen. Big push.”

“You can do it,” Jack whispered.

Grabbing both his hands at her sides she pushed so hard that she thought her whole body was going to break in half.

“That’s it, Jen. Come on.”

Letting out a scream to accompany her next push she became aware of an excited commotion coming from the nurses. 

“One more, mom. Just one more big one.”

“Come on, Jen,” Jack encouraged, supporting her in her final push.

The room seemed to fall silent. A couple of seconds went past as she saw the nurses scoop up a little bundle from between her legs. She could feel Jack’s heart beating against her back. It was only that that kept her focused – waiting for sound. For a cry.

When it finally came, mere moments later, Jen could have cried too. Jack grabbed her into his arms. 

“You did it,” he grinned. “You’re amazing.”

“Let me see him,” she whispered, unable to speak louder. “Let me see him.”

The nurse approached with a messy bundle of new born baby wrapped in pink. “Here you go mom. Meet your daughter.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack ran into the hallway so fast that he nearly fell.

“It’s a girl,” he shouted, almost twenty metres down the hallway from Grams. “It’s a little girl!”

Hearing the commotion Grams put her knitting down on the seat next to her and looked up to see where all the noise had been coming from. In the few hours that she had been sat there she had seen many happy dads coming out of rooms to celebrate with family. None however had sounded as excited as the current one.

“Jack?” she called realising that she recognised the man coming towards her.

Stopping mere inches from her, Jack tried to speak but he was too out of breath.

“Did you say a girl?”

He nodded frantically. 

Pulling him into an embrace she smiled. “God have mercy on us.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jen looked down at her brand new baby daughter and wondered how she had managed to make something so beautiful. Wrapped up in pink and fast asleep she was so tiny. All of a sudden the last nine months were a blur, and she could not remember how she got here. All she knew was that she did not want to be anywhere else. The shock of finding out she was pregnant, the awful reaction of the father, the decision to keep the baby, the pain of birth… it had all faded.

“Hey baby,” she whispered. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

She smiled to herself thinking of the name she had had planned for the little bundle. “I guess we should think up something a little more feminine. I’ll give it some thought.”

The smell of baby filled her nose and made her grin as she stroked the tiny cheek.

Jack opened the door, but stopped not wanting to interrupt the mother/daughter bonding.

“I’m going to take the best care of you,” Jen said quietly, having not seen Jack in the doorway. “I had some pretty sucky parents. I promise that I will be nothing like my own mother. I’m going to be here for you every day. No matter what.”

Jack smiled as he listened to Jen taking – waiting for the best moment to enter the room.

“I first have to apologise about your dad. For some reason he was not as excited about you as I was. I don’t know what is going to happen with him. Maybe he’ll send the odd birthday or Christmas card. Maybe he’ll turn up tomorrow and take one look at you and fall in love. But to be honest, baby, you’re better off without him. We both are.”

She softly kissed her daughter. “I don’t have much, but I will make sure that you have everything that you need. We’ve got some pretty awesome people around us. I know you will love them as much as they will love you.” She smiled sadly, “but at the end of the day it’s just you and me. That’s all we truly have. Just you and your mommy. I hope that’s okay for you.”

Jack wanted to tell them that that was not true – that he would always be there. That he would give up everything to make sure that they were both safe and happy. He wanted to tell them that his whole heart would always be wherever they were. But he could not. He knew that he could not be the person there to pick them up every time that they fell. To kiss their bruises better and make them laugh. As much as he wanted to be that little girl’s dad, he was not. He never would be. And leaving things behind by pretending that he ever could be was absurd. Even he knew that. He went to push the door open fully, but stopped. He felt as though if he walked into the room now, he would be closing the door on everything else – everything that Jen wanted for him. Everything that he wanted for himself, but was too scared to reach for.

“You are so beautiful,” Jen smiled. “I am already so proud of you.”

Jack gently closed the door so Jen would not hear and turned to leave, bumping straight into Grams.

“How are they doing?” she asked.

“Good. They’re good,” he said moving past her.

“Are you okay, dear?”

“Um, yeah. It’s just been a long day. That’s all,” he replied.

“Go home,” she said. “You’re looking pale. Get a good nights sleep. I’ll stay with Jen.”

“No, don’t be silly. You go home.”

Putting her hand on her shoulder she smiled kindly. “You look like you need it more than I do. You may as well take advantage of the last night of peace back home.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Come back in the morning and you can drive Jen and the baby back home.”

He smiled back at her. “Okay,” he replied, starting to walk away, feeling hollower than he ever remembered feeling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He had paced the same twenty metres for nearly fifteen minutes without making a decision. He knew he should just go home and get a good nights sleep, but all he would do is stare at his ceiling all night, unable to drift off. His mind was racing. He had never felt so much love for anyone or anything as he had when he first held Jen’s baby, but he was not the father. He was never going to be that person. He had visions of him staying in New York and raising the new baby, only to be left with nothing once Jen moved on – taking her daughter with her. Maybe it really was time to look after himself. The problem was he had no idea what it was that he wanted.

His body surged, and before his brain knew what he was doing he had climbed he concrete steps in front of him and had knocked on the door. He was still holding his breathe when the door opened.

“I was wondering when you were going to knock,” Daniel said, trying to hide a smile.

“Huh?” Jack asked, still not quite sure how he had come to be standing on that spot.

“I been watching you pace the street outside,” he confessed. “Are you okay?”

“She had a girl,” Jack said, face still looking pale and in complete shock.

“A girl? Who?” Daniel asked confused until it suddenly dawned on him. “Jen?”

“Yeah,” Jack replied faintly.

“You look like you need to sit down,” Daniel said concerned, opening the door wider so that Jack could enter.

“No,” Jack responded. “I should go home. I shouldn’t be here,” he said, not making an attempt to move.

“Why did you come then?”

Jack looked down at his feet for a moment, trying to think up an answer. “I guess I had no one else in New York to share the good news with.”

“How about someone in Capeside?” Daniel asked, a little bit more bitterly that he had intended.

Jack’s eyes bounced straight back to him, with the same annoyance that Daniel had been expecting. “I’m going,” he sighed, this time turning away, only to be pulled back. “Daniel, let go.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Daniel apologised. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I’m too tired for all your bullshit.”

“I’m sorry. Come in and I’ll open a bottle of wine to celebrate the new baby.”

Knowing that he did not want to go home, and had very little other choice he walked inside, not saying anything else.

“Red or white?” Daniel asked, closing the door behind him.

“I don’t want anything” Jack said stopping suddenly before reaching Daniel’s couch, causing the other man to almost walk into him.

“Nothing?” Daniel asked, not taking a step back. “Are you sure?” he asked, placing his hand on Jack’s arm.

“I’m sure,” Jack responded in a hushed voice.

“You don’t want anything?” Daniel asked again, still close.

“Don’t,” Jack said unconvincingly. “Even I know I look like crap right now.”

“No you don’t,” Daniel shook his head, moving his hand up to Jack’s cheek. “You look great.”

“What did I tell you about your bullshit?” Jack said almost too quiet to hear.

“Why are you really here, Jack?”

Before he could even find the words to respond he felt his body fall back against the couch behind him, followed swiftly by Daniel’s. Their lips flush against the others, kissing frantically.

“That’s nothing?” Daniel breathed in the short moment their lips parted.

“Stop talking.”

**To Be Continued…**


	10. Falling Back

Jack realised in the first few seconds of consciousness that he was not in his own bed. As familiar as it felt it was not quite right. The faint smell of coffee was present in the distance. Small rays of sunlight shone through the crack in the drapes. Bed sheets were strewn, barely covering his body. His knew all of this before opening his eyes. Not because he was ultra aware, but because it was how he always remembered it from before.

The pattern of footsteps around the apartment was also familiar. Daniel would have put a pot of coffee on to brew before stepping outside to check of the newspaper. He would then gather together the wine glasses that had been left from the night before, as well as the empty bottle and take them over to the sink where he would leave them until later. He would check his pot plant that was on the window ledge to see if it needed water, and if so would give it a couple of seconds under the tap. Today it was okay. He would then get two mugs from the cupboard, pour milk from the fridge into only one, and then fill them with coffee from the steaming pot – whistling the whole time.

Jack could have almost have counted the seconds it would take for Daniel to reappear in the doorway. He had considered getting up and throwing his clothes on – attempting to sneak out. But he knew the floor plan of Daniel’s apartment too well, and therefore knew that he would be seen or heard almost instantly. A mug of coffee was placed down next to his side of the bed before the footsteps went round the other side. Coffee was placed down on the cabinet on the other side before Daniel climbed back into bed.

“I know you’re awake,” Daniel said softly.

“I know you know,” Jack groaned remaining completely still.

“Your coffee will go cold.”

Giving up the pretences he finally opened his eyes. “What time is it?”

“9:30,” Daniel replied.

“I should get back to the hospital,” Jack said, attempting to climb out of bed, only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“At least drink your coffee.”

Knowing the was no point in arguing, he sat back in bed and picked up the mug that Daniel had earlier placed next to him. Finding it was too hot to drink, he awkwardly sat in silence.

“You like him,” Daniel said randomly.

“Excuse me,” Jack responded, really wishing he had clothes on.

Daniel laughed to himself, seeing Jack so uncomfortable. “I have known you less than a year and I still know you better than you know yourself.”

“I think that’s a slight exaggeration,” Jack snickered, not in the mood to be having this kind of conversation with Daniel.

“The day I first kissed you – last October, what did you do?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where did you go that night, Jack?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jack said getting flustered, putting the coffee down and climbing out of bed. “I don’t have to time to be doing this right now.” He grabbed his underwear from the floor and began to get dressed.

“I know you went back to him,” Daniel said bluntly.

Jack stopped in his tracks and looked back at Daniel but said nothing.

“You thought I didn’t know?” Daniel laughed bitterly.

“It was only that one time. Never when we were together,” Jack said softly, sitting back down on the bed, now half dressed.

“I know,” Daniel admitted. “I knew it was what you needed to do to stop you freaking out. I made it clear that I liked you. I knew you liked me. But still you went back to your ex for one last night just to be sure. Then if on cue, here you are.”

“You’re putting two and two together and getting five,” Jack said shaking his head.

“Am I really?” Daniel asked. “Because when I saw you in Capeside you made it pretty clear you did not want to see me again. So I am wondering what happened between then and now.”

“Nothing happened,” Jack protested.

Daniel could not help but smile. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I know we’re over. Last night was great, but I’m not delusional enough to think that it meant anything. I just don’t want to see you do the same thing again and say nothing.”

“Do the same thing again?” Jack asked. “I’m pretty sure your actions finished our relationship.”

“You’re mostly right,” Daniel agreed.

“Mostly?” Jack questioned. 

“Jack, you were pulling back long before I ever messed things up. If you can’t see that then you’re in a worse situation that I thought.”

“Nice to know that you were psycho-analysing me the whole time.”

“Face it, Jack, you don’t do well in relationships. As soon as you get into one you’re looking for the fastest route out.”

“I resent that,” Jack said standing again, collecting the rest of his clothes. “Maybe my problem is that people I like turn out to be assholes.”

“Maybe. But I don’t think even you buy that,” Daniel said caringly. 

“I’m going,” Jack muttered, heading for the door.

“Jack,” Daniel called after him, causing him to look back round at him. “He seems like a really good guy. He definitely likes you. I had a black eye to prove it.” 

“Good bye, Daniel.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jen sat back in her hospital bed admiring her new baby daughter asleep in the cot next to her. Having had some breakfast a long soak in the shower she was feeling a lot better. The doctor had called by first things and had given her the all clear to go home, but it was touch and go considering all the tests he had wanted to perform on her. Somehow she had managed to convince him to let her go home and continue with her current medication. Seeing as she was not going to back down he had to give in.

“When are you going to tell Jack?” Grams asked, re-packing her bag.

“Later,” Jen responded, not taking her eyes off of her daughter. “I am going to tell him Grams. I promise.”

“I am glad,” she smiled. “He deserves to know.”

“I know. I just did not want to tell him until I knew he was staying in New York. I don’t want him passing up a good job offer because of me.”

“I understand, dear. But now he’s back he needs to know.”

“Message received, Grams.”

“And I’m not sure that I agree with you being discharged today.”

“I am in good hands,” Jen smiled, finally looking away from her baby.

“That you are, Dear, but there are things beyond even my capabilities.”

“Rubbish,” Jen laughed. “How about this,” Jen offered in a more serious tone. “If you think I have to come back here you just have to say the word and I’m straight in.”

“I think I can live with that,” Grams confirmed, smiling.

“Sorry I’m late,” Jack said, bursting through the door.

“Morning,” Jen smiled.

He went over to her and kissed her on the cheek. “How are you feeling this morning?” he asked, before also greeting Grams in the same way.

“Sore,” she responded.

Screwing up his face, he laughed, “Some things I don’t need to know.”

“How are you? You seem flustered,” she laughed back.

“I’m fine. Traffic was horrible, and I wanted to park as close as possible for…” he hesitated. “Does she have a name yet?”

“Kind of,” Jen smiled.

“Really?” Grams asked intrigued.

“I have spent most of the night thinking about it,” Jen confessed. “I really wanted to use ‘Evelyn’ but I’m not sure how that would go down for her generation.”

“There really is no need,” Grams beamed.

“Well the whole time I was thinking one name kept popping into my head.”

“Which is?” Jack asked impatiently. 

“Amy.”

Grams and Jack look at each other, before looking down at the new little girl in their lives. “I like it,” they both said together.

“And while Amy Evelyn Lindley doesn’t quite have the ring I was looking for, I think that Amy Eve does.”

“Amy Eve Lindley,” Jack smiled. “Beautiful.”

The three stayed in silence for a few moments just looking at the newly named baby.

“Anyway, Mr Driver,” Jen said to Jack. “Did you not think it appropriate to shower and change before coming to collect the women in your life? Or are you just trying to make me look good in comparison.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said looking down at his clothes. “I never even made it to bed. I crashed out on the couch,” he lied. “By the time I woke up I didn’t have time before coming to get you.”

“That’s okay, dear,” Grams smiled. “You can’t have got much sleep though, you look exhausted.”

“I’m okay,” Jack assured.

Jen looked at him unconvinced by the whole story. “What route did you drive to the hospital?” she asked.

Jack looked at her suspiciously. “The same as yesterday.”

“You didn’t go anywhere else first?”

“I got up this morning and came straight here,” he answered, not technically lying.

“That answers my question just fine,” Jen snickered.

“What are you two talking about?” Grams asked, having been paying more attention to her great granddaughter that to their conversation.

“Nothing, Grams.”

“Well are we ready to get this beautiful bundle of joy home?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack had barely had time to lie back on his bed before there was a knock at the door. He did not say a word, knowing full well that only Jen would be harassing him so soon after returning home, and she would enter regardless.

He closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable, determined to enjoy at least a couple of seconds of peace before a Jen Lindley interrogation.

“How’s Daniel?” asked Jen, walking in to his room as he had expected.

“Shouldn’t you be busy with a baby?” Jack asked back.

“You’d think so,” Jen replied. “She’s asleep. Grams is with her.” Gently sitting down next to him on the bed she took hold of his hand. “You were amazing last night.”

“It was you who did all the hard work,” he smiled, opening his eyes and looking up at the ceiling.

“You kept me going.” She gave his hand a squeeze.

“That actually hurts a little,” he joked, remembering the pain of the night before.

“Why do you do it to yourself, huh?” she asked softly.

“Do what?” he asked confused, finally sitting up to face her.

“Go back to those jerks that treat you like crap.”

“I didn’t go back to anyone,” he protested.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” she said, curling up next to him. “I’m just worried about you.”

“You have far more important things to be worrying about,” Jack said. “And anyway, I’m absolutely fine.”

“I will never stop worrying about you just because Amy is here. If anything she gives me more reason to worry about you.”

“How do you figure that one?”

“If anything were to happen to me I need you to be here for her.”

“Do you plan on something happening to you?” Jack asked concerned. “Because those doctors were doing lots of tests.”

Jen knew this was the time to tell him. She knew that he had every right to know, and he would want to know. However, she also knew there was more going on in his life than he was letting on. That is why she chose of lie. “Of course not. But if I turn out to be as sucky at mothering as my mother then I need someone to ship Amy off to.”

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I don’t even know where to begin,” Jack smiled. 

“I’m sorry, Jack,” Jen said sincerely.

“Don’t be silly. What have you got to be sorry for?”

“I’m your best friend and I should be there for you more than I am. You’re back in New York probably with loads to tell me about Capeside and I never really asked.”

“Jen, don’t be so silly,” Jack said seriously, taking hold of her shoulders softly. “You went into labour.”

“Okay, so it couldn’t really be avoided,” she laughed. “But I’m here now.”

“I don’t really know what you’re expecting me to say,” Jack confessed.

“What made you come running back here?” she asked flatly.

“Jen, how many times do I have to have this conversation with people? I came back to be with you.”

“But you’re going back to take the job?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Jen, I don’t know if you’ve hit your head or something, or maybe stress has made you lose your memory, but last night you had a baby. Do you remember that?”

“Acutely,” she responded. “And you went back and slept with your ex.”

“And so what if I did?” Jack asked, getting up from the bed. “We’re both single. It’s not against the law.”

“Have you met someone else?” she asked flatly.

Having previously been pacing the floor Jack stopped and looked at her. “In Capeside?”

“I wasn’t going to be specific, but as you seem to be one step ahead of me, yes, in Capeside.”

“What do you think? Capeside, gay population of one remember?”

“Two when you go back,” Jen said emotionlessly. 

Jack just looked at her, not knowing what to say.

“You have been offered a great job, actually involving the type of teaching that is important to you. And I accept that the thought of being away from me and Amy is tearing you apart, but you are not her father. You do not have to stick around.”

“What if I want to?”

“Then I won’t stop you.” She shuffled over to the edge of the bed and hung her legs over. “But if you are going to use Amy as a shield against the real world then that’s not fair… on any of us.”

“I have only known her to less than a day but I already love her so much that it hurts,” he said softly.

“And that won’t change if you lived in Capeside. Can you imagine how much fun she would have visiting you there? Playing down by the creek, seeing where we grew up.”

“I have nothing there for me,” he tried to justify. “I could easily find a job here. I’ll go back to my old school if I have to.”

“Working with Daniel again? I don’t think so.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad.”

“I don’t want to see you miserable.”

“I’m not miserable.”

“If you say so.”

“Jen,” Jack said, not really knowing what he wanted to say next. “Today is supposed to be a really happy day. Why are you doing this?

“Because Jack, I do not want to be sat here in ten years time, watching Amy blowing out the candles of her birthday cake, and the whole time I know that you have been putting your life on hold for us – going with random men that are no good for you because ten years before you made the decision not to take this job all because you were running away from a man who could have been perfect for you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack lied.

“Pacey told me that Doug’s like you. He just hasn’t worked out that you like Doug too.”

“Jeez, Jen, thank you for letting me know how I feel.”

“He kissed you, didn’t he?” she asked.

Jack said nothing. He had no energy left to protest.

“That’s why you left Capeside so quickly.”

“And so what if he did. It doesn’t mean I like him.”

Jen smiled to herself, impressed at how on the mark she was. She had been concerned that maybe pregnancy had thrown her off.

“If you did not like him you wouldn’t have gone back to Daniel last night. Such a typical Jack move.”

“I don’t date men who are in the closet,” Jack answered bluntly.

“Not even if they are in uniform and carry a gun? You don’t find that even in the slightest bit sexy?”

Jack could not help but laugh. “Maybe you should date him.”

“If I thought he’d have me I probably would.”

“Jen, this is a pointless conversation. I am not going to date Doug. And even if I wanted to I have already blown my chances by running out on him.”

“No chance has ever really been blown. Anything can be fixed if you want it badly enough.”

“Jen there is no difference between gambling things and staying here with you and Amy, and risking everything by moving to Capeside for a job that I may hate and a man who may hate me.”

“At least of you go to Capeside and change your mind it will never be too late for you to come back to us. That can’t be said for the other.”

“You and Amy are going to be the closest thing I will ever have to a family. I know I am not her dad, but I wish that I was with every piece of my heart.”

“I wish you were too. And in a perfect world we could get married, never need anything else and raise our little girl. But that’s not this world,” Jen smiled softly. “You being in Capeside and me in New York will not stop her growing to love you as much as she would if you were here.”

“Come to Capeside with me.” Jack said. “I’m being serious. Why stay here?”

“Jack,” Jen sighed. “Capeside is not the place for a single mother, you know that.”

“Come on, Jen. Gay man, single mother. Let’s shock the town one last time.”

“It’s not the right time for me. Maybe one day, who knows.”

A tear coming to his eye, his voice choked in his throat. “How can I walk away from a life here looking for another one? You and Amy are all I want.”

“That’s because you’re not allowing yourself to see the other possibilities open to you.”

“Are you telling me to go?”

“I’m telling you to put yourself first.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hey beautiful,” Jack whispered, looking down at the baby girl in his arms. She lay absolutely still, lost in sleep, wrapped up like a precious gift. “You’re going to be dangerous when you realise how cute you are,” he smiled.

“That’s usually the down fall of most teenagers,” said a voice behind him.

He looked around to see Grams stood in the doorway.

“Are you okay with her?” she asked.

“Are you kidding?” Jack smiled. “She’s perfect. I could sit here all day.”

“Don’t tell Jennifer that,” Grams said, sitting down in a chair near him. “She’ll make you do it.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” he said, still smiling looking at Amy.

After a few moments of quiet, Grams finally spoke. “Jennifer tells me that you will be returning to Capeside.”

“Did she now,” Jack said getting up and walking over to Amy’s crib. Kissing her gently on her forehead he leant down and placed her down. He looked at her a few more seconds before returning to his chair. “Would have been nice for her to have let me make up my mind first.”

“I remember the day you first came to live with us,” Grams said with a smile. “You and Jennifer were just children, but you acted so grown up.”

“I guess we did,” Jack agreed.

“From that very day I would pray every night for your father to see in you what I saw,” Grams admitted. “And after he refused to have you move back home, I used to pray every night for the strength to keep praying for you.”

Jack said nothing, keeping his eyes on Amy.

“I never stopped.”

“That’s very kind of you, but…”

Grams intercepted. “It is what families do.” Leaning over she placed her hand on top of his. “Jennifer and I will always be your family. That includes Amy now too. That will not change if you live in New York, Capeside, or Timbuktu.”

“I know that.”

“I’m glad,” Grams smiled softly as she stood from the chair. “When you love someone so unconditionally, all you can ever want from them is to be happy. If there is something or someone in Capeside who will make you happy, the choice is simple.”

Grams left the room quietly as not to disturb the sleeping baby.

Jack remained in the chair looking over at Amy. He found it hard to think about what he wanted from his life, especially when faced with such a precious gift, but when he thought about Amy’s life he knew what he wanted for her. He wanted her to be happy and to live life to the full. He did not want her to be a follower or always take the easy route. If she ever came to him with the same problem he was faced with now he knew that he would be telling her to do exactly what Jen and Grams were telling him to do.

Taking a deep breath Jack pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialled a number quickly before he changed his mind.

“Hi, James, it’s Jack McPhee,” he said. “Tell me more about this job.”

**To Be Continued…**


	11. Homeward Bound

For the second time in as many months Jack found himself driving down the twisty and secluded roads that lead into Capeside. He was trying not to think about whether the road he was taking was the right one or whether he should have made a u-turn the very second that doubt had filled his mind - hundreds of miles ago as he had left New York. It had been two weeks since Jen had convinced him to take the job in Capeside. Only two weeks since the birth of his goddaughter.

The conversation with James had gone pretty smoothly. He said he had been expecting Jack’s call, but Jack had heard a real sense of relief in his voice, as though he had almost given up hope. Jack could hardly believe that in one week he would be starting work in the school that he had spent so many years looking forward to leaving for good. In Mr Peterson’s English room of all rooms. If fate existed it was really having a laugh at Jack’s expense. He fought to stay positive – knowing that the Lindey wisdom was only at the end of a phone line.

He had been so busy preparing for the move and spending time with Amy that he had not had a chance to even think about seeing Doug again. Or so he had told Jen anyway. Really he had been thinking of very little else. He had considered playing it cool – acting as though nothing had happened at all, and try and make it like it was the first time they had met. Unfortunately Jack knew that this would only work if Doug was playing the same game. Not something that he could safely rely upon. His next thought was to apologise, but that was not something that he had ever been particularly good at. That idea was quickly pushed aside. After all Doug may well be playing the first game and all that would happen is that Jack would cause a horribly embarrassing situation for both of them. His conclusion was that over analysing and second guessing was not going to get him anywhere.

“Are you nearly there?” asked Jen over the hands-free unit – her voice echoing around the car.

“Very nearly,” Jack responded. “He we go, ‘welcome to Capeside’” he read from a sign on the roadside. “Another fifteen minutes and I’ll be at Pacey’s.”

“Are you excited?”

“Excited?” Jack asked. “Living with Pacey is not something to be excited about.”

“I was thinking more about the new job,” Jen added.

“More nervous than excited,” he said pulling round the bend.

“You’ll be fine and you know it,” she reassured. 

Before Jack could respond blue and red flashing lights became visible in his mirror. “Shit.”

“What’s up?” Jen asked.

“I’m being pulled over,” he said keeping an eye on his mirror.

“Were you speeding?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He pulled off of the road to the verge. “I’m going to have to go, Jen. Talk to you later.” Disconnecting the call he reached over to the glove compartment to get his papers. It was only then that he realised where he was and who the officer in the car pulling up behind him could be. He froze, panicking – no idea what he should say if it was in fact Doug. Steadying his breathing he kept his eyes on the mirror trying to see who it was. There was every chance that it was another Capeside officer. The door to the cop car opened and out stepped the one man that Jack was not ready to see.

“Of course it’s Doug,” he muttered under his breath. “Shit.”

The time it took for Doug to approach the car felt like a lifetime. He rolled down his window and waiting for Doug to see him.

“Licence and registration,” Doug said before looking to see who the driver was. Once he had, his startled face faded to as pale as Jack’s had.

“Hi,” Jack said softly, not quite achieving eye contact.

There was a moment or two of silence as Doug tried to get over his shock. Pacey had not told him that Jack was returning to Capeside. He blinked a few times, thinking maybe he was imagining the man sat before him.

“Licence and registration,” he repeated.

“What?” Jack asked, slightly shocked by the cold demeanour of the sheriff. 

“Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?” Doug asked, upholding his best authoritative voice. 

“No idea,” Jack replied, starting to lose patience. 

“Maybe more of your attention should have been on the road,” Doug chastised. 

“Thank you for your concern, Sheriff,” Jack replied sarcastically. 

“Licence and registration please,” Doug retorted.

“Are you being serious?”

“Do not make me ask again, Mr. McPhee.”

Not saying another word Jack handed Doug what he had asked for, staring harshly at him the whole time, even while the sheriff had his head dipped to pretend to be reading the licence, instead of just looking at the picture.

Doug was kicking himself for taking the bad cop approach, but it was too late now. The shock of seeing Jack again – especially while on duty, had thrown a switch inside of him. He had often thought about how he would react to seeing Jack again – sure that it would happen at some point. He had decided that he would play it cool, as though nothing had happened, and wait and see what Jack was going to do. Somehow that idea died the every second Jack had greeted him. Now there was no going back.

“I’m going to be issuing you a ticket,” Doug said, still looking at the licence.

“A ticket?” Jack laughed, really hoping he was joking.

“I don’t consider speeding a joke,” Doug said flatly.

“I was barely speeding. Come on,” he protested.

“I thought you did not know how fast you were going?” Doug asked, really wishing he would just shut up.

“I think I would know if I was going fast enough to get ticketed.”

“It would seem not,” Doug replied. “Please remain in your vehicle while I process the ticket.”

Watching as Doug turned back to his own car, Jack was too annoyed to see that Doug was hanging his head as he walked. Opening his door Jack climbed out of the car.

“I asked you to remain in your vehicle,” Doug said turning back round.

“What he hell is going on?” Jack asked approaching him. “Is this really about speeding?”

“Of course,” Doug replied. “What else would it be about?”

Jack looked him in the eyes, feeling as though he was being dared to say the words. Jack sighed and backed away. “I don’t need to say it. You know full well what I’m talking about.” Walking back to his car he climbed back in, slamming the door behind him. “Thanks for the friendly welcome to Capeside.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Looking up from the bar where he was stood having a cup of coffee after the morning rush, Pacey smiled as he saw his friend enter the restaurant. It was not until he was a little closer that he could tell that things were not all well with him.

“Everything okay?” he smiled as Jack approached.

Slamming a piece of paper down on the bar Jack began to rant. “You’re brother is off his head! Did you know that? He is absolutely crazy!”

“Whoa, calm down,” he laughed, having not seen his friend so annoyed. “What’s wrong?”

Too angry to talk Jack slid the piece of paper over to his friend.

“Speeding ticket. Tut tut, Jackers.” Pacey continued reading the ticket. “Who gave you this?”

“Who do you think?” Jack asked. “Sheriff Witter.”

“Dougie?” Pacey asked. “No, that can’t be right. He would have just given you a slap on the wrist.”

“Well maybe it was a different anal-retentive sheriff that pulled me over.” Jack sat down at the bar and put his head in his hands. “Is it too early to drink?”

“Well it’s only 11:30,” Pacey responded, pouring his friend a cup of coffee.

Jack just looked at the cup. “Is that a yes then?” Giving in easily he picked up the coffee. “I wish I could say that it’s nice to be back.”

“Don’t let Dougie’s bad mood rub off on you. I need you in a good mood to tell me all about Amy.” Pacey watched as the smiled returned to Jack’s face. “There you go.”

“She’s amazing, Pacey. Stunning. Truly incredible.”

“Jen told me you were smitten.”

“When did you talk to Jen?” Jack asked, concerned she may have mentioned something about Doug.

“While you were on the road,” Pacey answered. “She told me to expect you later than you said because she could not tear you away from Amy last night.”

Jack smiled at the truth. “Pacey, she makes these amazingly cute little noises when she’s asleep. And she smells like heaven.”

“Jackers, are you in love with a girl?” Pacey joked, pouring himself another coffee.

“You have to see her, Pace. She will blow your mind.”

“So when is Jen planning a little trip to Capeside?” Pacey asked while wiping down the counter top. 

“Probably not for a while. Hopefully it will be a Capeside Christmas.”

“Jackers, look outside at that beautiful sunshine. There is no place for talk of Christmas.”

“You know us teachers – always looking forward to the next holiday.”

“Speaking of which,” Pacey said as he came round to the front of the bar and sat on a stall next to Jack. “Are you ready for your return to Capeside High?”

“I have no idea,” Jack laughed. “But I have a week to work that out.”

“I still can’t believe you’re back here,” Pacey said honestly. “Are no kids in New York?”

“Of course there are,” Jack replied, giving his friend an odd look.

“I’m just trying to work out what Capeside has that New York doesn’t.”

“Right now?” Jack said. “The need for an unemployed English teacher.”

“Nothing else?” Pacey questioned, not entirely convinced.

“No, I guess not,” Jack said seriously. “There is you too.”

“Oh, come on, Jackers. Some things go without saying,” Pacey laughed.

“I guess I was just ready for a change. Jen has Amy now; my old school has Daniel – who I really do not want to see again; and New York teens have just a little more attitude than I like,” Jack said frankly. 

“You make it all sound so simple.”

“It’s anything but simple,” Jack sighed.

“Indeed it is,” Pacey muttered as he caught sight of his brother over Jack’s shoulder as he entered the restaurant. “Don’t look now, Jack,” Pacey sighed, “but your favourite Sheriff just walked in.”

Glancing over his shoulder Jack spotted him too. “Well then,” he said putting down his coffee, “that’s my cue to leave.”

“You don’t have to,” Pacey insisted.

“It’s fine. I’m shattered from the drive and just want to unpack and take a nap.”

“Okay, fair enough. The key is in the usual place.”

“Thanks, he said and he stood and turned to leave, almost walking straight into Doug. “See you later, Pacey,” he said ignoring the other man.

“Yeah, later,” he called after Jack as Doug took the seat previously used by the other man. “Way to clear a room, Doug.”

“Excuse me?” Doug asked, pretending not to be bothered by Jack’s leaving.

“A speeding ticket? Seriously, Doug?”

“What? He was speeding,” Doug replied flatly, avoiding eye contact with his brother.

“Not exactly a nice welcome back, is it?” Pacey said disapprovingly.

“He was speeding,” Doug repeated.

“Yeah, so you said,” Pacey said standing and going back behind the bar, where he had been when Jack had entered.

“What would you have me do instead?”

“Turn a blind eye, or give you speeding lecture that you love so much, like you do for everyone else who is marginally speeding on those incredibly disserted roads.”

“And that’s what you would do?” Doug asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I would have welcomed him back to Capeside and asked how the baby was. I would have acted like someone who actually has a heart.”

“I have a heart!” Doug objected loudly. “I just know when not to let it get in the way of work. That is why I am Sheriff of this town while you just serve it coffee – and even then only because I gave you the money to do so.”

Pacey just looked at his brother, trying hard not to lose his temper. Picking up a bar towel he wiped down the wooden surface, having tidied away his and Jack’s coffee cups. “I don’t know what’s got into you lately, Doug. But whatever it is, it’s not nice. If you really think you are keeping your heart out of it then you need to take another look at yourself. I know what’s going on Doug. The best you can hope for right now is for Jack to be your friend, and even that is pushing it after the way you were this morning.”

“You know nothing, Pacey.”

“I know how to make a good cup of coffee, and that seems to be doing me just fine.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I know, Jen, he’s insane,” Jack said, struggling to keep his cell phone to his ear as he carried a couple of bags from the car to Pacey’s front porch.

“Then again things weren’t exactly great between you when you left,” Jen reasoned.

“Things weren’t exactly bad either,” Jack moaned, dumping the bag down.

“Oh, come on, Jack. He kissed you and you ran out on him. You were his Ethan.”

“Jen, I’m pretty sure we agreed to never speak of that again.”

“Maybe, but I think I have effectively made my point,” Jen said sympathetically. “Just remember how you felt.”

“I was seventeen. I felt a lot of things.”

“Just go easy on him. That’s all I’m saying.”

“This whole thing has just made me realise how stupid the idea of me and him actually is. I’m just going to avoid him.”

“Can you really avoid someone in a town like Capeside?”

“I can give it a damn good try.”

Jack had barely finished speaking as the same cop car that had pulled him over that morning pulled out alongside Pacey’s house.

“I don’t believe this,” he mumbled.

“What’s happening?” Jen asked.

“You’re right. You cannot avoid anyone in Capeside.” Turning round so his back was to Doug as he was climbing out the car, he pulled his last bag from his trunk. “I’ve got to go, Jen. Give Amy a kiss from me.”

“Of course,” Jen replied. “Be nice.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Bye, Jack.”

“Bye.”

Putting his cell phone back in his pocket, he closed the trunk of his car and picked up his bag, quickly heading to the door.

“Jack,” he heard Doug call after him.

Not looking back he retrieved the key from Pacey’s hiding place and unlocked the door, wishing Capeside was still like when he grew up there, with no need for locked doors.

“Jack,” Doug said again.

“I’m pretty sure you can’t give me a speeding ticket for a car that is stationary,” Jack said dryly, not turning to look at him.

“I’m not here on police duty.”

“Good, you can leave then.”

“I came to talk to you,” Doug replied, trying to ignore Jack’s words.

“I have nothing to say to you, Sheriff.” Jack opened the door and started putting his bags inside.

“Jack, please,” Doug attempted, placing a hand on Jack’s arm.

“I said no,” Jack said, pulling away. Faced by silence he continued to put his bags inside.

“I don’t know why you are angry; you’re the one who ran off without a word!” Doug finally burst.

Turning round suddenly, Jack looked at him in anger. “Do I owe you something?” he snapped. “You kissed me. Without warning may I add. I never asked you to, and I certainly did not give you any indication that I wanted that.”

“No, none at all,” Doug said sarcastically. “I just decided to jump you with no warning.”

Jack shook his head in anger. “You should go,” he said walking into the house.

“Runaway like you would, you mean,” Doug muttered.

“What the hell do you want from me, Doug? You don’t want me to leave; you don’t want me to come back. You don’t want to talk to me, and then you won’t leave.”

“I just want to know where I stand,” Doug replied. “When you left so suddenly I wasn’t expecting for you to come back.”

“Not expecting me to, or hoping that I wouldn’t?” Jack asked

“From the moment you left I wanted you back, but I’m not supposed to say that, am I? I’m not supposed to say that the moment I kissed you was the best moment I’ve had in a very long time. So excuse me if I was hurt, or am suffering from a bruised ego. I’m sorry if I had to come here to find out if you were back for good, or if you’re going again. The worst thing is that I haven’t yet worked out which I would prefer.”

Jack just looked at him in shock – not expecting that he would suddenly bare his soul on the front porch of Pacey’s house.

“I haven’t come here to give you a hard time,” Doug continued. “I have just been pacing around this small town from the second that you left wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do. Trying to convince myself that I don’t like you. But I do.”

“Doug, I…”

“No, it’s okay. I know you don’t feel the same. You made the quite clear.”

“Doug, listen for one second,” Jack said, having not been able to say a word. “It’s not just as simple as whether I like you or not. You’re a great guy, when you’re not giving me speeding tickets,” Jack tried to smile, but couldn’t quite manage.

“But,” Doug said rolling his eyes, knowing where the conversation was going.

“I have not had a single successful relationship in my whole life. The more I like someone the worse it is. And you, Doug, do not deserve all the crap and the baggage that comes along with me.”

“Surely it’s up to me if I want to get tangled up in that?” Doug asked, trying to move closer.

“No,” Jack replied stepping back. “I need to do this for myself. I let a relationship ruin my last job – and it was one I really enjoyed. And now it’s not just me. I have Jen and Amy to think about. And Grams isn’t exactly getting younger. I have people who depend on me, and I need to make this job work.”

“I don’t see how I would stop you from doing that,” Doug argued.

“Doug, you’re not even out. No one knows you’re gay, and that’s fine. But people know who I am. They remember. It’s going to be hard enough to be Capeside’s gay teacher, without sneaking around with you in private.”

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

“Yes it would,” Jack replied. “And I wish it wasn’t. I have spent the last two weeks trying to think of a way that it wouldn’t be like that. But we both know the truth.”

“Well then,” Doug said backing away. “I guess I should go before I embarrass myself further.”

“Doug, I’m sorry,” Jack started.

“Don’t be,” Doug cut in. “I was stupid to think it would be any different.”

“I wish it could be,” Jack confessed, taking a step closer. “But you understand why it can’t be, right?” he asked, putting a comforting hand on Doug’s arm

Looking down at Jack’s hand, Doug shook his head. “Not really. Not when it feels right.”

Both of their hearts were beating so hard that they swore the other man could hear. They stood as close as they had when Doug had first attempted to kiss the man before him. It was taking all the strength in his body not to lean forward and do it again.

“Tell me,” Doug said quietly, “that the only reason you’re back in Capeside is for this damn job.” He swallowed harshly. “And I will leave and never say another word about this.”

“Doug, I…”

“Say it,” Doug pushed. “If it’s true say it. Then I’ll know where I stand.”

Looking at him directly for a few seconds Jack did not know what to say. 

“Jack?” Doug asked again.

“I came back for the job,” Jack lied, dipping his eyes so they no longer met Doug’s. “That’s the only reason.”

“Well,” Doug exhaled, backing away. “I guess there’s nothing else to say.”

“Doug,” Jack said, immediately regretting what he had said. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Doug said, walking through the door. “I’m sorry enough for the both of us.”

Unable to say anything else, Jack watched as Doug disappeared out the door and down the path to his car. Feeling like he had just ripped out his own heart, he sank down to the floor, sat amongst his bags, unable to comprehend how awful Doug must be feeling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack was starting to consider whether he was out of his mind. He had no other way of explaining why he wanted one thing so badly, but acted in a way that meant he got the exact opposite. The only other explanation was pride, but he was too proud to even see that as an option. He wished he had not have made things so difficult for Doug and that he had just admitted that he wanted the same thing that Doug wanted.

Being pulled over by Doug that morning had pushed him back two steps in his acceptance of his feelings. He had wanted his first meeting with Doug to be a nice one – a romantic one; bumping into each other during a midnight run on the beach. Meeting again under the stars. Jack would have looked at him and Doug would have looked back. Jack would have known instantly that Doug was not mad at him for how he had previously behaved, because Doug would instantly see in Jack’s eyes, that the way he reacted that day had been his biggest regret ever. They would not need to say anything. They would just know that they both wanted each other. 

Jack knew that ideal meeting was not really going to happen, and that things would never be that simple, but he had not counted for the hostility Doug had shown him on the roadside. Unable to let go of the pain, he did the same thing to Doug, when all he was trying to do was apologise. Doug was supposed to be the one who was scared; not Jack, but he was the one pouring his heart out, regardless of the consequences. Only to be knocked back by a man who really wanted to say yes.

Now he had no idea what to do. He could not just walk up to Doug and take back all that he had said that morning. Same as Doug could not erase the speeding ticket from Jack’s mind. He was not even sure if he wanted to. Maybe he had been right all along. Maybe he just needed to get on with his work and not be thinking about anything else. Maybe he should never have left New York at all.

His mind wandered back to Amy. He knew in few years time she would be coming to him with questions about boys and life, and he would have no idea what to say. He had time to think and work things out, but if at 24 he had no idea about his own life, would he, at 40, have leant anything that he could share with her. Honesty was the only thing coming to his mind that he could preach, knowing full well he would be a hypocrite for doing so, as he had always in his relationships been far from honest – even with himself.

Pacey trudged up the few steps to his house and pushed at the door, expecting it to be locked as all the lights were off. Finding that it was open, he entered, the whole time looking around for any signs of life. 

“Jack?” he called, as he switched on a light, revealing Jack sat on the floor surrounded by bags. “What the hell are you doing down there?” 

Jack looked up at him dazed, his eyes adjusting to the light. “Thinking,” he replied, his voice croaky, having not spoken since Doug had left hours before.

“Well, they do say its Capeside’s favourite pass time,” Pacey joked, moving into the kitchen, expecting Jack to follow, or at very least get up. Looking back behind him he saw Jack still slumped in the same place. For the first time Pacey noticed the bags. “Have you not unpacked?” he asked. “How long have you been sat there?”

“Which question would you like me to answer first?” Jack replied, monotone.

Pacey finally stopped and gave Jack his full attention. “Are you already thinking about heading back to New York? I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Not thinking about it seriously enough to actually go.”

Pacey scowled slightly as he walked over and sat on the chair nearest to where Jack was piled. “Everything okay?”

“Perfect,” Jack replied sarcastically. 

Pacey looked at him for a few seconds, totally bewildered as to what the hell was wrong with him. “Are you still pissed from this morning with Doug?” he asked, unable to think of anything else.

“I’m fine.”

Pacey could not help but laugh. “Are you sure Dougie is not your brother and not mine?” Pacey asked. “I swear only siblings can wind each other up as much as he’s managed to get to you.”

“I’m fine, Pacey. Just tired.”

“Well, sitting on the floor for hours can’t be helping that,” Pacey said, offering out a hand.

Jack took hold of it and allowed himself to be pulled up. In a couple of swift motions he was sat on the other end of the couch that Pacey occupied. “What are you doing home at ten anyway?” Jack asked, finally thinking of something other than Doug.

“Just a flying visit. Looks like I’m going to be pulling an all nighter. Just came home to freshen up.”

“All nighter?” Jack asked confused. “Doing what?”

“I’m redoing the menus and giving the place a bit of a go over in time for the new season. Tourists are starting to go home before kids go back to school. I need to give the locals a new reason to pop by.”

“And your charm and dazzling smile isn’t enough?” Jack teased.

“You’d think so, right?” Pacey replied, glad to see a bit of Jack coming out again. “A few of the guys have agreed to stay late and help me rearrange everything and get the new specials board up.”

“I’m quite impressed by how seriously you’re taking the whole restaurant thing,” Jack said sincerely.

“It’s a great incentive to work when you know that if the business goes under Doug will kick your ass for losing his money. He’d probably lock me up.”

Jack laughed. “Good point.”

“I should get sorted,” Pacey said, getting up. “You’re more than welcome to pop by if you get bored.”

“More free labour?”

“Something like that,” Pacey laughed as he headed up stairs. 

“I think I’m just going to go for a walk to get some fresh air and then get an early night”

“Good idea,” Pacey chimed from the top of the stairs. “See you in the morning.”

“Yeah, bye.” Jack said, heading for the door – with no idea why he said he would take a walk. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Shit,” Doug swore as he dropped a scolding hot piece of pasta on his bare foot as he drained the rest through a colander. Tipping the pasta back into the pan, he placed it down so he could pick up the dropped piece without causing himself further injury.

He had no idea why he was cooking. The last thing he wanted to do was eat. He had barely eaten since he had kissed Jack. He had barely slept. He had barely thought of anything else. He was just wandering through life, trying to be normal – which was not all that different from usual. Today had not helped. He had bared his soul – even more so than before, and been knocked back once again. However this time he knew he was to blame. He could have kicked himself for how he had behaved that morning. He had wanted to smile as widely as he was in his heart when he had seen that it was Jack that he had pulled over. He had wanted to laugh and make a joke about anything that would break the ice. He had wanted to tell Jack that he had not blamed him for the way he had reacted, and that he understood why he had needed to go back to New York. But he did not do any of that. He had just wished that Jack had realised that his pride was just too big.

Mixing the sauce into pasta, he poured it into a bowl and carried it to the couch. Sinking into the cushions, he stared out the window at the pouring rain – glad that he got home before it had got really bad. Lightning lit the dimly lit room as Doug totally gave up on his meal and put it down on the coffee table.

Moments later he was shaken from his thoughts by a knock on his door. Startled, he looked over at the closed door. He had not been expecting anyone, and did not want to see anyone. Ignoring it, he remained on the couch. The knocking came again. This time harder. The cop curiosity was too much for Doug, as he got up and moved to the door.

Having opened the door he had to blink twice to make sure that he was seeing correctly. Jack stood on his doorstep, soaked to the bone. His shirt stuck to his chest, and his hair was ruffled by his feeble attempt to dry off before the door was answered. The two men stood staring at each other. Doug could not help but think that Jack looked as though he was unsure how he had ended up on the other man’s door step. Moments passed while each man expected the other one to talk.

“Are you going to say anything?” Doug asked, smiling slightly at the sight in front of him.

“I was hoping that you would say something,” Jack half smiled back.

“I’m not sure if you noticed but you knocked on my door.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed that I look like a bit of a fool. I thought therefore it was only fair that you talk first,” Jack responded, wiping the rain drops from his face with the back of his hand.

“How can I talk first when I don’t know what you came here to say?” Doug asked, starting to get more serious – his heart beating so hard he thought it may crack a rib.

“Okay, good point,” Jack agreed, taking a deep breath. “Everything I said earlier…” he started, distracted by the rain on his face once again. “It was all true... mostly”

Doug’s heart sunk inside his chest. What was moments ago beating so fast, now was barely beating at all.

“I am horrible in relationships. I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time. I cannot be the person for you that helps you discover the person you know you’ve always been, and I cannot tell you what you’re supposed to do. If that’s what you’re looking for then I am not the person you need.”

“That’s not what I’m looking for,” Doug defended. “Until you came back to Capeside I didn’t know that I was looking for anything.”

“Good,” Jack smiled. “I am so glad you said that.”

“Jack, why are you here?” Doug asked, confused by the younger man’s smile.

“On your doorstep or in Capeside?” Jack asked. Then he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The answers are the same anyway.”

“I’m sorry; Jack, but you’ve got me confused.”

“I didn’t come back to Capeside for the job. I could have got a job anywhere. You know that as well as I do.”

“What are you saying?” Doug asked, knowing full well.

“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

Doug could not help but laugh. “I don’t see any reason why I should.”

“I like you. Okay?” Jack said clearly. 

The shock of hearing the words knocked all words from Doug. He stood there staring at Jack.

“Okay, maybe I got the wrong impression from what you said this morning. And I’ve now made a complete idiot of myself,” Jack said, concerned by Doug’s shocked silence.

“No,” Doug pushed out. “You understood me perfectly.”

“Good,” Jack smiled. “So why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m thinking…”

Jack looked at him as he trailed off. “Thinking what?”

“I’m wondering if you’ll run off again if I kissed you,” he smiled.

Jack stared back at him, smiling. “I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

Doug reached out a hand to take hold of Jack’s wet palm. His thumb brushed over the damp skin of the other man – sending sparks of electricity through them both. He pulled him through the doorway, finally out of the rain, in a quick, swift motion. Jack stumbled forward, surprised by Doug’s strength, colliding with Doug’s dry and warm body.

Jack heard the door close behind him and became uncomfortably aware how soaked him clothing was. He was sure that he was causing a puddle on Doug’s floor. Doug did not seem to care though. Taking advantage of Jack’s stumble, Doug pulled him close until he could feel the moisture in Jack’s shirt soak through to his own skin.

Doug smiled as a drop of water fell from a strand of Jack’s hair and rolled down his face. Before it reached his jaw Doug reached out and wiped it away, keeping his hand rested on Jack’s cheek. He smiled softly at the look of anticipation on Jack’s face.

Moving in closer, he rested his forehead against Jack’s. Their eyes remained locked as their lips hovered intensely close. Their noses rubbed together and Jack wondered how much longer he could hold out before kissing the man in front of him. He did not have to consider this for long before Doug closed the gap, initiating contact.

It was not like the first time. This time Jack was ready. He was prepared. Doug was kissing him – softly; gently, and this time Jack was most definitely kissing him back. Deeper – longer than before.

Doug moved back slowly so he could see Jack’s face. He waited – hoping that the calm composer of the man in front of him was not about to change. In his head he counted to five. “You’re still here,” he smiled softly.

“I am,” Jack smiled back.

“You sound surprised,” Doug laughed.

“Maybe a little,” Jack replied honestly. “I’m sorry that I’ve messed you about.”

“I’m just as guilty of that as you are,” Doug conceded, giving Jack a soft kiss to show everything was forgotten. “And I didn’t process that speeding ticket.”

“Good,” Jack laughed, “I wasn’t going to pay it.”

“I thought you were going to say that.”

This time Jack initiated the kiss, pulling Doug flat against him – not even caring that he was soaking Doug’s clothes with his own. His arms slinked around Doug’s waist as he kissed him slowly and softly.

Doug suddenly pulled away. “How long were you in the rain? You’re freezing.”

“Long enough to make a puddle on your floor,” Jack said, looking down. “Sorry.”

“Forget about it.”

“Maybe I should go home and change?” Jack suggested.

“No,” Doug said, taking hold of him again. “It’s taken weeks to get you here. You’re not leaving.”

“So guys with hypothermia are your thing?”

“I’m sure I’ve got something you can put on,” Doug reasoned. “Just don’t leave.”

**To Be Continued…**


	12. Getting To Know You

It finally stopped raining at around six in the morning. Doug knew this because he was still awake, staring out the window – wondering how everything outside could still look the same as it had before the rain had started, when everything in his life suddenly looked unrecognisable. Doug kept closing his eyes tight and telling himself that if when he opened them and Jack was no longer there he would know that the last few hours had just been a dream. That he would have to just get up, go to work, and know that even though it never really happened, he would always have the memory of it in his dreams. He was more and more shocked every time he opened his eyes to find that Jack was still there – and the night before had really happened.

Doug knew there were so many things to talk about and so many things that needed to be said to the other man before this was actually going to be real and not just a one night incident. His mind worked over time. It had been doing so ever since Jack had fallen asleep about three ago – exhausted from his drive back from New York. Doug had slipped himself out from under Jack’s arm that had been previously wrapped around him. He moved to a chair across from the couch on which Jack was sprawled and just watched as he slept.

Doug liked seeing Jack in a pair of his own sweat pants and old T-shirt that he had found for him the night before in replacement of Jack’s sopping wet clothes. It made Jack really look like his. He smiled as he thought what Jack would look like in his cop shirt and a pair of boxers. He could not help but wonder if he would ever get to see that. Even though he really wanted it, he did not want to see it as a certainty, just in case it never happened. Nothing was for sure.

Before Jack had fallen asleep the two of them had made themselves comfortable on Doug’s Couch – kissing, touching; getting to know each other in a less constrained way than before. Neither of them really spoke. Neither of them could find the words to say what they wanted to. As the hours past by Doug could feel Jack’s tiredness. He could see his suppressed yawns and feel the laziness of his kisses. The hand that had found its way to the gap between Doug’s jeans and his shirt had slowed its soft, gentle strokes until it just rested there – burning a hole in Doug’s skin. He loved it.

Doug had not slept, even though he knew he was working the day shift again. He did not care though. He could not imagine going to sleep and wasting time that he could have spent looking at Jack. Even if that did seem a little creepy. The only time he had got up was to move his uneaten dinner from the table into the kitchen, where he made himself a large cup of coffee. Since his return to the chair he had seen the tell tale signs that Jack was beginning to wake. His previously still body had started to fidget. His silent sleep had been replaced by slight murmurs. Doug smiled as Jack’s eyes began to flicker before opening just slightly. 

“I fell asleep,” Jack groaned, closing his eyes again.

“Yeah, you did,” Doug smiled. “About three hours ago.”

“Have you slept?”

“No.”

“You should have woken me,” Jack said, opening his eyes as fully as he could to look at the other man.

“You were tired,” Doug reasoned. “Do you want some coffee?”

“No. And don’t want you sat so far away,” Jack jokingly pouted.

Doug smiled as he stood from his chair and moved back over to the couch. Jack made a feeble attempt to sit up to allow Doug space to sit. Doug slide in behind him, letting him lean back against his chest.

“I like this,” Doug sighed.

“Me too,” Jack said taking Doug’s mug off coffee off of him and taking a sip.

“I thought you didn’t want any,” Doug laughed.

“I don’t.”

“Give it back then,” Doug smiled, taking it back.

“Oh, come on.”

“I can get you your own?” Doug offered again.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

A moment of calm washed over the two men. Doug lifted his hand to run it through Jack’s hair, but put it back down, still over thinking every movement, unsure what was yet allowed. He was comforted by Jack placing a hand on his thigh and squeezing gently.

“We need to talk about Pacey,” Jack suddenly said.

“Do we have to?” Doug replied, putting great emphasis on the groan that followed.

“You know we do.”

“How can you be so sensible when you’ve only just woken up?” Doug asked, handing Jack the coffee mug again.

“It probably evens out the fact that I’m not particularly sensible at all other times of the day.”

“Is there any point telling him yet?” Doug asked.

“Maybe not,” Jack replied taking another sip of coffee. “But there’s no point avoiding the fact that he will be the first one to work it out. I think he’ll be okay.”

“I think he’ll be okay with you. He won’t be so happy with me,” Doug responded, kissing the top of Jack’s head – this time letting himself do whatever came naturally. “He’s been warning me away from you for weeks.”

Jack turned to look at Doug, an eye brow raised. “Excuse me?”

“What?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you just said that Pacey has been warning you away from me.”

“You look like we’ve been conspiring against you,” Doug laughed.

“I should have remembered that you can’t trust a Witter,” Jack winked as he turned back to be able to rest against Doug’s chest once again. “Anyway, he dated my sister so it’s only fair,” Jack concluded.

“You have a sister?” Doug said confused.

This once again prompted Jack to sit up, turning so he was now facing Doug. Placing the coffee down on the table, he knelt on the couch. “You’re kidding, right?”

Doug continued to look at him confused.

“You’re not kidding,” Jack laughed. “You can’t even make an educated guess? What kind of cop are you?”

“In my defence Pacey has dated a lot of girls,” Doug stalled, trying to think.

“Well, it’s lucky for you that the I didn’t inherit the family’s crazy gene or you would be in big trouble right now.” Jack continued kneeling in front of the other man, waiting for something. 

“McPhee,” Doug muttered to himself until his eyes widened in realisation. “Andie is not you sister!” he laughed.

“Of course she is,” Jack laughed.

“But she was so preppy and vocal, and you were so…”

“I would think very carefully before finishing that sentence,” Jack intercepted.

“Shy,” Doug finished. 

“Like you even remember me from back then. I was just another of Pacey’s annoying little friends.”

“No, I remember you. A little bit anyway. And I did know that Andie was your sister – I just forgot.” Doug protested. “Anyway, you don’t become Capeside’s only gay teenager and stay off the radar.”

“I guess,” Jack said quietly. “Sometimes I get the feeling that that is the only thing I will ever be remembered for around here.”

“Not by the people who know you,” Doug reassured.

“Maybe,” Jack sighed, moving into a more comfortable position.

“Anyway,” Doug said, changing the subject. “Don’t give me a hard time. I bet you don’t know all my siblings,” he challenged. 

“Really?” Jack smiled. “How much do you want to bet?”

“I bet you dinner tonight,” Doug suggested.

“Okay then,” he smiled. “Pacey, Gretchen, and…” Jack paused. “The one who has all the kids,” he laughed.

“I’m not sure if that last one counts,” Doug laughed too.

“Kerry!” Jack said loudly, in a highly excited manner.

Doug looked at him in amazement. “Well I guess if Gretchen can date Dawson then I can see you, right?”

“Your family certainly gets around my group of friends. Do you have any cousins for Jen?” Jack laughed. “But more importantly, you owe me dinner.”

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Doug replied, still amazed that Jack remembered all of his siblings’ names – even if he was good friends with one of them. “I assume Pacey will be working tonight,” Doug said, not quite as a question.

“I guess.”

“I’ll come by yours after work if you like?”

“Sounds nice,” Jack smiled. “What time are you working today?”

Doug looked down at his watch. “Soon.”

“Is that my cue to go?” Jack asked, stretching.

“No,” Doug said quickly, hoping that Jack did not think that was what he was insinuating. “You can stick around as long as you like.”

“I probably should head back and sneak in before Pacey gets up,” Jack reasoned, before starting to laugh. “It’s like I’m sixteen.”

“Well, I’m very glad you’re not,” Doug smiled, leaning in and kissing Jack softly. “That still feels a little weird.”

“I know,” Jack smiled, climbing off of the sofa and stretching fully. “Really weird.”

“Good though,” Doug added. “Right?”

“Of course,” he replied, turning back to Doug in reassurance. “Absolutely.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack’s clothes had not totally dried over night. Deciding that it would be best to turn up home in the same clothes that he had left wearing, rather than the clothes he borrowed from Doug, he trudged up the front steps of Pacey’s house in his damp material confines.

He was on a high. The past 24 hours had been a total blur and he knew that if someone asked him, he would not be able to explain how he went from being ticketed by the town Sheriff to kissing him in the space of a few hours. Somehow though it did not seem to matter. He did not really care about all the downs that pre-existed this major up in their relationship. 

Jack laughed to himself at the thought of describing whatever it was going on between him and Doug as a ‘relationship’. He knew that it was not really a ‘relationship’ yet. He had done far more, in a far shorter time span, with someone he knew far less without ever using the ‘R’ word. Then again he had never walked away in the morning with such a smile on his face – or butterflies in his stomach. Even so he did not want to move too fast. For the first time ever he was acutely aware of his track record with men. Having previously been criticised for ‘going through the motions of a relationship’ to prove he could, and the way everything ended with Daniel; Jack wanted things to be different this time. Even if that meant pulling back a little.

Jack opened the door and walked into Pacey’s house, tripping over his bags that were still on the floor from the previous morning. “Shit,” he swore, stumbling forward before steadying himself. He made a mental note to deal with that as soon as he had some coffee. After all he needed to unpack some clean, dry clothes.

“I did the same things when I came in,” Pacey said.

Startled, Jack began to look around for the source of the voice, finally finding it sat in the kitchen. “Jeez, Pacey, you scared the crap out of me,” he said with a hand on his chest. His heart was beating at double speed. He had totally forgotten about needing to sneak past his friend.

“You would have thought that you would have been better at sneaking in after all those years living with Grams.” His voice gave nothing away and Jack was unsure as to whether or not he had been caught out.

Deciding to call his bluff, Jack sat down at the table. “Pacey, you look like crap. Have you been up all night?”

“I have indeed, Jackers.”

Jack sat in silence for a while, looking at his friend. He felt as though he was sat in front of his father, unsure if he knew all that he was trying to hide. “So....” Jack exhaled. “You want some more coffee?” he asked, looking at Pacey’s empty mug.

“Yeah, thanks,” Pacey replied unenthusiastically.

Jack got up, relieved to not be sitting on his damp clothing. He grabbed the coffee pot and filled a new mug for himself before refilling Pacey’s.

“Is this all we do now?” Pacey asked, looking down at the table.

“Is what?” Jack said confused.

“Coffee,” Pacey replied. “We only ever seem to converse over coffee.”

Jack smiled to lighten the mood. “Maybe we just drink too much coffee.”

“I think I am working too hard,” Pacey moaned, rubbing his temples.

“I wouldn’t disagree with that,” Jack replied honestly. “It all seems to be paying off though.”

“I guess,” Pacey sighed. “I’m just tired; ignore me.”

“You need to start taking more care of yourself.”

“Don’t we all, Jackers. Don’t we all.” Pacey took a slip of his coffee. “I’m glad you’re back here in one piece.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jack asked confused.

“When you went back to New York I though maybe you and Daniel would end up making another go of it.” Pacey did not look up at his friend – not wanting to know if he was anywhere near correct in his fear. “You deserve better than that. Better than him.”

Jack thought for a moment about how to respond to a comment like that, without either lying to his friend, or revealing information that Pacey was silently begging Jack not to confirm. “You’re right,” he said softly. “I deserve better.”

“You deserve more than Capeside too,” Pacey said bluntly. “Do you know that too?”

“Pacey, don’t start that again,” Jack sighed. “I am here now. Who knows how long for? And if it’s good enough for you, Pace, then it’s good enough for me.”

“There, Jackers, is where you’ve got it all muddled,” Pacey smiled. “Maybe I deserve more than Capeside too. Just noone has noticed yet.” 

“Pacey, you are free to go anywhere you want. The world is your oyster. What happened to the guy who jumped on a boat and sailed away for the summer?”

“He lost the girl, lost his money and ended up sleeping on his brother’s couch. Not to mention all the stuff in the middle.”

“If it makes you feel any better; we all lost that particular girl,” Jack laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“The ironic thing is she probably would have stayed with you – if you hadn’t realised you liked boys of course.”

“Yeah, well, I felt I wasn’t giving the rest of you a fair chance.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what you did. I really do. There’s just one thing I have never understood,” Pacey remarked.

“And what’s that?”

“I’ve never understood why you’ve never made a pass at me?” Pacey joked in a mock insulted manner. “Honestly, over the years, can you honestly say you met anyone better looking than me?”

“You’ve always been unattainable,” Jack replied seriously. “That’s why I had to make the Pacey shrine I kneel before in worship every night.”

“Oh, as long as there’s a shrine. That’s okay then.” Pacey smiled before giving Jack an odd look. “Jackers, dearest, pray tell – why are you wet?”

“Huh?” Jack asked, forgetting his appearance. “Oh, I went for a walk.”

“In the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?” Pacey asked suspiciously.

“You may well have noticed, Pace, that I haven’t exactly got round to unpacking.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Pacey laughed, looking over at Jack’s pile of bags. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I guess I am still on Amy’s time. It is weird not hearing her cry through the night.”

“Well, I must say I’m pretty glad about that. I think I will warm to her more when she’s grown out of the crying, wet diaper stage.”

“Just you wait, Pacey. Wait until you meet her.”

Pacey laughed as he finished his coffee. “No man will ever stand a chance with you again. You’re totally in love with that little creature.”

“Don’t let Jen hear you call her that. She’ll kick your ass. She’s so going to be a soccer mom.”

“Can you imagine what Jen would do if Amy is as wild as she was?” Pacey shuddered.

“She’ll pack her off to Capeside to live with us,” Jack laughed. “Anyway, it won’t happen. Grams is praying every day for Amy to be a calmer spirited child. I think God certainly owes her one after all these years.”

“You’re probably right,” Pacey agreed as he looked down at his watch. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m heading to bed for a few hours before heading back to work.”

“I’m assuming that wasn’t an invitation to join you,” Jack laughed, getting up from the table.

“Not exactly,” Pacey smiled. “But I’m up for a bit of spooning if you are.”

“I think I should probably start getting unpacked. There’s so much to do before I start back at work. I can’t keep putting it all off.” Jack went to his pile of bags picking one up.

“Probably a better idea,” Pacey smiled. “I’ll give you hand taking your stuff up.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Doug no longer knew the etiquette for entering Pacey’s house. It was not just his brother’s home anymore; it was Jack’s too. And all of a sudden, like a whirlwind, Jack was not just Pacey’s friend from high school, or the man Doug had a crush on. He was the guy Doug had spent the night kissing and then watching sleep. There had been such a big shift in such a short time that Doug had wondered all day whether he had made up the previous night in a vain attempt to push aside his loneliness.

Normally he would have walked straight in - regardless as to whether Pacey was in or not – and get himself a drink. Normally he would not even think about it. It was as though he was walking into his own house. This time though he reached out and knocked hard against the screen door. Nothing. He knocked again. Still nothing.

He opened the door enough to stick his head in. He could already see through the glass that no one was downstairs. He assumed someone must be in. Though Pacey never really bothered to lock up the house, he remembered from Jack’s previous visit that Jack tended to lock the door when he was out – as he would have in New York. 

“Jack?” he called softly, even though he knew Pacey was at the restaurant and would not be there to catch him out. Seeing no signs of life he walked in further, carrying the Chinese take out he had got for Jack and himself to share. “Jack?” he called again, this time louder.

As he moved though the house he became aware of faint music playing in the distance. Upstairs. “Jack?” he called up the stair case. He paused for a moment, took a deep breath. “I’m coming up,” he warned, just in case.

He slowly climbed the stairs, up and round the corner, until he could see the open door of Pacey’s guest bedroom. The music grew louder with each step. He could not work out what it was. He was not exactly up with the New York music scene – or any music scene beyond the 1980’s power ballads. Of course if Jack were to ask him he would nod enthusiastically and say he liked it. He certainly did not dislike it. That was good enough for now.

“Jack?” he spoke quietly as he approached the room. Poking his head around the door he smiled widely.

Jack lay fast asleep on the bed, surrounded by half unpacked bags. Shirts and pants were strewn across one side of the bed and all the way along the bottom, leaving a small Jack shaped gap in the middle. In his out stretched hand was the remote for the CD player that was filling the room with low level music. Doug noticed it was on track 4 – he could not have been asleep too long.

Unsure what to do, Doug stood, observing the man sleep for the second time that day. He placed the Chinese food down on one of the dressers and walked over to the bed. He carefully lifted one of Jack’s shirts and carried it to the open closet. A few items had already been neatly hung. Taking a hanger from the rail, Doug placed the shirt on it and neatly buttoned the top button to secure it. Before hanging it on the rail, he raised the shirt to his face and inhaled the smell of Jack – the smell of New York, of the Lindley women, of other men. He tried to shake this thought out of his mind. He did not want to think of Daniel and all the other faceless men that had found Jack first. He did not want to think that he was being compared to them – any of them.

Going back to the bed he retrieved another shirt, never taking his eyes off of Jack’s sleeping form. He told himself that he would only do this until he had created a space on the bed for himself, and then would wake Jack up. But every time he went to rouse the other man, he lost the nerve and ended up with another item of clothing in his hands. He had not yet worked out the appropriate greeting in a time like this. Should he kiss him, not kiss him – just say hi and see what Jack did. That morning it seemed so natural to kiss Jack, but outside of that bubble, and in Pacey’s house… it was different.

He carefully closed the closet door and admired the now cleared bed. He was just about to sit awkwardly on the edge of the bed when Jack started to stir of his own accord. Jack stretched out and yawned, still unaware that he had company. His hands sleepily pulled down his shirt that had risen slightly in his sleep, dropping the remote, before rubbing over his face. Opening his eyes he tried to suss out how he had possibly fallen asleep and exactly how long he had been asleep for. It was the unmistakable smell of Chinese food that made him notice the bag on the dresser. Rolling over slowly he saw Doug. Still drowsy from sleep, he smiled.

“Evening,” Doug smiled back, relieved by Jack’s reaction to seeing him.

“I promise you, I don’t normally spend all my time sleeping,” Jack laughed, having been caught out. “I was unpacking and sorting through my stuff. I thought I would just chill for five minutes and… well here we are.”

“It’s okay,” Doug reassured.

“Hang on,” Jack said looking around his room in confusion. “Where’s all my mess?”

“No longer being mess in the closet,” Doug answered. “I didn’t want to wake you so I thought I should at least make myself useful.”

“You shouldn’t have. I would have got round to it… eventually.”

“Well now you don’t have to,” Doug replied.

Jack sat up properly and shuffled over to the other man. “Come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around Doug’s middle and pulling him in so he was no longer perched on the edge of the bed. “Thank you.” Leaning in Jack caught the other man’s lips lightly with his own and kissed him softly. He felt Doug relax immediately as he too wrapped his arm around Jack’s back, holding him there – preventing the kiss ending too soon. Jack moved away marginally, leaving his forehead rested against Doug’s. “Not as weird anymore, right?”

“Feels pretty good to me,” Doug replied, kissing Jack again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Doug entwined his fingers with Jack’s as they sat together on the bed. Empty Chinese cartons were spread across the night stand as they lay together watching TV. Neither of them were too sure what they were watching, or if the other one would have actually cared if the TV had been off entirely. Tracing his hand down Jack’s side, Doug grew more familiar with the feel of the other man’s body.

“What time will Pacey be back?” Doug asked softly in between kisses.

“Late probably, but I don’t know exactly.” Jack looked at his watch. “Are you already planning escape?”

“No,” Doug exclaimed. “Absolutely not. I’m just trying to work out how long we have.” He kissed Jack seductively.

Jack smiled as he kissed the other man back, shifting against his soft bedding until Doug was practically on top of him. The kiss deepened as Doug moved his hands to Jack’s hips – keeping the two of them locked together.

Jack’s mind raced. Every part of his body wanted everything that was happening. He was buzzing. But in his mind he was trying to come up with any reason he could to stop Doug and his bodily assault before it went too far. Even if he had managed to make sound he knew the possibility of it being in the form of coherent words was small. He shifted beneath Doug but that only further encouraged him. He would not have been able to come up with anything that would sound anywhere near convincing at this time anyway. So he carried on kissing.

Hands continued to move – taking in the sensations of new skin and muscle. Jack felt hands slip under his shirt and continue their exploration – the whole time still having the same doubts as before.

Jack took hold of Doug’s arms, removing his hands from his shirt, bringing them back down to his side.

Doug looked at Jack startled – trying to read his expression. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Jack reassured, kissing him softly on the lips before sliding out from underneath him. “I just think we need to talk.”

“Okay,” Doug said slowly as he sat up. “Should I be concerned?”

“No, not at all.” Jack also sat up. “I just think that before this thing goes too far we should talk about a few things.”

“Okay, I guess I agree with that,” Doug replied. “You seem to have something particular on your mind.”

“Yes, I do,” Jack said, kneeling up in front of the other man. He looked at him and smiled, hoping that Doug would understand. “You’re actually going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

Doug simply smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Jack laughed. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. Sex.”

“Sex?” Doug repeated.

“Yes. I think we should wait.”

“Wait?” he repeated again.

“Yes,” Jack laughed. “Are you just going to repeat what I say?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Doug apologised. “I’m listening.”

“Okay, good,” Jack said taking a deep breath. “I don’t know about you; I can only speak for myself here, but I have screwed up every relationship I have ever been in, and sadly I have only just been able to see that. And I’ve been thinking about how everything has always worked out, and with very few exceptions, I can honestly say that the sooner I have sex with someone, the sooner things go wrong.”

“Interesting theory,” Doug chimed.

“I like you, just in case you hadn’t realised. And I don’t want to screw this up. Maybe I am being paranoid, I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to make the same mistakes I have always made.”

“How do you know we would end up the same?” Doug asked.

“I don’t.” Jack shuffled into a more comfortable position in front of the other man. “But if for some reason this thing doesn’t work out, it will be far easier to carry on as though nothing happened if…nothing has happened.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Doug said confidently.

“I hope not,” Jack smiled, squeezing Doug’s hand comfortingly. “But we have more to consider here than just ourselves. And as much as you don’t seem to want to accept it, we have to think about Pacey.”

“Pacey?”

“If next week you decide this was a massive mistake and never want to see me again, we will still have Pacey in common and he will work it out.”

“Why would I not want to see you next week?”

“I don’t know. Who knows what could happen. I’m not saying that it will. I just want to take every precaution possible.”

Doug sat quietly for a minute. As much as he did not want to accept it, he knew Jack was right. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jack asked.

“You’re right.”

“I’m right?”

“Now who’s repeating?” Doug laughed, pulling Jack closer to him. “I want this to work – for however long it is supposed to work for. I have no idea what could happen here, but if you think that by waiting we will be a stronger, better couple, then I can go along with that.”

“You can?” Jack asked, smiling.

“Yes. For as long as you want.”

“Thank you.” Leaning in, Jack kissed him softly. “You’re pretty great, you know?”

“Oh, I know,” Doug smiled.

A calm silence washed over the two men as they moved back to lying on the bed, pretending to watch TV. Jack smiled as an arm wrapped around his waist.

“So…” Doug said, breaking the silence. “How many relationships have you ruined?”

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?” Jack said; a sudden heat in his cheeks.

“Yes,” Doug said, remaining completely natural.

“You really want to have this conversation?” Jack asked, unsure.

“If you don’t mind.”

“Well then,” Jack said sitting back up. “You better make yourself comfortable.”

**To Be Continued…**


	13. Caught in the Past

Jack stretched as he stood looking into Doug’s refrigerator, searching for ingredients for the breakfast that Doug was preparing. He could not help but yawn as he reached out for the bacon. The two men had been up for a lot of the night discussing Jack’s previous relationships. When Doug finally got round to leaving he only just missed Pacey by a couple of minutes. The pair had made plans to meet for breakfast at Doug’s, so once again, dressed for his usual run along the beach, Jack made his way to Doug’s.

Doug was already dressed and ready for work when Jack had arrived. It was the first time Jack had seen him in uniform since they got together. He had been expecting to find Doug in uniform a turn on, but instead he found it more intimidating than anything. He smiled through his minor anxiety and relaxed into a soft and affectionate morning kiss. It made him smile that when Doug invited him for breakfast; it really was for breakfast and nothing more sordid. He knew that Doug really understood his reasons for wanting to move slowly.

“What else do you want out of here?” Jack asked, still staring into the refrigerator. After a brief moment he realised that he did not have Doug’s attention – he was busy chopping mushrooms next to the stove. Closing the door, Jack moved over to Doug and looped his arms round his waist.

Doug was startled back into reality. “Sorry, I was in a world of my own.”

“Yeah, it looked like it,” Jack smiled, kissing the back of his neck softly. He had expected Doug to relax into his hold but he did not. “Thinking about anything in particular?”

“Yes, actually,” he replied, placing the knife down on the chopping board. “Tobey.”

Jack slowly pulled away, removing his arms from around Doug’s waist. “Tobey?”

“That was his name, right?” Doug asked, turning to face Jack. “The one you dumped in college?”

“That’s right; Tobey,” he responded, backing away. “Why were you thinking about him?”

“I’ve been thinking about him all night.”

“Oh okay. I guess he was a little better looking than me, and far more intelligent. I don’t have his number anymore but I’m sure you can look him up in the phonebook if you’re interested. Tobey Barrett. B.A.R.R…”

“That’s not what I meant,” Doug interrupted. 

Jack remained quiet, hoping that Doug would explain himself.

“I was just thinking what that must have felt like to come all the way to Boston to see you and be treated like that.”

“Is there a point to this, Doug?”

“No,” Doug answered. “I don’t know.”

“If you have something to say, just say it.”

“I just…I never thought of you in that way. It was a pretty harsh thing to do.”

Jack remained silently defensive.

“Are you not going to say anything?” Doug asked, moving closer, sensing the tension.

“I wasn’t planning to,” Jack answered bluntly.

“I’m sorry,” Doug apologised. “I shouldn’t have bought it up.” He went to kiss Jack only to find his cheek rather than his lips as he turned away.

Shrugging out of Doug’s loose embrace Jack walked over to the counter where he left his keys. Picking them up he put them back in his pocket. “Y’know what, I’m not that hungry anymore. I’ll let you get ready for work.”

“No, Jack, don’t go,” Doug pleaded, stepping in front of the door.

“I’m sure you’ve got a lot to think about,” Jack said flatly. “I should go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I didn’t realise it was such an issue for you. Last night you seemed fine talking about it.”

“I trusted you not to judge.”

“I’m not judging,” Doug reached out his hand to Jack’s cheek only to have it pushed away.

“It just sucks that out of all the things I told you last night you had to fixate on the one time that I acted like a jerk – and totally disregarded all the all the times that I was the one who was jerked around,” Jack explained.

“They’ve not been disregarded. I’ve been thinking about them too.”

“Really?” Jack asked in disbelief.

“Don’t go,” Doug pleaded. “Not like this. I’m sorry, okay? I was just curious.”

“What do you want me to say, Doug?” Jack asked, managing to move away from the other man. “I was eighteen and I acted like an ass because I was trying to fit into my new life. Is that what defines me?”

“Of course not,” Doug answered.

“My first year of college was rough. Ask anymore. Hell, ask Pacey – he was there to bail me out a few times. I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of and I hurt a few people that I loved, but no amount of regretting or beating myself up over it is going to change what happened. Did you only ever make good decisions at eighteen?”

“Of course not.”

“Well neither did I,” Jack said quietly. “It’s a wonder how I ever became a teacher looking back at how I was then.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean anything by it.”

“If it bothers you then that’s fine. I understand. Honestly. But you have to let me know because I’m looking for a clean slate here – a new life. No Tobey, no Daniel. I’m not eighteen anymore. And while I don’t know yet if the decisions I have made recently have been any better, I’d really like to believe that they are.”

“They seem better to me,” Doug replied.

Jack remained quiet – expecting something more. “Well maybe I’ll see you later.” Once again he approached the door – this time reaching it successfully.

“You’re not staying for breakfast?” Doug asked.

“I’m going to head to Pacey’s. I’ve barely seen him since I got back.” He opened the door to leave.

“Please don’t leave annoyed,” Doug protested.

“I’m not annoyed. I’m fine. I just think that maybe you have more to consider before getting into this than you previously anticipated,” Jack stated. “And that’s fine. Take all the time you need to work out exactly what is bothering you.”

“And then?” Doug asked.

“You know where to find me when you’re ready,” he replied, forcing a noticeably fake smile before leaving.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Chef Witter,” Jack chimed as he entered the restaurant kitchen.

The restaurant had been relatively quiet. Most customers had finished breakfast and had gone to work, leaving only a few nursing half empty cups of coffee. A couple of day time waiters had been pottering around, cleaning the empty tables. One, who Jack was sure he would end up teaching next week, had directed him to the kitchen where Pacey was now stood over a pan.

“How do you always turn up when food is ready?”

“Pure talent,” Jack smiled.

Pacey eyed up Jack’s clothing as he grabbed a couple of plates from the counter. “If you didn’t eat so much you won’t have to go running every morning.”

“Are you calling me fat?” Jack laughed, peering into the pan. “That looks good.”

“No, I’m not,” Pacey smiled. “But you will be if you keep eating as much Chinese as you did last night.”

Jack looked at him a little confused, the night before with Doug seeming like a distant memory.

“I saw all the cartons in the trash.”

“Oh right, yeah, I guess I was hungry.”

“You should have invited Doug round. He loves the food from that place. You two could have kissed and made up, so to speak.”

“There’s nothing to kiss and make up over. Everything’s fine.”

“I’m glad,” Pacey replied, dishing up food. “Things could get pretty awkward round here if you two fell out.”

“It could indeed,” Jack agreed, hoping that it would not come to that. “So… what are we eating?”

“Just something new I wanted to try,” Pacey said while dishing up. “I’m thinking of putting it on the menu.”

“Well I’ll happily test it out for you,” Jack smiled, taking a plate from his friend.

“Enjoy it now,” Pacey smiled. “There’ll be no time for all this once you start work.”

“True. I’ll just have to get you to pack me lunches everyday.”

“What am I? Your wife?” Pacey laughed.

“That’s a little bit sexist don’t you think? Jen would eat you alive for a comment like that.”

“I’m not scared of her,” Pacey said flatly.

Jack stared back at him, waiting for him to crack.

“Okay, so maybe I’m a little scared of her. Don’t tell her what I said.”

“We’ll see.”

“How is she doing?” Pacey asked, carrying the plates in the direction of the restaurant.

“I don’t really know. I phoned yesterday but she was asleep. I spoke to Grams though. She had Amy is doing great.”

“That’s good.” Pacey said sitting down. “She must be shattered. I remember when Kerry’s kids were babies. They could cry the house down. Why do you think I was always at Dawson’s?” he smiled.

“And here I thought it was due to your sound friendship,” Jack laughed, taking a bite of his food. “This is good, Pace.”

“Thank you,” Pacey responded before returning to their previous conversation. “Living at home was pretty much hell. Better once Doug moved out though. He can be a pain in the butt.”

“Living with him can’t have been that bad,” Jack commented, hoping that Pacey would not recognise how interested Jack was to find out more about Doug.

“No, not that bad… if you do everything exactly how he likes it. He’s a bit of a perfectionist. You may have noticed.”

“He doesn’t seem that bad. I should know, after all the years I spent living with Andie.”

“Well, I guess he has got a little better. And I must admit, living with him was more preferable than living with my parents.”

“At least now you will never have to do either of those again.”

“Yeah. Just unfortunately he owns most of this place. Even if I provide every one of his meals every day, I still won’t have paid him back any time before Amy graduates!”

“Shows he believes in you.”

“I guess.” Pacey took a mouthful of food. “Why are you being a wise sage today? You better not be practicing on me before school starts.”

“Would I?” Jack smiled. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just starting to think that life is too short to be bothered by the past anymore.”

Pacey looked at him suspiciously. “Nope. I don’t accept that.”

“Why?” Jack smiled. “There are so many more important things to be thinking about.”

“Really?” Pacey shook his head. “No, this definitely in not Jack sat before me. Have you forgotten how we work? We sit and moan about the past and list the ways we would change it, only to repeat our silly mistakes the next time the same situation comes round. Could you at least make an attempt to play along?”

“Sorry, Pace, times are changing.”

“No, I’m not going along with that.”

“You don’t have a choice. If Jen having a baby hasn’t made you realise that we’ve grown up, then I don’t know what will.”

“You make us sound so old!” Pacey snickered. “One day, Jackers, you’ll find the man of you dreams and settle down. When you are happy, that is when I will know we’re all grown up and I will give up on all my old hang ups. But until then, I am sixteen.”

“Well, you never know. That could happen sooner than you think. Be prepared.”

Pacey raised an eyebrow. “In Capeside?”

“Maybe.”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever?” Jack repeated. “You really are sixteen again.”

“Told you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jen smiled as she looked down at Amy. She had spent the morning having random strangers congratulating her on such a beautiful baby. She knew she would never get bored of that. However, now sat on the cold plastic seats in the hospital waiting room, Jen noticed that people were more reluctant to peer into Amy’s pram, worried that the baby was the reason for the trip to the hospital. Both Jen and Grams knew that was far from the truth.

“She makes such precious noises when she’s asleep,” Jen smiled. “I can’t believe I made something so perfect.”

“I never doubted it,” Grams replied softly. “She looks a lot like you as a baby – a far calmer temperament though.” 

Jen remained looking at her daughter. “I guess I should be grateful for that.”

Grams looked down at her watch. “Do you want me to go see how long the doctor is going to be?”

“No, it’s okay. They’ve poked and prodded me; now just have to wait until they decide what’s going on.”

“I know dear, but Amy is going to start getting fussy soon.”

“I’m sure it won’t be much longer.”

“Becoming a mother has definitely made you more patient,” Grams remarked.

“I was thinking; maybe you could take Amy home and I’ll wait here for any news.”

Grams looked at her granddaughter disapprovingly. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Just say it.”

“Jennifer, I am not going to leave. I will wait here and we will face whatever the news is together. Then we will phone Jack.”

“Sneaky, Grams,” Jen laughed in vain. “I will tell Jack when I have to. Not before.”

“And when exactly will that be?”

“Grams,” Jen said quietly. “Jack is starting a life in Capeside, whether we like it or not. I know you miss him, but I’m not dragging him back here for no reason.”

“You’re right, Jennifer, I do miss him. He is like my grandson. But more importantly he cares for you, and if something is wrong he deserves to know. How would you feel if it were the other way around?”

“If it were the other way around I wouldn’t know, would I?” Jen reasoned.

“I really do not know how you can be so blasé about all this.”

“Grams,” Jen said, turning and taking her hand. “We will come out of that doctors’ room smiling. I promise you. This is nothing that a little medication won’t fix.”

“I hope you’re right dear.”

“I am. Don’t worry.”

Grams nodded, watching Amy as she began to stir. “But I do worry.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Having had many pretend runs along the beach since his return to Capeside, Jack decided it would probably be a good idea to actually go for a run. It was nice to feel the late summer sun against his skin. Knowing that as of next week he would only be feeling the sunshine through the classroom window. His mind wandered with ideas for lesson plans, and ways to make difficult texts more accessible to his students. After all, he knew which ones they were as they were the ones he looked to Andie to help him with throughout high school. He made a mental note to phone her.

The last thing he had been expecting when he went for breakfast with Doug was the topic of Tobey to be raised. It had caught him off guard. However, for the first time in his adult life he was able to say that he did not regret a single word that he uttered during the confrontation. He had regretted that it had happened, but was comfortable in the fact that he had voiced how he felt. Maybe he really was growing up – and that wasn’t just something he just spouted to Pacey. He was serious about leaving bad habits behind. As sad as things would be if Doug was not able to get over this, he knew that that would only be because they were not ever going to be right for each other. If Doug could not accept his past he would rather find out now rather than three months down the line.

He was in Capeside to work, and that had to be his priority. If that did not work out then he had a family to return to in New York – dysfunctional as they were. He was just going to sit back and see where his life took him. No pressure. No rules. No failure. If anything else happened while he was in Capeside then that would be great, but realistically, he knew it was a small shot. Doug’s reaction had confirmed that.

He should not have been surprised though. He should have known that the previous night’s conversation was not going to just be forgotten. However, the fact that Doug was so fixated on the only time that Jack really acted out of character hurt. It was hard to keep in mind that while Doug may well have known of him in high school, he had no clue as to his years in Boston and New York. He was still filling in the gaps. Tobey, Erik, David, Daniel, all the others… Doug was just another one to add to the end of the list. That in itself must be pretty daunting. Jack knew he should have kept this in mind, but he hadn’t.

“Jack, you’re so stupid,” he mumbled to himself. He could hear Jen’s rational voice in his head, telling him where he had gone wrong again, in her ever sweet natured way. Unfortunately the voice in his head was not telling him how to fix the situation. Should he just leave it as he had that morning? After all he had made it very clear to Doug that he could come find him at any point. But then he had gone directly to Pacey’s, where he knew Doug could not come and openly talk to him, even if he had wanted to.

Jack stopped dead in his tracks and sat down on the sand. In one swift motion he pulled out his cell phone and dialled Jen’s number and waited in anticipation for her to answer. She would know exactly what to do and he could check in on Amy too. He looked down at his phone confused, unable to get through to Jen. He dialled again. Once again all he got was her voicemail. The answering machine was all he got from the home phone too.

“Where is she?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Jennifer?” Grams said softly as she entered her granddaughter’s darkened room. “Are you awake?”

Jen curled up tighter on her bed, Amy next to her. She tried to hide the tears on her cheek, but Grams knew better.

“I bought you some tea,” Grams continued, placing it down next to the bed. “You should drink something.”

Jen did not move – keeping her eyes on her baby girl.

“Everything will be okay,” Grams cooed instinctively as she always had. It reminded Jen of the way Grams would kiss her grazed knee better when she was a child visiting Capeside. This time she did not believe her. “You just wait and see.”

“What if it’s not?” Jen whispered.

“We will make sure that it is.”

“I’m scared. Amy needs me.”

“And she will have you,” Grams assured. “I promise.”

**To Be Continued…**


	14. A Good Book

“It’s been three days, Jen. Three days.” Jack said while pouring out some cereal.

“And nothing?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

The line went quiet as Jen contemplated the situation. Jack poured milk into the bowl and carried it to the table. “It’s like I’ve taken one step forward and about a hundred steps back.”

“I’m not exactly sure what to say,” Jen admitted. “I think you’re right not to go looking for him.”

“You do?” Jack sighed with relief. “I was starting to regret that.”

“No. You made it clear that you’d be there to listen when he was ready to talk. It’s far too early in your relationship to be chasing after him.”

“That’s just it. I don’t even think I would call this a relationship.” Jack took a mouthful. “It’s not anything yet.”

“Well, it’s certainly more than nothing,” Jen amended. 

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s avoiding me,” Jack moped, taking another mouthful.

“Now, you’re just being a little too dramatic. Just because he has not come looking for you, doesn’t mean that he is avoiding you. If anything, by staying indoors for the last three days, you, Mr McPhee, seem to be avoiding him.”

“He knows where I am if he wants to talk,” Jack reasoned, accepting to some extent what Jen was saying.

“Yes – at his brother’s house. The brother who he does not want to know about the two of you.”

“You make another reasonably sound point,” Jack groaned. “Is that Amy crying? Do you need to go?” he joked, really hearing nothing.

“Nope. No getting out of it that easily. She is out with Grams, being cooed over by the old ladies of New York.” Jen smiled at the peacefulness of her home. Silence. “I hate to say it, Jack, but you either need to get this thing sorted out, or otherwise you need to forget about it.”

“You just said that I shouldn’t go after him,” Jack said confused.

“You shouldn’t. I still stand by that. But you knew right from the very beginning that if this thing worked out that it wouldn’t be easy. You have leaped over so many hurdles so far, do you really want this to be the one that takes you down?”

“I understand what you’re saying, Jen, I think, but I don’t really know what it is you expect me to do.”

“The very least you can do is be somewhere he will see you – somewhere he can come over and break the ice. You can’t expect him to come to Pacey’s. That’s asking far too much.”

“I guess.”

“How about tonight? There’s a coffee shop right next to the police station – be there.”

“Jen, I know we did a bit of stalking in out teens, but you’re starting to sound like you have far more experience in this.”

“Well maybe that’s because I have, but that’s a whole other story for a whole other day,” Jen dismissed. “Just be there. If he sees you and still walks away – well, then you have your answer.”

“That sounds marvellously cunning, Miss Lindley, but unfortunately impossible. I’m working tonight at Pacey’s.”

“Well, then, that will just have to do, won’t it? Let’s hope he comes by for a drink.”

“If he isn’t going to speak to me here, then he certainly won’t there,” Jack reasoned.

“Maybe not. But you’ll at least be able to see how he’s doing. That’s something.”

“I suppose.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Having decided that Pacey could stick the work clothes he has forced on him last time, Jack simply threw on a pair of jeans and a smart shirt – one that Doug had hung up for him a few days before – back when everything seemed so complicated, but far more simple than now. Jack laughed at the concept. It seemed like something he would find in the literature he taught his students. That just when you think things were sorted, they can take another turn. Most students would retort with how that was not real life and that, unlike some novels where the author was clearly a little twisted and perverse, things usually did work out. Jack would always smile at their naivety and think how lovely his life would be if that were true. Unfortunately his author seemed to be more twisted than the rest. At least that was how it felt.

His second decision was to leave his car at Pacey’s and take a nice, slow walk into town. It was far too early to start work anyway, but he needed to get out of the house. Jen had been right; he had been hiding out. He took in a deep breath and let the fresh air fill his lungs – that was definitely a different sensation than in New York. Stepping off of Pacey’s porch, Jack took the path along the road; choosing greenery over the beach. His mind wandered to his classroom. He planned to head to the school at some point and put posters up in his room. Anything to make it his, rather than Mr Peterson’s. He smiled at the thought of the old man’s face when someone told him that he had lost his classroom to Jack McPhee – the boy too scared to read out a poem!

More than ever before Jack was certain that he was no longer that boy. He was not scared anymore. He was not as damaged or as lonely. And even in those moments of weakness, he knew how to cope. He knew that sadness and fear were not the only emotion he would ever feel. He had gone through the self-destructive phase of his life – one which every teen comes out the other side of. One, which he hoped, Pacey would come out of soon. He had been in Capeside long enough to hear the whispers about his friend – ones concerning a certain older women. Some people never learn, he thought smiling. Some people, like him, are simply looking for their place in the world.

He turned left onto Main Street. The afternoon sun was still warm on his face and people were still roaming the streets, carrying shopping bags and coffees. Couples passed him with young children in strollers. His mind immediately flipped to Amy. He wished she had been with Jen when she had phoned, just so he could listen to her breath or cry. He did not want her to forget him – the man who was there right from the beginning. The man who first held her and heard her first ever cry. The man who watched as the nurses found a pink blanket and wrapped her up like an amazing gift. He made a mental note to check in on Jen more often – she had sounded exhausted on the phone. It was a wonder that she remained so wise in such circumstances. He had no idea what he would do without her.

Without even thinking, Jack turned into the bookstore, holding the door open for two teenage girls who exited with armfuls of books. He would love to have students like that in his class, but knew that realistically, the students he would have would be far more Pacey Witter than Joey Potter. His first assignment of the year was always a discussion on the books the students had read over then summer. Knowing full well that many of them may not have read anything over the break, or may not want to speak in front of a whole new class of students, he found it helped to pick a novel that had been popular during the summer – usually something that had been made into a movie – and talk about that himself. Eventually a brave soul would perk up about their own reading, or at very least comment on his book – probably only having watched the movie. Unfortunately, like most students, reading had been the last thing on his mind this summer.

He stood in front of the bestsellers stand, looking blankly. He had not even heard of most of them. Some vaguely sounded familiar, but not enough for him to pick one up. He knew Jodi Picoult was always a popular one with the girls in the class, but alienated the boys a little – and seeing as they were the least likely to have read over the summer, he decided to avoid any of her numerous titles. He stepped slightly to the left to allow another customer full view of the shelf. The chances were that they would come to a decision long before he would. After all, he was now resorting to judging each book by the cover. His eyes settled on a cover with a picture of Eric Bana on the front. That definitely must have been made into a movie. All of a sudden the customer next to him reached out and picked up the book he was gazing at.

“Give this one a try,” he said to Jack, offering the book to him.

Jack turned startled, having not even paid the person next to him any attention. “Doug,” he said, surprised, but cool enough for him not to feel embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I was miles away.”

“I could tell,” Doug said softly, glancing around the store to check that no one else was around their section. “Looking for a book?” he asked, instantly wanting to kick himself for asking an incredibly obvious question.

“Yeah,” Jack smiled. “Something to talk to the kids about.”

Doug’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the soft, but genuine smile on Jack’s face. “Try this one. It’s good.”

Jack took it from him. “‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’,” Jack read. “What’s that about?”

“Pretty self explanatory I think,” Doug teased.

“Oh, right, of course,” Jack blushed. “Will the students know it?”

“They should do. It’s been playing at the cinema most of the summer.”

“Thank you,” Jack said, wanting to say something more. Wanting to take hold of Doug’s hand and give it a squeeze – anything but stand two feet away from the other man, pretending he did not know him. “Why are you in here?” Jack asked.

“The owner called about some guy staring blankly at his bestsellers like a madman. Apparently it was scaring away other customers,” Doug smiled.

“Yeah, I could imagine that around here,” Jack replied.

“I was just checking in on Mr Cartland. He’s recently had to install CCTV.”

“Is there nothing better round here to steal than books?” Jack joked and then thought about it. “Probably not.”

The two men stood silently – neither really knowing what to say. Neither wanting to say anything that would alter the comfort they felt in the other’s presence. 

“What are you doing tonight?” Doug asked quickly – seemingly before someone else could come in and burst their little bubble.

Jack dipped his head and laughed to himself at the irony. “I’m helping out at Pacey’s.”

“Oh,” Doug nodded, disappointed. “Okay.”

“How about after?” Jack asked quickly. “Unless you’re busy.”

“No, I’m not busy.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

No one had come to the bar in over forty minutes. The few tables that were filled in the restaurant were with families on the last couple of days of their holidays. No one seemed in any hurry. No one seemed to want anything. Jack had poured a few sodas for the waiters to deliver to tables, but nothing that was really worth his presence.

It had not been long after arriving that he remembered that he had the book he had bought. There was not long until school started again and every moment counted. He pulled it out of the brown paper bag he had been given it in and bent back the cover. As always, he flicked through the pages and broke the spine of the book. Resting his elbows on the bar, he started to read.

He zoned out the sounds of people eating and chatting; the sounds of people paying and leaving, as he turned the pages, over and over. The story began to unfold around him. He was in the meadow. He was in the car when it crashed. He was in the library. He was pretty much anywhere but stood behind the bar in Pacey’s restaurant.

“Is this what I’m paying you for?” Pacey swiped as he sat down at the bar.

“You’re not paying me,” Jack replied, monotone as he continued reading.

Pacey sat patiently for a few more moments, waiting for Jack to put down the book and pay him some attention. When that moment did not come, he did the only thing he knew to do. Snatching the book from his friend he tossed it over his shoulder, listening as it hit the floor behind him with a thud.

Jack looked at him shocked. “Did you just throw my book on the floor?”

“Yes, Jackers, I did.”

Blinking at his friend, Jack took a moment to take in what had just happened. “No wonder you failed English.”

“I passed in the end. That’s all that counts.”

“What can I do for you, Pacey?” Jack asked, looking at his book lying on the floor, not being bothered to go round to the front of the bar to pick it up.

“Talk to me.”

“Yes, sir. About anything in particular?”

“Well, I was going to ask you where your correct attire is, but that seems like the least of my worries considering the book reading on my time,” Pacey said in his best managerial voice.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Too right it won’t,” Pacey agreed. “You’re fired, McPhee. Fired!”

“I am, am I?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I should collect my things and leave then.”

“I think that would be best.”

“No problem,” Jack smiled, picking up a couple of bottles of beer, opening them and walking round to the front of the bar where he sat next to Pacey. “Thank God for that. Working for you was hell.”

“That’s what they all say,” Pacey smiled, picking up one of the beers.

“Hey, who said that was for you,” Jack joked.

“Just remember whose beer you’re drinking.”

Jack smiled as he took a slug of his beer. “Pacey?” 

“Yes, Jack.”

“Pick up my damn book.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack did not even need to knock on Doug’s door. He had barely made it up the path before the door opened.

“You’re earlier than I expected,” Doug said with a smile.

“You were just waiting by the door just in case?” Jack smiled.

“I saw you through the window,” Doug blushed. “So, Pacey let you go early?”

“He fired me actually,” Jack laughed. “I was reading on the job,” he said, lifting the slightly tattered book.

“You broke the spine,” Doug said, shocked as he took the book from him. “I don’t know how people can do that.”

Jack simply laughed. “That may have happened when Pacey threw it.”

“He never has been a lover of books.”

“True,” Jack said, starting to feel uncomfortable again. He had hoped that the few beers he had had with Pacey would make this conversation easier. Not knowing what Doug was going to say to him gave him butterflies in his stomach that had not felt as bad since he was a teenager.

Doug took hold of Jack’s hand, almost making Jack jump. Doug did not seem to notice. Without too much thought he leaned in and caught Jack’s lips, kissing him softly.

A moment later he pulled back slightly. “Have you been drinking?” he asked.

“Only enough to make this hurt a little less,” Jack said quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Doug said softly. “For the other day. And for every day I haven’t made it right.”

“Just say that it’s okay now.”

“I acted really badly and it was totally my fault.”

“You were just being honest,” Jack reasoned.

“No. I was taking my own conscience out on you. I was wrong.”

Jack looked at Doug – still stood mere inches away from him.

“I have probably done far worse to people in my life.”

“Just not other men,” Jack added.

“Yeah.”

“And I freaked you out,” Jack continued.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not just some other guy to me, Doug. I just want you to know that. I have been lying about for three days hating how we left things.”

“Me too.”

“So are we okay?” Jack asked.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Good,” Jack smiled. “I don’t want to do this again.”

“Neither do I,” Doug smiled back.

“Just forget everything I told you the other night.”

“No,” Doug replied. “Everything you told me the other night just proved to me how great you are.”

Jack looked at him confused. “It didn’t seem like that the other morning.”

“I guess I was just jealous. Not because you’ve done all the things that I wish I had, but because all those guys had their chance and blew it. If things had been different, and it had been us… I never would have done any of the things they did.”

Jack looked at Doug silently, a knot in his throat, unsure what to say.

“You deserve more than that. You always have.”

“I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say to that,” Jack blushed.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Doug said, moving his hand to Jack’s cheek. “Just don’t leave.” Leaning in, he kissed Jack more deeply than before.

“I won’t,” Jack promised.

“Will Pacey notice if you stay here tonight?” Doug asked.

“Probably… but that’s not going to stop me.”

“Good,” Doug said, leading him to the sofa and sitting down. “So what do you think of the book so far?”

Jack smiled widely, “It’s great. I love it.” He sat down next to Doug, curling into him. “Have you read it?”

“Twice,” Doug smiled. “And it only gets better.”

“Promise?” Jack smiled.

“Promise.”

**To Be Continued….**


	15. Close Encounters

When Jack was in high school he had a recurring dream. Not the typical turning up in the hallways totally naked, or even where you would fall and wake up just before you hit the ground. His dreams were always about waking up in bed, having no idea where he was. The dream was so vivid that he believed it was real every time. He could feel another person’s leg brush against his own; feel the warmth radiating off of them. He would be able to smell another person’s shampoo, the smell of their skin. He would lie still and debate whether or not he should open his eyes. Pray that if he stayed totally still that the other person would disappear – racking his mind for who the other person could be. When he finally opened his eyes the other person was a blur – a genderless ball of light. No distinguishing features at all. The harder he tried to look, the more distant it become, until finally disappearing, leaving only the indentation of someone’s head on the pillow next to him.

This morning when he started to wake he was convinced he was having the same dream. The first thing he smelt was the apple of someone’s shampoo and a definite, unmistakable smell of man. He let a slow, sleepy smile rise to his dreaming face. Wiggling his toes a little under the sheets he felt another foot – definitely not just his own. The smile grew a little larger when he realised there was a weight across his back – an arm he assumed. That was different. He had never dreamt that before. He had never smiled in his dream before either. He was usually petrified. Slowly it began to dawn on him that he was not dreaming. He fidgeted a little, trying to work out what he was wearing. He was definitely clothed. He could feel that much. Sweat pants and a T-shirt he decided. He was sure he was not wearing them last night.

As he grew more awake he began to remember the hours he and Doug had sat on the couch, talking about books and movies and music. He remembered laughing until it hurt when he saw Doug’s CD collection. He also remembered how he had stopped laughing when remembering that his was not much better. They had argued over who would win in a fight between superman and batman. He obviously backed Superman – as the non-human. That had to give him some superiority. Realising how geeky they sounded, and unable to resolve the debate, Jack resorted to hitting Doug with a cushion. It took a few seconds for Doug to get over the shock and without any reluctance lunge for Jack which resulted in a brief, playful tussle before Jack finally caved. He no longer cared if Superman would win or not. He had never cared about anything less.

When it came to going to bed, it was a whole new experience. He had never even been in Doug’s bedroom, let alone spent the night in there. He had planned to sleep in his clothes, wanting to make it clear that he was still intending to stick to the no sex rule he had come up with, but soon realised that jeans and a smart shirt were not going to make for comfortable sleeping attire. Luckily Doug was one step ahead of him and without a word chucked him the same clothes he had given him the few days either after he had been caught in the rain. Graciously accepting, he had stripped off his clothes, folding them and placing them on the chair in the corner and climbed into Doug’s offerings.

Jack was now totally awake, eyes closed and smiling. 

“Do you always fidget this much?” was the first thing he heard.

All he could do was smile wider and wriggle about a little more for effect.

“So predictable,” Doug laughed.

“Why ask then?” he continued to smile, finally opening his eyes to see Doug lying next to him – one arm stretched out over his back.

“Just checking you actually were awake.”

“So next time when I don’t answer you’ll assume I’m asleep?”

“Next time? You’re not staying again the amount you fidget,” Doug joked.

“Shame,” Jack yawned, rolling over onto his side, facing away from Doug, letting his arm drop off of him. “I may as well go back to sleep then and make the most of this comfy bed.”

Doug laughed and rolled over behind him, looping his arm around Jack’s waist. 

“It’s a shame though,” Jack continued. “I thought we may have had something, but if you’re that much of a sensitive sleeper, this will never work.”

“Maybe I’ll get used to it,” Doug reasoned.

“Doubt it,” Jack snubbed. “We may as well cut our losses now.”

“You think so?”

“Yep. Plenty more fish in the sea.”

“You know what? For two people who seem to like each other we are trying very hard to not to be together.”

Jack smiled in defeat and turned towards Doug and kissed him good morning. “You like me, huh?” he mocked.

“I used to… seems to be wearing off.”

“How about we actually have breakfast together this time before another relationship-pausing incident occurs?”

“Relationship?” Doug asked seriously. “Is that how you see this?” His mouth curled up at one side, giving his smile away.

Jack looked back at him suspiciously. “Do you usually have men waking up in your bed?” he asked. “Because let me know now so we can avoid the issue later. Make a rota or something.”

Doug did not know what to say, so instead he just kissed the other man, hoping that would shut him up.

“Just remember, Doug. You may well think you can mock, but I will always win.”

“You sound like Pacey,” Doug groaned.

Jack looked at him disgusted. “Is that really the image you want right now?”

“So…” Doug said pulling away from Jack and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Breakfast.”

“Good call.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The whole room still smelt of chalk, even though Jack was sure there had been a white board on the wall for a couple of years now. He immediately opened the windows, attempting to clear the stale air. The walls had a couple of dog-eared posters about poetry and grammar on them. They came down as soon as Jack spotted them and immediately went in the trash.

He moved onto the desks, moving them around so that the rows were longer but fewer – a trick he learnt in New York. All kids will flock to the back instinctively, at least this way they were only a couple of rows from the front. He left a space between the desks and the windows giving him room to walk down the length of the room, and if need be, block the view of any daydreamers who were staring outside.

He took a deep breath before opening the door to the walk-in store cupboard to the side of his desk, scared as what he would find inside. He was pleasantly surprised to find very little. A few old books, a few new books that looked like they had never been touched, and an old bundle of papers which at a glance looked like uncollected homework and essays. Other than that there was just a mass of empty space, waiting to be filled by the new teacher. He had bought very little with him other than a box of stationary that he had liberated from his old school. He placed that box on a shelf and stood back, looking at the expanse of space in front of him, knowing that in mere weeks it would be full of books and essays to mark.

Once he had the room the way he wanted it, he began to concentrate on making it more homely. He had kept a few of his wall posters from New York – mostly movie posters of well known books and famous extracts of writing from famous American writers. He still had posters that his students made during one of their assignments where he had them write down their favourite song lyrics and write a short story based on their favourite songs. He always enjoyed coming up with creative ways to get his students to connect with a topic they had always thought they had hated.

“So this is all yours?” Doug asked, walking in.

Jack turned round from his desk, startled, not expecting anyone to be there. “What are you doing here?” Jack asked, smiling.

“I thought you might want a coffee,” he said, raising the coffees he had in his hands.

“Thank you.” Getting up from his desk as walked over to Doug and gave him a quick kiss before taking his drink. It was not anything big, but still the first sign of affection either of them had shown to each other outside of the confines of their homes. “No one’s here,” he said as he walked back to his desk, knowing what Doug was thinking.

“How’s everything going?” Doug asked, looking around the room. “Looking pretty good in here.”

“I’m getting there.” Jack cleared a space on his desk so Doug could perch on the edge. “Shouldn’t you be a work? You really do slack off.” 

“I do not.”

“You seem just to hang around schools and bookshops. I’ve never actually seen you arrest anyone.”

“I arrested you and all your friends, or were you too drunk to remember that?” Doug smiled, casually taking a sip of his coffee, ignoring the look on Jack’s face.

“How do you remember that?” Jack laughed. “I was like seventeen.”

“I remember everyone I arrest,” Doug replied simply. “And it was on the rare occasion I got to arrest Pacey. It was a good night for me.”

“You’re quite twisted,” Jack laughed. “All these years I have been the only one of my friends smart enough not to get involved with a Witter. You are all evil.”

Doug said nothing, just carried on sipping his coffee.

“Evil,” Jack repeated, turning back to the poster he had been making before Doug had walked in.

“I didn’t realise there was so much art involved with being an English teacher,” Doug said, admiring Jack’s work. “Looks good though.”

“Thank you,” Jack said, not looking up from the poster, but smiling anyway.

“Anything I can do to help?”

Jack looked up at him in consideration. “How are you at hanging posters straight?”

“Huh?” Doug asked confused.

Jack looked around the room and laughed. “I doesn’t seem like I’m all that good at it.”

Doug smiled too, noticing how when you really looked, the posters were all slightly lopsided. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Life saver.”

“Slight exaggeration I think,” Doug laughed as he made his way over to one of the posters, which on cue fell to the floor. “Forget hanging them straight, you don’t seem all that good at hanging them full stop.”

“What can I say?” Jack laughed. “I lack many basic skills.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Doug assured, picking the poster up and trying to re-tack it to the wall, only to have it fall again. “It’s more difficult than it looks.”

“There’s more white-tac in the cupboard if you need it,” Jack offered, gesturing in the direction of the open door.

Doug left the poster on a desk and walked into the cupboard and started rummaging around the box of supplies Jack had left on the shelf. “I can’t see any,” he called back to Jack.

“I’m sure it’s in there.” He got up from the desk and approached the cupboard door. Before he could help Doug search for it he became aware of a noise in the hallway. “Did you hear that?” he asked.

“Hear what?” Doug asked, having heard nothing.

“Sounded like the front door opening and closing.”

“Mr. McPhee!” echoed down the hallway.

“Pacey?!” Jack called back, looking at Doug in shock.

“What the hell?” Doug whispered alarmed.

“Where are you, Jackers?” Pacey called.

“In here!” he called back, trying to think of what he should do. Mouthing the word ‘sorry’ to Doug he quickly closed the door to the cupboard.

“In here?” Pacey laughed, turning the corner into the classroom. “What help is that?”

“You found me, didn’t you?” Jack laughed, nervously.

“Just thought I would pop by and see how my favourite Capeside High teacher is doing.” Pacey took a seat, kicking his feet up onto Jack’s desk. “You know, I always thought that I would make a good teacher.

Jack laughed at the thought. “Pacey, you would be a horrible teacher.”

“Harsh,” Pacey mocked insult. “You have to admit back in High School you were just as unlikely to become a teacher as I was. I don’t remember you ever doing anything.”

“I wouldn’t say that was quite true,” Jack defended.

“And then there was college. Drinking, smoking, random men…”

“Okay, Pace,” Jack interrupted. “We don’t need to go over that again,” he insisted, knowing that Doug was in earshot.

“So, does this make you Miss Jacobs?” Pacey smiled.

“Excuse me?”

“You know, the hot English teacher that everyone has a crush on.”

Jack laughed at the twisted way Pacey’s mind worked. “No. I would never sleep with a student. Especially not a dumb one.”

“Ouch, Jackers. That hurts. I always figured you would go for me if you had the chance.”

“You flatter yourself.”

“No, really. I have been sussing you out. I am exactly your type.”

“I have a type?”

“Of course you do. We all have a type,” Pacey informed. “It would be too clichéd to say you like the tall, dark and handsome, but your track record would indicate that you do.”

“I wouldn’t say I have a track record,” Jack protested. 

“Sure!” Pacey laughed. “But I know your game. You’re working your way through men until you find one that matches up to me. It’s not going to happen, Jackers.”

“You seem to want me to want you,” Jack questioned.

“I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it. I am acknowledging your feelings and letting you know that I’m cool with it.”

“That’s what this is?” Jack asked.

“Yep.”

“Well, it’s not working. I am feeling very uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well, sorry about that,” Pacey smiled, riffling through the papers on Jack’s desk. “I’ve never even heard of half these books,” he said reading one of the pages.

“You should have. We read most of them in high school,” Jack smiled, taking the pages back from Pacey. “Nothing really changes round here.”

“Well, I only came back into this hellhole to see if you were coming by the restaurant tonight?”

“For any particular reason?” Jack asked.

“It’s Gale’s engagement party.”

“Gale? Dawson’s mom?”

“Yeah, she’s getting married. They decided on a small engagement shindig tonight before Lily goes back to school on Monday. You’re more than welcome. I think Doug is going so at least you’ll know someone. You two are talking now, right?”

Jack laughed slightly as he answered. “Yes, Pacey. We’re fine.”

“Good.”

“I didn’t know Gale was engaged. Is Dawson coming?”

“Not sure. His new show starts next week so he may be tied up in Lala land.”

“I totally forgot about that. Y’know, he sent me a casting photo of the kid playing me. I didn’t realise he still hated me,” Jack laughed.

“What’s he called you? I’m Petey.”

“Um, Jake, I think. I really hope people don’t realise it’s us. It will be so embarrassing.”

“If we survived adolescence, I think we will survive this.”

“True,” Jack agreed. “Well, I’ll try and pop by later.”

“Good. You can help me clear up,” Pacey said heading towards the door.

“Now I see why you’re inviting me.”

“Of course. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“You better be talking about food.”

“Stop trying to resist it, Jackers.”

“Good bye, Pacey,” Jack laughed, going back to his desk and ignoring his friend.

“See you later,” Pacey called as he made his way down the hallway.

Jack sat very still, listening as Pacey’s footsteps faded and the door slammed shut at the end of the corridor. Quickly he got up from his desk and opened the door to the cupboard, to find Doug almost pressed up against the other side of the door, listening.

“I’m so sorry,” Jack apologised.

A smile crept up on Doug’s face, small at first, but growing quickly.

“What?” Jack asked. “Why are you smiling?”

“I’m just glad I’m not the only one that he knows how to wind up.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack looked around the room. He was sure that he did not know a single person there. Everyone looked to be his parents’ age, which was not a surprise considering whose party it was. Every time Pacey passed by with platters of food he would give Jack a look that said ‘I can’t believe you actually came’. He could imagine Pacey laughing to himself in his head. It was too late now to duck away as if he had wandered in by accident, and far too early to make an exit.

He considered excusing himself to the kitchen – pretending that Pacey needed help. In reality he knew he would just get in the way. The restaurant was still pretty busy so it was not like he could just sit on the counter and chat to Pacey like he normally would. He knew he was just going to have to brave it out with the rest of the party.

He spent what felt like an hour talking to a woman about his age, who claimed to have been friends with Dawson in high school and was so glad to have spotted someone else her age. Jack had a feeling that she expected him to know who she was, but he had no idea. She looked like every other girl who roamed the halls of Capeside High – it was not like he was actually looking. Not like the other guys were. He made a mental note to ask Pacey who she was – if she had been in school when they were, Pacey would know who she was. Jack made polite conversation, and listened to how she was between jobs and considering taking up an offer she had for law school. She had returned to Capeside when her grandmother had become ill, and still not made it back to Philadelphia where she had been studying - a boyfriend, apartment and cat all still waiting for her return.

It reminded Jack that he needed to check in on Jen. Last time he had called Grams has answered, telling him that Jen was taking a nap while Amy was asleep and that she would call him back when she was awake. That call never came. He missed being in New York and being with Jen, Amy and Grams. He even missed his old school and would wonder, on the odd occasion, what Daniel was doing, and if he had changed the blinds in his living room like they had talked about. He missed the way that he would wander into Times Square at night when he felt lonely and listen to tourists talk about the show they had just seen, or argue about which way it was back to their hotel. He could spot a true New Yorker a mile off. Just before he had left he was actually starting to feel like one of them. He knew where to get the best cheesecake, the best coffee, when the best time to get on the subway was, and how to direct a cab driver around the maintenance work near his home. And though standing in Capeside talking to some random girl made him miss this old life, he started to realise that he fit in Capeside far more than he thought he ever would – more than he had as a teenager.

Over the girl’s shoulder he saw Doug enter the restaurant and after stopping for a few seconds to say something to Pacey, made his way towards the designated party area. He went immediately to Gale and her fiancé, whose name Jack had already forgotten, and Jack assumed congratulated them on their engagement. Gale smiled widely and embraced Doug. Jack imagined that Gale was asking him how work was and telling him to help himself to food and something to drink. Doug smiled graciously, and as he looked up his eyes caught Jack’s gaze. He smiled more widely, and even though he was still talking to Gale, Jack knew it was aimed at him. Butterflies in his stomach fluttered and he had to look away before anyone noticed his blush.

That’s when he realised the woman was still talking about how she had a younger sister who was still at Capeside High and that maybe he would be teaching her. He politely asked her what he sister’s name was, though was not paying enough attention to actually hear the answer. Kelly, or Katie, or Kirsty...or something. He was too busy staring at Doug – studying the cut of the dark blue shirt he was wearing – the way that one sleeve was rolled up just a little higher than the other. He liked seeing Doug is a shirt more casual than his work uniform. Instead of it being tucked tightly into his pants, tonight he had allowed it to hang loose. Jack liked that.

Realising that he could not keep faking a conversation with this woman without her noticing that she only had about 5% of his attention, he excused himself to the bar, desperately needing another drink. It was only then that he had realised that he had no clue as to how to behave around Doug in public. He had not been in a situation with Doug where everyone in the room not only did not know that Doug was gay, but also had no idea that the two of them even knew each other. All he wanted was to buy Doug a drink and take it over to him. Even better he wanted to go over there tell him that the party was dull and suggest they leave and go back to his. Having ordered a drink, he hoped that when he turned round Doug would be there. But when he turned around Doug was still on the other side of the room talking to an old couple with a drink already in his hand. Jack tried to pretend that he was not bothered – that he always knew that this is how it would be. It was then that he remembered that he did not know anyone else at the party and began looking around for the woman who had been boring him, but even she was talking to someone else.

Propping up the bar suddenly did not seem like such a bad idea. Even three beers later. People watching had always been one of his favourite pass times. The things you can learn about someone when they think no one is watching them can be fascinating. Like the way Gale kept checking her phone in the hope that Dawson would make it, even though she knew there was no way he could; or how her fiancé pretended not to notice but really was also a sneaking a look at her phone over her shoulder. Jack thought he seemed like a good guy. He liked how he was with Lily – like she was his own; the way he would probably seemed when he was out in public with Amy in the future – or so he hoped.

By 10pm Jack was ready to leave. Having still not said a word to Doug, he wanted to go over and at least tell him that he was leaving, but knew that would seem odd to everyone other than the two of them. He wished that the two of them had discussed etiquette when Jack had been invited to attend the party. They probably had both assumed that Jack would talk to Pacey, but for once Pacey was genuinely working and not just pretending. Getting up from his bar stall Jack headed towards the bathroom before heading home. He surprised by how many people were still at the party as he made his way across the room. He expected at least most of them to have headed home by now.

Entering the empty men’s room he walked up to the sink, leaning in and looking at himself in the mirror. He rubbed his hands over his face and rubbed a circular motion around his temples, trying to relieve his slight headache. Tonight had not gone as planned. Then again, he was not exactly sure what he had expected to happen. He had not really thought about it. He was just disappointed.

The bathroom door opened suddenly and quickly closed again. Before Jack could even glance round to see who had entered he felt hands of his body, spinning him round, and lips suddenly against his own. His body was swiftly manoeuvred to be pressed against the bathroom door, preventing anyone else access. Jack smiled as he continued to be kissed savagely and felt the other mouth smile back. His body was pressed back solidly against the door with another body flat against his front. After a few moments Doug pulled away.

“You’re bored out of your mind, aren’t you?” Doug smiled.

“I was until about ten seconds ago,” Jack said bemused. 

“You taste of beer,” Doug commented.

“I wonder why,” Jack smiled.

“I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you.”

“It’s okay,” Jack shrugged. “Kind of what I was expecting.”

“Liar,” Doug muttered, kissing him again.

“Am not,” he protested.

“It’s my job to know when people are lying,” Doug laughed softly. “And it’s okay. I understand. It sucks.”

“It’s fine for you. You know more than two other people in this town.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Well, um, I think I’m ready to leave,” Doug smiled. “Before Pacey ropes me into clearing up.”

“Sound like a good idea,” Jack smiled.

“Meet you outside in 2 minutes?”

“Deal.”

**To Be Continued…**


	16. Back to School

Rules are made for a reason. Long gone were the days for pretending that they were only there to be broken. In the long run that mentality gets you nowhere. You just have to have faith that the person who came up with the rule knew what they were doing, and hopefully had good reasons for doing so. School life is full of such rules; like no running in the hallways, hand your homework in on time, or only one pudding cup per person. Even when the rule seems trivial there is always a small voice in the back of your mind reminding you that there will be a sanction for even the slightest breach. As a teacher Jack often found himself having to enforce rules that he thought pointless, but knew that if he backed down he would not be helping his students in the big wide world. Rules, however, become increasingly more difficult to follow when the rule is your own with no one else to enforce it. A rule you made back when you were probably thinking more clearly; more logically. 

Jack knew this predicament only too well. It had just started as a movie; a glass of wine; sitting close. Before long fingers became tangled, wine glasses abandoned and the movie totally forgotten. All Jack could think about was the heat. And hands – everywhere. It felt like Doug had ten hands, and they were working together to drive him over the edge. For hands that were supposedly inexperienced, Jack couldn’t help but notice that they most definitely seemed to know what they were doing.

He thought about saying something. Anything. Anything would be fine. He knew that. If he had control over his mouth he may have even laughed at the thought of speaking. Simply trying to process thoughts was hard enough. Words seemed impossible. Words were jumbled together in his mind, desperately trying to form sentences that only a week ago he was sure about: “Let’s wait,” “Let’s not rush this,” “No sex!” However now it seemed as though his mind and body were no longer on speaking terms and were intent on ignoring each other. And Doug… well he seemed intent on pushing Jack to breaking point – testing to see if Jack really meant what he said.

Jack was suddenly aware that Doug’s shirt was completely unbuttoned. It took him a few moments of trying to back track and remember how this had happened, and if in fact it was his disobedient hands which has caused this, before he realised that his own shirt was completely gone. Thoughts of clothing were pushed aside when he became lost in the feel of Doug’s skin against his own. It was like thousands of mini electric shocks all over his exposed flesh. A shiver ran down his spine, causing him to arch up under Doug’s body.

Jack knew what would happen next. Slowly other items to clothing would be unfastened, then removed, then there would be no way of stopping. He liked to think he was stronger than that – that he had the power to resist doing something that he had said all along he would not do. He knew that was a lie though. Anyone who claimed that about themselves had never had Doug do to them what he was doing with his mouth to Jack’s neck right now. Jack was impressed with Doug’s persistence. He had been sure that Doug would have backed down by now – that he would want to cool it off a little. The cop in him however was continuing with his onslaught and waiting for Jack to cave – one way or the other.

“Doug,” Jack muttered softly. Quiet enough for him to even doubt whether or not he had actually spoken. His hands ran up Doug’s back to his shoulders, which did nothing but encourage the other man. “Doug,” he said again.

“Hmmmm,” was all Doug mustered, not removing his mouth from Jack’s skin for even a second.

“Doug,” Jack said more forcibly, but laughing slightly. “Doug, stop.”

Doug looked up at Jack’s face. “Why?” he smiled.

“You know why,” Jack replied, unable to resist kissing Doug again.

“I thought you said stop.”

“I did.”

“Well?”

“Well what?” Jack smiled, not really having the power to say anything else.

“I think you have just a little bit too much self-control,” Doug smiled as he slid to the side, moving off of Jack’s body.

“Is that a bad thing?” Jack laughed.

“For me or for you?” Doug kissed Jack again softly. “It’s annoyingly attractive.”

“So this is where I have been going wrong all these years,” Jack smiled cheekily, turning on his side to give Doug a little more room.

“Clearly,” Doug agreed. “Are you staying here tonight?”

“I can’t,” Jack mumbled disappointedly.

“Why not?”

“Pacey has made a big song and dance about making sure I’m up early enough for him to make a ‘special breakfast’ for my first day at work. There’s no way I’ll be able to sneak in.”

“I can’t believe that I have to share my boyfriend with my brother,” Doug groaned.

“To be fair I was his first,” Jack stated matter-of-factly before kissing the other man again. 

“Sometimes I worry about how close you two really got when you lived together in Boston.”

“It was nothing too serious. Just the odd shower together – spooning in bed. That sort of thing.”

“You’re not funny. You know that, right?”

“Since he was 17 years old the only person Pacey has ever wanted was Joey.”

“True,” Doug agreed. “They were good together. I have no idea how she put up with him so long though.”

“Just another of the wonders of Miss Potter.” 

“Patience of a saint.”

“Why don’t you come around for breakfast tomorrow too? At least then I can see you before work,” Jack suggested.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why not? It’s not going to be a big deal. Just Pacey cooking breakfast.”

“Won’t he think it odd if I turn up?”

“Come on, how many times have you happened to turn up for breakfast?”

“I guess.”

“Say 7am, you just happen to be passing?”

“I’m sure I can do that,” Doug smiled.

“Good.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack did not know what time it was. His alarm had not yet gone off, but he knew, even without opening his eyes that it was due to go off any second. Even though he was used to getting up early, even during summer vacation, he hated having to get up for work. There was a big difference between choosing to get up and being forced to. He needed coffee – badly. A side effect of living with Jen so long. He needed it so badly that he swore he could already smell it – the aroma filling the room.

The alarm burst to life on the dresser next to his bed – playing some horrific small town radio station into his room. He made a mental note to change it back to the buzzer setting. He refused to wake up to Sam and Chuck’s breakfast show every morning – being rudely awakened by people who had no business being so cheery at 6am.

He opened his eyes enough to see the alarm clock and hit snooze. As he reached out his hand brushed something warm and unexpected. Opening his eyes fully he stared at the steaming cup of coffee sat on his nightstand. Thinking maybe he was dreaming he rubbed his eyes. It really was there.

“Rise and shine sleepy head!” 

Jack spun round to see Pacey sitting the end of his bed with a big smile on his face.

“Pacey!” Jack jumped. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

“Is it any wonder you wake up alone when you greet people like that?” Pacey chirped.

Jack said nothing, but continued to stare at him as if he could make him disappear just with the power of his mind. 

“It’s lucky you’re good looking.”

“Pacey?”

“I was just bringing you your morning coffee.”

“And that couldn’t have waited until I came downstairs… dressed preferably?” Jack sat up in bed and pulled the sheets around him.

“Oh come on, like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

Jack looked at him confused. “You haven’t.”

“Okay, that’s true, but seriously man, I know you don’t sleep naked. It’s not like I crawled into bed next to you.”

Jack found this slightly amusing considering his conversation with Doug the previous night. “You scared the hell out of me, Pace.”

“Well, I apologise for that,” Pacey said as he stood from the end of Jack’s bed. “I’m going to start breakfast. How long is it going to take for you to beautify yourself?”

“Um, I don’t know… I’ll need about an hour to get everything sorted.”

“Okay. I’ll see you downstairs at 7 sharp.” Pacey smiled widely as he walked towards the door.

“Pacey?” Jack asked, “Is everything okay?” 

“Of course,” Pacey replied, still smiling. “Just want everything to go well for your first day.” Closing the door behind him he headed downstairs, leaving Jack staring at the door wondering what on earth had just happened.

Quickly he grabbed his phone and pressed redial on the last called number. Within two rings he got an answer from the other end.

“Your brother is insane,” he said in a hushed voice.

“What’s he done?” Doug asked. “Good morning by the way.”

“Yeah, good morning,” Jack laughed. “I can’t talk long but you need to get here soon. Forget 7am – as soon as possible. Your brother is crazy!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey put another pot of coffee on to brew and began cracking eggs into a bowl when he was interrupted by his cell phone ringing. He glanced down at the name on the screen before answering. “Hello, you’ve reached Pacey and Jack’s Capeside retreat, how may I help you?”

“Good morning, Pacey,” Jen said in an amused tone. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No I was already awake.”

“Shame.”

“I’m making Jack breakfast before his first day at work.”

“That’s why I was calling. I was hoping to speak to him before he left. I wanted to wish him good luck.”

“How very thoughtful of you, Miss Lindley. I hate to be the one to break it to you but Jack does in fact have a cell phone of his own. Did he not give you the number?”

“Very funny, Pace. I tried his already. I couldn’t get through.”

“Are you sure? I was just up there,” Pacey questioned.

“Oh well, never mind. He probably has no signal. How is he?”

“He’s not the happiest person first thing in the morning.”

“Is anyone?” Jen asked.

“Well you sound perky.”

“That’s because unfortunately 6am is not first thing in the morning for me. I’ve been up since 4 with Amy.”

“Jeez, Jen, how do you cope?” Pacey asked, starting back on the breakfast.

“You do what you have to do. I keep telling myself that when she’s a teenager I’ll never be able to wake her up. I can look forward to that peace and quiet.”

“Rather you than me.”

“Just you wait until I come and visit. You’ll be on Amy duty then.”

“And can we expect a visit any time soon?”

“You never know. I could appear on your doorstep any day.”

“You’d always be welcome.”

“Thank you. Anyway, I’ll let you get back to cooking. I’ll give Jack’s cell another try.”

“Okay. Speak soon, Mom.”

“Still sounds odd,” she laughed. “Bye, Pace.”

“Bye.”

Jen hung up the phone and quickly redialled Jack. While it was ringing she picked up one of the pills on her nightstand and popped it in her mouth, following it with a gulp of water. After 7 or 8 rings she thought that Jack would never answer. Finally after 10 he did.

“Hey, you okay?” he said, sounding harassed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You?”

“Just got out the shower, sorry.”

“And before when I called and you didn’t even bother answering your call waiting?” she asked, knowing full well who he had been talking to you. “How is Doug by the way?”

“He’s fine, thank you,” Jack replied, smiling.

“I haven’t been updated for at least 38 hours. You can’t leave me hanging like that. I am living through you and Amy, and Amy’s social life consists of very little right now.”

Jack laughed as he walked to his closet to pick out clothes. “I’m sorry. It’s been a bit manic this weekend what with trying to get things sorted for school and everything.”

“Pacey still doesn’t know?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“No, he doesn’t,” Jack replied, attempting to dress himself with one free hand. “He will do soon.”

“Well I just nearly put my foot in it.”

“You spoke to him?”

“When I couldn’t get through to you I tried him. He insisted that you couldn’t possibly be on the phone to anyone as he’d only just seen you.”

“It’s not my decision not to tell him,” Jack protested. “If it were up to me I would have told him ages ago.”

“I know. Just make it sooner rather than later. He’ll only have a problem with it because you’re keeping it from him.”

“That’s what I keep saying,” Jack agreed.

“I’ve missed you, Jack.”

Feeling a rush of sadness Jack sat down on the bed, almost winded. “I miss you too, Jen. And Amy.”

“She loves your room.”

“My room?”

“I think it smells of you. Whenever I can’t get her to sleep I take her in there. Does the job every time.”

“It’s not too late for me to come back, you know that right?”

“Jack,” Jen said softly, “We both know that things have become far more complicated your end than just accepting a job at the high school.”

“Maybe,” Jack agreed. “But nothing is more important to me than you and Amy.”

“Nothing?”

“Jen, I mean it. All you have to do is say the word and I am there.”

“Well, actually I was thinking of maybe coming to Capeside for a visit.”

“Really?” Jack grinned. “When?”

“Whenever you want me.”

“Can you get here today,” he joked.

“Okay, so maybe not whenever,” she laughed. “But soon. I promise.”

“And Amy too, right?”

“Of course.”

“Jen, I can’t wait. Seriously, you will not have to get up even once during the night. I’ll do it all.”

“Why do you think I’m coming to visit?” she jested. “Anyway, I phoned to say good luck for today.”

“Thank you.”

“Nervous?”

“Not really. Give it an hour.”

“You’ll be fine. I know it.”

“Thank you.”

“Right, you get ready and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Jen.”

“Bye, Jack,” she replied, “Oh, and wear the blue shirt. You always look great in that.”

Jack looked down at the shirt he had picked out already – the same one Jen chose. “Consider it done.”

Jen hung up the phone once again and took a deep breath. Her hands shook as she fought to keep the tears from her eyes. “You have to tell him,” she whispered to herself. “You have to.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Something smells good,” Jack announced as he walked down the stairs, seeing that Doug has already arrived. He smiled to himself at how quickly Doug had made it there.

“There you are,” Pacey greeted, adding more food to the plates on the table. “It seems as though Doug can smell food being cooked from him house.”

“Morning, Jack,” Doug smiled while rolling his eyes at his brother.

“Morning,” Jack replied, sneaking him a smile when Pacey had is back turned. “You really didn’t have to do all this, Pace.”

“My best friend is starting a new job. The least I can do is make sure you get off to a good start.”

“Well you know I never turn down your cooking,” Jack joked as he sat down at the table in time for a plate to be placed in front of him.

“So, feeling nervous yet?” Pacey asked as he took a sip of his coffee and finally sat down to join the others.

“I’m fine. How bad can a bunch of fifteen year olds be?”

Both the witters laughed slightly to themselves.

“What?” Jack asked.

“As a law enforcement officer I know exactly how bad fifteen year olds can be,” Doug responded.

“And as someone who used to be fifteen I also know,” Pacey added.

Jack remained quiet for a moment. “Okay. Now I’m nervous.”

“You’ll be fine,” Pacey assured. “If they misbehave just go psycho on them. I know you have some of the McPhee crazy gene in there somewhere.”

“Oh is that an acceptable joking topic now?” Jack asked, smiling.

“It had to be sometime,” Pacey shrugged. “It’s not like I’m advising you write them a poem.”

“Okay, that one is definitely still not funny,” Jack said unimpressed. 

“Sorry, Jackers,” Pacey smiled, knowing full well Jack really did not care. “I’m ready to be your knight in shining armour again whenever you need it.”

Jack was aware Doug was staring at him – probably trying to work out what the hell they were talking about. Or maybe feeling like a third wheel to the relationship he had not been privy to for the last nearly ten years. Either way Jack thought it would be a good idea to reach his foot out under the table to brush Doug’s – showing that his presence was not being ignored.

“How’s it going at the restaurant anyway, Pace?” Jack asked, trying to change the topic.

“It’s good. Will be quieter now that school has started again, but we had a really good summer. Feeling very optimistic.”

“So you can start paying me back?” Doug joked, causing Jack to laugh.

“Well, when I say ‘good’ I mean barely breaking even. It’s going to be a long, cold winter. Not to mention Jack here eating me out of house and home!”

“Nice save, Pace,” Jack laughed as he carried on eating.

“Seriously,” Pacey said, gesturing towards his friend. “He’s a pig. No wonder he’s always out running.”

“Hey, I was backing you up,” Jack laughed.

“Just embellishing my point,” Pacey shrugged.

“Just remember I’m also the same person who saved you hundreds of dollars in wages on a barman this summer.”

“Which lead to your new job, so really you should be thanking me.”

“Think that was more to do with Doug actually,” Jack interjected. 

“Exactly,” Doug added.

“Oh here we go, my older brother once again stealing my thunder,” Pacey laughed. “So it’s your fault I lost my best barman and had to find another one that I actually have to pay – hence not being able to afford to pay you back.”

“Nice one,” Jack laughed again. “And I was only your best barman because I was free.”

“And because you were the only one old enough to serve liquor. Don’t tell the cops though.”

“Very funny, Pace,” Doug chimed. “I will now be IDing all you bar staff.”

“Take a joke, man,” Pacey whined. “Seriously, Jack, Doug is the dullest person you will ever meet.”

“Pacey, be nice,” Jack said amused, knowing full well Doug was anything but dull deep down. “He’s not _that_ bad.”

“Thanks a lot… both of you.”

“Anyway,” Jack said standing. “I don’t have time for anymore light humoured banter. I have a job to get to.”

“Already?” Pacey asked. “You haven’t finished breakfast.”

“Well I don’t want to be accused of being a pig twice in one morning.”

“You’re so sensitive,” Pacey laughed as he also got up from the table. “I should head to the restaurant too. I’ll walk you out.”

Doug’s face dropped slightly as he realised that any chance of having even a second alone with Jack was gone. 

“Doug make sure you lock up when you leave,” Pacey said as he collected his things.

“Will do,” he responded. “Good luck at work, Jack,” he smiled.

“Thank you,” he smiled back, wishing he could at least have one kiss before leaving.

“Yeah, good luck,” Pacey grinned, reaching out and grabbing his friend, kissing him on the forehead. “You’ll be great.”

Jealousy ran through Doug’s body even though he knew it was absolutely nothing. It was not fair that Pacey could touch him and he could not. 

Jack saw it all over Doug’s face and smiled slightly to himself – liking it had that affect on him. “Pacey, you have to stop doing that. People will start talking.”

“Let them talk!” he laughed. “It will save the hearts of all the young girls at school who will fall in love with you as soon as you walk through the door. They are better off knowing sooner rather than later.”

Jack grabbed his bag and headed towards the door that Pacey was already holding open for him. “Bye, Doug. Have a good day.”

“You too,” he sighed, before being left alone in his brother’s house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack stood at the front of the classroom looking at the thirty teenagers filling his room – each one looking more scared than the last. His stomach churned slightly causing him to take a deep breath. So far the classes had been going well. Most students were remaining silent throughout Jack’s planned literature discussion, with only one or two kids speaking about the books the read. One girl is particular was clearly trying to impress him with her choice of material, when in reality he knew she probably had an older sibling at the school who had told her what she would be studying in her first year. Either way he was impressed with her effort, in a very Andie like manner.

Jack was beginning to hope that someone else would talk. He was beginning to get irritated with the sound of his own voice. He was one step away from just picking someone out of the group, but thought that would be maybe too harsh on their first day. He was trying desperately to think of something that would get them talking – about anything. Even though he knew they would eventually settle into High School life, he hated staring at their anxious expressions.

“Okay, so maybe you guys had better things to be doing this summer than pick up a book?” Jack smiled to his class. “To be honest, I know I did. I only picked up this book a week ago so I would have something to talk to you guys about.”

A couple of the students laughed slightly though silenced quickly too as to not draw any attention their way.

“My best friend had a baby this summer which was pretty awesome. How about any of you? Anything awesome happen to you this summer?” he asked, looking directly at a boy in the front row. 

“Um,” he stuttered. “I visited my brother at college in LA. That was pretty cool.”

“I bet,” Jack smiled. “Anyone else?”

“My friends and I had a Sex and the City marathon including the movies. Stayed up for days,” one girl laughed. 

Jack could not but help but laugh too thinking about when Jen had made him do the same. “That sounds very tiring.”

“I went to London,” another girl piped up. “Saw Buckingham Palace and Big Ben.”

“See,” Jack smiled. “I knew you all had better things to be doing.”

“I read ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’ too,” said a quiet girl at the back of the room, causing everyone to turn round and look at her. 

Jack’s plan could not have gone any better. “What did you think of it?” he asked.

“I loved it. Like truly loved it. It gave me butterflies.”

Jack heard a couple of boys groan at her comment, causing her to blush. “Gentlemen,” he said to them, “that may well sound odd to you, but as students who have not read the same book can you really judge someone’s reaction to the experience?”

They looked at him blankly.

“What do you guys love?”

“Football,” one of them answered.

“Okay,” Jack nodded, moving from his desk and to the window. “Try outs are coming up soon. Will you guys be out there hoping for a place of the team?” he asked, pointing to the football pitch through the window.

“Yeah.”

“So when you’re playing for your team and all eyes are on you – how do you feel when it is down to you to score the winning point?”

“Nervous,” said one boy.

“Excited,” the other boy stated.

“Would you get butterflies?”

“Definitely!”

“There you go. I’m sure Lucy here would not care in the slightest about a situation like that, would you?” he asked her.

“No,” she laughed.

“Exactly.” He headed back to his desk. “This is your English class this year. You will all be together for some time. We are all free to say what we think and feel in this class but we also have the responsibility to be respectful towards one another. Just because you do not agree it does not make something wrong, or funny, or even give you the right to mock someone who has been brave enough to voice their opinion. Do you all understand?”

The class simultaneously nodded their heads.

“Good. Because this class will be so much more fun if people feel able to speak. I encourage it.” Sitting back down behind his desk and picked up his copy of the book. “It gave me butterflies too,” he directed at Lucy. “What did you like most about it?”

“I liked that it was one of the most romantic things I have ever read without it ever seeming to be trying to be a romance novel. It was about so much more and their love was just so strong that it could not help but transcend everything else.”

“Exactly. Some times things are so obvious that they don’t need to be said. When something works you don’t have to try hard. This is something you can look at more when we get onto creative writing work.”

“Mr McPhee?” Lucy asked. 

“Yes, Lucy?”

“I also went to Florida and swam with dolphins,” she said softly causing Jack to look at her slightly confused. “I didn’t want you thinking I had nothing better to do,” she added.

“I didn’t think that for even a second.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack has not even knocked on the door before Doug opened it and pulled him inside. Not a single word was uttered before Doug instigated a kiss that was more desperate than ever before – as though he had not seen the other man for months, or even years.

“What was that for?” Jack smiled

“This morning,” Doug replied, kissing him again. “And that was for now.”

Jack smiled at the other man. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“This morning. For now. For saving me from your crazy brother.”

“Is that it?” Doug asked.

“No. It’s also a thank you for ordering in dinner. I’m starving.”

“Hint taken,” Doug laughed as he went to retrieve the takeaway menu and the phone. “How was today?”

Jack made a noise as he dropped into the softness of the couch. “I am shattered,” he laughed. 

“Would that indicate a good or bad day?” Doug asked, sitting next to him and handing him the menu.

“Good. Really good,” Jack smiled. “I mean, they were hard work today, but they seem like good kids.”

“Well, you are used to New York teens.”

“I know,” Jack laughed. “One of my classes today just looked like deers in headlights but once they got going it was brilliant. And another class, though totally off topic, spoke for the whole lesson. I was really impressed.”

“So you’ll be staying?”

“Huh?” Jack asked, slightly confused. 

“Well last time you spoke about it you said your contract was only until Christmas,” Doug explained. “Does this mean you’ll be making it permanent?”

Jack saw the excitement in the other man’s eyes – happy both that the job was looking good and that this meant he would not have to fight to keep the man he was falling in love with from returning to New York. Though the longer Jack hesitated in answering the question, the fainter the excitement became. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” Jack said honestly. “It’s only been one day.”

“You’ll have to make the decision eventually,” Doug urged.

“I know,” Jack replied. “And you’ll be the first to know my decision.”

“Good,” Doug forced, attempting to sound anything by totally deflated.

“So, what do you want to eat?”

**To Be Continued…**


	17. Same Old Same Old

The first week at Capeside High went by quickly. Jack once again got used to the early morning coffee fix, the staff meetings, homework setting and late night marking. The summer was always just long enough to fall out of routine, but Jack was slowly getting back into the swing of things – though this time in a much quieter and laid back environment.

On top of this he had to juggle seeing Doug. With the Sheriff’s changing shifts and still keeping everything secret from Pacey, finding time to actually see each other was becoming difficult – with even the thought of ever spending the night at Doug’s being totally ruled out. It was usually a glass of wine or a beer in front of a movie, which Jack was usually ignoring due to marking or lesson plans.

Jack knew that once he was fully settled into work and Doug finally agreed that Pacey should be told about their relationship that things would be better. It did not make it any easier that he was exhausted – trying to keep track of Jen and Amy, Pacey, Doug, and his students who were starting to get comfortable enough with the new school year to get just a little bit too cocky. Jack had quickly realised that a couple of his students were the younger siblings of people we had attended Capeside High with. He had assumed that this was the source of the whispers, which as the days went on were getting louder and louder.

He knew that his sexual orientation would not be hidden for long – in fact he did not want it _hidden_ at all. He just did not want it to be an issue. Something he knew was most probably impossible when dealing with parents and students of a small town. In New York no one really cared when they did find out, but Jack knew he was further from New York than geography exemplified. Some of the kids that seemed to have liked him in the first few days were keeping their distance – some even sitting further back in the class room. Jack chose to ignore it and pretended that it did not sting every time someone made an under the breath comment, or looked at him differently in the hallways. Losing his cool was not going to make anything better; neither was getting hung up over it. 

Principal Morris was acutely aware of the situation, seemingly having expected it and been preparing himself all summer for the predictable outcome of small-town-mindedness. Jack was grateful for this and told himself that it meant that he did not have to worry about it. This, he reasoned, had meant that he did not have to mention it to Doug, who, he reasoned again, would only be concerned. He did not want to have to discuss something that he was trying so hard to ignore.

“You look exhausted,” Doug said as Jack finally put down his marking and rested back on the couch next to him.

“I’m fine,” Jack smiled, kissing Doug lightly. “Just getting back into the swing of things.”

“You sure there’s not something on your mind?” Doug asked. “You’ve been quiet.”

“I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t, but it’s nothing important,” Jack responded, curling up closer to Doug.

“Tell me,” Doug said, nudging him slightly.

“Even if it’s something you won’t like?”

Doug’s mind whirled for a second; thinking of all the things that Jack could possibly say that he would not like. “Yes?” Doug replied.

Jack laughed. “That answered my question. Just forget about it.”

“No. No, seriously. Tell me,” Doug insisted. 

Jack took in a deep breath and sat up on the couch.

“Oh no,” Doug said, sitting up also.

“What?” Jack laughed, curious as to what Doug was thinking.

“Whenever you take a deep breath like that and sit up all serious I know it’s something bad.”

“How do you possibly know that? When have I ever told you something bad?”

“It’s like the ‘no sex’ conversation all over again,” Doug laughed.

“Well it’s not that conversation again,” Jack assured.

“Good.”

“Similar though.”

“Oh?” Doug asked, looking at Jack; trying to work out what he was trying to say. “It’s Pacey, isn’t it?” he groaned.

“We can’t keep lying to him.”

“We’re not technically lying,” Doug protested. “We’re just not telling him everything.”

“Is that the mentality for all police officers?” Jack asked, “Because if it is that information could keep me out of a few future scrapes.”

“You intend to get in trouble with the police?” Doug asked.

“Don’t change the subject,” Jack grumbled, trying to be serious. “He needs to know.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s your brother and my friend. It’s not right. And maybe then we won’t have to sneak around so much.”

“Telling him will just complicate things,” Doug explained.

“Because things aren’t already complicated?”

“Well you said it.”

“Meaning?” Jack asked, trying to hide the irritation in his voice.

“Come on, Jack. We don’t even know what the situation will be with us come the end the year so what’s the point dragging Pacey into the mix and running the risk of upsetting him over what could potentially be nothing.”

Jack looked back at Doug, trying desperately to see the positive and loving side of his statement – quickly residing himself to the fact that one did not exist. “Is that what you really think? That we’re not going to last so there’s no point telling him?”

“No,” Doug shook his head. “It came out worse than it was meant to sound. But let’s face it – you don’t even know if you want to stay in Capeside.”

“But that’s not because I don’t know if I want to be with you or not,” Jack protested.

“Does it really make any difference?”

“Of course it does,” Jack replied quickly. “You make it sound like I’m just going to leave without a second’s though for us.”

“The fact that you’re leaving says enough.”

“I’m not even leaving,” Jack said frustrated. 

“You’re not staying either,” Doug replied. “I’m sorry if I’m apprehensive about causing an issue with my brother totally needlessly.”

“Okay, you’ve made your point quite clear,” Jack said, collecting his marking together from the coffee table.

“Like your ‘no sex’ rule you mean?” Doug asked. “Wasn’t that all about not messing things up in case this doesn’t work out? You have your own tidy break up implements too, so don’t act like you’ve not been thinking the same thing.”

“I thought you understood that was more about protecting what we have, rather than walking away more easily,” Jack said, slightly deflated. “But either way I guess it proved to be a good idea.” Standing up from the couch he put the students’ homework into his bag as careful as he could in a hurry.

“You’re just going to leave?” Doug asked.

Jack looked at him frustrated. “I’m surprised you would expect me do anything other than leave. That’s obviously what I’ve been plotting all along.”

“I didn’t say that,” Doug defended.

“Believe it or not, Doug, my aim is not to mess things up with you and Pacey and then just walk away. That’s the last thing I want. I’m not as callous as you may think. You’re not the one who has to go home each night and lie to him.”

“It’s not as simple as you think,” Doug protested.

“No, maybe you have the right idea. If there’s nothing to tell then I do not have to lie. Maybe we should just keep it that way.” Taking hold of all his things he headed to the door. “See you around.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He almost did not notice. His mind was whirling from the previous night with Doug – totally unsure how things had actually been left. He hated that Doug had interpreted his actions that way; knowing that Doug had carrying around those concerns for weeks without saying a word. The worst thing was that Jack could not tell him that all those worries were unfounded. He had just been trying to be honest. But on the other hand he did not like that Doug still thought so little of him that he was expecting Jack to be out the door any second without even the smallest consideration for the other man. That was just simply not how it was. He wished Doug understood that.

He had come to work early to get a few things sorted before school – mainly due to not being able to sleep. Carrying in boxes of things he had not yet brought in from home, and the work he had finished marking the night before, he had walked straight past it to put the items down on the desk. It was only then that he caught sight of a fallen desk out the corner of his eye. As he turned to see what had happened, it was right there in front of his face – staring him down.

The school was deathly silent. No sign of any teacher yet at work. Frozen; he stared in front of him, unable to say a word.

It took a few moments to steady his breathing before he could move again.

Quickly he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and with shaky fingers dialled the number.

“Hello?”

“Pacey. I need you here now.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey carried supplies in his arms as he walked towards the front door of the school where Jack was standing.

“Jack, its 6:30 and you’ve asked me to meet you at school with all this,” he said glancing down at what he was holding, “which you were very lucky I had lying around in the restaurant. What on earth is going on?”

“Thank you for coming.”

“What’s wrong?” Pacey asked, finally taking the time to look at the expression on his friend’s face.

“I’m fine. Just follow me and keep the noise down. We don’t have long.”

Pacey did as he was told, following Jack down the hallway without a word. He kept pace behind the other man who seemed in a hurry. Within a second of walking into Jack’s classroom he saw the problem.

“What the hell?” Pacey dropped the supplies. “Shit!” he said angrily walking towards the wall that had the words ‘FAG’ sprawled in red paint 8 feet tall – covering the wall and the posters Jack had spent so long making only a few weeks earlier.

Pacey turned to his friend, unable to think of any words to make the situation better. Jack stood stone-faced looking at the wall. “Jack?” Pacey managed.

“You take down the posters and put them in the trash. I’ll open the paint.”

“We may be able to save them,” Pacey said, touching the red paint which was already dry. 

“Just get rid of them.”

“Jack, what happened?”

“I don’t know. I think the window was left open.”

“We should phone Doug. If someone broke in…”

“No,” Jack interrupted. “There’s no point.”

“There’s always a point.”

“This is probably going to need two coats. Could we just get on with it?”

Realising he was not going to win Pacey did as he was told. “Do you want them in the dumpster outside?”

“Probably best.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When James arrived at school he was surprised to see two cars in the car park – only one of which he recognised. He was even more surprised to be greeted by the smell of fresh paint when he walked through the door. Pausing for a second he listened out for the sound of people but heard nothing.

Taking another deep breath full of paint fumes he made his way down the hallway and ended up at the classroom of his newest and youngest member of staff. 

As he entered the room his eye met those of a young man that he only vaguely recognised from the local restaurant in town. He was holding a paint roller and was covered in small splatters of white paint. The other man – the one he knew – was stood at the wall, still painting. James could see that the men had managed a layer of paint already, but even so could still see through the paint to read the word below.

He took a deep breath to strengthen himself – having to accept that his and his employee’s jobs had just got more difficult. He had not been expecting this. He had prepared himself for a lot, but this was just too far beyond what he had imagined. James had made it his business to know Jack’s history when he offered him the job and he knew this was too much of a coincidence not to be contacted to the locker graffiti Jack had suffered years before.

Pacey gave a forced smile towards the older man in recognition of his arrival, which James politely returned, feeling far from wanting to smile.

As James moved into the room more his presence was finally noticed by Jack who turned, startled by his presence. Expressionless, Jack turned back to the wall and carried on painting.

Putting down his bag, James rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “You got another paintbrush?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey opened another beer and put it in front of his friend before opening one for himself and returning to his previous position on the couch. It had been a long day. Somehow Jack had stayed and taught his usual classes in his freshly painted classroom. He had postponed his after school meeting with James in order to come home and start remaking the posters that had been ruined.

Pacey had sat and watched in silence as Jack cut and stuck things onto the poster boards. Jack too said nothing, just occasionally taking gulps from the bottles lined up next to him.

“Are we going to sit here in silence all night?” Pacey asked.

“No,” Jack replied. “I’m expecting you to go to work at some point.”

“I’m not going in tonight. They’ve got it under control.”

“Why?” Jack asked looking up at his friend. “There’s no point you staying home.”

“You’ve barely said a word since you got home.”

“What do you want me to say, Pace?”

“I don’t know. Anything would be better than you just thinking about everything in silence.”

“Pacey, I’m fine.”

“Really? Because I’m not. I saw that wall and it wasn’t an attack aimed at me, or even my classroom, and I’m upset.”

“You need to get thicker skin,” Jack mumbled, finding something else to be stuck onto the poster in front of him.

“And how many of those are you going to make, Jack? How many times are you going to remake posters and paint walls?”

“As many times as I have to.”

“And you’re not angry?” Pacey asked. “You’re not just a little bit pissed off that this little town once again has done this.”

“It wasn’t Capeside,” Jack answered. “It was a stupid kid. It’s you that has an issue with Capeside, Pace. Whenever something bad happens to you, it was Capeside’s fault. I don’t want to be like that. I just want to get on with my job.”

“Okay, fine, maybe I do have an issue with this little town, but that doesn’t change the fact that someone out there broke into your classroom last night and painted graffiti on your wall.”

“Yes, and now it’s sorted.”

“We should have called Doug.”

“And what would he have done?” Jack asked, finally putting down the scissors and glue. “Dusted for finger prints in a classroom? Turned my room into a crime scene? Checked every kid’s hands and clothes for traces of red paint?”

“It would have been better than doing nothing.”

“I didn’t do ‘nothing’, Pacey. I got on with my job. I showed those kids that it didn’t matter what they did.”

“But they could do it again,” Pacey reasoned.

“Yes, and they probably will,” Jack sighed.

“And that doesn’t make you angry?”

“Of course I’m angry, Pacey,” Jack said, drinking his beer. “You think that today when all the kids filed in I wasn’t watching their faces to see who was surprised to see a clean wall? You don’t think I don’t know who did it just by watching them? You think I’m not angry when I saw disappointment on more than six faces? It wasn’t just one kid – expressing the views of one ignorant family; it was 20% of the class.”

“You know who it was?” Pacey asked quietly.

“Of course I do. It’s the same kids that stare and gossip and write shit on the whiteboard when I leave the classroom.”

“You shouldn’t have to put up with that,” Pacey said shocked.

Jack simply smiled. “Of course I shouldn’t, Pace, but that doesn’t really mean anything. Getting upset and saying ‘that’s not fair’ won’t achieve anything. They want me to lose my temper and get angry and upset, so I’m not going to let it get to me.” 

“But this is me, Jack. You can get angry and upset to me.”

Jack sighed and sat back in his chair. “I know. That’s why I called you this morning. I just don’t want to dwell on this. I’ve been asking for signs recently as to whether I should stay in Capeside or go back to New York and everything in the last 24 hours has been telling me to go back.”

“So you’re leaving?” Pacey asked.

“Would be the typical Jack thing to do,” he responded.

“Maybe so,” Pacey replied, sipping his beer. “But the more I’ve seen of you recently… you’re far from typical Jack territory.”

“And you’re far from being the Pacey Witter that Capeside once knew,” Jack replied. “It doesn’t seem to stop us from wanting to act the same way we always did.”

“I don’t know,” Pacey replied. “Today was a big dose of déjà vu, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jack cringed remembering. “But things have changed a lot since then.”

“No one would blame you for leaving.”

“I would.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Unable to sleep once again Jack found himself at school stupidly early once again. He had planned to go for a run to try and get rid of his frustration, but he was too tired. Seeing James’ car parked outside he assumed James had had the same rough night that he did.

Jack just wanted to forget that it had ever happened and get on with teaching – remember the parts of the job that he loved. He thought about his old school and such events would never have happened – mainly due to the heightened security rather than more accepting kids. Though there was a lot to be said for the city kids. They could still be cruel and nasty at times, but as a whole they were more accepting. It was easier to start a class discussion with them about issues that would not be accepted in Capeside.

He had not even made it to his classroom when he bumped into James. “You’re here early,” James said, gesturing him into his office.

“Yeah, rough night,” Jack said sitting down.

“You’re not the only one,” James replied as he closed the door and sat down at his desk. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I promise. It was a bit of a shock yesterday but I’m fine. Now I know what I’m dealing with here.”

“I don’t want this experience to change how you feel about working here.”

“James, I knew when I came back here that I was giving up my right to a private past. I knew it would be an issue for people around here. I also knew that I had a lot of people supporting me. Unfortunately the opposition can be louder than the supporters.”

James looked at him for a moment. “Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t sit there and feel like you have to deny that what happened yesterday didn’t hurt you deeply, because I know it did. And don’t take responsibility for it by saying it was your choice to come back. You came back because you were offered a position on your credentials. You’re allowed to be upset about this. I promise you I will find out who did it and they will be dealt with in the proper manner.”

“They are just stupid kids,” Jack reasoned.

“Stupid kids who need to learn when their actions are unacceptable. I told you when you started here that if any student has a problem being taught by any of my staff then they are more than welcome to find another school. I will not stand for this sort of thing here. Not aimed at the students and not aimed at my staff. Do you understand?”

“You’ve made your position quite clear.”

“Good. I hope the students find it as clear.”

“You won’t find out who did this,” Jack sighed. “Not that you can prove anyway.”

“The students know who did it. I am almost certain of that. They know who is responsible. And once they see that this is being dealt with as a criminal matter and all students will be suspects until ruled out I’m sure someone will start talking. Especially when they see the sheriff’s car parked outside.”

“Sheriff?” Jack asked, hoping James had made a mistake.

“Yes, Doug Witter has come by. He said that we really should have called him yesterday but he’s having a look at the window to see how someone managed to get in.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary? I’m sure he has more important issues to be dealing with.”

“No. When I bumped into him last night he said he would deal with it personally.”

Jack groaned, rubbing his face with his hands.

“He’s going to need a statement from you as you were the first person on site.”

“I’ll find time to see him later,” Jack groaned, really not wanting to do so.

“You can see him now. He’s already here.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack could see Doug through the pane of glass in the door, sat on the edge of his desk waiting for him. He took a deep breath before opening the door. Doug looked up at him, blank faced, as Jack closed the door again behind him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Doug asked quietly.

“I was dealing with it,” Jack responded as he found himself something to do with his hands because being in the room with Doug was too much for him to bear if he had to just stand and look at the pain on his face.

Doug watched as Jack started placing books on each of the desks. “So dealing with it was just white washing it and pretending nothing happened?”

Stopping for a moment Jack put the books down and sighed. “Doug, if you’re here to give me a lecture please could you just save it. I’ve already had it from Pacey and I don’t need it again.”

“I’m not here to lecture you,” Doug said more softly. “I’m here to see if you’re okay. It’s not like I can just come round to Pacey’s.”

“Actually you could, but that’s a whole different argument.”

“This isn’t an argument,” Doug replied, getting up and moving over to Jack. “This is me trying to work out why you didn’t think that I was worth telling about this.”

“It’s not like I’ve been shouting it from the rooftops,” Jack said defensively, hanging his head slightly, pretending to be looking at the books. Feeling Doug stood mere inches from him – his heat radiating towards him – he felt his defensive exterior melt. “I wasn’t sure if you’d care.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding?” Doug said, reaching out and brushing his hand over Jack’s cheek, making him look back up. “Of course I care.”

“Even though you think I’m just going to walk away from you?”

Doug looked at him sadly. “I know that if you decide to go back to New York that you won’t have made that decision easily, but I can’t pretend that it won’t hurt. I’m just trying to protect myself from what may happen.”

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you the answers. Every time I think I have it worked out something happens and knocks me off course. But right now, honestly, you are enough to keep me in Capeside. Even if there was no job, no Pacey, nothing. As long as nothing happens to Jen or Amy, you alone can keep me here.”

“That’s all I’ve needed to hear,” Doug smiled softly. “You really should have called me yesterday.”

“I didn’t want you to see it,” Jack confessed. “I didn’t want you to see the horrible things people say. You haven’t had to deal with that before.”

“So that’s a good enough reason to deal with it alone?”

“I just wanted to protect you from the crap I’ve had to put up with this week. It’s just been easier to ignore it.”

“I’m the Sheriff. It’s my job to protect you.”

“I’m fine,” Jack said, forcing a smile.

“Liar,” Doug smiled back. “You don’t have to be fine.”

“Good,” Jack’s voice shook, “Because I’m not.”

“I know,” Doug sighed, pulling him into an embrace. “You don’t have to be here today. I could tell James we need you down at the station.”

“No, I need to stay,” Jack said adamantly. “It’s Friday anyway. I can mope in bed tomorrow.”

“Well, I finish work at 3. You’re coming to mine after work and I’ll make dinner. And for the first time this week you’re not bringing work with you.”

“Is that an order?”

“Absolutely. Otherwise I’ll send out a patrol car to find you and arrest you for tampering with evidence.”

“I guess I’ll be there then.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I really wish you had eaten a little more,” Doug said, looking at Jack’s almost full plate left in front of him.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t have much of an appetite.”

“It’s fine. Can save it for later if you want?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jack forced a smile, looking very tired. 

“Why don’t you go sit down on the couch while I clear this up?” Doug suggested.

“No,” Jack declined. “No. I’ll help.”

“It’s fine. Go relax. It will only take me a couple of minutes.”

Reluctantly, but grateful, Jack made his way from the table to the comfort of the couch. Making himself comfortable he closed his eyes for a moment in an attempt to stop them stinging. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Doug said while clearing up. “I think that it’s going to be near impossible to work out who it was who wrecked your classroom - not with enough evidence to actually prove it anyway. It may not even have been a student. If they did in fact come through the window they won’t have been caught on the school’s CCTV at the front of the building. Short of dusting for finger prints and making every student give a sample of their finger prints for a school data base, which the parents would be up in arms about, we’re not going to know who it was. And the finger prints we are most likely to pick up will be yours. So that is utterly pointless. There’s not need to rock the boat more than necessary.”

Jack smiled slightly to himself. That was so clearly always Doug’s way of seeing things, which was probably why he was still in the closet. However, this time Jack agreed. He carried on listening to the lullaby of Doug’s voice which was beginning to sound more and more distant.

“I know that James wants to find out who did it, but I just don’t think it’s possible. I doubt whoever it was will suffer from a guilty conscience and confess, so it’s best probably just to put in place something to prevent it happening again. I am going to suggest to James that the school invest for CCTV for your classroom and outside the back of the building. The back of the school is a vulnerable point. There is plenty of argument for it without necessarily having to tell the school board what actually happened if you didn’t want to. What do you think?” he asked.

Getting no response he looked round at Jack from the sink. “Jack?”

He smiled to himself as he realised that Jack must have fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of his ramble. He looked up at the clock which told him it was only seven o’clock. Deciding it get on with the cleaning up, he retrieved the rest of the items from the table and added them to the sink, taking more care in cleaning now, rather than rushing the job.

By the time he had finally finished Jack was still asleep on the couch. He sat down on the edge next to the other man and brushed a stray hair from his face, letting his hand linger for a moment, just enjoying the feel of his skin. 

Only a few weeks ago, when the two of them had finally worked things out, he had felt very much like Jack was in control – that Jack could call all the shots and knew more that Doug ever would about not only being gay, but being in a relationship. He had felt insecure and vulnerable, especially with the knowledge that Jack had no true ties to Capeside. As a police officer he had always thrived off of being needed. He liked that his Dad needed him to take over from him at work so he could retire in peace. He liked that Pacey needed him for the money for the restaurant. He liked that Capeside needed him to act as their caped crusader. That was just how his life had always been. Then Jack came along and while he felt many things for him he never had the sense that Jack _needed_ him in any way. Jack was strong and sure and knew who he was. He had been though enough crap to know how to look after himself. Then today, at school, Doug saw something in his eyes that he had never seen before. Behind the beauty and confidence, pushed to the back, was the same vulnerability he knew within himself.

Jack had always been needed too. By his family, his friends, his students. And all of a sudden Doug could see that Jack did not know how to help those who were clearly rejecting him from their life. Doug saw the exhaustion of having to fight for years to be the person he was now. Exhaustion from fighting a fight that Doug had instead decided to internalise and fight himself, rather than the people who felt was his duty to protect. He suddenly realised that the difference between protecting the public and teaching the public was very small. Both were done with the purpose of enabling the community to be the best it could be. Both job meant the respect was vital. Doug knew the only reason why Jack was being disrespected in his work place and he was not was simply because Jack had always been honest about who he was – even if he had not wanted to be at fifteen. 

Doug knew why Jack had not wanted him to see the graffiti. It was not just a knife in Jack’s back, but a knife in his own as well. Only for Doug is struck doubling hard as a guilt-ridden reminder that Jack had to suffer for the both of them. Doug was amazed that Jack could take it. He was sure that he would have cracked. He was amazed that was until he had seen the other man. Just because someone stood strong did not mean that their core had not been compromised. That was when Doug realised he did not have to feel inferior to this man, or in anyway vulnerable anymore. Jack did not have all the answers. He was not bulletproof. He was just trying to get through life as unmarked by it as possible. 

“I can’t believe I did it again,” Jack mumbled, still half asleep. “Your couch is too comfortable.”

Doug laughed as he looked down at Jack, red faced from sleeping. “It’s fine.”

“Maybe it’s all the sea air. I can’t seem to stay awake in Capeside.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re exhausted?”

“Could be that,” Jack smiled, reaching out his arms to wrap around Doug’s waist and pulling him down next to him. “I have been a pain in the ass this week and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be silly,” Doug laughed. “You have not at all.”

“I’ve been jerking you around and I’m sorry that I didn’t think about how my situation affects you. I’ve just been thinking about so much.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“No, I do. That’s been the problem. I’ve not been telling you what’s going on and it’s just insane to think you wouldn’t interpret that as me backing off.”

“Jack,” Doug said softly, pulling him as close as possible, “We’re fine. It was me being stupid. You were absolutely right about Pacey and I promise that I’ll tell him soon. I didn’t take into account how difficult it was for you living there.”

“So we’ve both been idiots?” Jack smiled.

“I guess so.”

Doug allowed himself to melt into the warmth of Jack’s kiss. A kiss that felt so much surer than any other before. The kiss had conviction – purpose, and Doug could not help but feel incredibly turned on. Jack’s hand rested in the small of Doug’s back, keeping him in place while his thumb gently massaged the surrounding area. Previously Doug could feel Jack holding back – not wanting to fully lose himself in the moment, like he was keeping checks on himself and the situation. But not this time.

“Are you working tomorrow?” Jack asked, as he pulled away.

“Not until the afternoon,” Doug replied in an almost whisper, not really wanting to be thinking about work.

“Good,” Jack smiled. “I fancy a really long lie in.”

Doug raised an eyebrow at the other man. “You’re staying over?”

“Yeah, I was planning to,” Jack smiled, kissing the other man again. “If that’s okay with you?”

“It’s always okay with me.”

“Good, because I’ve been thinking…” Jack began, but trailed off as Doug’s lips so close to his own became too much of a distraction.

Doug wanted to so desperately to know exactly what Jack was talking about but couldn’t bare to tear himself away from the most amazing kiss he had ever experienced. His head was spinning.

“Thinking?” was all Doug could mutter finally, thinking that if it was anything along the lines of the assault his mouth was undergoing then we would surely pass out.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking,” Jack continued, smiling. “If we don’t break this ‘no sex’ rule really soon I think I might die.”

**To Be Continued…**


	18. Brotherly Ties

He woke up with a smile on his face for the first time in at least a week. Without even opening his eyes he was close enough to the other man to feel the smile on his face too. Smiles that were well deserved on both faces. Smiles that were determined to last.

“I can feel you smiling,” Doug said softly.

“Shh, I’m asleep,” Jack replied just as softly, wrapping his arm more tightly around the other man than it had been when he first woke up.

“Oh okay,” he replied moving closer to the other man in order to convert their individual smiles into a shared kiss. “I’ll save the rest until you’re awake.”

“I’m awake,” Jack said quickly, ensuring he got another kiss.

“I think you should stay over more often.”

“I imagine that could be a distinct possibility,” he continued to smile as he eventually opened his eyes.

“Good. If I had it my way you’d never leave.”

“Hmmm, well I’m not sure that’s quite so probable.”

“Shame.”

“Well eventually we would have to leave for work.”

“Maybe so. But not today.”

“You’re not working today?”

“Nope. I pulled a few strings.”

“I hope you’ve not been exploiting your role as sheriff,” Jack laughed.

“Only a little. But in my defence I don’t remember the last time I had a weekend off.”

“The whole weekend?”

Doug simply smiled and raised his eyebrow in response.

“Suddenly I feel as though I was lured here as part of a wicked plan you cooked up.”

“Are you complaining?”

Jack thought about it for a second. “No.”

“Good. Shut up then.”

Before Jack could protest his mouth had been captured by Doug’s as he found himself being rolled back flat, caught between the softness of mattress and the firmness of Doug’s warm and eager body.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack knew his luck was beginning to run out. It was a feeling that was surging through his veins as he approached Pacey’s house. At first it was dull enough that he did not really notice. However the second he opened the door and entered, seeing Pacey sat on the couch, it hit him hard. Jack knew he needed to think of a reasonable excuse for not returning home the night before. He could not say he had been for a walk or run as he had returned home in his car, having gone to Doug’s immediately after work.

Pacey’s face was pretty blank. Jack could not really tell what he was thinking – even after knowing the other man for many years. Jack had never really been on Pacey’s bad side. He had caused concern to the other man more times than he wished to remember, but never anger. In that second Jack decided that was what was present in his friend’s demeanour and he knew that Pacey knew something was going on. Or at very least was suspicious. 

“Good morning,” was all he could think to say. A few minutes later and it would be afternoon. Saturday afternoon – a time Pacey really should be working.

“Good morning?” Pacey replied, not moving from his seated position.

Jack looked down at his watch to make sure he had not made a mistake. “Yeah?” was all he could offer in response.

“I have been sat here most the morning wondering where there hell you’d got to,” Pacey announced, for the first time showing real annoyance. 

“What?” Jack asked, trying to stall enough to think of an excuse as to why he had not returned home.

“I tried calling but your phone was off. I even called Jen. You should be expecting a call from her by the way. She’s not too impressed with you either.”

Jack grabbed his cell from his pocket and Pacey was right – it was off. “The battery must have gone,” he explained.

“Bloody hell, Jack; I was worried about you.”

“Why?” he asked – regretting it immediately when it caused Pacey to stand from the couch and start pacing the room.

“Why?” Pacey half-laughed. “You really need to ask that? After everything at the school the other day and you not coming home or to the restaurant… I didn’t know what to think. At first I thought you’d gone back to New York again without saying anything. Then when Jen said she hadn’t heard from you I thought that you’d had an accident or something. Your phone was going straight to answer phone…” Pacey trailed off.

“Pacey, I’m sorry.” Jack sat down; feeling like his head was spinning. “I wouldn’t go back to New York without telling you.”

“Well sometimes it’s hard to tell with you.”

Even though Jack felt that was slightly unfair he did not have the strength to fight it. “Pacey, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I was going to call last night but time just got away from me. Then when I finally remembered I figured you’d be really busy at work and I would be the last thing on your mind.”

“Ordinarily I wouldn’t have worried, but I just thought… you’ve had a bit of a crap week.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “I’m sorry that I didn’t think.”

“Where were you?” Pacey asked.

Jack had been expecting the question. Waiting for it even. But it still hit him like a ton of bricks. “I was at Doug’s.”

Pacey stared at his friend – hoping for some further clarification. Jack thought that maybe he should just tell him. Pacey may not like the truth, but Jack could not do anything about that anymore. The moment of walking away from Doug had passed some time ago – regardless of what Pacey may have to say about it.

But Doug was right. Pacey was his brother and the relationship between them was most likely going to suffer. Especially if the news came from Jack instead of him. 

“James called Doug about the graffiti and he wanted me to give a statement. I didn’t have time during the day and he finished work before I did. I didn’t want to go down to the station so he recommended doing it at his place after school. We were going to come to the restaurant after but by the time I got out of school and sorted it all out it was late and in the end I ended up crashing on his couch.”

Pacey continued to stare at his friend. Jack was not sure if he had picked up on the shake in his voice or the tell tale signs that he was lying. Maybe the police detective skills ran in the family.

“He let you stay on the couch?” Pacey asked.

“Yes,” Jack replied, almost as a question.

“He must have been in a good mood. Last time I wanted to crash on his couch he tried to charge me rent.”

Jack forced himself to smile as he saw Pacey’s mood lighten.

“Just check in next time.”

“Promise,” Jack replied.

“Really thought you’d been lured back to the big city.”

“I don’t think I’ll be going back there any time soon. Apart from the odd weekend visit to see Jen and Amy.”

“What’s brought this on?”

“Eventually we all have to settle down somewhere.”

“But here? Capeside?”

“As good a place as any.”

“So you keep saying,” Pacey muttered.

“Why does it always sound like you want me to leave?” Jack asked.

“I don’t. Not really. I love having you here. I know I joke and I’m sarcastic most of the time, but having you here has made me feel less… alone.”

“Alone?” Jack asked. “You have a great life here.”

“No. I have a great business. I have a family… who sometimes are great. I have Doug, who I never imagined socialising with out of choice. I have a lot of things, Jackers; but a life? I’m not so sure about that.”

“What is it you want, Pacey?” Jack asked seriously.

“Honestly?”

Jack nodded.

“The same thing I have always wanted. And she spent her whole life trying to get out of this town. Sometimes I wonder if that’s all we ever had in common: the desire to escape. The difference is she got what she wanted. I’m still here running a business that should really have been hers if her father hadn’t wrecked it. She wanted out of Capeside and I am Capeside.”

Jack was stunned. He always knew that Pacey still loved Joey but hearing him actually admit it was a whole other thing. “There’s nothing stopping you from getting what you want. You are no more Capeside than the rest of us,” Jack said. “It may seem impossible right now, but trust me; things do have a funny way of working out. You’ve left here before. You were the one who sailed off into the sunset.”

“I guess I just always thought that one of you would get me out of here. Either you or Jen or even Dawson. I always thought you’d make it and I could tag along. And you were so close, Jack. You were the one who was going to get me out of here. Instead I have helped drag you back.”

“Maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be right now?”

“Do you really believe that?”

“A couple of months ago: no. But now… things have a funny way of making you change your mind.”

“I wish I had your faith.”

“Just call her, Pace. She would love to hear from you.”

“It’s been too long. Have you met the guy she’s with?”

Jack simply shook his head.

“It’s too late for all that now. We just have to get used to being the Capeside singletons.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once Pacey had finally gone to work Jack took the chance to really appreciate having the house to himself. It felt like ages since he had last been home. Even though Doug had the weekend off they had decided that a couple of hours apart would be good idea. Instead they settled on dinner plans.

Jack stretched out on the couch, lying on his back as he flicked through the TV channels that seemed to be showing nothing but reruns on old shows. After a few moments he finally settled on something, mainly because he could not be bothered to carry on flicking.

After only a few minutes of trying to work out whether or not he had seen this particular episode of ‘Friends’ and then deciding to himself that there probably was not a single person in the world who had not in fact seen every episode – regardless of trying, he was distracted by a knocking on the screen door. Looking up and seeing Doug he smiled as he waved to the other man to enter.

“You’re not going to get up?” Doug asked as he walked into the house.

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Well, I don’t want to tear you away from your busy schedule.”

“Thank you for being so understanding,” Jack replied, moving his legs slightly so Doug could sit down.

“I came to tell you something,” Doug said, trying to get Jack’s attention.

“Uh huh,” Jack muttered, still looking at the TV.

“I’m sorry. Should I come back after Ross and Rachel finish arguing about whatever they are arguing about this time,” Doug said, peering at the TV, trying to work out which season was showing.

“Could you?” Jack replied, still looking at the screen though this time extending his legs back out so they were resting on Doug’s lap – preventing him from leaving.

“I’m going to tell Pacey today,” Doug said matter-of-factly – as though he was not even in the slightest bit nervous.

Without even turning to face the other man Jack clicked the button on the remote turning the screen to black. “Today?” he asked, finally turning to Doug.

“Yeah,” Doug nodded, waiting for Jack to say something.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s all you have to say about this?”

“I don’t know. Be careful.”

“Be careful?” 

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say?” Jack asked.

“Not if you start saying something to make me feel less anxious.”

“Just go easy. He’s in an odd mood.”

“Jack!” Doug laughed. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack also laughed. “Are you sure you want to do it today?”

“That’s it,” Doug said, standing up having lifted Jack’s legs from his lap – placing them back down on the couch. “You’re a nightmare,” he laughed, leaning down and kissing the other man.

“Ross forgave Chandler for dating Monica behind his back.”

“Not quite the same but thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jack smiled.

“I’m leaving,” Doug smiled, shaking his head.

“Good luck!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Doug finally plucked up the nerve to walk into the restaurant he was surprised to find it dead. There were no customers at the tables and it seemed as though most of the staff had been sent home. He wondered how long he had been pacing back and forth before coming in. He had been sure there were people in when he had arrived outside.

He was directed towards Pacey’s office. Somewhere he very rarely found his brother. He had suggested multiple better uses for the room but Pacey insisted that a real business man needed an office – even if he only really used it to get away from his staff and customers for a few minutes.

Doug was not sure whether he was glad that Pacey was somewhere more private. He knew deep down that it meant that he had no excuse to not tell him what he had come to say – even if in return Pacey was more free to say what he was thinking. Doug was not looking forward to that.

Cautiously he opened the door and entered, finding Pacey sat staring into space. “Hello, Pacey,” he said in a more formal way than he would usually greet his brother. “I was hoping to find you here.”

“What a coincidence,” Pacey said; finally looking away from the spot on the wall he had been fixated upon. “For the first time ever I was actually hoping you would come by today.”

“You were?” Doug asked, slightly unsure, as he took a seat in front of Pacey’s desk.

“Yeah, Jack told me about last night.”

“He did?” Doug asked, trying to ascertain what story Jack had told.

“Yeah, I’m glad the principal contacted you. I wanted to but Jack wouldn’t let me and I just think something needs to be done about this. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve this crap.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“Good. So what are we going to do?”

“Excuse me?” Doug asked. “We? I’ve filed a police report and we’ll be looking into it. I’m not sure how you are involved in that though.”

“We can’t just leave it at that,” Pacey said adamantly – a look in his eye that Doug knew well to be apprehensive of.

“Jack doesn’t want any fuss. He told you that.”

“He also said that he knows who it was. Did he tell you that?”

“No,” Doug said, looking at his hands, wondering why Jack had not mentioned that to him the night before.

Pacey shook his head as he stood from the desk and began pacing the room as though he was trying hard to remember something – or maybe forget. “Anyway, cheers for being there last night.”

“No problem,” Doug said sheepishly – trying not to reveal he knew Jack better than his brother thought, even though that was exactly what he had come here to say.

“It wasn’t weird for you or anything?”

“Weird?” Doug asked confused.

“Having Jack stay over on the couch?”

“It was fine,” Doug said, keeping his dialogue to a minimum. 

“So all this craziness about liking him has gone? We’re back to sane Doug?”

“Something like that.”

Pacey stopped in his tracks and looked at his brother. It was the look that Doug had been dreading since he arrived at the restaurant.

“Bloody hell, Doug; what is wrong with you? Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you confessed your little crush to Jack last night too.”

“No, I did not,” Doug said, immediately becoming defensive.

“Good.” The pacing resumed. “That’s the last thing we need thrown into the mix around here – you walking around Capeside, pouting like a love sick fifteen year old.”

“I told him weeks ago.”

Pacey was sure he felt his blood run cold – even if just for a second. “What?”

“I told him the day he went back to New York.”

“You told him the day he went back to New York?” Pacey repeated as the reason for Jack’s swift departure dawned on him. 

“I kissed him.” He had started – he may as well carry on.

“Fuck, Doug! Seriously! How many times did I have to tell you? How clear did I need to make it? Was Daniel showing up and everything that followed not a clear indication that you needed to back off?!”

Doug was glad there was no one else on the other side of the door to be hearing all this.

“I’m surprised he came back! I told you he wouldn’t be interested.”

“Well you were wrong!” Doug said, finally losing his temper and standing up so quickly that the chair nearly tipped over. “You were wrong, Pacey. He came back for me. And I don’t care how much you hate that. And I don’t care how many times you want to stamp you feet and lay claim to him as your friend that you knew first – he feels the same!”

Pacey stared at his brother in shock before slowly starting to shake his head. “No… No, this isn’t happening. For fuck sake, Doug – it’s Jack McPhee! You couldn’t have found anyone else to screw around with.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You’re the reason he came back to Capeside?!” Pacey said, his anger getting the better of him. “You’re the reason why he has come back here and given up being with Jen and Amy, who need him now more than ever before. You’re the reason why he has come back to this dump of a town and is willing to waste his life away. Because of you!”

“He is not wasting his life away and I never asked him to come back.”

“No, but you’re stopping him from going home.”

“He is home,” Doug justified.

“No! No – he made it out of here. I watched him claw his way out of this place. I watched him make a life for himself – finally have a family that wouldn’t bolt at the first sign of trouble. And you have come along and wrecked all that.”

“I don’t think Jack or I see it that anything has been wrecked.”

“He’s better than this place!” Pacey protested. “You and me: this is all we have. We will always be in Capeside. We will always make do with what we’ve got. But not him.”

“Maybe I’m not happy with making do, Pace. Huh, did you think about that? Maybe I haven’t given up like you. Maybe I want something more.”

“And you really think he’ll still be here a few years down the line? You think he won’t leave at the first sign of trouble?”

“Pacey, I’m sorry okay? We didn’t intend for this to happen. It just did. I know you’re angry and maybe I should have told you before now, but I wanted to make sure that if I was going to upset you then I wanted it to at least be over something real.”

“You’re deluded,” Pacey snickered. “Utterly deluded.”

“Pacey, I just wanted…”

“I think you should leave,” Pacey interjected. “Just go.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I had hoped you’d taken it better.”

“I can’t even take it seriously,” Pacey swiped. “It’s a joke.”

“Not for me it’s not,” Doug said opening the door. “Nor is it for Jack.”

Pacey heard the door close quietly behind his brother. Taking a few deep breaths he rubbed his hands over his face. Thinking back to the conversation he had that morning with Jack he felt the fury again. Within seconds he was heading out the door in the direction of home. “If he knows what’s good for him, Doug better not be there!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack was still sat on the couch watching television when Pacey came storming through the door. Pacey saw the other man’s eyes widen instantly and knew that he knew.

“You stayed on the couch! What do you take me for? An idiot?” Pacey said – immediately angry, having felt the rage build up during the journey home.

“No, Pacey. I just needed to give Doug a chance to talk to you.”

“What the fuck are you thinking?” 

“Pacey, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you ages ago…”

“There’s shouldn’t be anything for you to tell, Jack. Shit. Seriously? What are you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t thinking and I wasn’t planning or plotting. I wasn’t even looking for anything.”

“And yet here we are. This is why you came back?” 

“No. It’s not why I came back,” Jack protested – mainly because he knew that was what Pacey wanted to hear. “It’s not that simple.”

“How is it not that simple? You were coming here for the summer and then going back to New York. That seems pretty simple to me.”

“Things changed. I wasn’t expecting them to. They just did.”

“No wonder you were so keen to take that job!” Pacey exclaimed, exasperated. 

“Taking the job was not an easy decision. It’s not why I came here this summer. I just needed to get away from New York. I could have ended up anywhere.”

“All this time I thought maybe you just wanted to spend some time with a friend.”

“Is this what this is?” Jack said, standing from the couch. “You’re jealous that I haven’t spent all my time with you?”

“Don’t be so petty,” Pacey growled, knowing deep down that he had a point. “He’s my brother!”

“So what? Andie was my sister.”

“We weren’t friends until after that and you know it.”

“And that would have changed things would it? Come on, Pace, you know better than anymore that sometimes things happen with the person you least expect. It’s what happened with you and Joey after all.”

“She wasn’t anybody’s sister,” he protested.

“No, she was Dawson’s soulmate, or whatever the hell you want to call the mess between those two. Funny how the line doesn’t seem so clear when you’re the one crossing it!”

“So how long, Jack?” Pacey asked bitterly. “How long before you go back to New York without a second thought for the people you leave behind? Is Doug prepared for the not so great side of Jack McPhee?”

“It’s not going to happen like that,” Jack said offended.

“Really? What makes this time any different from every other guy you’ve screwed and left, huh? Why all of a sudden do you think you’re ready for an adult relationship? Have you forgotten that it was only a few weeks ago that Daniel was banging on the door. You remember that, right?” 

“That’s not fair, Pacey, and you know it.”

“All I know is that I’ll have to sort out the mess when you walk away.”

“I’m not walking away, Pacey. I understand that you’re concerned but you don’t have any reason to be.”

“Really? Don’t I? The McPhee’s don’t have a great track record for staying faithful – and don’t even get me started on the issue of long distance!”

“Now you’re just plain out of order!” Jack said losing his temper. “I’m not the only one who has had bad relationships. At least I’m not the one who publically humiliated the person I am supposedly in love with in front of the whole school, or have you forgotten prom?”

“Don’t you dare,” Pacey warned.

“We can’t all buy each other a wall and live happily ever after while sailing off into the sunset, Pacey. That’s not real life and you know it!”

“Joey and I were different.”

“Really? Where is she then, Pacey, huh? Where is this love of your life who you were always so great to? Because I don’t see her here.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jack. You don’t know anything!”

“So it’s okay to attack my past, but you’re untouchable, right? You’ve never made any mistakes. Your past isn’t as filled with as many stupid decisions as mine?”

“That’s not the issue here.”

“If you think I’m not good enough for your brother then just say it. Ironic though as it was you forcing us together to begin with. I didn’t intend on this happening, but it has, and I’m sorry that you’re so unhappy about it, but I’m not going to walk away because you’re angry.”

“No, you’ll find some other reason to walk away. It may not be tomorrow or even next week, but one day you’ll wake up and realise that the only thing you know how to do is walk away. You’ve done it to Jen after all.”

Jack hung his head and Pacey knew he had gone too far. He was too angry to take it back though and probably would not even if he could.

“You’re right,” Jack said softly. “It’s a wonder we’re even friends if I’m that awful.”

“Jack, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant,” Jack said beginning to walk away. “For someone who is trying to break free from what people think of him you sure are quick to slap a label on someone. I can’t think of a more perfect place for you than Capeside.”

Pacey watched as Jack retreated up the stairwell. It was not until he heard the door close at the top of the stairs that he finally broke down.

**To Be Continued…**


	19. Capeside Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****  
>  _A slightly longer chapter - this one along with the last two were my absolute favourite to write. I hope you enjoy it too._   
> 

Jack slumped down onto the couch still holding his cell phone to his ear. Shuffling his body back into the V of Doug’s parted legs he rested back against the other man’s chest.

“Can you hear Amy crying?” he asked Doug as he covered the mouth piece, even though there was no point as Jen would not hear him talking over the sound of her daughter crying.

Doug nodded and smiled as he wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist. “You’re not supposed to enjoy the sound of a baby crying.”

Jack simply smiled his response, turning round to give Doug a quick kiss. “I won’t be on the phone long,” Jack promised. “Amy’s starting to calm down.”

Suddenly the sound of baby cries faded and Jen returned to the phone. “Grams has taken the little darling,” she said. 

“What would you do without Grams?”

“I would FedEx Amy to you,” she laughed. “She only cries like that when I’m talking to you. Maybe she misses you.”

“All she is thinking is where is that good looking man who used to coo over me.”

“Well you can coo over her as much as you like tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you’re okay driving all that way alone. I could come pick you up and drive you?” Jack suggested, even though he could feel Doug shaking his head behind him, letting him know that he thought that was a bad idea.

“Don’t be silly. That would mean you’ll be driving to New York and back twice. I will be fine. Hopefully Amy will just sleep most the way.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Jack asked.

“Then I pull over and take a break.”

“If you’re sure?”

“Absolutely. Should I come straight to yours?”

“I should be home from work about 5, so yes; that should be fine.”

“Excellent. I’ll let you know when we leave.”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I.”

“Well, I should probably go save Grams’ eardrums,” Jen laughed. “See you really soon, Jack.”

“Bye,” he replied before hanging up.

“At last,” Doug sighed, taking the phone from Jack’s grasp and discarding it on the seat next to them.

“Sorry,” Jack smiled apologetically. 

“You’ll be seeing her tomorrow. You won’t have anything left to talk about.”

“I’m sure we’ll manage.”

“Will there be enough room for you all at Pacey’s?”

“Um, yeah, I have everything sorted out,” Jack said as though he was slightly unsure.

“How’s he been?” Doug asked having heard the hesitance in Jack’s voice. “He’s not talking to me at all.”

“I haven’t tried to talk to him,” Jack admitted. “I’m just trying to stay out of his way.”

“Do you think that’s best?” Doug asked, genuinely unsure himself.

“Some horrible things were said and not just by him. For whatever reason he is hurting right now and it’s not time to be talking sense to him. I’m just going to wait until he’s calmed down a little.”

“You know him best,” Doug conceded.

“You’re his brother,” Jack reminded.

“Which is why I have always been the last person he has wanted to talk to.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Jack said, resting his head back on Doug’s shoulder. “You were always the one he went to when things were bad at home.”

“His last resort,” Doug laughed in vain.

“Or his safety net?” Jack offered. “You were always there even when you disapproved. He knew that.”

“Maybe.”

“We just need to let him be angry right now. He’s dealing with a lot.”

“Maybe Jen can talk some sense into him.”

“If anyone can it’s Jen.”

“I’m feeling quite nervous about her visit,” Doug admitted.

“Why?” Jack laughed at the prospect of the town Sheriff being nervous of the imminent arrival of Jennifer Lindley. 

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jack said, turning to face the other man. “She already knows you.”

“She knows who I am, of course. But she doesn’t actually know me – same as you didn’t really know me.”

“I guess,” Jack shrugged. “Yeah, she could really hate you.”

“I should have known that you would offer no reassurance,” Doug said, rolling his eyes.

“Jen will love you. Probably too much. If she propositions you just say no.”

“I hate you – you know that, right?”

“Of course,” Jack grinned.”

“It’s lucky you’re good looking because you’re a horrible person.”

“You think I’m good looking?” Jack teased.

“Only from the left,” Doug said, reaching out and turning his face to the side and holding it there. “If you could just stay like that it would be greatly appreciated.”

“You’re going to make me paranoid,” Jack gasped, faking insult.

“Well someone had to tell you,” Doug shrugged.

“Some things you’re supposed to keep to yourself,” Jack laughed. “You don’t see me sitting here pointing out all your grey hairs.”

“I do not have grey hair!” Doug exclaimed.

“I thought you knew. Sorry,” Jack said, trying to hold back a smile. “It’s only a dozen or so around this area,” he said gesturing around Doug’s whole head.

“I don’t have grey hair,” Doug protested again.

“I wouldn’t get stressed about it,” Jack said, kissing him softly before climbing off the couch and retrieving his cell phone. “That’ll only make it worse.”

Doug remained on the couch speechless.

“Anyway, I better be getting my half good looking face home.”

“Stay here,” Doug said, standing up. “You haven’t stayed all week.”

“Now that would cause a problem. I tend to sleep on my left side which would leave my right side exposed. I wouldn’t want to give you a fright if you woke in the middle of the night and saw the ugly side of my face.”

Doug sighed. “No wonder you and Pacey get on. I think you may actually be worse than him.”

Jack simply smiled. “I have to get back to sort stuff out for Jen tomorrow.”

“Fair enough,” Doug conceded. “You want me to come round for a bit and help. Maybe see if Pacey is feeling a bit calmer.”

“No. It’s fine. There’s not much you can help with. I will get it all done quickly and just go to bed.”

“I can help with that bit,” Doug suggested.

“Nice try,” Jack smiled, kissing the other man good bye. “Only one more sleep until Jen and Amy.”

Doug laughed, “It’s not Christmas.”

“Does that mean you’re not getting me presents?” he pouted.

“Go home, Jack!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack pulled into the driveway and climbed out of his car. Taking a few deep breaths to clear his mind, he grabbed his bags from the backseat and headed up the porch steps and walked through the door of the Potter B&B.

“Hi, Jack,” he heard Bessie call from somewhere further inside the house.

“Hi,” he called back about to head to his room.

“I saved you some dinner in case you haven’t eaten,” she said coming out from a room next to his.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said.

“I’m not having one of Joey’s friends wasting away on my watch. I’ve not seen you eat anything all week,” she smiled warmly. “Looks like Pacey wasn’t feeding you either,” she joked, poking at his ribs.

“I pretty much ate him out of house and home,” Jack laughed.

“Is that why you’re here?” Bessie asked, obviously wanting to pass some gossip back to Joey.

“No,” Jack smiled; knowing she would not push for an answer but thought she probably deserved one. “I was only supposed to be at his for the summer. Then when I got the job at the high school I ended up being there longer. With Jen coming this weekend I thought he would appreciate a bit of peace and quiet. Hopefully it will give me a kick up the butt to find a place of my own.”

“So you’re planning on staying in Capeside for good?”

“I think so,” he replied. “Just have to see how things go.”

“Well everything is sorted for Jen and the baby this weekend.”

“Thank you, Bessie. That’s brilliant.”

“Just a shame Mrs Ryan couldn’t make the trip too.”

“To be honest I think she wants some peace and quiet as well.”

“I don’t blame her,” she smiled. “Anyway, I’ll let you get sorted. Your dinner is in the oven whenever you want it.”

“Thank you,” he said again before entering his room.

“And Joey phoned!” Bessie called into him. “I said I’d get you to call her back.”

“Will do,” he laughed as he saw the phone lying on his bed with a note from Joey next to it. “Subtle.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jen did not even have a chance to get out the car before Jack bounded down the porch steps towards the her. Opening the door for her, he as good as pulled her out of the car and straight into a hug.

“Whoa,” Jen laughed. “You want to check I’ve applied the brake before you do that so the car doesn’t roll into the creek taking Amy with it.”

“How is she?” he asked, releasing her, heading straight to get Amy out the car, like a child who’d remembered he had a newer and better toy waiting for him.

“She’s great. She just woke up a couple of minutes ago. Still nice and sleepy and ready for hugs from her Uncle Jack.”

“Perfect,” Jack beamed as he leant into the car to unfasten the baby seat. “Hey Princess,” Jack cooed. “How are you?”

“You do know it’s going to be some time yet before she is able to actually respond to that?” Jen mocked.

Jack glared at her jokingly as he reappeared from the car carrying Amy. “Come on, Amy let’s go inside and you can tell me all about your day.”

“Cry, eat, poop – she’s been busy,” Jen said heading to the trunk for the bags.

“Leave the bags. I’ll come out and get them in a moment.”

“Aren’t you a gentleman,” she smiled as she followed him into the B&B.

“I try,” he smiled, still holding Amy close. 

“Is Bessie in?” Jen asked as they sat at the table.

“No. She’s taken Alexander to soccer.”

“How is it being here?” she asked, looking around the place half expecting Joey to stroll out of her room any second.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It’s good. Bessie has been great. I just need to find somewhere of my own.”

“Can you afford to do that?” she asked, worried Jack was going to get in too far over his head.

“I think so. I’ve been looking over things and I think I’ve got it all figured out. I may have even found the perfect place.”

“Really?” she asked impressed.

“I was hoping I could take you there this weekend. See what you think.”

“Definitely; that sounds great.” 

“That okay with you?” Jack said to Amy, receiving a gargle in response. “See, we understand each other perfectly.”

“So, everything going well with the Sheriff then?”

“You don’t always have to refer to him as ‘the Sheriff’,” Jack laughed. “And yes, everything is good. You should see how nervous he is about having dinner with you tomorrow. It’s quite funny.”

“I guess I should see Pacey tonight then?” she asked.

“Yeah, probably,” he responded. “Do you want me to watch Amy or do you want to take her with you.”

“I want to take both of you with me,” she replied. “You can’t avoid him forever.”

“I’m not avoiding him. I’m just trying to prevent more cross words.”

“Jack, I know he said some horrible things,” she started.

“I’m not bothered about what he said,” Jack confessed. “It’s what I said that’s bothering me. I knew he was feeling down and I struck him where it hurt.”

“From what you told me you both said plenty of things that I’m sure you wish you could take back.”

“But we can’t take them back.”

“So you just have to move forward. I want Pacey to meet Amy and I want you to be there when he does. I don’t want you to miss a moment with the two of us this weekend. Especially over something so silly.”

“Jen, I really don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Of course it’s a good idea,” she smiled. “It’s my idea.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“There’s not much point bringing Amy’s stroller if you refuse to put her down. I have looked like an idiot pushing an empty pram.”

“I’ll put her down when she falls asleep,” Jack assured. “Maybe.”

“She’s nearly asleep now. I think she enjoyed the walk.”

The two of them paused a moment outside their destination.

“Jen, this was a horrible idea,” Jack moaned as they started to walk into the restaurant.

“This is not a horrible idea,” Jen replied, keeping a smile on her face in case Pacey spotted them before she saw him. “This is offering an olive branch.”

“Do olive branches reach across burnt bridges?”

“Don’t see so silly. This is Pacey. Just because there were sparks doesn’t mean that bridges were burnt. Just get over it.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jack moaned.

“Right now Amy is being more mature than you. Just suck it up.”

“Miss Lindley!” they both heard from across the restaurant. “So this is why all the young men of Capeside have been locked away.”

“Hey Pacey,” she smiled as he came over and gave her a hug. “Not them all, I brought Jack with me.”

“Hey, Pace,” Jack said on cue.

He too received a simple “Hey,” in return.

Then Pacey’s face softened and turned into a massive smile. “And unless you two just kidnapped a baby, I’m assuming this is Amy?”

“It is indeed,” Jen smiled.

“You want her?” Jack asked

“Oh, um… you sure?” Pacey asked. “I could drop her or something.”

“You’ll be fine,” Jack assured, carefully passing the baby over.

“She’s tiny,” Pacey said softly. “Good job, Jen. She’s amazing.”

“Thank you.”

“Come sit down. You want something to eat?” he asked as he led them to a quiet table in the corner.

“No, I’m fine thank you,” Jen replied, taking a seat and watching as Pacey moved extra carefully with Amy in his arms.

“Jack?” Pacey asked.

“Oh, no I’m good thanks.”

Pacey looked at him in faux shocked manner. “I’m not going to poison it or anything.”

Jack could not help but laugh. “I’ve already eaten.”

“Doesn’t normally stop you but okay,” Pacey shrugged. “Take back this little bundle and I’ll go get us some drinks.”

Taking Amy back from the other man Jack relaxed back into his chair as he waited Pacey head towards the bar.

“See,” Jen said. “He’s trying too.”

“I know,” Jack said still feeling uneasy.

“Just give it time. It will be back to normal before long.”

“Pacey and normal don’t go together in a sentence.”

“You know what I mean,” Jen said rolling her eyes. “Just give it a chance.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Looking like you’d rather be somewhere else. And guess where Pacey thinks that somewhere else is.”

“Okay, fine; I’ll cheer up a bit.” Jack looked down at Amy asleep against his chest. “Your mommy is mean.”

“Don’t tell her that,” she laughed.

“You should hear the things _she_ says about you,” Jack mocked. “Truly shocking.”

“I’ve missed you and your rubbish sense of humour.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Jack said sincerely.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After a drink the three friends were still sat around the table, all unable to take their eyes off of Amy sleeping in her pram for more than a few seconds at a time.

“How are you coping anyway?” Pacey asked.

“Surprisingly well. Who would have thought that Jennifer Lindley, Hell-Raiser of Capeside, would enjoy being a mother?” she joked. “I’m lucky really. Amy is great.”

“Well, she’s utterly gorgeous.”

“We’re all pretty smitten with her. Though no one more so than Jack.”

Jack smiled without looking away from the baby.

“Yeah, I’ve been hearing,” Pacey agreed. “For a gay man he has a nasty habit of falling for girls. Your family obviously have magical powers.”

“It’s the Lindley way,” Jen smiled. 

All of a sudden Amy started to stir and fuss. Within a second of opening her eyes she began to cry loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

“Extreme lung power for something so small,” Pacey laughed, covering his ears.

“Do you want me to take her for a little walk?” Jack asked.

“Are you sure?” Jen asked, happy to take Amy herself.

“It’s fine,” Jack said, picking her up, immediately reducing the decibels of her cries. “I’ll let you two catch up.”

“She may need changing,” Jen said apologetically. 

“No problem,” Jack replied, grabbing Amy’s bag and standing in a swift motion, all while keeping Amy close to him. “We’ll be right back.”

Jen and Pacey watched as he walked away, already causing Amy to stop crying.

“Now who do you really think has magic powers?” Jen smiled. 

“Does he hate me?” Pacey asked as soon as Jack had left their sight.

“Excuse me?” Jen asked surprised. “Hate you?”

“Jen, you should have heard the things I said to him.”

“He told me.”

“It was awful. I totally lost it. I don’t know what came over me. To both of them;” Pacey sighed, “I was horrible.”

“To be honest, Pacey, right now he is more upset about what he said to you – not the other way around.”

Pacey put his head in his hands. “It’s such a mess.”

“If you feel that bad why don’t you just apologise?”

“I can’t,” he said bluntly.

“Why on earth not?”

“I went off at Doug about keeping Jack here. That it was his fault that he didn’t go back to New York, when deep down I didn’t care why he stayed – I was just glad he did. I then criticise Jack for his past relationships knowing that this is different; that he is different, when what I’m really worried about is Doug messing him around and hurting him. Or worse…making him happy. Either way things are going to change. How can I tell him that?”

“I don’t get it, Pacey. Surely you want them both to be happy.”

“Of course I do,” Pacey agreed. “But where does that leave me, huh?”

“That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Selfish – I know.”

“You will always be Doug’s annoying little brother,” Jen laughed. “And when it comes to Jack… I don’t know. You seem to be there for him in all the little ways that I have missed. You’re like his knight in shining armour. He will always need you if that’s what you’re worried about. Basically if we were to merge we would make Jack’s perfect partner.”

Suppressing a laugh Pacey thought about what was bothering him. “I don’t know what I’m worried about. It was just a bit of a shock.”

“Really?”

“No, not really. It makes perfect sense. I just didn’t want to see it.”

“Just talk to him. I promise you that he feels just as bad as you do.”

“He’s made his choice, Jen.”

“Why does it have to be one or the other?”

“He walked away.”

“What are you talking about?” Jen asked confused.

“He went to stay at Doug’s. He’s not interested in apologies. He doesn’t think this can be fixed.”

“He’s here tonight isn’t he?”

“Like you didn’t force him.”

“You two need your heads knocking together.”

“Isn’t that why you’re here?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Are you sure Bessie doesn’t mind looking after Amy?” Jen asked as the reached the end of the dock. “I hope she wasn’t kept up by Amy’s crying last night.”

“I think she was fine. After all it was her that offered,” Jack shrugged. “We’ll only be gone an hour at the most.”

Jen watched as her friend began to climb down the wooden ladder at the end of pier into the boat watching on the calm water.

“Where is it we’re going?” she asked as he reached out a hand to her.

“To see that house I was talking about,” Jack smiled, helping Jen into the boat and gestured for her to sit. “I figured if we’re staying in Joey’s house it seems only right to take her favourite mode of transport.”

“I’m pretty sure this wasn’t her favourite mode. She was just better at rowing than she was driving.”

“Okay, Joey’s appalling driving skills aside, I thought this would be nice.”

“It is,” Jen smiled. “Very nice.”

Jack sat down and took the oars. “Bear with me. Unlike Miss Potter I’m a better driver than rower.”

“Why does Pacey think you’re staying at Doug’s?”

“I guess he’s just assumed,” Jack shrugged.

“And you didn’t think to correct him?”

“When would I have done that? In which one of our numerous conversations this week?”

“Okay, I get your point.”

“You could have corrected him,” Jack pointed out.

“I guess. I just wasn’t sure where he’d got that idea from. Didn’t really want to get involved.”

“Fair enough.”

“How far are we going?” Jen asked changing the subject, leaning back with her eyes closed enjoying the sunshine.

“Not far at all. In fact you can pretty much see it.”

“All I can see are trees and water.”

Jack simply smiled back at her as he continued to row, enjoying the peace and tranquillity of the creek. As the minutes passed by in comfortable silence Jack could almost feel what it felt like to be seventeen again; spending the day with his best-friend in a sleepy town. He wished he had known back then that no matter how complicated things were, it would still be the most care free time of his life. Granted both he and Jen had things harder than your average teenager, but amongst the chaos of his fiends it all seemed normal. It was impossible to imagine it any other way. He wished Andie was there with them. He wished that their lives had not become so geographically distant. It felt like forever that they had both called the same place home – even while they were both living under the same roof.

“You should bring Doug out here,” Jen said, thinking out loud.

Jack laughed at the suggestion. “That would mean being seen in public.”

“Oh right,” Jen said, realising the problem with her romantic idea. “That sucks.”

“Sure it will be fine during the winter. Not so great come spring time.”

“I would hope that the secrecy will be over by then.”

“Me too,” Jack said hopefully. “Not holding my breath.”

“How long do you think you’ll be able to put up with being his secret?”

“I’m not the actual secret per se. That wouldn’t even be so bad. Just purely the fact that he’s gay is the secret and I just happen to be a secret within a secret.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It’s not so bad.”

Jen watched the unconvincing smile that was plastered on her friend’s face as he continued to row until all of a sudden, it was a real smile.

“We’re here.”

“We’re where?” Jen asked confused, looking around.

“At our destination.”

“Jack, that’s Dawson’s house,” Jen laughed. “You’re buying Dawson’s house?”

“No, don’t be absurd,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. “I was actually looking at the house next door.”

Jen stared at him; stunned. “Jack, you’re insane.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s not even for sale. And even if it were you wouldn’t be able to afford it.”

“I could. I’ve looked into it. The family who bought it only use it as a holiday home. I explained to them that we used to live there and they agreed that they would sell it to me if I could get a loan.”

“Jack, this is crazy. You know that, right?”

“I spoke to the bank, and my dad who is happy to help. I can get the loan, Jen.”

“Okay, hang on a second here, Jack. Back up. Why do you need such a big house?”

Jack looked sadly at Jen. “I was thinking… hoping… that maybe you, Amy and Grams would want to move back here with me. Y’know – like it used to be, but obviously with Amy this time. She could have her own room and space to play outside. It would be perfect.”

Jen did not know what to say. The lump in her throat was so large that she could barely breathe. Every fibre of her being was screaming at her to say yes. Amy could have the childhood she never managed. Grams could return to place that she was always at peace. But the same reason they had moved back to New York was suddenly poignant again. This time it was not Grams who needed to be near the doctors, it was her.

“Jack, you know we can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Firstly, even if there is a bank out there stupid enough to give you a loan all your money would go into this place. You wouldn’t have anything left. And what about when you and Doug get serious and want to move in together?”

“Then I’ll move into his.”

“And leave a house that you’re bankrupting yourself to pay for?”

“The house is for Amy. For her future. ”

“What about your future?”

“Okay, so maybe Grams would want to buy it and keep it in the family. I don’t care how, Jen. I just want you here.”

“Jack, I know you’ve obviously been thinking about this for a while, but this is sudden for me. You’ve just thrown this at me.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be torn anymore. I don’t want to have to choose. It’s not fair, and the worst thing is that I only have myself to blame. I came here to get away from all the crap in my life and I ended up leaving everything that made me happy.”

“Doug makes you happy. Teaching makes you happy,” Jen reasoned.

“It’s not enough. It’s never going to be enough. And going back to New York… that will never be enough now too. I have to find a way to merge the two. This is the only way I have found. I know it is selfish, but we belong together.”

“Just because everything you want isn’t in the same place it doesn’t mean you don’t have it all. We are all here – whether in Capeside or New York.”

“What about Amy? This place would be perfect for her.”

As Jen looked around she could see her little girl playing in the garden; climbing trees; rowing her own boat along the creek. She could see Jack playing with her; teaching her how to throw a football; putting band aids on grazed knees. She could see Grams watching it all from the front porch. No matter how hard she looked she could not see herself. She could not see herself carving the pumpkin at Halloween with Amy, or waving her off to her prom. She was not there.

“Jack, I think we should head back,” she said softly.

“Please think about it.”

“We’ve left Bessie too long.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jen looked at herself in the mirror as she sat getting ready to go for dinner at Doug’s. Just outside the room she could hear Jack talking baby talk to Amy, with Bessie chiming in every so often. For a moment she allowed herself to wonder how life would be without Jack. Not only was he her best friend, but he was the closest thing to a father that Amy was probably ever going to get. He was there right from the beginning. He helped pick out her crib and baby clothes. He was the one who dashed out and bought loads of pink when they had suddenly realised that Joshua was an Amy. He was the only person in the world who she knew would do anything she asked without even questioning it.

He was the sort of person she wanted Amy growing up with. She wanted Amy to have someone who loved her unconditionally and to help her achieve all her dreams. In her life that had been Jack – the one who helped her realise her own worth. If Jack was in Capeside then maybe she and Amy should be too.

She ran her fingers through her blonde curls wondering if Amy’s hair would resemble hers once it was fully grown. She wondered if Amy would keep her blue eyes, or if over time they would grow darker like her father’s. She wondered if she had put enough goodness into her to make her more her mother’s daughter than her father’s mistake. She hoped she had given her as little of her wildness as possible – for wildness had always led to rebellion which in turn had left Jen always feeling lonely. That was until she met Jack.

In her mind she could see herself as an old woman sat out by the creek with Jack. Amy was all grown up and had her own children. She looked happy. Really unbelievably happy. But the more she tried to focus on the image, the fainter it became. It reminded her that there had been a time when she had hoped that Jack would be with her forever. That neither of them would ever need anyone else. She never felt guilty for wanting that because she could tell that Jack was hoping the same thing. When she got pregnant she realised that could never be. They would both, over the course of their lives, need so much more. She saw in Jack that he too had realised this – even if they both were trying to fight it.

But maybe Jack was right. Maybe they could have everything. Maybe they could find a way to raise Amy and have all the things they needed. All the things they needed to help keep Amy happy and secure. Jack’s idea was certainly appealing. Jen knew that Grams would move back to Capeside in a heartbeat, even if she would not let Jack bankrupt himself over the sentimentality of their old house. However, it was not that simple anymore. Jen was in and out of the doctors more and more since Amy was born. New tests; new pills; new diagnoses – each one worse than the one before.

She had promised Grams that she would tell Jack. She had promised herself. She had had every intention to. Somehow it did not seem right though. She was confident she had a fighting chance of getting better and she had never given up on a fight before. Neither had Jack, but this was not his fight. However, the moment she told him it would be. It would be their fight and she did not want to do that to her friend. 

She had thought about how she would feel if it the other way around and she knew she would go mad if she found out Jack was keeping something from her. She also knew that she would not be able to cope with he thought of her friend suffering when she could do nothing. She reasoned that if he could do nothing then there was no point putting him though such anxiety. She needed him to be strong in case things took a turn for the worse. That was when she would tell him – if she had no choice but to tell him.

Moving to Capeside, as much as she wanted to, would mean having to tell Jack. It would mean asking more of Jack than he had already offered. It would not be fair. 

Forcing a smile into the mirror, as though practicing for the night ahead, Jen promised herself that the second she got the all clear from the doctors in New York she would move straight back to Capeside and reunite her little family.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jen liked watching Doug fuss over them all as though he was trying to make a good impression. He knew that it mattered to Jack what Jen thought of him, but Jen could not help but think that he was giving it too much thought. Jack looked happy and Jen knew that he only ever really asked her opinion of men if he was not sure himself. This time he seemed sure.

Amy had once again stolen most of Jack’s attention – even when she had finally settled to sleep as the rest of them had sat down for dinner. Doug had been noticeably nervous around such a small baby. Jen had assumed he would be more comfortable due to being an uncle. Even so Jen had seen the look on Doug’s face when Jack had been fussing over her little girl – like he could not possibly find anything more attractive than Jack’s fatherly nature. But Jen knew there was more – like he had doubted the depth of Jack’s feelings for Amy. The truth seemed to come like a slap in the face. Jen liked that Doug managed to hide it well. There was a quiet understanding throughout the room that Amy came first. 

“So let me get this straight,” Doug said confused. “You lived together at Jack’s house, then you both went to Mrs Ryan’s, Jack moved out, you lived together in Boston, Jack moved out, and then you lived together in New York?”

“You see a theme?” Jen asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to get away for years,” Jack joked.

“Until you realise nothing’s as good as living with me,” Jen replied, pretending not to see the slight wince on Doug’s face.

Jack either did not notice or was doing a good job of hiding the fact that he saw Doug’s discomfort. He was just happy to have his favourite people in one place.

“When we’re living together we tend to stay out of trouble,” Jen smiled. “At least that’s what I thought until I got pregnant.”

“Which had nothing to do with me,” Jack laughed, holding his hands up, causing Doug to laugh too.

“I tell everyone that you’re Amy’s dad,” Jen shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. “Grams’ knitting group think it’s brilliant. They never believed you were gay anyway.”

“Think Grams would be happy with that,” Jack replied.

“Well, it could have happened. Remember the senior ski trip?”

“I don’t think I remember it the way you seem to,” Jack said raising an eyebrow.

“We did drink a lot,” Jen remembered.

“We did not sleep together,” Jack said to Doug, giving his hand a quick squeeze.

“It was a gamble really,” Jen mused. “The last girl you kissed before me died.”

“What?” Doug laughed before realising that he probably should not be laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Abby Morgan,” Jen said solemnly – wondering what sort of person she would have been if she had lived.

“You kissed Abby Morgan and then she died?” Doug asked.

“Yes I kissed her and, yes, she did die. But the two things were in no way connected. It was Jen who was with her at the point of death.”

“Suddenly regret bring up Abby,” Jen said. “Not my greatest teenage memory.”

“Nor is it Andie’s,” Jack said, reminding Jen of the issues that followed.

The table went quiet for a moment before Doug spoke. “Well I’m glad you both decided to go to college. By the sound of things this town couldn’t cope with you for too much longer.”

“Did Principal Peskin ever find out who put his boat in the school pool?” Jen asked Jack before they both started laughing.

“I don’t want to hear another word,” Doug exclaimed. “That case was never officially closed.” 

“I have an alibi,” Jack smiled. “I’m sticking to my original story.”

“If I’m dating a criminal mastermind please let me know now,” Doug said shaking his head.

“You’re not,” Jack assured. “But you may be related to one.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Finishing his dinner, Jack put down his fork. “I’m going to check on Amy,” he said standing from the table.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Jen replied, knowing that was not going to stop him from going to the bedroom to be with her.

“We would hear if she woke up,” Doug added.

“I know,” Jack said walking away from the table. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“Wild horses weren’t going to keep him from checking on her,” Jen laughed as Jack disappeared into the bedroom.

“You’re lucky to have someone like him,” Doug said softly, still looking in the direction Jack disappeared off to.

“Aren’t we all,” Jen replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Definitely,” was all Doug responded with.

“We have a lot of history,” Jen said softly. “There’s not going to be anyone else who understands what we went through while growing up. We kept each other from falling apart. I know that’s a difficult thing for someone who wasn’t around then to appreciate, but I’m not a threat, Doug. I’m not trying to come between you or play a game of ‘who has Jack’s heart’, because honestly, I don’t think I would win. I want him to be happy and I know he is happy with you. That’s all I want.”

“Thank you,” Doug replied.

“But when it come to that little girl in there,” she gestured towards the other room. “Neither one of us is going to win out against her. It’s just something you’re going to have to learn to accept because as long as you’re in Jack’s life, Amy will be there too. It wouldn’t matter where in the world Jack was, if she needed him he would be there. That’s just the way it is.”

“I’m starting to realise that,” Doug nodded.

“He would do anything for Amy. That’s something that neither one of us has any power to change. It’s family.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack’s heart sank as he watched Jen carry Amy to the car. The weekend had gone by far too quickly. “I can’t believe you’re already leaving,” Jack said sadly as he carried Jen’s bags out. “Stay the rest of week.”

“I wouldn’t want you getting sick of me,” Jen replied, wishing that she could stay.

“I could never get sick of you.”

“I’m sure Bessie and Alexander would appreciate a night without a crying baby.”

“She loved having you here,” Jack protested.

“And you need to be getting back to Pacey’s.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “I’m not going back there.”

“Please, Jack. I don’t want you here all alone.”

“I’m not alone.”

“You know what I mean. You haven’t even told Doug you’re staying here.”

“You know why,” Jack replied. “He would have felt like he had to ask me to stay at his, which would be a bad move.”

“I agree,” Jen nodded. “But I think he would actually have liked to have you at his. Either way he should at least know where you live.”

Jen leaned into the car and strapped Amy’s seat into place.

“Just do me one favour,” Jack asked.

“What’s that?”

“Think about what I said about moving here.”

Jen looked at him sadly, wanting so desperately to tell him why that could not work. She wanted to be with him more than anything, but she knew that Doug felt that way too. Telling Jack would mean going back on her promise to Doug that she was not going to drag Jack away from him. But she was getting weak. She was one plea away from breaking down entirely.

“I really think it could work.”

“Jack, it really is a lovely idea. But Capeside is not ready for the both of us yet.”

“Sod what Capeside is ready for. This is about us. It’s about Amy and Grams.”

“Jack, even you know it’s a crazy idea.”

“No more crazy than moving to New York, or you having a baby, or even us being friends at all. Our whole lives have been crazy.”

“I have Amy now. I can’t be crazy.”

“Amy is the main reason you should think about it. Can you really think of a more idyllic childhood than growing up in Capeside?”

Jen could so easy picture her little girl spending her childhood years growing up on the creek. She knew she would be happy and that was all she hoped for her. “There’s lots of things I would have wished for Amy that aren’t going to be possible. I wish she had a dad who was around to tuck her in bed each night and read her stories. I wish she had cousins and other children to play with. These things aren’t going to happen, but we’ll be fine.”

“She will always have me,” Jack said sadly. “If she was here I could really look after her.”

“Jack…”

“I would tuck her in bed every day of her life if she wanted me to. You know I would do anything for her.”

Jen could not hold it back anymore. She could see Jack carrying a young Amy up the stairs to bed at night and tucking her in before reading her a bedtime story. She could see him taking her to ball games and helping her with her homework. Every part of Amy’s life had Jack in it. It just could not be in Capeside. “Come back to New York,” she sobbed, tears spilling for her eyes.

“What?” Jack asked shocked.

“Come back to New York. We need you.”

Jack tried so hard not to crack – to push back the tears. He felt winded, as though Jen’s words had hit him in the stomach. “Jen, I…”

“I know I shouldn’t say it, but I want you back home. I want my best friend back with me. And I know it’s wrong, but we could have a good life in New York.”

Jack ran his hands over his face and began to pace the lawn in front of the B&B. “Are you serious?” he asked. “Because if you’re serious I will pack up my stuff right now.”

“No you wouldn’t,” Jen said, dipping her head. “You can’t. You love Doug.”

Jack stared at her silently – trying to work out what on earth was going on. Trying to think of the words he would need to tell Doug that he was leaving. Trying not to think of how much it would kill him.

“You love him,” Jen said again.

“I love you.”

“I know. And I know you love Amy. But this is different. This is huge, Jack.”

He knew she was right. It was huge. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was the only relationship he had ever been in where he had no desire to end it. 

“Jen, what are you telling me to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jen said through her tears.

“Don’t do this to me.”

“I’m telling you to stay,” Jen said, trying to sound sure. “But I am also telling you that I want you in New York. I don’t see that changing.”

Jen watched as Jack’s body collapsed against the front steps of the B&B. “This is a mess.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just going to go.”

“Don’t go,” Jack pleaded. “Not like this.”

“I have to,” Jen said walking over and sitting next to him. “Before I say something _really_ stupid.” Pulling him into a hug she kissed his forehead. “Goodbye, Jack.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Something Jen had said the previous night had stuck in Doug’s mind. Jack was not even related to Jen or Amy but he was willing to do anything for them. It made him realise that he could not just leave things with Pacey in such a bad way. He was the older brother; he had to make the effort.

Walking into the restaurant had been harder than it had been when he had come to tell Pacey about him and Jack. His shoes felt like they were full of lead.

He quickly located his brother sat alone at the bar with a cup of coffee and a newspaper.

Pacey had already sensed his presence before he sat down next to him. Neither man said a word as the younger brother reached across the bar for another mug and filled it from the coffee pot sat next to him. Sliding it over to his brother as a peace offering; he attempted to force a smile which did not quite form.

“Thank you,” Doug said, breaking the silence.

“Are we okay?” Pacey asked.

“You tell me.”

“I gave you coffee, didn’t I?” he joked, immediately putting the two of them at ease. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“I didn’t mean it. I don’t really know what I meant to say.”

“By the sound of things Jack got it worse than I did, which I wasn’t expecting.”

“Yeah, he did,” Pacey admitted. “I’m not proud of that.”

“I know.”

“How is he?”

“He’s fine,” Doug replied.

“Where is he?”

“Seeing Jen and Amy off.”

“Oh right,” Pacey nodded. “Amy’s amazing, isn’t she?”

“Yes. Jack’s pretty smitten.”

“You’ve got your work cut out there,” Pacey said, finally looking at Doug rather than the counter.

“Trust me; I know.”

“Hopefully I’ll see more of Jen and Amy next time they come down,” Pacey smiled.

Doug simply nodded.

“How was it having them at yours?” Pacey asked.

“It was fine. Nice to get to know Jen a little.”

“You had enough space for them all?”

“It was only dinner,” Doug said confused.

“What?” Pacey asked, also confused. “They weren’t staying at yours?”

“No. They stayed at yours with Jack. Why would they have stayed at mine?”

“Because Jack moved out of mine last Sunday,” Pacey explained. “He went to yours, didn’t he?”

“What?” Doug said shaking his head. “He did what?”

“He has not been staying with you this week?”

“I thought he was with you.”

“I take that as a no then,” Pacey sighed. 

“No.”

Pacey could not help but smile slightly as he realised what Jack had done. “I know where he is.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pacey spotted Jack sat on the front porch of the Potter B&B before Jack saw him approach. Seeing he was upset he realised that Jen must have just left.

“I didn’t think I’d be coming back here anytime,” Pacey said as he walked up the steps, catching Jack’s attention.

For a moment it seemed as though Jack was looking right through the other man. Eyes bloodshot and mouth firmly closed, as though he did not trust himself to speak. Pacey remained silent – not entirely sure what he was supposed to stay. He knew it hurt Jack to watch Jen and Amy drive away far more than the argument which had taken place between them the week before. 

“What are you doing here?” Jack asked; surprised.

“That’s a good question,” Pacey said softly as he sat down next to Jack. “I just thought it would be me asking you.”

Jack laughed slightly despite himself as he wiped the last traces of tears from his cheeks. It struck him how odd it was for the two of them to be sat on the porch of the Potter residence – especially without Joey around. Things definitely had changed. Even so Pacey was a constant – one of the few people he had always been able to rely on. To lose him and watch Jen walk away all in one day; it was something he could not cope with.

“I wasn’t going to choose between you,” Jack said softly. “I don’t want to choose anymore.”

Realising that his friend was talking about more than just himself and Doug, he put his arm around him and pulled him closer. “Well, I’m never going to ask you to choose.”

“Good. Because I can’t.”

Pacey nodded in understanding. He knew that Jack had come to the B&B in the hope that the two brothers would sort out their issues so that he would not be caught in the middle. Jack always seemed to be caught in the middle. This way he did not have to pick one brother over the other – the one thing Pacey had been dreading. Instead Jack chose to focus on Amy who he had already been separated from due to the choices he had had to make. Seeing him hold her in the restaurant had made Pacey truly appreciate how hard the decisions he had made really were. 

“You looked really good with Amy. I wanted to tell you that the other night. She is going to love you more and more as she grows up no matter where you live.”

“Thanks, Pace.”

“I mean it. She’s lucky to have you.”

Unable to speak, Jack stared out to the creek and knew that Pacey understood.

“Come on,” Pacey said patting him on the arm and standing up.

Jack looked at him confused.

“Get your bags together. You’re coming home.”

**To Be Continued…**


	20. When all is said and done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Thank you to everyone for reading. I hope you've enjoyed it. I plan to follow up with a sequel of sorts. Here is the final part...** _

The days since Jen’s departure from Capeside had been more peaceful that those leading up to it. Doug and Pacey were back to normal – or as normal as ‘normal’ was for the two of them. Jack enjoyed that he was able to split his time between the two men without having to think of excuses or alibis. More than anything Jack enjoyed being able to spend time with both Doug and Pacey together without having to watch what he was saying or doing. Pacey still wound Doug up, but Jack saw the funny side and somehow managed to keep the two men from killing each other. Jack could not remember when he had ever smiled so frequently. It was like he was actually living the life he had always been looking forward to.

Even work had started to level out. He knew there would always be kids who tried to push the boundaries, or try and get to him. He knew that some things would never change. But he also was starting to remember why he wanted to teach – why he was never going to fit in at his old school. It was one Tuesday morning Freshman English lesson when he suddenly realised that there may not be another school out there that was better suited to him than Capeside High. After all he remembered what it was like. He knew that just because it was a small school in a quiet town that it did not mean that the kids did not have the same problems as the kids in New York. Teenage angst is universal. He was there to show the kids of Capeside what happens when you come out the other side of your troubles.

Being away from Jen again was the only hard part of his life. The first few days after she returned to New York were awkward with neither one of them knowing how to skate around the issue that they both wanted something that was impossible. That was until Jen finally raised the issue. She had promised him to think about the possibility of moving. Even though she made it clear that it was not on the cards any time soon, she admitted that she could not imagine her daughter growing up away from her best friend. One way or another, she had emphasised, Amy would eventually once again live under the same roof as Jack. 

This did not make it easier to be apart but it did give him something to work towards – a reason to build a stable and secure life. And he was determined to show Pacey that sometimes the hardest thing to do was to return to the town you grew up in, but at the same time could be the best decision he ever made.

Trying to get comfortable in bed Jack shuffled down a bit so only the top of his head was touching the headboard. Almost in a lying position, he held the essay he was reading above his face – a red pen sticking out of his mouth.

“This is stupid. You know that right?” Doug said as he wandered around the room, automatically picking up the items of clothing that Jack had thoughtlessly discarded on the floor.

Doug looked over to him to see if he was actually paying attention but could not see his face behind the paper he was holding. 

“You’ve read that essay twice already,” he continued. “It’s not going to get any better.”

He received a muttering of inaudible words in response. He was not sure if it was really a response or if Jack was just reading out loud. With the pen in his mouth it was hard to tell.

“You can’t have all A-grade students. Some of them will fail,” Doug carried on ranting as he found more things to tidy around the room, before eventually realising that everything was pretty perfect – including the man in his bed. Smiling to himself he removed his shirt leaving just his shorts and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“I thought you said you were tired anyway,” Doug said as he brushed, making his words almost as unrecognisable as Jack’s.

“I thought you said you were going to let me finish this last essay,” Jack smiled back, taking a peek from behind the paper having removed the pen from his mouth.

“That was 40 minutes ago,” Doug moaned. “Do you know how many people I can arrest in 40 minutes?”

Jack smiled as he carried on reading but the image of Doug going on an arresting spree around Capeside would not leave his head. “You’re not helping.”

Doug smiled to himself as he continued brushing his teeth, able to see Jack in the mirror. “In fact,” he said spitting the toothpaste out, “There’s loads of this I could do in 40 minutes. Cook dinner; go for a 5 mile run; get a pizza delivered, and probably from a different town,” Doug listed. “Watch an episode of the Gilmore Girls – if you fast forward the commercials. Probably have to be the DVD version then, unless it’s an extended edition,” he muttered to himself, trying to think of more things.

“How about a 40 minute silence?” Jack asked. “You could try one of those.” 

“Sorry,” Doug laughed as he climbed into bed next to Jack’s warm body. “I’ll shut up,” he said kissing Jack softly before attempting to back away – prevented from doing so by the other man’s arm wrapped around him. “I thought you were working?”

“Like you care,” Jack laughed. “Just remember this when you’re trying to do your Sheriff duties.”

“I’ll let you finish,” Doug smiled apologetically. 

“Okay. Just stay here,” Jack replied, pulling Doug closer so his cool flesh when pressed up against his warmth. “I’m nearly done.”

Doug watched as Jack’s eyes scanned the last couple of paragraphs on the sheet in front of him before tapping the end of his pen against the paper in his hand. 

“I can’t do it,” he finally said after a moment of silence. Taking the lid of the pen he turned to the first page of the essay and wrote “D-” in large writing. “I can’t fail him.”

“You’re too nice,” Doug smiled. “An ‘F’ won’t kill him.”

“It may kill me,” Jack laughed, finally putting the paper down on the nightstand. “Maybe I should read over it one more time. Maybe I’m missing some hidden genius.”

“You’ve read it three times. If there’s hidden genius it’s buried so deep that you’re not going to find it tonight.”

“You’re mean,” Jack smiled, turning over to face the other man.

“It’s my job to be mean.”

“Isn’t it your job to be fair?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Hmm, maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong.”

“Probably,” he said softly, letting his tiredness show.

Doug ran a hand through Jack’s hair and watched as the other man visibly melted into his embrace, closing his eyes and nuzzling his face into the gap between Doug’s face and collarbone. “You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Jack said against the other man’s skin. “I’m just making sure you’re real.”

Doug smiled oddly, trying to work out what Jack meant.

“Did you see this happening?” Jack asked, not moving away from his nestled position. “Honestly?”

“I don’t know,” Doug answered. “It depends what it is you’re talking about.”

Jack looked up at the other man, moving back enough to see his face, but still close enough not to break the embrace.

“If you’re talking about you and me then I don’t know. Yes – I think so; after a while. We didn’t have the greatest of starts.”

“True,” Jack half smiled.

“But I knew this was what I wanted probably after the first couple of times talking to you. And there was something in me telling me that if I just hung on in there that it would happen. Which in itself is odd because I don’t know if I ever really believed that I would find someone like you.”

“I know what you mean,” Jack smiled. “If you had asked me 6 months ago where I thought I was going to be right now… well, I wouldn’t have said here. I wouldn’t have guessed any of this.”

“And is that okay with you?”

“How can I complain?” Jack asked. “I have pretty much everything I’ve ever really wanted.”

“You don’t have everything,” Doug said softly. It was not accusatory in anyway. It was soft and understanding. It was also the first time Doug had dared to mention it since Jen’s visit.

“I think you’d be hard pushed to find me anyone who has ‘everything’,” Jack said dismissively.

“It’s okay to miss Jen. You don’t have to hide it. I don’t think I realised how entangled your lives are until she was here last weekend.”

“She’ll always be there. It’s not like she’s going anywhere,” Jack replied. “We’ve been apart before. It’s just amplified because of Amy.”

“Do you imagine yourself with children one day?” Doug asked.

Jack looked at him shocked – as though he had delved into a part of his brain that even he tried to hide. “No.”

“Really?” Doug asked. “I think you’d be a great dad.”

“The whole thing is just so insane,” Jack laughed it off. “One day Andie will have kids; and Jen has Amy”

“That’s them,” Doug pointed out. “What about you?”

“Why are you asking this?” 

“I just thought that maybe the reason why you’re finding it so hard to be away from New York is because you see Amy as your only chance to be a father. It doesn’t have to be.”

“It’s not that,” Jack said in a way that he did not even believe himself. “And anyway, I’m not her father.”

“Maybe not. But I have a feeling that she’s going to grow up wishing that you were.”

Jack remained silent, once again closing his eyes and snuggling up to Doug. Thinking after a few minutes that maybe he had fallen asleep, Doug reached out to the lamp and clicked it off, plunging the room into darkness.

“Jen asked me to move back to New York,” he said softly, not moving.

“What?” Doug asked, his heart starting to pound. “When?”

“On the weekend – before she left.”

Doug moved back a little, trying to see Jack’s face through the darkness. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because,” Jack said in a shaky voice. “You wouldn’t have liked my response.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re leaving?” Doug asked sitting up.

“No!” Jack replied quickly, sitting up also. “No. I’m not leaving.”

“But you told her you would?”

“I was caught off guard and she was upset and…” 

Doug could hear that Jack was upset. Through the darkness he found Jack’s hand and locked their fingers together.

“I asked her to move here and I thought that I could get a house and… God, it seems insane saying it to anyone but her,” Jack laughed despite himself. “She said that she couldn’t, but I know that she could. She could come back here with Amy and everything would be simple.”

“But she asked you to go back to New York?”

“And in that moment I thought that if she wanted me back so badly that she would actually ask… I didn’t say yes,” Jack reasoned. “But if she had insisted I don’t know what would have happened.”

“She didn’t insist?” Doug asked, trying to work out what had happened.

Jack had expected him to be angry, but there was no anger in the other man’s voice. “She said I had to stay here with you.”

“Did you only stay because she told you to?” Doug asked concerned.

“No,” Jack said honestly. 

“Why then?” 

“I have been trying to decide between my heart and my head ever since I was last in New York. It’s taken me this long to realise that I can’t decide between them because they can’t decide for themselves. There’s good reason to be in both places. I have no real ties to Capeside or New York as mere places. I could go anywhere and be happy if I had you, Pacey, Jen and Amy.”

“So why here?”

“Jen could come here. Maybe not now, but one day. I know both she and Amy would be happy. But I couldn’t ask you to come to New York. You belong here. Out of all of us, you are the only one who belongs anywhere. That’s what I’ve always wanted: just to belong somewhere. I would never ask you to leave that, and I don’t want to leave you.”

“What are you trying to say,” Doug asked, finally able to see through the darkness as his eyes adjusted. Reaching out his free hand he wiped a stray tear from Jack’s cheek.

“I walked into your life and turned it pretty much upside down and in turn did the same to myself. I want to be with you and that means being in Capeside. I’m not saying that there won’t be times when I’ll want to be with Jen and Amy and saying goodbye to them will always be hard. I just need you to know that wanting to be with them doesn’t make me want to be with you any less.”

“I know that,” Doug smiled, leaning in and kissing the other man reassuringly. “I want to be with you too. And you’re right: I am Capeside and I’m happy with that. But I need you to be happy too.”

“I am,” Jack promised. “I really am.”

“Good,” Doug nodded

“That’s why I spoke to James at school today and signed an extended contract until the end of the academic year.”

Doug was speechless. It was what he had wanted to hear from Jack since the moment he returned from New York.

“Say something,” Jack said quietly.

Still unable to find words that would be able to fight past the lump in his throat he tightened his grip on Jack’s hand. Leaning forward he caught Jack’s lips softly with his own – tentatively; cautiously; trying to regain composure. His heart was beating so hard that he thought it could break a rib. His trembling hand reached up and rested on the back of Jack’s neck, fingers playing in the short hair on the back on his head. Within seconds everything intensified, the hand on his neck now being used to deepen the kiss. Doug did not need to say anything – Jack knew what he was thinking as though their minds had somehow become one. 

If he had had use of his mouth Jack probably would have told Doug that he loved him. That he promised to always choose him whenever possible. But he knew that Doug knew that.

Lowering Jack down onto the bed Doug refused to break the kiss. Somehow knowing that Jack was not going anywhere made him want to hold on tighter. It felt real now – like the missing 10% was his. He knew that having all of Jack meant giving Jack all of himself. That he needed to start opening up to the fact that his life was no longer a private secret. It was something beautiful. It needed to be shared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Doug walked into the restaurant in his sheriff’s uniform, receiving a few nods and greetings from Capeside residents. He spotted Pacey talking to someone at the bar and headed in that direction. Realising that Pacey was going to be a few minutes dealing with what seemed to be a supplier, Doug sat himself in the seat that Pacey had previously occupied and within seconds started to eat the fruit salad that his brother had prepared for his own breakfast.

“Do you mind?” Pacey asked, finally finishing with his business associate just in time to see Doug finish his breakfast.

“Not at all,” Doug smiled.

“You didn’t have breakfast this morning?” Pacey asked, deciding just to stick with a mug of coffee.

“I didn’t have time,” Doug shrugged in return.

Pacey gave his brother a funny look. “You know what? I don’t want to know.”

Doug just glared at Pacey.

“Do you ever actually work?” Pacey mocked. 

“No. I just thought I’d wear my uniform for fun today.”

“Does it get you free donuts?”

“Yes, and coffee,” Doug said rolling his eyes at Pacey’s stupid comment.

“Okay, mocking you is not as much fun when you’re in a good mood, which once again I don’t think I want to know anything about.”

“Jack’s extended his contact,” Doug smiled, taking Pacey’s coffee from his hand and drinking it.

“Since when?” Pacey asked, scowling at the stolen coffee.

“Yesterday.”

“I’m surprised.”

“You are?”

“I just figured that Jen’s visit would have had the opposite effect,” Pacey admitted. 

“So did I,” Doug replied honestly. “He wants her to move here and she wants him to move back to New York.”

“I figured this would happen,” Pacey sighed. “Good news for us though.”

“Yeah, it is.”

A moment later Pacey realised that he still have no idea why Doug had made such a point of coming to visit. “Why are you actually here, Dougie?” he smiled as he lent against the counter-top. “You miss me or something?”

“Not in the slightest,” Doug replied. “I just need your help doing something.”

“Oh you do?” Pacey laughed. “I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy this.” He retrieved himself another coffee to replace the one Doug took from him and resumed his position leaning in front of his brother.

“I need you to come to Mom and Dad’s tonight.”

Pacey nearly laughed before he realised that Doug was serious. “Hell no. I’m not doing it.”

“Pacey, please. You haven’t been there for ages and I never ask you for anything.”

“Why do you want me to?”

“Because I don’t want to go alone.”

“Bring them here,” Pacey offered. “I will have an excuse to get away then.”

“I was thinking of somewhere less public.”

“What’s going on?” Pacey asked, sensing Doug’s apprehension. 

“I’m going to tell them,” he replied.

“Tell them?”

“About me. About Jack. Everything,” he explained.

Pacey’s eyes widened. “Whoa, seriously? Are you sure?”

“It’s about time the family knew. You’re the only one I’ve told.”

“Gretchen knows,” Pacey said matter-of-factly.

“What? How?”

“She asked,” Pacey replied. “And you know that you should never lie to a sibling.”

“What about keeping a promise to a sibling to keep your mouth shut.”

“I’m afraid the rule about lying out trumps the rule about keeping promises. Sorry.”

“What did she say?” Doug wanted to know.

“Not much,” Pacey shrugged. “She already assumed.”

“When was this?” 

“A while back. Long before Jack.” 

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“Are you really going to tell Mom and Dad tonight?”

“That’s the plan.”

“It’ll have to be late afternoon. I’m working tonight,” Pacey offered.

“That’s fine. I’ll come by and pick you up.”

“Shit,” Pacey muttered, pushing aside his coffee. “I need something stronger.”

“You’re making me nervous.”

“You should be nervous. What does Jack think about all this?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“Of course you haven’t,” Pacey rolled his eyes. “You two are going to be the death of me.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything was white. The walls looked like they were whitewashed on a weekly basis just to keep the sterile shine to them. Jen knew from experience over the last few months that the whiter the room the more serious the news. As she had been passed for doctor to doctor to have test after test she had become a pro at reading into what they were about to tell her before they had even opened their mouths.

The fact that the receptionist had advised her to bring her grandmother along to the appointment had been her first warning that something was really wrong.

“The facts are, Miss Lindley, that your condition is now giving us a much greater cause for concern than your previous doctors first anticipated.”

Jen was not sure exactly what was going on around her. She could hear words and felt the softness of someone holding her hand. She could not tell if she was the one who had reached out for Grams or if the older lady had instinctively offered comfort. 

“Jennifer,” the doctor said. 

The use of her first name, when she had been referred to as Miss Lindley since she walked through the door, was the final clue Jen needed that this was going to be bad.

“You have what is called ‘pulmonary congestion’,” the doctor continued. 

Grams’ grip tightened around her shaking fingers. 

“Do you know what that means?” the doctor asked.

Jen wanted to scream at him, or laugh, or maybe lie and pretend she knew exactly what that meant. Instead she shook her head; no.

“You have a fluid accumulation on the lungs which is why you are feeling breathless and tired,” the doctor explained. “It is caused by your heart's weakened state.”

Jen’s mind slipped back to biology class back at Capeside High as she desperately tried to remember the functions of each organ and how they affected the other vital organs working over time to keep her alive. She could not remember any lesson where she was told about the hearts job to remove anything from her lungs. It seemed as though no one had told her heart it was its job either. In the rush of trying to remember, the only thing she would see in her mind was herself sitting in class next to Jack. The way they would both let each other cheat off of their test papers. That’s when she first felt the tears on her cheeks. It was Jack’s hand she should be holding right now and she knew it.

“Ultimately, Jen, this leads to impaired gas exchange, which you’re already experiencing. The worst case scenario is that it will result in respiratory failure.” 

Jen wondered how the doctor could remain so calm while telling a young single mother that she was going to die.

“So what do we do?” Grams asked, seemingly pulling the question straight out of Jen’s own mind.

Finally the doctor seemed lost for words. Jen was glad, even though she knew that did not mean good things for her.

“If we had caught this sooner I would be able to suggest so much more than I am able to right now,” the doctor said solemnly. “We can offer Jen some non-invasive ventilation measures to increase adequate oxygen absorption and of course some drugs to relieve any discomfort.”

“Is that all?” Grams asked, clearly alarmed.

“I’m so sorry.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Jack!” James called down the hallway to the other man who was about to head out the door.

School had been over for an hour and even the students who had been held back for detention had left the building.

Turning back from the doorway Jack headed back towards the principal. “Everything okay?” he asked.

“You tell me,” James replied.

Jack looked at him oddly. “Have I done something wrong?”

“What did I say to you yesterday?” James asked.

“I’m sorry, James, but you’re going to have to give me clue. You said a lot of things to me yesterday.”

James raised his hand in which he was holding a typed document – one which Jack knew well, having had it in his possession for weeks before handing it to James the previous day.

“That’s my contract,” Jack said – not knowing what else to say.

James looked at the younger man as if he was waiting for something more.

“I’m really sorry,” Jack laughed, “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say.”

“Yesterday when you abruptly walked into my office and handed me this,” he said, raising the contract again, “In complete elation but slight suspicion, did I, or did I not tell you that I was offering you a 24 hour cooling off period in which time you could return to my office and tear up the contract with no hard feelings?”

“Yes, I seem to recall that,” Jack replied.

“I have been in my office all day with your contract on my desk.”

“I’m still not following you,” Jack said confused.

“The cooling off period only lasts 24 hours, which ended 33 minutes ago,” he said looking at his watch.

“I’m aware of that. I understand the concept of the 24 hour cooling off period.”

“So you haven’t just lost track of time?”

“Not at all.”

“And this is still in tact on purpose?”

“It is,” Jack smiled as he saw realisation of the situation dawn on James’ face.

“Oh,” was all James could manage.

“I put a lot of thought into signing that, and I am not going to change my mind,” Jack assured. 

“I think I need to sit down,” James laughed. “I did not see that coming.”

“I like it here. I think everything could work out.”

“I think it could too,” James said. “Just after the whole wall thing… I thought you were long gone at Christmas.”

“So did I,” Jack admitted. “But I changed my mind.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

“Good,” Jack smiled; looking back towards the door that he had so nearly exited minutes earlier. “Can I go now?”

“Of course,” James laughed. “Have a good evening.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The hours since her hospital appointment had been a silent blur. Jen had recoiled into the sanctuary of her room, wanting to spend every second with her baby daughter. The doctor’s words rang like alarms in her head but she remained calm. She had too much to think about to get upset or angry. Even though she _was angry_. So unbelievably angry!

“Jennifer,” Grams said walking into her granddaughter’s room, carrying two cups of tea. “We need to talk.”

“Not now, Grams,” Jen replied, putting a sleeping Amy into her crib.

“No, Jennifer. It has to be now. We have put this off for far too long. I cannot go back to pretending that nothing is going on.” She put the cups down on the dresser and sat down next to Jen on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not asking you to,” Jen said softly – her eyes remaining on her daughter. “I just don’t know what good will come from upsetting you.”

“And you think I won’t be upset if we don’t talk about it?” Grams asked, laying a hand softly on Jen’s shoulder. “We need to have a plan.”

“I have a plan,” Jen nodded to herself. “I have it all worked out.”

“Jennifer, I am being serious. There’s a lot to think about here.”

“I know. I am being serious too.”

Grams said nothing, trying to work out if this was another of her granddaughter’s flip remarks or if she was being serious.

“I have a list of things that need sorting out,” Jen continued. “I have had it for months. Just in case.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Grams asked softly.

“Because I was hoping we wouldn’t need it.”

“Well, first thing’s first. I will phone Jack and get him to come back immediately,” Grams said standing up, only to have Jen pull her back.

“No, Grams. We’re not going to tell him anything.”

“I can’t not tell him, Jennifer. He has to know.”

“Grams, we’re going to do this my way,” Jen said sternly. “It is vital for my plan to play out that Jack does not know.”

“How so?”

“I need Jack in Capeside. I need him happy and secure and for him to keep his job and get a home. I need him to carry on as though nothing is about to change. I need him to set up a life for himself that does not revolve around me.”

“Jennifer, have you given any thought to how he is going to feel when he finds out.”

“Of course I have,” Jen said, finally tearing up. “I have thought about how I would feel knowing that Jack was ill and was going to… I don’t want him to go through that. I want him to live in ignorance for as long as possible. If that can happen then everything else will be fine.”

“Why?” Grams asked.

“Grams, if you were 30 years younger the situation would be different, but as it stands I need Amy to be with someone who can be there for her for as long as she needs them.”

“I know dear,” Grams said sadly. “Amy belongs with Jack.”

Jen smiled sadly at her grandmother. “I am glad you agree.”

“Of course, dear.”

“I need him to have the most secure life possible so when it comes to it he can cope with having Amy.” Jen looked down at her baby girl asleep in her crib and wondered how long it would be before she would never see her again. “At the moment he is expecting Amy and I to move to Capeside at some point and I know he is working hard to be prepared to provide everything we need.”

“He still should know,” Grams reasoned.

“No, Grams. If you had seen him this weekend. He belongs there. He really does. And when he is with Doug it is like a whole new Jack. I can’t wait for you to see it. You’ll be so proud of him.”

“I already am proud – of both of you.”

“If I tell Jack then he will come back to New York and I will be removing the chance of both him and Amy having the best lives they could have. He deserves the truth, but I owe it to Amy to make sure she gets the best. That means Jack staying clueless and in Capeside. He will understand that. I know it.”

“I understand,” Grams nodded. “You need to think of Amy.”

“I think that Jack will raise her really well,” Jen said, tears running down her cheeks. “And I think that having Amy will give him that missing piece. Do you know what I mean? I think she’s what he’s been looking for all along.”

“Yes, Dear. I think he’ll be wonderful. More than wonderful.”

“He’ll have Pacey and hopefully Joey and Doug. He’ll probably do a better job than I would.”

“No one can raise a child better than her own mother,” Grams said delicately.

“I don’t know about that. You did a far superior job than my mother did. If it weren’t for you I don’t know where I’d be right now.”

“You were a pleasure to have around.”

“Liar,” Jen laughed through her tears.

“I mean it. Even when I wanted to shake some sense into you; you were always a beautiful and intelligent young woman that I knew would blossom into someone amazing.”

“Do you think that Amy will be okay?”

“You are providing her with the best chance she has of being just as incredible as you. I have faith that Jack will do an amazing job.”

“Is it too much to ask for him?” Jen asked.

“You won’t need to ask,” Grams smiled sadly. “You won’t need to ask at all.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jack listened out for any signs of life as he entered Pacey’s house. There was usually a brief period when Jack returned home from work and before Pacey left for the evening shift that their two paths crossed and they were able to catch up with each other. Today however there was no human lump on the couch and no noise coming from upstairs.

“Pacey?” Jack called, to be sure.

Receiving no answer he shrugged and he walked over to the kitchen table and dumped down his work bag. Trying to decide what to do with an empty house he headed to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Looking in at its contents he tried to work out if it was possible to make anything from ham, yogurt and tomato paste. Smiling to himself he realised he would have to rely on one of the Witter brothers for dinner again.

Until then though Jack decided to make the most of the empty house. Carrying his beer to the couch he dumped his body down, stretching his legs across the empty seats. For the fourth time that afternoon he pulled out his cell and dialled Jen’s number, expecting to get no response like all the other times. He was trying to remember if she had told him that she was going to be busy but the only thing he could remember was Amy’s appointment with the pediatrician, but he was sure that was not until the following week.

As he was about to give up Jen answered.

“Hey Jack.”

“There you are,” he smiled. “Where have you been?”

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No, everything’s fine. Just been trying to reach you.”

“Sorry, I took Amy out for a walk and left my cell at home,” she lied.

“Sounds like a nice afternoon,” he sighed, getting comfortable on the couch.

“Yeah, it has been,” she lied again – starting to realise that it was far easier to lie over the phone. Jack would never suspect a thing. He was too happy to be looking for anything wrong. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Jack smiled. “Just lounging about doing absolutely nothing.”

“Where’s Pacey?”

“No idea,” Jack shrugged.

“And Doug?”

“Not sure.”

“Both Witters missing. Sounds like trouble is brewing,” she laughed.

“I really hope not. I am starting to get used to everything being,” Jack hesitated, “Perfect.” 

“Did you just say ‘perfect’?”

“Yeah,” Jack laughed. “I think I did. At least it’s as perfect as it can be right now.”

“You have no idea how good that is to hear.”

“I can honestly say I have nothing to complain about. Soon enough you and Amy will be here too and I will have to find a new word that means even better than perfect.”

“Well I’m glad you’re preparing yourself for Amy’s arrival,” Jen said softly, hoping he would miss the fact that she was not promising her own arrival in Capeside

“I can’t wait.”

“I’m glad. She’s going to need you,” Jen told him. “Every girl needs a dad. I was going to say that I wish you were her dad, but you are – don’t ever forget that. You are everything she will ever need from a father figure.”

Jack paused slightly, not knowing what to say. “I will always be here.”

“I know.”

A silence washed over the phone line as the two friends contemplated what the future held – both picturing very different things. Jen knew that Jack would panic when he realised he had to be the one to raise Amy. He would panic that he did not immediately have her crib, or stroller, or even the bath bubbles that made her sleepy. He would panic over a lot of things. Things that could be sorted in the space of a day if need be. But the things he did have: love, understanding, security – they were things some parents never manage to provide their children with. She knew that he would be okay.

“I’m really sorry, Jack,” Jen said, sounding tired. “I have to go. I said I would help Grams out with baking cookies for her church group.”

“Oh, Okay,” Jack replied. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you.”

“Brilliant. Have fun baking.”

He could hear the smile in her voice. “I’ll try,” she replied. “I love you, Jack.”

“I love you too, Jen.”

“Bye.”

She had hung up before he had had a chance to say good bye himself. Putting the phone back in his pocket he went back to trying to make himself comfortable and thinking about what he should do about dinner – reminded by the rumbling of his stomach. He considered heading to the store and buying ingredients to make something himself but mentally talked himself out of it in mere seconds.

As if on cue Pacey wandered into the house, looking red faced and bothered.

“Jeez, what’s happened to you?” Jack asked, sitting up.

“My parents, Jackers. That’s what’s happened to me.”

“Why were you at your parents’?”

Pacey slumped down at the other end of the couch. “It’s a long story, and I would tell you – trust me, I would. I could use you as a form of free therapy that I really feel I need after today. But I’m afraid that is not my story to tell.”

“What are you talking about?” Jack laughed.

“If I say another word I think Doug would make me spend the night in the cells. Which, actually, as long as my parents don’t come to bail me out, would probably be okay.”

“You do know that you’re not making any sense, right?”

“Oh yes. I’m aware.”

“Are you trying to tell me that both you and Doug have just been to see your parents?”

“I didn’t say that. Did I?” Pacey asked back.

“Pacey!” Jack could not help but laugh. “What is going on? What have your parents done?”

“They have lost their minds. I honestly think they have gone crazy. But in a good way, I guess. Just not in a normal John Witter kind of way. It’s like their brains have been taken out and swapped with the brains of a Will and Grace watching, democratic voting, enlightened version on themselves which are so difficult for me to imagine that I am sure my parents have been swapped for robots.”

“Pacey, you’re worrying me slightly.”

“And they had the audacity to turn on me!”

“What?” Jack asked, because he felt it was the right thing to do.

“Why can’t I settle down? Why can’t I find a nice young woman? Or man. Why can’t I be more like Doug?”

Jack’s eyes suddenly widened. “What?”

Pacey suddenly went silent. “I said too much.”

“Why were you parents comparing you to Doug?”

“I am so going in the cells,” Pacey grumbled, stealing Jack’s beer from him. “Don’t tell him I told you.”

“Told me what? What is going on?”

“He told our parents,” Pacey sighed. “About you.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Doug could hear the pounding on the front door from his bedroom. Having changed out of his work clothes, he buttoned up his shirt and headed towards the noise, which hadn’t died down.

Jack almost fell through the door as Doug opened it. 

“Are you trying to break my door?” Doug asked confused.

Jack seemed to be out of breath, trying to find the words that he had so urgently wanted to say.

“Did you run here?” Doug asked, pulling Jack further through the door and closing it behind him.

“Pacey told me,” Jack panted. “Well, he didn’t tell me. He was just talking and said something that…” he trailed off. “What happened?”

“I knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep his mouth shut.”

“In his defence he made little sense.”

“I was about to come over to yours. Figured you’d need someone to make you dinner.”

“I’m not that pathetic,” Jack smiled, knowing that he really was.

“I was going to tell you everything then,” Doug said, taking Jack’s hand and smiling. “I’ve got good news and bad news.”

“Just tell me,” Jack said, and excited tingle running through his whole body, starting from the hand Doug was holding.

“I told my parents,” Doug said simply. “I told them everything. About me. About you.”

“And?”

“They were fine.”

Jack looked at Doug oddly. It was the answer he had hoped for but he had met the senior Witters before and ‘fine’ was not the word he was expecting.

“They were really _really_ fine,” Doug laughed. “I mean, they weren’t exactly jumping for joy or anything and of course they had questions and concerns but it was nothing like I had imagined. Dad stayed pretty quiet – Mum did most of the talking, but there was no yelling, which granted isn’t always a good thing in the Witter house, but this time I think it was a good sign. He mostly just shrugged, as though I had told him something really mundane.”

Jack stood there staring at Doug, trying to take in all of the fast paced information.

“Mom was pretty excited about you. She said she remember you from Pacey’s eighteenth?”

Jack nodded, smiling, unable to believe what he was hearing.

“In fact they went off on one to Pacey about how he should be settling down. Said that if you weren’t too young to find happiness then he shouldn’t be either,” he laughed. “It turned out to be quite funny.

“Poor Pacey.”

“My dad even remembered you were on the football team.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. This is getting a little creepy. No wonder Pacey has lost it.”

“I really wasn’t expecting this.”

Jack thought for a second. “You said good and bad news. I assume that is the good news?”

“Yeah,” Doug forced a half smile. “They want you to come for dinner next week.”

“Whoa,” Jack said, stepping away. “What? Are you serious?”

Doug nodded, laughing at Jack’s reaction. It was reassuring to him that things like this still phased Jack.

“You want me to go for dinner and meet your parents?”

“It’s not like you haven’t met them before,” Doug smiled.

“It’s not really the same. I was just one of Pacey’s friends. Now they’re making sure I’m good enough for their son.”

Doug managed to re-catch Jack’s hand as he paced past him. “Come here,” he said pulling him close. “You have nothing to worry about. You are way more than good enough for their son.”

“I can’t believe you did this,” Jack said smiling. “Why now?”

“You have moved to Capeside and left Jen and Amy in New York. You have started a new job, signed a contract. You have changed your whole life,” Doug explained. “And I have done nothing. I have just carried on life with the amazing perk of now having you in it. You made a commitment by signing that contact – to the school, and to me. I thought you deserved to know that this is not a one way street. I may not be ready to tell the world but I am completely committed to you.”

“You did this for me?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” Doug nodded. “What’s the point being in love with someone who your family don’t know exists?” 

Jack’s breath caught in his throat; mind replaying what Doug had just said in case he had made up what had just happened.

“I love you, Jack. You are the best part of my life. I want to start letting people know how amazing you are.”

Jack could not seem to find the words to say. There were so many things running through his head, but piecing them together in a coherent sentence seemed almost impossible. He blinked a couple of times; trying to make sure he was not dreaming. His hand clung to Doug more tightly. He certainly felt real stood before him.

“You’re making me a little nervous,” Doug smiled, brushing his hand over Jack’s cheek.

Oh yes, he was certainly real. “I love you too,” Jack said softly, finally allowing a smile to take over from his serious expression. 

Doug’s smile turned into a grin as he saw the magnitude of what they had both said dawn on Jack’s face. “I am so glad you came back to Capeside. I don’t know what you came here looking for, but I hope you found something that resembles what you wanted.”

“It more than just resembles it,” Jack said, kissing the other man softly. “You’re all I’ve ever really wanted.”

**The End**


End file.
